User: BubblegumAndInsomnia

Title: How to steal a Happy Ending

I’m already interested. Stealing implies taking someone else’s. I’m all for a little bit of drama.

Cover: I like it. Do I feel like it represents your story? Not really, but it’s attractive and interesting and the colors are really eye catching. So, no, I wouldn’t change it.

Summary: Short, sweet and to the point. I’m getting really excited about this story. I hope you don’t prove me wrong. From the cover and blurb alone, I would totally open the book.

Story: I love your format. I also love your great grammar and the ease with which you build your characters. I like the clichés and the mysteries and Claire’s voice. I like the setting and the mindless high school drama. This seriously reminds me of easy A, but that’s not a bad thing. I like those types of stories.
But since you came for some improvement suggestions and criticism and not to have someone fangirling over your story, here are some things I think you could improve:

Dialogue punctuation. You have some trouble with that. Make sure to separate the speech tags with a comma and the action tags with a period. You also use some constructions that are action tags as speech tags.

Description: you do a pretty good job with this, but I kinda feel you’re leaving stuff out. Like who Nate is (I’m guessing he’s her brother, but still) or what her relationship with James is so far. Is he an acquaintance, someone she’s never talked to before? Also, her relationship with the other characters. If the jocks saved her parking spaces, why did she not know their names for sure?


Scene transition: at times, it felt like I couldn’t tell exactly where Claire is. Like I’m not sure exactly how she managed to trip over the lawnmower and how her yard was displayed, but this is minor and could only be me.

Overall, you’re doing a great job with this story, and I really enjoyed reading it. It seems more than promising.

Overall rating: 10/10

By : Wimbug