User : GoodLuck_Girl

Title : Not like the rest

Cover:

The cover is clean and quite attractive just that the text are placed in a rather awkward position, and that I would want to see the face rather than it is obstructed. Also, I don't know why is the focus on her hair, unless it's hinting that it's important. And from what I read it really wasn't. I would suggest changing the cover itself.

Blurb:

Actually I would want to read this, the first part of the story was intriguing with plenty of well phrased words and one lines which works well for the blurb. As for the introduction it was rather interesting, to hear about it being pranking where both characters are pranking around. I would suggest that you just omit the last paragraph and I would feel as though the blurb it perfect.

Plot:

The plot has some interest, if it was centered around pranks. The first chapter itself was mostly boring until the last part when a ball hits her, which was unexpected. But since she was late, which made sense as to why she was sent to detention.

I would have wanted to see them prank around, and both being skilled pranksters and they knowing how to prank well. The blurb may have stated it, but it doesn't feel realistic here or mentioned enough for me to try and read it.

Characterization:

Taylor-I told she's a prankster, but I don't feel as though she's similar to one. It would be much better, such as the only reason why she goes to school is to see how many pranks she can pull off on people. Also, I would suggest developing her voice since you're writing in first person, which means a strong voice is a must.

Michelle-is her friend but doesn't try to take her to the nurse. I would think she cared more for her friend, than to leave her with the same person who hit her with a ball.

Matthew-he doesn't impress me, I was expecting a master prankster, but I don't feel as though he's one. He's described as a jock and playboy, but I was expecting a prankster.

Writing:

The writing is something I'm not finding it compelling or witty enough and that it needs a lot of work, but I do like the voice she takes on. There are some grammar issues, such as apostrophes missing as well as rather long sentences which can be cut down to size.

One more thing, don't use the mirror to describe her face. There are better ways such as when she ties her hair, or other places. Using the mirror isn't a good place to describe her facial features as it's not very well done, and almost no one does that.

There doesn't need to have a space between the exclamation marks. There needs to be a comma when the end of the dialogue and when it's followed by a dialogue tag, or a period when it ends in an action or nothing follows it.

The flashback isn't necessary to introduce how they met, I would rather have a paragraph telling me it.

Overall rating: 6/10

Good luck writing future chapters. Well, I did like the premise of your story and I believed that it has the potential to be a good story. I genuinely liked the story for its blurb and the style of it, also keep writing as it's the best way to improve.

By : writingsomethingmt