User: rosewood12

Title: I know I will find you

Hmmm… Your title screams romance. Or teen fiction, not exactly adventure.

Cover: It’s simple. A little too simple. It’s not an ugly cover, but it doesn’t have pull either. Maybe look into getting a graphic designer to make you a cover?

Summary: I’m already scared of your story because your blurb has bad grammar. It also reads like a school summary. I think you can shorten it considerably and you definitely need to add a hook in there.

Story: This story needs a level one review. Sorry, and I hate doing this, but it does. So to spare your feelings, I’m going to point out your positives as well as negatives:

Negatives (this is what you can improve):-

Punctuation: you have a lot of missing commas. As in you don’t use commas at all. Almost. You need to look at this because wrongly used punctuation damages the flow of your story and makes everything hard to read;
Grammar. Not going to lie. It’s pretty bad. At some point, you resort to writing i without the capital and actually use u instead of you. Please don’t. Those are signs that you’re not taking your writing seriously.

Plot progression:

I feel like after reading four chapters, I know nothing about Emily. I also find it a little weird that her father is still such a big part of her life if he died when she was 9. That’s pretty young. And her mom apparently tried to move on and took all his stuff to the attic. So yes, I found that a little confusing.

Word use: you should have a look at this too. Using shift for move once is okay and creative. Using it every time is odd.

Positives:

Your short chapters will draw readers in.

The plot seems interesting as Emily tries to find out what happened to her father.

A war story is always interesting, though I think you can benefit by mentioning where her father was stationed. Probably Iraq or Afghanistan.

I feel like your story needs a lot of work, but it could turn into something very interesting and enjoyable. Maybe look into getting an editor? Best of luck!

Overall rating: 4/10

By : Wimbug