User : amanijaani

Title : Stickers and smoke

Cover : The cover is fine but it could be more attractive and eye-catching. Your story is about a boy who is depressed and lonely until Dominick came in his life like a sunshine. Your cover shows a boy who is under the shadow of smoke, nothing else. It's good but not great.

Summary : summary is nice. You told us about the life of Timothy. How he is into drugs and how depressing his life was. You tried to tell us but I'll suggest you to show it. You can take a scene from the story or use any dialogue which can explain it better.

See, if your summary is not interesting, people won't open your book. There was a line in the summary;

"Children should be treated like he was when he was child, sisters should be treated the way his sisters treated him..."

Well, don't mind but this entire sentence sounds so weird. I get it what you were trying to say but it doesn't mean everyone will get it.

Story :-

The first chapter start with the birthday of Timothy. It was sad to know how his parents neglected him on his own birthday. You did a great job here in explaining the world around little Timothy. The descriptions were amazing. However, in some parts I felt like it's too much which can make readers bore so try to look after it. There were also few grammaticalerrors which you need to edit.

Moving on to second chapter, I think it was bit lengthy. Also there were few long para which needs to be cut short. This chapter explains lot of things about MC. How his past was horrible so we can't blaim him if he is going on wrong path. I'm glad that he stood against his sister. That was the nice show actually.

Dominick seems nice and lovable character. It's good that you decided to change the POV here so we can understand both characters better. Again long chapter with few long paragraphs.

Your writing style is amazing. Also, you have a great talent, just need bit polishing.

Try to cut the description. Don't dwell into it too much. Well, it's just my perception so upto you.

Rating : 7/10

By : newbubble

Happy Reading and Good luck!

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