⌜ four ⌟

hear the empty echoes decor these walls
that of bubbly laughter against mournful loss

TW: blood, bullying

— x —

"DO YOU THINK I can become a soldier when I grow up?"

It was a good thing she and Nico were both home alone at the time, as William had to accompany Elizabeth on an errand elsewhere in Shiganshina. But if anybody had taken notice, Astera would deny ever being caught off-guard by such a seemingly impeccable question.

For the first time in her life ( she thought ), there was this pressure of having to offer the best response possible.

Because—well, simply aspiring to become a soldier already merited its own danger. How much more risk would actually training to be one pose? It wasn't that Astera wielded absolutely no faith her in her younger brother, nor did she doubt he would be able to hold his own in a fight if he finally knew how to defend himself, but fights did not equate to battles.

     It startled Astera how protective she'd become of Nico since she was first adopted into his family ( hers too now, technically ) around four years ago. Then again, you'd need to have a shell that was tougher to break than walls Maria, Rose, and Sina all put together if you wanted to escape the charm of his ebullient brown orbs.

     "A soldier.." Astera couldn't help but frown, "what on earth brought this topic up, Nico?"

     Well, she certainly wanted to sound a lot less harsh than she made herself seem.

     But the 8-year old boy merely maintained his eager gaze. "I just overheard these group of kids talking about it when I went out with father yesterday, and I thought it seemed pretty cool! I mean, you get to defend the people you love from those evil titans, right? Then you get to learn all those insane moves.." he began to gallop around, shamelessly displaying his rather terrible attempt at mimicking the movements of the Garrison soldiers they'd glimpsed at once, when said soldiers weren't just lazing around and wasting their time on alcohol. "..and it's just such a hero thing to do! Don't you wanna become a hero like them too, Big Sis?!"

     Once again, Astera was forced to ponder on what she could possibly give as an answer.

     It wasn't that she never thought about becoming a soldier. Nico and she had gone out to stare in awe at the Survey Corps men who left for their expedition a few months back, but both Elizabeth and William had forbid them from watching their return. Astera knew why, Nico didn't.

     A sheltered brat like him wouldn't understand, some deranged part of her had the urge to sneer, but she repressed it. She didn't even know where it came from in the first place.

     The Survey Corps were noble, she knew, willingly trading their lives for a freedom she wasn't even sure humanity truly deserved. Where she got those doubts from, she had no idea—it just felt right to her somehow, the indignation and insistence that there were people who simply did not deserve the heartfelt cause those Survey Corps soldiers threw their fickle time and sinless souls away for.

     How much bloodshed was "too much" for them?

     Astera could hardly stomach the idea that perhaps after every life they were unable to spare from the terror of the outside world, the same one they yearned to explore and have for themselves, they had already been desensitized. That perhaps they had come to the point where limitless bloodshed didn't seem like something they needed to dread or keep on relentless replay in their minds at night anymore, only anticipate.

     She chided herself for the thought. Soldiers were humans, too. They had beating hearts—ones they intended on committing for the greater good of their fellow people. They wouldn't sacrifice any more than what was necessary; doubtless they wouldn't want to sacrifice anybody at all, if only that were possible.

     Memories of bloodstained wagon wheels and glazed-over eyes and missing limbs lay buried and untouched, but ever present, in the crevices of Astera's mind. A year ago, she had been roaming the streets in search of soup for dinner when she'd accidentally caught sight of the denouement following one of the Survey Corps' more cataclysmic expeditions.

     Boredom had stuck to her like a leech the entire afternoon without a certain brunette tailing after her and screaming her ear off, but after what she'd seen.. well, it was safe to say that was the first time she thanked whatever god or deity was out there watching that Nico hadn't been around to keep her company.

     And she wasn't even religious!

     The sight had triggered months of nightmares aplenty—visions that didn't make the least bit of sense, reeking of alcohol and drenched in darkness, reds aflame and blending into the purple of her bruised cheeks, tainting her mouth with iron, disgusting! the voices called her though she didn't know why, and everything hurt and there was just blood all over and she couldn't get it off.. why couldn't the soap get it off? She put so much of it, didn't she? It was too much and she wanted to just strip her skin of the blood even though it hurt and it burned and it would just cause more blood to come out but she wanted to get it off—

Broken tears, barely suppressed, tore apart the placidity of most midnights. It didn't help that she'd never been a fan of the dark to begin with.

