CRISIS OF MY FAITH. / CHAPTER THREE.

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The dark had never been welcoming to women. Even at the most guarded place in the entire Realm, it was rare that one would see the female staff running around the castle—and after queen Aemma's passing, her maids that usually were seen taking care of her during her last days of labour were no longer very active throughout the day or were put in different positions. Meliana was very aware of the dangers the night held for women like her. But being the princess' closest handmaiden meant that her job rarely ever finished and when it did, it was mostly after the sun had been replaced by the bright moon. 

She walked the dimly lit halls of the castle careful not to draw much attention on herself. She was known for being under the custody of princess Rhaenyra, which granted her a lot of freedom compared to other servants, but she was still looking around as to avoid bumping into any guards. She never had the best experiences with the guards—as honourable as they were supposed to be, underneath their armour they were still men. It had been less than a year ago when one of the guards had been very inappropriate towards her. Of course, as soon as she told Rhaenyra, the man was dismissed, but the action still made many whisper about Meliana amongst themselves. 

But she knew better than to think the whispers mattered. As long as she was loved by princess Rhaenyra, she had nothing to be scared of.

As she kept her head low to avoid making a target out of herself, she bumped into someone. She heard a startled squeak that couldn't have been possibly sounded from a male throat and she looked down to see lady Alicent. Under the light of the moon, she looked even paler than she normally was and her expression upon recognizing Meliana was horrified. "I am sorry, my lady. I wasn't watching where I was going," the girl muttered frantically. "I did not mean to scare you."

"I-it is fine, Meliana," she answered, although from the shaking of her voice it was clear that she was still very nervous. It didn't take the girl to guess that, perhaps, she was anxious about something else. 

Alicent Hightower looked well-dressed for that hour—her hair was braided in an updo hairstyle and she wore an elegant dark dress that looked too good to be wasted in the halls of the Red Keep for no reason. Forest green, the colour of the Hightowers. She looked stunning, even in the dark where they could barely see each other.

"Do you need help, my lady?" Meliana said, her voice laced with unexpectedly genuine worry. "It's very late and you seem unwell."

"No. No, I- I just..." Her breathing got irregular for a moment and that only got the girl even more concerned. After a few seconds, the Hightower girl managed to calm herself from what seemed very similar to a panic attack. She drew a sharp breath and recollected herself. When she looked at the servant girl, she seemed slightly more confident. "Everything is fine, thank you. I was only visiting my father."

"Oh," Meliana replied. Then she noticed what the redhead's hands were so occupied by—she was holding a large book close to her chest, as if she depended on it. "What is–"

"Hey!" A man's voice shouted and his voice startled the shorter girl into letting the book fall from her hands. "Who's there?"

Meliana knew they must have been looking suspicious—too women hiding in the halls of the castle in the middle of the night. She decided it would be wise to take a step forward and share their identities with the guard, but she was abruptly pulled by Alicent. She had grabbed her hand and when their eyes met, she saw panic reflected in hers.

"Could you show me a way to the king's room? Please," she said. "The fewer people that see us, the better."

The sound of armour slowly approached. "I said, who's there?"

Meliana switched between the desperate expression of the girl and the shadow of the guard coming their way. She cursed under her breath, something that caused the other to widen her doe-like eyes and grabbed the book that had fallen on the ground with her one hand, as the other pulled Alicent. The two ran until they reached a door. She opened it and rushed the girl inside, hoping that the guard wouldn't have bothered to search for them further. Though it looked like a normal apothecary, pulling down the torch that lit up the hallway had opened up another door, that led them into one of the many secret passageways of the castle.

She could feel Alicent holding her breath. "I hope you realise that what I just did is... is undeniably wrong," Meliana said, suddenly very aware of what she was doing.

"How did you know of these passageways?" Alicent switched the subject.

"The princess has shown me, but that's not relevant right now," she waved her off.

"I don't think I owe you an explanation."

"You don't?" Meliana raised her eyebrow. She knew better than to talk back to any of the Targaryens but, while the daughter of the Hand surely was above her, she knew she could get away with questioning her motives without it being considered treason. "I stuck my neck out for you. I believe you do."

