Guilt.

The feeling is tearing me up inside. It's been days and I haven't said a word about it to anyone. Whittney has agreed to not let it slip, even though it's torture for him that I'm still with Bradley. He's had to watch from afar while Bradley's arm is draped over my shoulder at lunch, him holding my hand in the hallways, and kissing me goodbye.

"You have to tell him," Whittney prods, holding my hand against his lips to gently kiss it.

"I know. I know I do. It's just," I sigh, shifting onto my back. "He'll hate me. And I don't know if I can handle that."

Whittney's arm pulls me to him so I'm laying on his chest before he kisses my forehead. "I doubt that. You're kinda impossible to hate."

A grin forces its way on my lips and I give his chest a small kiss.

We're in his bed, soaking up another round of 'Shameful Sex with Harry Whittewhore', the ongoing series.

I have been sneaking out every night to stay over at Whittney's, making it feel like we're both back in the closet, but with a bigass 'A' on our foreheads instead of an 'F.' With his dad working nights and his mother knocked out on sleeping pills, his house is the only place we can go.

Jeremy hasn't been around, either. This would be relieving if Whittney didn't give me such ambiguous answers regarding his whereabouts. No matter how much time passes, Jeremy still remains a touchy subject. As touchy of a subject as Austin has become as of late.

Even though he's been at school, he's been more of a recluse lately. At least, that's what Cole has been complaining about. Though he is the only one that misses him. Rodney seems indifferent while Bradley's happy they haven't been around much. Bradley has also never really been a huge fan of Austin, so he's just been talking about how refreshing it's been to not hear about their 'toxic masculinity dominating the vibe'.

At least, that was the cringey way Bradley put it.

Whittney opens his mouth and then closes it, licking his lips as if procrastinating on what he wants to say. He brushes his thumb over my knuckles before finally finding the words. "You can't keep dating him, you know?"

Of course, I know, but it still hurts to hear it out loud.

Even though I don't love Bradley, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. This will surely crush him. Especially after promising him that I wouldn't run back to Whittney.

I've never liked someone this much before.

Bradley's words echo in my head, making the guilt boil over.

I roll on my back and groan loudly. "I'm the worst boyfriend, ever."

Whittney gets on top of me with a chuckle. He presses my wrists down onto the bed as he kisses up my torso. "Well . . . judging from how many times you've made me cum these last few days," he bites at my nipples, making me moan. "I'd have to disagree."

Hot pressure builds up in my groin and I pull him down so our crotches are aligned. "Be on top this time?"

He grins. "Gladly."

"And don't be gentle about it."

There's a flash of concern in Whittney's eyes, but it disappears when his grin widens. "Even better."

* * *

It's Friday and I'm grounded.

My mom has caught on to my nightly sneak-outs and I'm officially under house arrest. The disappointment in her eyes is worse than my well-deserved punishment. After one of her family-famous interrogations, I come clean about cheating on Bradley.

"I hoped neither of you would make the same mistake I did with your father." She squeezes my hand, a sad smile on her lips. "Just because he wasn't the man I married anymore, and I was blessed with your baby sister, doesn't make what I did right."

The moral of her story isn't lost on me, but I pick up on something that changes everything. Puzzle pieces now come together to create a whole different picture. Mom . . . cheated on Dad?

"Honey?"

"A-all this time," I swallow hard, my vision blurring quickly. "All this time I thought Dad left because-"

My throat closes up, forcing her to fill in the blank.

"Because you're gay?" The shock in her eyes is unmistakable. "Oh god, baby. No." She chokes on her words and shakes her head, the hold on my hand tightening in reassurance. "I didn't think . . . If I thought for even a second that you'd blame yourself, I never would have kept this from you." She pulls me into her arms, cradling the back of my head to keep me close. "I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

We hold each other for a while as I cry from a mix of so many emotions. I don't even know how to feel. After years of carrying the burden of my father leaving, I can finally put it behind me. The relief that floods over me is a weight off my shoulders. The guilt of betraying Bradley, however, is fresh.

What will happen when Bradley tells Rodney and the rest about the cheating? And what about when they find out why? I just patched things up with them and now things will surely be like before.

And Eleanor. Oh, god. Something that shouldn't matter, and yet matters so much. She doesn't share Mom's bright blond hair as Charlette does, but I never thought much of it since I don't either.

She's our half-sister.

Everything has been building up for so long. Little by little. I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside. In my mind, it's all so formulated, but my tongue is tied when trying to put it into words.

"Does this mean I'm no longer grounded?" A sarcastic joke comes out instead.

Mom pulls away with a small laugh, moving her thumb under my eye to wipe a stray tear away. "Nice try."

"Thought I'd give it a shot." I force a smile, trying to hide my inner turmoil.

She gives my leg a squeeze before standing up. "Charlette's staying over at a friend's, so you'll be home alone tonight. Eleanor and I will be back tomorrow night."

That's right. They're going to my grandparent's for the weekend.

She notices a change in my expression and points her finger at me and sends me her 'serious Mom' face. "And don't even think about leaving this house, because I will know."

I raise my hands up defensively. "Alright. Alright."

After I help my mom load her luggage into the car and wrestle Eleanor into her car seat, I wave the both of them off before heading to my room. With a heavy sigh, I collapse on my bed, trying so desperately to hold myself together.

Then the doorbell rings.

"For fuck's sake," I grumble into the pillow.

I grudgingly get up, praying that it's just a package or something the delivery guy left at the door. The last thing I need right now is more interactions with anyone. Whittney included. A night to myself where I can organize my thoughts is long overdue.

It rings again when I finally get to the bottom of the stairs and I huff in annoyance. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

When I open the door, dread sinks deep into the pit of my stomach and I can't breathe.

Bradley.

***

Uh, oh. And the plot thickens...

What do you guys think? A lot seems to be piling up on Harry's plate. Is Harry making the right choice picking Whittney? Hardley or Whittarry? 

Updates seem to be flying out of my hand this week. Thank you, vacation. With Crooked reaching its end (guessing four more chapters and an epilogue?), any guesses on what's going to happen? Stay tuned for more . . . (to those of you who are still here, bahaha) . . .

Until next time,

TheWriterD