Her waking hours, normally hazy with content from dreamless slumber, had been reduced to fitful moments as Elizabeth tried her damnedest to get Astera to stop hyperventilating, reassuring her again and again without fail that she was there for her, that she was okay, that she would be okay.

Meanwhile, William busied himself with comforting a frenzied Nico, whose astounding worry for his big sister's wellbeing never failed to calm her down in the end.

They'd asked her what had happened, what she believed had brought the nightmares on, and if there had been something bothering her at the time. They'd asked her if there was anything they could do to help.

     Do you need a therapist? No harm in getting one, Astera. Just tell us.

Astera appreciated the sentiment, but after having been on the unfortunate, receiving end of those fragmented dreams for so damn long, she just couldn't find it in herself to want to talk about them to her parents, let alone to someone she would've just met right then.

     She hated herself for the way those tumultuous images followed her around, how vulnerable she felt, how unruly she became, never a night of reprieve for her since she'd stumbled upon the sight of those soldiers weeks ago. She was 11 years old, for crying out loud! 11-year old kids don't get nightmares like that, do they?

     But then.. it wasn't everyday that 11-year old kids got to see the things the Survey Corps go through. She wasn't even allowed to be there; it was just the off-chance that she had been alone, she had been outside, and the soldiers had been on their way home from a devastating mission.

I could lie, she supposed, but she'd very much rather being robbed of her tea privileges for an entire year straight than to risk a measly lie, especially to her adoptive parents.

     Ever since they had so selflessly taken her in, even though they were in no way obligated to, Astera had promised herself she would level them with honesty and respect, not some half-hearted response at their well-meant queries like she'd been tempted to say.

     In the end, she'd settled for telling them the truth. Nico was promptly sent away so he wouldn't have to hear the rest of her story, albeit he'd been protesting the whole time.

     Elizabeth and William had chastised her for not leaving the second she realized the soldiers had come back from a failed expedition, but they took it easy on her, explaining that they weren't upset and were only concerned about her welfare.

     Again, they asked Astera if she needed a therapist.

     She said no.

     It took well over two weeks for her to gain some semblance of a genuine smile back on her face, and then a good three months for the images to recede deep enough into her subconscious to escape the reach of all passing thought.

     Astera still remembered the way Nico sulked about the house and seemed to droop further and further in disappointment each time he realized she wasn't going back to her normal, amicable self any time soon. Seeing him in that offbeat state was what eventually got her to recuperate, draining away the depth of those sanguine memories and allowing her a chance to breathe again.

     "—sis, Big Sis?" Nico's voice arose from somewhere distant, and she started when his tugging on her sleeve brought her immediately back to focus, "are you okay?"

     She stared at him blankly for a second. "You haven't answered my question yet," he whined as if to clarify, pouting up at her.

     Oh.

     "I was just thinking.." she schooled her expression back to its usual impassive one, "you know, there are other ways you could be a hero and protect others without having to become a soldier."

Of course, because obviously the Survey Corps was the only faction of soldiers around. How nice of you to assume that's what he even wants to be.

Nico's grasp on her sleeve loosened, looking as if in deep thought. "Hmm.. guess I never really thought of it that way." And then he backtracked: "But they're the only ones who actually go out to fight! The Survey Corps, I mean. I wanna learn how to do that, too!"

Great, you jinxed it.

     Astera grunted. "Why would you even want to fight? You could be a Garrison soldier instead. They fight titans too, just not as.. in-person as the Survey Corps do. Or better yet, if you rank high enough in the Training Corps, you could secure a spot among the Military Police, and then you'll get to serve the king. I hear the salary's high if you stand out—i-in a good way. You'll just have to work hard!"

     "But then I wouldn't be able to fight on the frontlines! I won't become as strong as.. as Commander Shadis, and then I won't be able to save you, or mother, or father if the titans come marching in here!"

     "Nico," he flinched at her stern glare, though she did try her best to tone it down, "you can't say that like it's a good thing. If the titans manage to break right through the walls, we're as good as dead."

     "But isn't that why the soldiers train? To fight them and make sure that doesn't happen?" he persisted. "And if it does happen, they'll be able to save the people who get affected by it?"

     "We'll all be affected by it. That's gonna be a hella lot of people to save."

     "But.. a hero doesn't have to save everyone, does he?"

And once again, he left Astera fumbling for words.

In all honesty, it surprised her. She thought he was like every other kid who believed there was no sense in being a hero if they couldn't save everyone.