Alicent sighed, the facade of the confident and determined woman crumbling once again. She pointed at the book, which title Meliana read. "It's a Valyrian history book. I simply wanted... to give it to the king. I hoped it would be a well-needed distraction after what he went through."

"And why did you not want the guard to see us?"

"There is a guard outside the king's room anyway," Alicent said. "I just wanted to avoid being seen by many people. I'm sure you... you understand why."

She did. A young girl entering the king's room late at night to be alone with him, just days after his wife's passing certainly did not look good. The rumours and implications could be harmful for both of their reputations, but mostly Alicent's.

Meliana nodded. "I'm sorry for questioning you, my lady," she said, even though there was no actual sign of remorse. Once again, she was reading off a script. "I know your motives could never be anything but pure. But you truly did not look well—you seem pale and anxious. I needed to make sure everything was alright and you were in the right frame of mind."

"Of course," Alicent said, her eyes avoiding Meliana's throughout their entire conversation. "Thank you."

As they walked in the dark, Meliana could feel a certain kind of tension. There was clearly something left unsaid between them, but she didn't want to question Alicent furthermore—she already looked kind of sick after she got caught. It was suspicious, but Meliana knew she didn't need to worry. Alicent would never harm the king in any way.

"Do you enjoy reading the histories, my lady?" she asked the Hightower girl, desperate to clear the air and shift the conversation. A part of her simply hated the idea of Alicent feeling uncomfortable around her and she didn't know why.

If anything, the redhead seemed quite relieved that the subject of the conversation changed. "History has always intrigued me," she answered. "Sometimes it feels like I enjoy studying it more than Rhaenyra herself when I help her study. How about you?"

"I'm afraid I am not that educated when it comes to history." Their steps slightly echoed as they made their way through the dark. They were close to each other and their hands would almost touch at times; Meliana walked first and behind her, Alicent followed. "I enjoy hearing and telling stories, however. Where I'm from, stories and myths are very important."

"I'd love to hear one." She cleared her throat. "Please?"

If that wasn't a cry for help, Meliana didn't know what was. Alicent was clearly desperate for a distraction from her thoughts and Meliana could never say no to helping someone she saw herself in so much.

"Hm." She thought of her favourite Dornish stories and myths, an image of her younger self sitting next to her father flashing across her memory. The thought almost made her smile. "There is only one story coming to mind right now. According to it, once upon a time hundreds of men under the leadership of the Head Builder were building a bridge. Despite the number of builders on the task and the fact that they spent all day building the bridge up, it would collapse in the night. Every day was the same, until a bird appeared. The small bird had a human voice and using it, he informed the Head Builder that in order for the bridge to remain standing, he had to sacrifice his wife."

Alicent scoffed in a humourless way. "Even in the stories, women can never catch a break." Then she glanced at Meliana. "I apologise, please continue."

"It is definitely not a very happy story. The Head Builder did what the bird told him to, as it was his job and responsibility to build that bridge," Meliana continued. "Him and his men buried the woman alive in the foundations of the construction as a human sacrifice. The woman, rightfully angry, cursed the bridge to flutter like a leaf, and those who passed it to fall like leaves as well. It is then when she remembers that her own blood, her brother, would soon visit from abroad and he was likely to pass the bridge himself. She quickly changed the curse into a blessing and wished that the bridge would only be likely to tremple like a tall mountain was."

There was a moment of silence between the two girls, the eerie silence of the night suddenly feeling entirely different than before.

"I used to think stories were for children," Alicent muttered. "This certainly doesn't sound like a story to tell kids."

"It is through stories that the older generations pass their values to the next generation, or at least that's what my father used to say."

"And what values do you believe this story teaches?"

Meliana took a second to think about it, even though she already knew the answer. "The significance of the sacrifices of women," she finally answered. "And their inability to be anything but a slave to men's desires and ambitions."

Alicent said something under her breath, but no one except her heard it.

They walked up to another door and Meliana stood in front of it. "Go through it and you'll be very close to the king's room. Afterwards, one of his guards will accompany you." She gave her the history book back, careful not to show how much the touch of their fingers affected her. "Here, my lady."

