User: kahleereynolds

Title: Saving King

It’s cute. I like it and it works well with the subject.

Cover: It’s okay. Typical for a teen fiction about bad boys. Does it blow me away? No. Will it gain you readers? Probably.

Summary: I’ll be honest. I’ve seen this summary SO many times. Bad boy trouble maker vs the bookish girl no one notices. It doesn’t do your story justice because your characters aren’t that bland and boring. The thing about them moving in together is actually the trigger and her trying to save him. I’d expand the last three lines into the blurb.

Also… those semi colons. Why?

Story: I’m so very tired of this type of stories. Girl gets up and goes to school. What I did appreciate about it is that some stuff actually happens in your first chapter. I stopped rolling my eyes and getting into the story when the details about Amber’s family started coming out. Troubled families are interesting.

Unfortunately… Ryan is not. I kind of liked his interactions with his own family, because it made him look less like a cardboard cutout. But I find his character a bit unbelievable. He’s painted as a trouble maker, but we don’t see him doing bad stuff except get into Freya’s room at night which was totally random and weird. Why would he do that and risk getting kicked out of the house? His motivation is very unclear because how spoiled could he be? I think he needs work.

Freya seems okay. She is actually pretty likable and not at all the unnoticed bookworm. I think your summary is misleading when it comes to her.

Your grammar is pretty good, but your punctuation… those semi colons have to go!

Overall, I enjoyed your story and think that you have a lot of potential. Your characters are interesting and apart from Ryan who doesn’t make much sense, I actually got sucked into the story.

Overall rating: 8/10

By - Wimbug