Her lack of a response must have made Nico self-conscious of what he'd said, because he carefully averted his gaze, overtones of pink and red shadowing the pallid of his cheeks. "I mean.. that's no excuse but.. it's not like you can save all the people you want to save, can you?"

Brown eyes were glassy with unshed tears when they met Astera's again, and she was taken aback by the determination she discovered wallowing in them. "Even if it's just one person's life I can save.. that'd still make me a hero, wouldn't it? Because I was able to change their future for the better.. because I was still able to do the right thing?"

Brusque silence descended upon the air between the both of them, and all the while Nico appeared unstrung, as if weighing the gravity of what he'd said and Astera's possible judgment of it.

She wasn't incognizant of the terribly-kept 'secret' ( "He doesn't want you to know, apparently," William had told her ) that her younger brother looked up to her every move, held on to her every word, awaited her every decision like it meant the world to him.

Words measured and tone soft, she asked him again, "Why do you want to fight, Nico? Why do you want to become a soldier?"

"Because I want to be a hero like them. I want to be somebody who can save one person so I can learn to save more," he beamed at her, and Astera could've sworn there and then that the sun had never been brighter, could never even compare.

"I want to be a soldier for humanity."

—

     "Can I come with you, Big Sis?"

     "No can do," Astera smirked at the adorable sight of Nico's flared up expression, bristling brown eyes locked firmly on her hand not currently occupied with a shopping basket, ready to push the door open. "You know how busy mother gets this time of the year. She'd need someone at her beck and call if you want her to get her job done in time for dinner, especially while father's still busy farming."

     He wailed, deadset on getting her to reconsider. "But it's no fair, I want to go out and play!"

     "We can play next time, just not now, Nico. Be considerate of mother, at least."

     "It's alright, Astera." Elizabeth's voice rung out from behind Nico, who perked up at once at the affirmation. "You can take him with you."

     Any further objections on the tip of Astera's tongue were lost to thin air as her adoptive mother sent her a kind yet insistent smile, and her 8-year-acting-5-year-old brother leapt up and began to cheer when he realized she was no longer making a move to stop him from accompanying her.

Nico peered up giddily at her through disheveled wisps of brown, and all her restraint flew out of the window at the sight of his unkempt visage. "Trim your bangs, for Maria's sake, they're all over the damn place."

"Astera!" she winced at Elizabeth's instant snap, "don't swear in front of your brother!" But the boy was far too gone in his mirth of being able to 'go out and play' to notice, the phrase leaving his mouth in consistent, elated screams.

"It wasn't even that bad of a word.." she mumbled bitterly, but nevertheless resolved to keep the cussing to herself. "Come on, Nico." When she made to step out of the house and beheld the way he seemed to hesitate rather than follow along, she scoffed. "I thought you wanted to come with?"

And that appeared to be all the assurance he needed she was alright with it ( really, it wasn't like she had a choice ). He bounced after her, sparing Elizabeth a goodbye wave and no more than that.

The clouds scarcely made a presence in the afternoon sky, cradled by the light of a near-setting sun, yet Nico went about with his boundless energy, attracting the softened gazes of nearby onlookers.

Astera, on her part, wanted to stop time altogether. If it meant he never had to change, never had to grow up. If it meant he never had to share the nightmares he'd watched her scream and cry over for months on end. If it meant he never had to know the harrowing truth, never had to endure the mortification of confinement in a world that didn't deserve the expanse of his innocent heart.

She'd choose his life over hers any day, no questions asked. She wasn't sure if he'd appreciate the sacrifice though, wasn't even sure if he'd understand why.

She couldn't put a finger as to where all this sappiness, all this talk of sacrifice was even coming from, nor why she'd ever start to consider the notion at all.

A shudder ran down Astera's spine impetuous enough that she could not have quelled it in time. If this sacrifice came into play someday, would she have to be the one to understand it, then? God, she hated herself sometimes.

Always overthinking, always overfeeling.

     For now, she need not worry, only luxuriate in the simplicity of the moment. Besides, Nico was already calling after her—his agitation making him look like one giant tomato.

Tomatoes, right, we need those too, she mentally listed.

     "So impatient now?" she jabbed at him, but quickened her pace all the same. He retorted with a brattish tongue-out.

     "I thought you were the one in a hurry here. You're way too slow! And what're you going silent on me for?!"

