User: SONI1812

Title: A relationship called friendship
I’ll be honest. I don’t like your title. It’s wordy. Why not just Friendship? We know it’s a relationship.

Cover: After reading inside, I see that it’s your cast, but it looks like a bad movie poster. If you want a cover that includes your entire cast, I suggest finding a designer who works with that whole square picture frame template. That way, you can have an interesting distribution of the photos without it looking like a cluttered mess.

Summary:

I have a serious problem with POV markers in blurbs. Also with using first person snippets as blurbs. Not to mention that the content is fairly repetitive. Moving on from the excerpts, you use such a lot in the one paragraph blurb. I know it’s hard to write an interesting blurb when you have ten main characters. Maybe focus on one and take it from there?
Other than that, no, your summary doesn’t really make me want to read the story. Is their friendship any special? If it is, how is it so? What’s the plot? What should I expect? I don’t want to be following people around like in a reality show.
The last line makes me think that the apocalypse is coming before the end of the book…

Story:

Narrator POV. Seriously? Sorry, but… No. You can’t just head hop and go from omniscient to first person.
Your prologue is not a prologue. It’s snippets again. You could get away with making the first chapter a prologue and starting chapter one in first person.

The only problem is, the first chapter is huge for a prologue.
I won’t comment on the use of pictures inside the text, because this is wattpad and it’s a multimedia story telling platform, but I personally don’t like it. What I will comment on is the way you introduce your characters. It’s all telling and no one will remember their traits the way you lay them out. By the end of the chapter, I still have no idea who is who, so you practically wasted a couple thousand words on me.

I know you have ten main characters, but I still think you should introduce them gradually. This coming from someone who also writes monster casts and has ten main characters. Introducing them all together won’t work. The reader won’t connect with anyone.

Seeing how you chose to go about this, the story is mostly telling. The grammar is a little awkward and it’s obvious that you’re not native. Again, I won’t comment on what’s going on because the university is in Mumbai and I have no clue how your education system works. Let’s just say that where I’m from, at 22/23 yo, they’d be seniors. And, in college, we flew past the OMFG, he’s a senior part. We treated each other pretty much equally, because freshmen in college could be older than seniors.
Content wise… I’m not blown away. It’s nice that these people got together, but they seem to be getting too friendly, too fast.

Good luck with your story.

Overall rating: 4/10

By : Wimbug