"Thank you very much for your help, Meliana," Alicent smiled at her. It was difficult to understand if it was genuine or not, but Meliana still felt herself blush. She had never been more thankful of the dark than in that moment. "I would appreciate it a lot if our... interaction was kept between us. I wouldn't want anyone to misunderstand my intentions. Just don't tell anyone about this, alright?"

"Of course."

Alicent's eyes darkened. "I know you're close with Rhaenyra, but even she can't know about this," she said. Meliana could sense that the girl had said more than she needed to and she realised it as well. "I-I know that crosses a line–"

"I wouldn't betray your trust, my lady," Meliana said.

But she knew better. Alicent Hightower's intentions were far less pure than she let on.

The next morning Meliana was rudely woken up by a fellow servant that she shared a room with. Sanah was an older woman, probably around forty years of age and had been part of the staff for a long time. It gave her the impression that she was a leader figure amongst the handmaidens and although that was far from true, her attitude matched her idealized version of herself.

Sanah abruptly pulled the covers away from Meliana, which left a startled shriek as soon as she was exposed to the cold. She heard a lot of chuckles from the rest of the girls in the room, but nothing seemed to matter besides Sanah's expression. It was a familiar one, full of sarcasm and superiority, which only meant one thing; Meliana had messed up.

"What's wrong?" she immediately asked. "What time is it?"

"Time to get fired," Sanah mocked her. Her mousey blonde hair fell on her shoulders, tangled and half-burned from when she used to work in the kitchens. "Wake up, lazy girl," she said and pulled her up by grabbing her arms tightly. Her grip was so strong that Meliana was afraid it would leave a bruise, but she didn't dare speak.

"I- I don't understand," she stumbled.

"I've always thought you were strange. I wonder what you did now," she said and then addressed the rest of the girls watching in silence. "Perhaps she whored herself out for a few more pennies, or she said the wrong thing to her best friend, the princess."

Meliana was used to the harsh words of the rest of the staff, most of them looking at her weird due to her "friendship" with the princess. Sanah never shied away from mocking her about it, but this was a brand new level of low.

Meliana pulled her hand away from Sanah's and fought the urge to hit her in the face. "Someone better explain to me what's happening right now," she shouted, her tone even angrier than she intended it to be.

Sanah's smirk did not get wiped out of her face. "Ser Otto Hightower asked to speak to you," another girl spoke from her bed.

"Me? He mentioned me by name?"

When the girl nodded, Sanah's bitter words finally made sense to her. The Hand of the king never bothered to speak to the maids privately unless he planned on dismissing them permanently. He was a very strict man, known to be a perfectionist and very particular about the work of the staff. However, Meliana knew she had done nothing differently than how she did things the last three years.

This was about Alicent.

"I'm taking her bed after she leaves," she heard a voice whisper as she was leaving the room after getting ready.

The man that accompanied her to the Tower of the Hand was one she recognised as one of the people that stood aside and watched as she was getting harassed by that knight last year. It was safe to say that didn't really calm her nerves. She cut off his every attempt at small talk and made sure to not even look at him as they walked towards the room.

Meliana had never met Alicent's mother but it was fair to say she probably took a lot after her. Otto Hightower and his daughter didn't look much alike at the first glimpse—his eyes were so much colder, like he was constantly scheming or taking notes of things. He stood with his back straight as Meliana and the guard entered the room and he quickly dismissed the man with a wave of his hand. If he was trying to show off his power, he was successful.

"You wanted to talk to me, my lord?" Meliana managed to say and it took all her strength to keep her voice from shaking.

"Meliana Cole," the Hand said, with a smile that she could see right through. "Yes, just the person I wanted to see. You seem nervous—I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression by calling you to speak privately."

"You're not planning on dismissing me?"

"No, of course not," he said. "You've been a very loyal handmaiden to the princess Rhaenyra—in fact, it's quite impressive how close you've managed to come with her."

Just get to the point. "It's my honour to serve her, my lord."