"Geez, okay, okay, I'm coming already," she conceded, hands raised up in surrender in an effort to placate him, "I'm starting to think I'm not the one who's dying to get this over with."

Scowls were out-of-place whenever Nico wore them; they weren't threatening so much as they were disarmingly cute because of his youthful features, but he made them anyway. "Well then.. why are you slacking off?!"

Several vendors ceased their businesses in their respective stalls for a moment at the volume of Nico's careless complaining, and if Astera hadn't resorted to smacking her hand ( lightly, of course ) over his big mouth, it probably would've already been night by the time he realized how remiss he was being.

     "Just.. quit yelling and follow me, yeah?"

She didn't expect him to comply so easily, but she must've been donning her signature not-taking-any-of-your-shit demeanour again, because he did.

          And that was a good thing, because by now they should've made some headway with their shopping already, but the most they've done so far was jump like a squirrel for every other footfall they made ( that was Nico ), contemplating the essence of giving one's life for another ( that was Astera), and quarrel about who was being the slowpoke between the both of them ( that was.. well, both of them ).

It's high time they get to doing the very thing they were meant to be doing: amassing more food, because having a farmer for a parent didn't guarantee that they were the first to get their share of it, as opposed to what the kids in their district commonly believed.

Well, most of the kids she knew around here were aspiring morons, so she wouldn't put it past them to believe in that misconception.

     Elizabeth's top-notch work as a seamstress ensured that her career would be far-reaching, her name heard of and acclaimed even within the inner walls of Rose and Sina. It was a sufficient source of income, but regrettably not of food.

Plus, they were running low on time. She was starving. It was getting later and later into the day. Most of all, she just wanted to go home.

     The dark had oftentimes unnerved Astera, moreso than what would've been acceptable for a 12-year old, and moreso than even Nico, who recoiled at every other bug they saw. There were days when the fear crept a little less deeply, when she didn't have to exert too much into bearing it, and no sooner than later would she forget the dark had ever been a bother in the first place.

But then there were days when it painted more than just her eyes with tears. There were days when the fear befouled her mind, had her heart shackled and constrained yet continuously chasing a breath that wouldn't quite make it, her limbs leaden with quivers and tremors.

Nico had always been and likely would continue to be her primary distraction on the latter days, a reminder that there was never too little room for warmth when she would otherwise be bereft of it.

That fear of hers was one of the things she didn't really get to understand in her life, alongside those Survey-Corps-triggered nightmares.

     Astera counted around 5 minutes of peace before all Nico's buoyancy of spirit gradually reemerged. In spite of the fact that she'd been the one directing him to whichever food stalls they had to stop by, at this rate, she wasn't sure who was following who anymore.

Half an hour into their foraging for meal ingredients, Nico halted without warning in his tracks when Astera was right on his tail, and she could've sworn she was a millimetre away from scolding him again when he ground out: "I'm about to perish from hunger!"

She clicked her tongue. "Don't be such an overdramatic baby. You're the reason why we're on this turtle-like pace today."

     "I-I'm the reason? You were the one who—!"

"Oh look, Nico, peaches! You love those, don't you?"

Thankfully, he took the bait. "Huh?! WHERE?" And bolted pronto towards the direction Astera pointed at without another word.

She wasn't lying when she said there were peaches, was probably what Nico had in mind when he finally pinpointed the man who marketed them. Astera let out a huff of laughter, yelling, "Don't take too long, and don't go anywhere else without telling me first!"

She didn't wait for a response, heading instead for the array of vegetables. She acquired a bundle of asparagus, a troop of mushrooms, and three onions before scurrying over to the tomato stall standing right beside the peach one, where Nico was currently babbling animatedly about his own favourite fruit.

"I'm trying to decide which ones to pick," was what he said when she inquired about how he was doing. The vendor went on, right off the bat, to indulge him in an extensive discussion on how to differentiate which peaches were of quality or not, how to accelerate the ripening of peaches, how to make a pie out of peaches, and a coterie of information on peaches Astera was confident she did not need to know, let alone want to know.

She wouldn't be surprised if Nico walked up to her right then and announced that he was going to live the life of a baker in the future, in lieu of the soldier he professed ( heck, asserted ) he would become.

     The atypical coolness of sunset air reminded Astera of the fact that winter was going to dawn on them in four months' time. They were going to need to stack up on food before long.

     Now, it wasn't really necessary yet.. but that didn't mean Astera wanted to pass up on the chance to eat beyond what was within reason. Elizabeth had given her more than enough coins today, but what she did not give was the permission to take as much as they wanted to.

