User : SONI1812

Story Name: My Heart Was Meant to be yours...

Cover:

You featured the main leads in the cover, a common and good idea. But you have to get more professional with it. Also you need to place your name and story name in the cover. That is a must.

Title:

The title is good for the mood of the story but I think that the story could get a better title. The story doesn't have a very intriguing plot but it will obviously mean a lot for those who love simple romantic settings in a story.

Summary:

The summary is an extract of the book. I think you should work harder on the summary. A good summary must arise conflict and interest in the readers. You must tactically place the USP of your story in the blurb. Also some grammatical switches are there in the blurb. You need a change in your writing style. I am coming to that point soon.

Story:

Your writing style has made the story very monotonous. Already the plot till now has very less substance in it. And your writing with huge numbers of dots (.) has only augmented the poor setting.

Why everything is so good and so full? Do we really get everything we want in real life? I asked this question because you have chosen a realistic plot, which demands some realistic viewpoints. And can things between a couple be so much of a coincidence? I felt you gave too much coincidences starting from their same birthdays to their even similar family members. I felt you killed the plot for giving too much importance to dress, people and wealth. If you hadn't, you could go deeper into the lead characters.

Why the dialogues are in bold? They can be written simply as you write the other parts. Reduce the numerous dots between the words. Either put three dots where needed or simply write using punctuation marks. Maintain the flow properly. It got glitched at some places. Do not use hindi or any other language. Well, you can, but give a glossary explaining the words you used. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes.

I am not going deeper for the sake of length. But some tense violations, misuse of words like 'bought' when the correct word should be 'brought', prepositions, articles, punctuation errors, etc. mistakes persists, which need to be fixed. Somewhere you confused present and past tenses. Well, you need not write the names of the characters in all capitals or even all small letters. Just write them as a proper noun should be written. The story needs an immense cleaning. But before that, you need to be more substantial with the plot. The emotions need better descriptions. Also some highly dramatic things are present.

For example, Shreya fell and rolled down the staircase, which should at least give her waist, buttocks, hands, etc. a lot of injuries, if not breaking of bones. But she only gets an ankle twist, which recovers within a few hours. Do you really think it's possible? Again, Daya's emotions suffered here. He feels a lot but is unable to get the emotions properly. Is he emotionally challenged? I can go on ranting more but the length will be too much then. You should get more matured with your writing.

Plot:

In spite of being unimaginable at some places, the plot is realistic and good. It stands for the concept of arranged marriage and how two strangers get in the very wrath of love and with them two enigmatic families come together as one.
Their description and their wealthy life was well shown. Also, the plot is simple, charming and light. The couple scenes were pretty cute. But happiness was brimming in it, which marred some great parts. Balance everything to get better results. The plot was glitched at some places, for you went on describing wealth and dresses and appearances rather than portraying genuine enjoyment in the celebrations. Appearances take away genuine joys. The plot needs more substance in it. I hope you will put stress on that in the future chapters. Each and every chapter dwelled in prosperity, a thing that can reduce your plot efficiency.

Don't write time in numbers, we can't talk 8:00 pm in digits, can you? We always speak them in words. So write time, money, etc. Numbers in words.

Characterization:

I must say a lot more character development is required. Shreya→ She is a successful business magnet, and she is homely, meek and good at heart. Her facial features were not much described. So it was difficult to imagine her. Now the thing is that, being a modern age girl, even if she has lots of values, can she agree so easily to marry a stranger? You showed love brewing even before they could meet. Shreya says she is down to earth. But at some places, I didn't feel so. For she flaunts her dresses, cars and also though she behaves in a friendly manner, she is authoritative. She needs to walk a huge path to become a proper human character. Well, her simplicity, kind and meek nature is impressive despite her being rich. Her and Daya's chemistry is worth eye-catching. But you could have shown her feelings a bit in depth. Daya- He is almost similar to Shreya in nature.

The main characters' chemistry is something we call 'like poles attract'. But in reality happier are those who have some opposition in characters. Conflict always leads to more love. Well, that is not a big deal here. Anyways, again here description problem persists. And Daya seemed sometimes over-dramatic. I mean you can not feel for a stranger's pains very soon, even if she is your would-be wife. He too needs a major development. Regarding the other characters, they are too complete to catch any interest. Why things are so fair?

Give some conflicts and emptiness in them. They will look more appreciating. Side characters must boost up the mains. But your side characters lack certain parts.

P.S- PM me to know more or if you have any issues regarding the reviews. Don't get disheartened, this is written in order to boost your spirit for writing better.

Rating- 5/10.

Your book has good potential. But you need to develop your skills to understand that. Read more English stories, novels, etc. to develop your skills. Also write on pen and paper and think abour your writing, critique your work yourself. For the book, get an editor to clear up the mess. But before that, add some emotions, conflicts which help to complete human behaviour.

By : PoisonBish