-Chapter 4-

-Panic-

It was hard to concentrate on what was said in the room. All that consumed his mind were bad thoughts and many horrifying questions.

How could that guy have known?

How many more people know?

Can't he escape this part of his past?

He just recently recovered, is this really fair?

What if everything just repeats itself?

"Is that clear Mr. Lee?" The principal raised his eyebrows.
Felix looked up with a dumbfounded expression but quickly recovered and just nodded.

He didn't hear a fucking thing this dude said.

"Well, then you should go. I'll expect for your professor to deliver the message that you were there for detention."

Detention?!

Honestly it was to be expected but Felix couldn't just get detention between his perfect scores and grades.

They knew he was a hard working student, so why couldn't they just let it fly past with a warning. It's not as if it would happen again.

At least not on school grounds.

But Felix had no other choice but to obey and therefore he nodded and bowed to the principal before leaving his office.

Changbin was waiting outside the room. His head shot up to the door when he heard it opening.

"Oh Felix" He sadly said and took him in his arms. "What did he say?"

Felix' body relaxed completely. Which on one side seems to be just what he needs, but he could feel the panic to start consuming him. It made him nauseous and his stomach turned.

"Bathroom", was all Felix could say. 

Changbin grabbed him and rushed to the nearest bathroom for Felix to empty his stomach in one of the toilets.
He stroked his back and made sure that his hair wasn't disturbing as Felix sat there and gagged again.

Changbin hated this. He wanted to go up to the principal, yell at him, then leave his office and find that son of bitch and destroy him so he could never talk again in his pitiful life. Cutting off his dick seems to be a good option too. Maybe he should do both.

Felix finished to heave and sat up when he was sure he wouldn't puke again.
He saw Changbin rummaging through his backpack and got Felix water.

He took it and drunk the whole bottle at once. But he was still shaking. The nauseous feeling left but the panic still lingers in the back of his mind. Ready to take him up whole. But Felix doesn't think he would get out of that, not in college and not with Changbin.

He was grateful for Changbin, because he was always there for him, just like now. He is missing his classes for him and doesn't care.

But Changbin never knew how Felix was to calm down from a panic attack. He moved in with him and Minho when Felix was doing better. So those were not frequent and when it happened, Minho was there.

Felix put the empty bottle on the floor they were sitting on with shaking hands.
He looked up. His hair a mess, his eyes and cheeks red and wet from tears, his skin still pale.

Changbins heart broke at the sight. He wanted to cry for the boy, even though he didn't know what happened in highschool. But it seems to have been horrible.

"Could you call Minho to come here?", Felix said with a broken voice. His throat hurt from puking before.
He is trying his best to calm himself. The shaking was still there and Felix could feel how his hearing was wanting to go.

Just the thought of someone still knowing and bringing it up so recklessly, makes Felix' mind spinning. The fear of everything to happen again was so big. So big, Felix didn't know what to do with himself.

Almost only whooshing sounds could be heard from his ears. But Felix started to tap his fingers and foot to not let it consume him. To keep his mind busy. Occasionally he would shake his head.

"Of course" Changbin wastes no time to take out his phone and clicked on Minhos contact. The line ringed a few times before Minho picked up.

"Hey Changbin, whats up?" Just hearing Minhos voice was enough to put his mind at ease that he will be here for him. But it didn't simmer the panic.

"Uh do you have time to come to college like right now?" Changbin watched Felix closely, scared he is going to pass out.

"Why, did something happened?", Minho asked with panic in his voice.

"Felix is about to pass out I think, so please just come if you can. I don't know what to do." His voice has become begging and scared. Scared about the small frame of the boy in front of him.

"Okay. I'll be there in 5 minutes.", Minho said, determination in his voice.

The line broke and Changbin put his phone away, after sending Minho his exact live location.

"Felix, are you still with me?", Changbin asked carefully and reached out a hand to grab Felix' shaking one. He shakes so much, Changbin didn't even know it was possible.

He only hummed in return. At this point every sound was covered in dense cotton and Felix vision was starting to go white. His whole body hot with cold sweat.

"If you can't hold anymore, just let yourself pass out. I'll make sure nothing happens and that you'll be comfortable."

The words took a while till they arrived in the youngers brain.

The older is right. Passing out seems much more relieving than fighting it.

As Changbin massages his hands, Felix tries to let himself go and pass out.

But it didn't work. His panic state is preventing him from it. His body is fighting against submitting to this, even though he tries to bring signals from his brain to his body that he could relax.

"It's not working", Felix croaked out, not able to hear his own voice so he isn't sure if Changbin even heard him.

Changbin sighed sadly and pulled Felix carefully to his chest. The younger leaned his head on him.

After minutes that felt like hours, the door opened to reveal a heavy breathing Minho. Still in his working clothes.

He saw his two best friends on the floor in each others arms. The youngest was shaking and Changbin looked up at Minho with a scared but relieved face.

Minho went up to them and carefully took Felix from Changbins arms. Felix looked up, only now realising that Minho arrived.

He was relieved.

Minho took his face in his hands and made him look at him.

"Breathe with me and don't look away, okay?", he said in a loud but soft tone.

Changbin was a little confused why he would speak so loud but didn't question it, Minho knew better than him anyways.

Felix nodded a bit in Minhos hands.

With that they stared at each others eyes and Felix tries to follow Minhos breathing.

He tried to concentrate on the color of Minhos iris' and counted his lashes, as his breathing calmed down a little minute by minute.

The more Felix calmed down, the more his eyes start to fall shut. So after his breathing was almost completely to normal, he went limp in Minhos arms.

The oldest placed Felix in his lap comfortably and turned to Changbin.

"What happened?"

..

next chapter is a flashback from highschool

I want to say that this panic attack might not be accurate, but I wrote the 'symptoms' how I myself experienced them.