     Even if she did, Astera wouldn't dare abuse the privilege. It wasn't like Nico to do so, either.

     So instead of succumbing to the allurement of one pricey dinner, she bargained and compromised whenever she found an opportunity to, repeating her earlier instruction to Nico not to go anywhere else without her while she roamed around the street in search for other types of fruit. By and large, she'd made plenty of agreeable deals ( on both ends! ) and put her negotiation skills to good use, albeit she didn't think she was totally proficient at it yet.

     At last, it was time to leave for home.

     Upon discerning the absence of a familiar brunette by her side, Astera deduced that he was still chatting away by the peach stall, so that was where she went.

     "Hey, what's the hold up—"

     He wasn't there.

     "Excuse me, sir?" she jogged up to the man who'd just been speaking to her brother when she last saw him a few minutes ago. "Have you seen my brother.. that brown-haired boy you were talking to about the peaches and everything?"

     The vendor lifted a hand to signal her 'wait', unable to meet her eyes just yet as he tended to the customer who waited as he placed three of the aforementioned fruits in her basket.

     When he finished, he turned to her and motioned toward an alley south of them both. "He ran over there the moment you left to buy something else. Looked kinda like he was panicking to me, but I didn't have a clue why."

..what the fuck.

"I think you should go check up on him," the man added as though in afterthought. "Seemed pretty urgent."

Her first thought was: could he be pranking her? He had a natural tendency to dabble in mischief, so he used to get away with dozens of pranks in the span of just a single day, back when Astera was but a new addition to their home and remained largely uncommunicative, not once uttering her dissatisfaction at her younger brother's habitual messiness.

But he knew they were in a rush to get home—he was in a rush to get home, because he was so close to 'perishing from hunger', or so he'd claimed.

     And she'd told him, not once, but twice that he stay exactly where he was and inform her should he want to go elsewhere for whatever reason.

     Could somebody have lured him there? Was that why he was panicking?

     "Yeah, sure, I'll go look for him now," she practically rambled in reply to the man, nodding at him to show her appreciation. She spun around and made to sprint, the contents of her shopping basket bumping into each other with her every reckless step, every imperious thump of her heart.

It wasn't a pain in the ass to find him at all.

Astera dashed through the alleyway the man had singled out. When it led to another street, the sea of people hindering a clear vision, she squinted at her right, searching and seeking. When she saw nothing worthy of suspicion, she glanced at her left.

     There.

     She zeroed in on Nico's petite frame, standing starkly before three teenagers who came off just as tense. Their backs were partially turned on her, so she couldn't definitively make out their faces, but she'd recognize her younger brother anywhere. She viewed the way they were all crowding around God-knows-what, and went closer to inspect.

Astera was only several feet away when she opened her mouth to call his name, but his booming voice reached her first.

     The distinct hostility in his words, however, was what floored her to an abrupt stop.

     "I SAID GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

     Astera definitely did not recognize that. She crouched behind a nearby crate and listened in, ready to intervene if the need arose, but curious to see what was about to go down.

     "What's it to you, kid?" the tallest of the teenagers snorted at him. "Unless you're looking for a fight here, you get away."

     "Gotta warn you, though, it's sure to be one-sided." taunted the second one. An unsightly scar ran from his left cheek down to his neck, and his grin was all crooked, as if he didn't know how to do it properly. It looked like he wanted to cackle, or to scream, or maybe even to sob. Possibly all three.

Astera was half-tempted to just interfere already, her inner desideration to be the 'older sister' in this absurdity and keep Nico safe as commanding as ever, but she upheld her position.

     As she watched, anger like she'd never seen before shrouded Nico's face, all traces of her little brother's naïvety metamorphosed into guardedness in the form of his clenched fists. Astera wasn't sure what to feel.

"I don't want to fight you. I just want you to leave him alone! He's not doing anything wrong to you guys by minding his own business!"

The guy with the scar let out a 'tsk'. "Bit of a hypocrite, I see. Mind your own business maybe, and we'll leave him alone."

Leave who alone? Astera wondered, until she saw him: kneeling by Nico's feet and behind his outstretched arm was a blond boy around his age. Trembling fingers gripped helplessly tight at a hardbound book he kept close to his side. He tried to hide it from view with his blue-coloured coat, but he was shaking too much that it was a close call every time the book slipped from his grasp.

"How do I know for sure you will?" Nico countered.

