User name : hinata_ricci

Title : The Light of my Life

Cover : A beautiful cover, apt for the story.

Summary : starting with the quote caught my attention. And the summary of the story is short and good.

Story

There are some awkward sentences and some are really confusing. Make the sentences simple, without too much commas, esp at the end of first chapter the sentences can be changed. There are words like 'non existent' which is actually written as 'nonexistent'. See to the use of words.

The spacing between the paragraphs are pretty bad. Sometimes it's frustrating to see through it. Leave space between each paragraphs.

There is a lack of emotion and description. And the 2nd chapter is choppy, jumping from scene to scene without proper description. Make the transitions smooth with descriptions.

Prepositions are missing at most places or a wrong preposition is used - like "I thought i would be getting a chance AT escape", correction - "I thought i would be getting a chance TO escape" also try, "i thought i would get a chance to escape"

Spacing is a great difficulty I faced esp, in the fourth chapter. Couldn't keep my head longer into it. The change in pov should be mentioned or it is really goin to be confusing. Just a line isn't clearly enough. And personally, I don't recommend switching pov's, since the book had to stick to single person's pov - like Twilight and Hunger Games. Or opt for third person pov.

The dialogues are bit formal, like forced at places. Try to make it more casual. And from the beginning, you're trying to tell the story with only dialogues and monologues. The book lacks in description and emotions which are most important things for the readers to get connected to the characters.

And do not use too many "..." it'll lost its true meaning. You've used only two dots - it should be 3. The smaller numbers should be in words - not 2pm - two in the afternoon.

When you use other language, try to translate it into English as well.

Plus - The plot is really promising dealing with human trafficking. And it directly jumps to the story. That's good.

Negative - Grammatical switches, punctuation errors, wrong use of words, problem in sentence structure.

Rating : 6/10

By :- Akiprabagar

Happy Writing :-)

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