User Name: - daddeezgirl626

■Story Name: - Stolen Sister

■Title: - Well, the title is directly pointing to the central theme, so it’s pretty cool. But I think it would’ve been better if stylish or slightly enigmatic titles were used. This one looks way too plain.

■Cover: - Not much intriguing cover. It’s too plain and since a book here in Wattpad is judged by its cover, I will suggest you to go for a complete makeover. The sad girl is okay. But the textual part is unattractive much.

■Summary: - The blurb is short and trimmed, so I will give it an ‘okay’. But I think you can give some cliffhangers. But I wanted to open the book reading it; especially the last line drew me in. It’s quite grammar-free and the content, though short, seems well interesting.

■Story: - The first chapter and the last two chapters are better written. The middle chapters were a blend of good and bad. I mean, the grammar went below the level from the second chapter onward. You did some basic mistakes, such as the use of “your” and “you’re”. “Your”, as far as I can recall, is a pronoun, while “you’re” is the monosyllabic form of “you are”. So, be careful about where and how you are using them. Also, there are tense violations, misuse of words and punctuation errors.

You’ve also confused the first person and the second person use at places. I was perplexed as though what was happening and who is talking to whom. The sentence you’ve started in the first person, suddenly jumps to the second person, which is totally puzzling.

Next comes the descriptive part. Here, you did poor as well. No, I’m not mentioning the emotional portrayal. I’m hinting the scenic and character presentations. You haven’t spent a single word on the looks of the characters. I was left to wonder how Brittney, her sister and the other characters looked. A good book must’ve its characters’ portrayal and their appearances. At some points I wanted Brittney to run her hands through her dark (or whatever you can think of) hair, or turn her blue (or your imagination) eyes depicting numerous emotions at the people she’s talking to. You simply have written the first person POV without any description leaching in. At some places, the writing became so straight-cut, emotionless and unattractive that I felt like I’m blindfolded. The characters could have been more living.

But yes, except a few unattractive paragraphs, I will applaud for the emotional side of this book. It only got better and better after Brittney’s sis gets abducted. Her heart-wrenching emotions, her parents’ reactions, Jason’s reactions— everything was done fairly well. I expected better though. The emotional content in the last few chapters was really eye-catching and praiseworthy.

Well, your word usage is very basic. I suggest you to beautify your work using stylish words and crafty lines. Looking up the dictionary and a good synonyms-antonyms dictionary is always a way, you know. Ornate you writing style and make it more detailed, yet charming and simple. Increase the cliffhangers and give the characters a good space.

I like the way you have shown the kidnapper’s POV. There are areas like this which gives the story its strength and shows that it has a great potential. The equation between the sisters is totally amazing and brought a smile on my face.

■Characterization: - The relations between the characters were nicely depicted. The two sisters are adorable and they share a good equation. Brittney and Justin’s chemistry was equally well. Only, they lacked description, which marred the book to a great extent. And some more aspects can be added to the characters as well as more pace can be given to them. The personalities of the characters were credible and good. The teenage mood of high school chums was maneuvered well. Brittney, Justin, Eric needs a lot more clarification in their characters. Probably those are stored for the future chapters.

■Plot: - The plot is yet to show its true colors. But the concept isn’t anything new. But what can be new is your execution of the enigma, the unraveling of the kidnapping drama. It’s more like a high school teenage drama. The flow was not much smooth. The transitions would’ve been better if you could stick to one POV throughout the book. Even if you’re bouncing between POVs, you could’ve kept one POV per chapter. I didn’t find any unique element here. But the portrayal of those simple fluffy relationships in a light way is praiseworthy. Overall, there’s a lot more to the plot and I will suggest you to be careful with the execution. It’s what matters, even in the most cliché book.

■Rating: - 7.5/10. The above critiquing may seem quite harsh. But I only want to help and sugar-coated comments are not going to help in any way. But I actually enjoyed the read. And thus I would definitely suggest the readers to give this book a try. It is out of exaggerations and a light read, and a feel-good factor works throughout the read. And I bet the readers will feel for Brittney in the 10, 11 and 12th chapters. And for the author, to err is human. So don’t feel disappointed. I mean to help you and your book has all the ingredients in it to make it a great book. You only need to know how to cook the dish properly. Go for an edit and add emotions, descriptions to the book. Beautify the book.

Good Luck! :-)

By : HerSpectre