Accidental Addiction by @Purpleagua

I would take advantage of the use of one-liners since they can make certain ideas and themes stand out and they improve your writing in many ways (but obviously don't use too many).

You sometimes had fragments. I would remove these with a comma.

Paragraph breaks were sometimes not there.

New speaker = new line

I think you should capitalise Grey Eyes to make it more of a name and so the reader has a clearer idea of who you're talking about.

Comma splices were sometimes there. This is when you join two full sentences with a comma but they should really have a semi colon or a dash.

Declan was likeable, which was good as it takes a lot for me to like a character.

Beautiful description.

Put commas before names and to separate clauses.

Apostrophes of possession were very prominent. I tried to comment on most of them but I don't think I got them all.

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