Author: seeker_27

Title: Greater than

It's an interesting title, though it feels incomplete. Greater than what? And since it's fantasy and not a thriller/mystery, I really don't think the effect is a good one.

Cover: your cover is very beautiful. The font, the sign, the color. But it makes me think of a political thriller or a DaVinci Code like novel, which I'm pretty sure it's not. I might just be disappointed when I open the book.

Another thing, your subtitle/tag line is a little small. I read Your roll instead of role and I scratched my head. Maybe make it a tiny bit bigger.

Anyway, your designer deserves a  cookie.

Summary: okay, I get choices are an important theme in your story, but you use it 7 freaking times in three paragraphs...

Also, the blurb is filled with grammar mistakes. Echoes, bad use of plural  (choices are not is), repeated words.

Then you start slapping on concepts that you don't bother to even hint at, let alone explain. Sure, there shouldn't be massive world building in the blurb, but at least explain the basics of the concepts. Also, you claim Mikhail has to choose, but then tell us he has no choice. So which is it going to be?

Truthfully, I'm too put off by the bad wording and lack of logic in your blurb to comment on the content. It's too vague.

Story: you are very vague in your story as well. Your phrases are very stilted and you don't vary sentence structure enough. There is also a problem with comma use, but I think it's all the echoes that put me off the most. Try not to use the same word twice in one paragraph unless it's a common word.

No. It's not the echoes. It's your use of verbs and prepositions that throw me off. You switch tenses, don't use contractions, and that makes it very hard to read. You also don't need to use an adverb for every verb or adjective for every noun. It doesn't make your writing more descriptive, just cluttered.

I'm going to take a wild guess and assume English is not your native language (if it is, ugh!). You need a beta reader to go through your chapters and show you where your word use is funky (for example it's put in the pocket not at the pocket).

Contentwise, I can't really get past the funky writing. I'm sorry, but I just can't. Your prologue was better in terms of grammar, but you are starting off rather cliche with some sort of looming choosing ceremony.

As far as chapter one goes, it's an introduction to your character that doesn't draw me in.

Overall: your execution needs a lot of work. Maybe it's the fact that the writing isn't obviously bad that gets to me. If you're looking for a resource to help you out, try The writer's Help by @the-writers-corner 

Score:4/10

By - Wimbug