"That's up to us now, ain't it?"

Throughout it all, the third teenager did not make a move. If anything, he appeared to be sick and tired of the whole ordeal. Disinterested hazel eyes flitted about, like he'd rather be anywhere else but with his two cohorts.

And yet he didn't lift a finger to help.

Astera felt her heart squeeze as Nico trembled in his stance, but did not falter. "Why are you so keen on being bullies?"

"Come on, man, don't be a jerk to a kid," she heard the third guy finally say, heaving his hand over the tallest guy's shoulder to push him back, but he resisted, regarding his peer with disdain. "Stay out of this if you're just going to be useless, Drew! Damn it!"

     Astera decided enough was enough.

Basket flung over her shoulder, she forced herself to move and pick up speed, wanting to get to the boys before an imminent fistfight broke out, except someone else beat her to it.

The ravenette, who couldn't have been much older than either Nico or the blond boy was, had come out of nowhere, her gaze steeled in a barely controlled rage. Her conspicuous red scarf swayed in the wind, and she threw a punch straight at the scarred guy's jaw, who crumpled to the ground spewing all sorts of profanity.

Astera couldn't help internally commending the girl for her strength. But the compliments were due for another time.

"B-Big Sis!" Nico screamed from behind Astera as she swept at tall dude's legs and kicked him hard on his right one for good measure. She received a high-pitched yelp in return.

Drew wasn't ashamed of showcasing his shock, though he didn't attempt to run away. He let the girl push him back and rough him up a little without complaint, while Astera brought both Nico and the blond off to the side, checking for anything that could be passed off as an injury.

She sighed in relief when she concluded they were unscathed.

Guilt was already pooling as tears when Astera brushed a bit of dust on Nico's cheek, leaning down to wrap him in a tender embrace. She hushed his apologies, saying, "It's okay. I'm glad you're okay. You did the right thing, Nico. I'm proud of you, couldn't have been any prouder."

She pulled away to refocus on the blond, who remained meek and all the watchful of their surroundings. He dropped himself to the ground and pressed his body against the wall, the book never leaving his grasp.

Astera turned to see Drew wrestle his companions away from them, and though he seemed aware of them looking, not once did he meet their gazes. The badass young girl held her ground for as long as the teenagers stayed in sight, but once their figures disappeared into the dimly-lit street, she immediately approached the blond beside her.

Astera took in the girl's features. She was more or less a miniature Astera—between their straight black hair, attentive gray eyes, and contrastingly apathetic bearing, there was no way they could get more alike than that.

Perhaps the only difference Astera could name at the moment was the size of said eyes: her own pair was smaller.

"Armin," she began, tone soft, "are you okay?"

The blond, Armin, let out an uncertain hum. The girl didn't appear to mind the lack of a vocal response. "Did they hurt you?" she asked. "Did they say anything overly harsh?"

"Mm, it's nothing out of the ordinary," Armin said, voice cracking in the slightest. He'd taken a sudden interest in his shoes, trying to avoid any direct eye contact. Astera figured he was still shaken up by whatever happened.

So when Armin directed his stare at Nico, who all but glued himself to Astera's side, she held her breath, waiting.

"Thank you."

She felt Nico stiffen, but he eased up in an instant, and a smile worked its way onto his face. "Of course! It was no big deal."

"No, but it was," Armin was quick to reassure him, "You didn't have to defend me like that. They were bigger than you, older than you, but you pretended—no, you showed them that they weren't stronger than you, just so you could defend me. Thank you.

"You were.. just like Mikasa and Eren had always been to me, in that moment," he mumbled, dropping his tear-filled stare, "You tried to be strong. You tried to be a hero, so that was what you were. Thank you."

The ravenette, ( I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she's Mikasa, Astera thought ), lowered herself to a humble bow before her and Nico. She was thanking them, too.

Needless to say, her brother was rendered speechless. He was probably going to break down in tears on the way home.

Orbs of daytime blue hues blinked up at Astera. Armin perused her expression, timorous and cautious of her every move. The blond curled up all the closer into himself the longer she went on to stare, unspeaking. And in her peripheral vision, she noticed how wary even Mikasa had become of her silence.

     "Armin, was it? And Mikasa?" she questioned, kneeling down in front of him. Both he and the girl nodded in affirmation. "Do those people always bully you?"