"I'm sure." He sat on the chair behind his desk, as the girl was left standing in front of him. It was as if he was subtly saying; this is an interrogation. "You're from House Cole of Blackhaven, correct?" She nodded and he continued, satisfied. "A minor house. You're serving as stewards for House Dondarrion. I haven't been in the Stormlands for a long time—how did you like living there?"

"It was fine, my lord," Meliana replied. If that was his way of making her relax, it wasn't working. She discreetly wiped her sweaty palms on her dress.

"And your brother, Criston Cole, won the Heir's tournament. An excellent fighter, truly deserving of his victory," Otto Hightower said. "I was very intrigued when I learned that you were related. Do you two get along?"

"We get along well," she said, "even though we barely ever see each other anymore."

"And how about your other brothers?" Otto asked. "Forgive me if their names escape me right now. Are they... less forgiving of the fact that you're their father's illegitimate child?"

She froze.

"Ex- excuse me?"

The man's expression barely changed. "I was simply asking if the status of your birth affected your relationship with your family," he casually said and his tone only drove Meliana angrier. "It is a very common thing to see in my experience. Especially when the woman that gave birth to the illegitimate child comes from a... disgraced background."

Meliana never knew her mother. She had only heard tales of her beauty from her father himself, when she would ask him about her. Not even her name would come up—only how beautiful she was, gorgeous enough for her father to cheat on his wife with the whore he randomly once met. And yet, despite everything, she felt a very strong sense of protectiveness over her. Perhaps the feeling was driven by guilt; after all, her mother had died during childbirth, so everything pointed to the fact that it was Meliana's fault.

She didn't like Otto Hightower's tone, but there was nothing she could say. Her being a bastard did not look good—bastards were heavily disregarded in Westeros and they certainly were not expected to be so close to a royal as Meliana was. That was just how things worked.

After a few seconds of silence, the man spoke again. "You worry about your position," he read her expression. As he was speaking, he was turning around the ring on his finger and it reminded Meliana of his daughter's nervous habits. "You needn't be. No one else in the castle knows of your illegitimacy. No one else but me and I'm not planning on revealing it any time soon. It'd be an awful scandal for you and your family, wouldn't it?"

She cleared her throat. "It would, my lord."

Otto Hightower nodded in approval, as he stood up once again. "My daughter told me about your conversation last night," he said. Finally, Meliana thought, he'll get to the point.

Although she couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed at the fact that Alicent had told her father about it—betrayed, but in some twisted way, proud. Meliana did intend on letting Rhaenyra know about the strange interaction. She thought it was only appropriate to tell her about her best friend meeting her father in the dead of night, considering she was working for her.

Alicent was smart enough to not immediately trust her, but that only confirmed Meliana's belief that giving the king a history book was certainly not the only thing she planned on doing.

"I haven't talked to anyone, my lord," Meliana said. "I promised lady Alicent I would not and I could never betray my own word."

"Why not?"

"I'm sorry?"

"If the princess found out you have been holding information from her, she would have every right to feel very betrayed. Why would you risk it, if you have nothing to lose?" Otto asked and for a second, Meliana stupidly found herself wondering if the man could read her mind.

The message was crystal clear; Now you do have something to lose.

"I would appreciate it if everything that has happened truly stayed between us," the man said. "Including this conversation and including my daughter."

Meliana clenched her jaw and nodded. "Of course, my lord. Is that everything?"

"For now. I'm certain we'll speak again, Meliana," said the Hand of the king and smiled. It was devoid of any feeling, but it was still one of the most scary things the girl had ever witnessed—when men smiled at her, it was rarely good. "I believe you could be proven to be very useful."

His reptile-like eyes followed her as she left the room.

✷ me using greek folk tales to forshadow stuff bc im too lazy to search for asoiaf universe's folk stories <3 the story about the bridge is an actual story, if you want to learn more about it you can search the bridge of arta!

✷ otto is a fucking lizard and we all hate him. im glad the whole fandom agrees on that, even if we disagree on literally everything else. yk how i said i would attempt to fix criston?? otto cant be fixed. hope he chokes.

✷ please let me know your thoughts about the story so far! comments motivate me so so so much to continue writing and i see every single one <3 i love every single one of you guys, thank you for reading and spreading the gay alicent agenda <3