Author: sunshine_from_hell

Cover: I really like the image you chose and how the background sort of blurs and everything is focused on the couple. The font is nice, but I’d suggest maybe stacking the words on top of each other so that it’s not white on white. I like the subtitle and I'm not sure if you meant to do this, but you should add a capital letter to begin it and “the” before the word “monster” – so it looks like “When the monster turns out to be her savior…”

You should also capitalize your title – “One Lonely Girl” and put your name a little smaller.
Other than that, the cover is very well done; good job because it’s one of the most important parts of a Wattpad story.

Summary: At the beginning, you say Jennifer smith, you need to capitalize her last name. The third sentence when you say “she’ll fall for the handsome, sweetest and the funniest guy,” you should say “the most handsome or handsomest”.
I suggest you take off the phrase “Call her a romantic freak she won’t give a fuck!” It’s sort of cringy.
Again, capitalize the name “Daniel” and when you say “Daniel Johnson is cheating on him…” I think you meant to say “her”.
Other than that, your summary is well done, I like the questions you added at the end; they’ll make your readers want more, but go over your summary for the names that you didn’t capitalize and the minor mistakes.

Story: Your plot is very original; I mean, it’s not every day you read a story about parents who abandon their child. It’s very interesting, though I can’t seem to find the link to your summary. Your main character has a very big inside voice, which is good because sometimes you’re reading books and the main character seems like they have no soul and all they do is walk and talk. I like how you describe her personality through her actions and not words (actions speak louder than words!) You describe her looks very well, though you could maybe add a little more description for her parents.
I notice you put your dialogue in italic, I think it would be better if you put it in normal words. You also put some words in bold so they’d stand out; well those are the words you want to put in italic.
I like that little food fight scene in chapter four, very hilarious. It shows how good of friends they are since they laughed and hugged it out like it was no big deal they were covered in food.

Negative: I put negative first because we all want to hear the bad before the good. There are very minimal spelling mistakes but I notice you forgot to capitalize your I’s in some paragraphs and some of the character’s names. These are just some minor mistakes that could be fixed in less than half an hour; don’t let them get to you and your writing.

Positive: As I said, you have a unique plot and your ideas are very well put together. Your writing style is nice and how you’ve indented some of your paragraphs, but if you’re going to do that, indent them all. I love how it’s not cliché, and how good of friends you described Dave and Jennifer’s friendship, though I’m surprised her boyfriend doesn’t get jealous. I’ve only read 4 chapters, but I’ll definitely read more when I'm free.

Your writing isn’t perfect, but no one's is; just keep writing and I'm positive you’ll become better in time. You started out great, good job!

Rating: 6/10

By - kahleereynolds