     This time, the ravenette answered for him. "No, there are a group of kids my brother and I usually see beating him up"—her deep gray eyes narrowed into furious slits as she said that, but Astera was fairly certain that had action been more subconscious than anything else—"but we don't know those teenagers."

     "They just took one look at my book and began hurling insults at me for reading it.. like those kids keep doing, too." the blond revealed. He sounded considerably less tense than the previous time he spoke out, howbeit the slight waver to his tone remained. Fear still coated his expression. Astera could understand why—a stranger as young as he was defending him and another stranger as old as his bullies were making sure he was alright probably seemed so foreign of a concept to someone who regularly got the short end of the stick in life.

She asked, keeping all hints of judgment away from her tone, "What's the book about, Armin?"

He straightened up, eyes bright. "It's a book on the outside world! Burning water, a land of ice, a body of water wider than the widest lakes we have here, teeming with salt! Isn't that just wonderful?!" He held out the book towards her, wearing the most coruscant smile she'd ever seen.

And then all of a sudden, it vanished. Armin slouched, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. "People make fun of me a lot.. because I talk about it a lot. They turn to violence because I know something they don't, because I'm not ignorant like they are."

"The world's really like that, though, isn't it?" Nico said, "It's unfair to those who deserve to live in a better one. If the outside world were better than this one we're living in now, nobody should judge you for wanting to learn about it. Ignorance doesn't always have to be bliss, right?"

The words took a while to sink in for Astera, but when they did, she was left gaping at Nico in pride.

Apparently, she really could be prouder.

Armin's laugh broke her reverie. "Yeah, I guess that just proves there's an exception to every rule. Do you.. maybe want to borrow my book, uhh.." he blushed. "I didn't—I didn't catch your name, I think."

"Oh! Umm, it's Nico. This is Astera, my older sister," Nico bumped lightly at Astera's shoulder. ( She didn't miss the way he skipped out on the word 'adopted'. ) "And, well.. I'd love to, but I was thinking maybe next time instead, if we ever get to see each other again? There's just something I need to help my mother out with.."

"That's perfectly fine!"

"Nico, it was a pleasure to meet you," Mikasa cut in. She spoke in monotone, but the softness of her expression betrayed all emotion. Nico shot her a toothy grin, reaching his hand out for a handshake that the ravenette reciprocated.

"Anyway, we should really get out of your hair," Astera cast their two newest acquaintances her sincerest grin, "I'm sure your parents are searching for you by now. 'Sides, you both need the rest." She ruffled Armin's locks affectionately, taking care not to tangle them too much. "You especially, Armin. They might try to beat you up with fists, but don't you dare let them beat you up with words. Bullies aren't strong—they're just brutes. Physical strength isn't all there is to it. You'll always be far stronger than they can ever hope to be, if they can't accept that there's a better way to living than messing with others' lives."

"Thank you, Astera," Armin said. "I'm sorry to have kept you both here for so long.."

"It's okay. 'Til next time, hm?"

Astera didn't know if it was just a figment of her imagination, but for a second there a glint of disappointment had passed over Mikasa's face, though it went as quickly as it appeared. They exchanged their farewells, after Astera made them both promise to stay safe.

She heard Armin ask Mikasa where Eren was, to which the latter responded he was at home helping out with the laundry. ( "That's new," Armin had remarked cheekily. ) But he'd also come down with a cold, so his mother didn't want him to show up sneezing. ( Armin's face fell at that, and he wished Eren a speedy recovery. )

By that time, the faintest of stars were already littering the vault of the skies, bragging of their twilight splendour. And the two siblings were just raring to rest up after a long day.

Not once did the memory of Nico's words leave Astera's mind the entire way back home.

a/n: i.. i'm so sorry.

i honestly forgot what it's like to write such a long piece xD most of my works over the last year consisted of my poems. and speaking of 'the last year', it's been just four days short of a year since the last time i've updated skdks-

also, my writing style's once again changed drastically as the months of my inactivity progressed, so i'm sorry for that too!! i hope it wasn't too inconsistent ;<<

also x2 in light of the recent covid outbreak, pls stay safe you guys!!!! stay at home as much as possible, get enough fluids (don't get your ethyl alcohol down your throats tho-), and don't lose hope that we will make it through this dark and trying time.

thank you guys for your endless support, no matter how sporadic my updates may be.

and thank you guys for existing, no matter what happens.

love you all, peace out <3

(this update's dedicated to your highness, -historiaa, and takumi bby Wolf_LZ)

[ published » march 28, 2020 ]