When I open my eyes , the first person I see is my mother.
" Mom? What are you doing here?"
" Oh sweetheart, I've been so worried. You're finally up. I've been so worried about you, these things always get you  so roughed up" she said
I wasn't entirely surprised that she would say that, mom had a gentle personality, If this was any other scenario I'd probably say she worried too much. But she was right, I felt terrible. Felt like shit actually.
I don't want her to worry and more than half of me was against verbally admitting my weakness.

" Mom I'm fine" I tell her
" See Aunt Kaithleen, I told you she'd be fine"
I gritted my teeth and turned to face the person responsible for stopping me from completing the challenge.
She smirked at me from across the room, no one but her team knew what went down, they'd see it as her being an impartial enforcer, she could have let me cross after having picked up my fear, we were family, whichever way she played it her team would back her up. She'd  earned their trust and loyalty.
She'd proved her superiority time and time again. They didn't need to follow me yet, that was years away, till then, I got their scorn and disappointment till I earned anything better.
The truth is I could tell my mom the truth, but no one would believe my ramblings. It's not the first or even the second time I had failed.

I just had to accept that when it came down to it, it was her word against mine.

" Taylor, you had us all worried there, my team and I found you in the snow unconscious.  You had a nasty fall it seems, you were trapped under some kind of log about 500 meters away from the safe zone flag"

" 500 meters?!" I yell " That can't be true, I was less than 20 yards away, when I tripped and—"

" Honey  it must have been a dream, you were so determined to make it and I'm so proud of you, but you were probably exhausted from the cold and hunger, you passed out, after hitting your head on whatever log Jen and her team found you near"  mom said

"No mom, it really happened." I tried to tell tell her, but she just nodded and turned to Jenna. I narrowed my eyes and turned to her as well. What did she have to gain from telling everyone I was that far away from the safe zone. If I was that far, I wouldn't have made it before sunset even if I wasn't attacked. She couldn't even say that it was her team that brought me in, it couldn't be added to her mark at all.
I turned back to mom, " Mom, I'm telling the truth-"

" Taylor it's shameful to not admit failure, are you insinuating that my team and I, that brought you to safety, got you unconscious and brought your body 500 meters from the safe zone? What would we benefit from that?!"

She sounded incredulous, like she was the one getting wronged.

I narrow my eyes and let out a low growl, she only smirked, I turned away from her. " Mom where's Dad ?" I asked

Mom turned her head away from me, " He's busy sweetheart, work stuff is keeping him busy"
Translation, he couldn't be bothered. I had failed these trials twice already. I was a beta's daughter for goodness sake. I had no excuse for my inability to complete them because regular ranked kids succeeded.

And my execuse wasn't even a competent one. What was I supposed to tell him? A group of enforcers were chasing me and I tripped on my own four clumsy feet? That sounded pathetic.

"Mom can I talk to you alone?" I gave her a pointed look, she turned towards Jenna

" Leave" she said

" As you wish" she replied respectfully

When you she spoke to me she sounded bright and cheerful " Get well soon cousin"

Mom cleared her throat, " So what do you want us to talk about?"

I take a deep breathe, " Mom, Dad isn't here because I failed the trials again right?"

Failing them means that I don't have what it takes to be a leader and take my place in the pack. I've failed it before, father didn't mind, I did poorly but he knew I gave it my all.

Back then father said that I had experience, the first time around, meaning the second time, I'd come back victorious. I didn't.
He didn't take that too well. I raise my head up,
"I really tried this time. I don't know why I keep failing. I'm a beta's daughter for goodness sake! I should have been first to succeed. There was no one higher ranked than me out there. How am going to succeed you and father? How am I going to protect the pack if I can't pass these trails ?"

" You're just having a rough patch sweetheart, your father's not mad at you, he's just... just, he's disappointed, that's all"  She said

I feel my throat close up before I reply," That doesn't exactly make me feel better. He already  preferred Jenna to me. I was sure if it. She's the kind of daughter he wants."

Strong, smart, fast. She was perfect. Excelled in everything I failed at, unfortunately for me, those things were what made her the better choice .   

" Did he even come to see me at all? If you're here, it means he joined you." I said.
I was afraid of what kind of answer I would get. Dad never outwardly made known his preference. But I knew my shortcomings, what I lacked as his child.

" It doesn't matter. Work right? Whatever" I said

I turn to lie on my side and let out a sharp hiss. I'd forgotten about that.

Mom cleared her throat, " Taylor your father and I have been summoned back home by alpha Ronan. We're not leaving because of you. We were actually summoned three days ago, but we wanted to make sure you were alright before we left. On top of that your sister's recital will be happening soon and we promised we'd be there." She said

" I'll be fine mom, you guys don't have to worry. If alpha wants you both back it's important, You are the betas after all. I'll see you back home in a few days"

" Taylor we love you, whether you pass or not. It doesn't  matter what anyone else thinks, you're our little girl and we'll always be here for you"
I felt my eyes glisten a little from both pain and from her words, I wanted to tell her that I loved them too, it was why disappointing them hurt so much, but the words stayed stuck in my throat, just whispered in my head.

She got up and gave me a pat on the head, " I'll be seeing you in a few days sweetheart, don't over exert your self too much. Get some rest alright"

With that she left the room. once I was sure that she was out of ear shot, I let open the flood gates, I didn't make it. I tried, I tried, I really did try. Why was the world so screwed up. This was my third time. I couldn't even blame Jenna. If I was faster, I could have out run them. If I was stronger I could have fought them off. It didn't even matter that my dear "cousin" had it out for me. If I couldn't complete these trails, how could I help lead a pack?!

I cried and cried till my throat  felt sore and my voice was hoarse. In the end it was my incompetence that made me fail. Jenna just wanted me to see that. I had made it to the very last lap. She let me run, she could have called her team. She found me first, let me run, sure  she gave me an injury, but in a battle or in a fight, my ability to handle discomfort and complete a task was key to a victory, if I was going to be beta I had to be able to fight for my alpha, to protect and offer my help.
Jenna would make a better beta than me. She was strong,fast and a good leader. When it came down to it apart from it being my birth right, I had no other claim to this. None. And she knew it, along with everyone else.

As far as everyone else was concerned I was just a future figure head. I didn't know what I was going to do, I wasn't sure if my alpha would let me return here to try again. There was jenna to act in my stead, I had  a younger sibling, if she eventually showed prowess when her time came, Jenna would probably hand over the title to her.

There was no need to come here to continue embarrassing him.
Other packs that shared this partial summer, partial winter land with us, would usually come to test their metal in the unforgiving snow. So I wasn't  just embarrassing my parents, I was embarrassing my alpha and the pack too.

I let out a sigh, maybe I should just...

" Giving up already cousin?" I snapped my head up to see the girl in question leaning on the doors to my room. " you look terrible, how long ago did I leave, maybe 30 minutes?  I'm sure the moment your mom left the room you curled up in a ball and started crying" 
she had a smirk on her face, the expression was familiar now, she had it on her face everytime I failed, everytime I didn't complete my trails.

Cold and cruel, she loved my pain.

" Jenna I don't have the energy for this, I was crying, you got me. I don't even blame you for what happened, it's my own fault that I didn't finish, not yours. But I have a question."

She raised her eyebrows, " What?"

" Why did you take me 500 meters away from the safe zone, and then make up the story for my injuries? You didn't gain anything from it. Your team mates would see you as an impartial leader by bringing me down, yes , but what about the other part, what was the point of it?" I asked

She rolled her eyes, " I thought we've covered this already. Dear Taylor, darling cousin of mine. I do not like you. Hate might be the proper word actually. I think you're pathetic, infact I know, because of this pitiful display. As for my team mates, they share my views. You can't lead us if you can't fight of even one wolf to get where you need to"
With that she left, my room. She had made a point, I can't lead anyone if I can't fight off one wolf, something Jenna and most wolves can do.

Fighting to survive is an instinct to us, one I had little skill to carry out.