"The goop from EJ's eye sockets is a scientific mystery. Half the time it's the most flammable thing in the world, and the other half it defies physics and won't ignite even when the flames are licking at the sides of it. Eyeless himself doesn't know how this works."

TW for alcohol consumption- everyone's of age in this, just by virtue of them having been around for the years even if they didn't physically age, but I thought I'd mention it anyways, just in case. Happy reading!

"I still think we should blow it up."

Across the room, Jeff groaned and let his head hit the table, forcefully and repeatedly. "We know, (Y/N)," he said tiredly. "We know." You pinwheeled your arms in the air.

"But- come on, it's brilliant!" You insisted. "Toby stashed all of Slendy's fireworks there last week anyways; think of how colorful it will be!"

Currently, it was 2:15 AM, January 1st. New Year's Day. You and the pasta had had a lovely time celebrating- what with the booze (you were all over legal age, it's ok- Sally didn't have any (she was in bed anyways) and cake- oh, man, the cake was fantastic- and lack of Slender's supervision. (He was visiting with Father Christmas- said he wanted to check up on him, since this year's winter had been particularly cold, and, well, Father Christmas wasn't getting any younger.)

Whatever the reason, there you were, slightly inebriated, discussing what to do with the Monument that had appeared in the front lawn some time ago.

Slender said he wanted it gone, and, well, honestly, you couldn't blame him. According to Eyeless and Toby, they appeared every so often whenever the fangirls got particularly numerous- it was basically a waypoint between the Overrealm and the Underrealm, but, the trick was, it didn't transport people- it transported items.

(Basically, Jeff told you, it was like a gigantic shrine that just got bigger and bigger and bigger.)

Anyways, Slender had tasked the lot of you with destroying it. He didn't care how it was done, he just wanted it gone before he got back at the end of the week.

And now here you all are. Monday morning, 2:23 AM, and the weird shrine-thingy is still there. According to Masky, Slender would get back at around 8:34ish, which gave you all six hours and eleven minutes to get rid of it.

(Initially, you'd all had a week, but never underestimate the combined power of procrastination and laziness. They make a formidable duo.)

For the past hour or so you'd been discussing what to do with it/how to get rid of it. Toby suggested burning it to the ground at first; Jeff shot that idea down by pointing out the last time they tried that they nearly burned down the mansion and the surrounding forest. Slender had not been pleased.

Initially, you'd wondered if you couldn't just- hack it apart. "You know, with axes an' shite," you'd explained upon receiving several inquisitive looks.

EJ shook his head; "It just regenerates," he said. "Not all at once, but if it's sufficiently damaged it just- regenerates. Like a Time Lord. Really fucking annoying, actually."

You fell silent as you mused over his words. Then, from the back, there was a hesitant; "What if we used... demon tar?"

(The tone with which this was spoken with would have suited the stereotypical 'dun dun dun' extremely well, however this is not a stereotypical book so it is not included.)

Slowly, everyone rotated on their heel to look at Toby, who paled and raised his hands in the air.

"Are you nuts?!" EJ was the first to break the silence. "Do you remember what happened last time we used demon tar? I still have nightmares- Slender still has nightmares!" Toby shrugged.

"Yes," he agreed almost conversationally. "But... would y-you rather *tic* face the wr-wrath of the Sl-Slenderman?"

Silence, then EJ sighed heavily; "Fair point," he conceded, then stood up from the table. "Alright, Slender's got a few buckets of it stashed in the basement- Jeff and I will bring it up, the rest of you go get sand, fire extinguishers, water, protective eye gear- the works." LJ hesitated.

"Should be bring the pineapple juice?" He asked, and EJ paused.

"Sure, why the hell not," he replied finally. "It worked once, who's to say it won't work again?"

You frowned and nudged Masky; "Why do we need pineapple juice?" You asked, and the proxy exhaled wearily.

"Demon tar is finicky when it comes to its physics," he explained. "Last time, nothing but pineapple juice would put it out, so we've started to keep some on hand, just in case."

Oh. Alright then.

Fifteen minutes later found the lot of you standing around The Monument while EJ dumped buckets upon buckets upon buckets (why was there so much demon tar? A question that will never be answered because the Author is tired) of demon tar across it.

Then, he lit a match.

"Everyone ready?" He called, and you all gave the thumbs up and pulled down your visors.

Then, Eyeless tossed the match into a glob of demon tar.

...

Nothing happened.

You scowled; "Oh come on!" You cried. "Now we have to-"

BOOM!

...

"Who's goin to tell Slender?" You asked in a weak voice as broken bits of mansion and Monument fell in fiery arcs around you. Beside you, Jeff sighed.

"Whoever came up with the idiotic idea in the first place," he grumbled, and you all slowly turned around to look at Toby, who paled violently and said; "O-Oh. That's-That's me, isn't it?"

Yeah, no shit.

(AN: LJ and Jeff totally pulled a Joey and Chandler when the ball dropped- Jeff was complaining about how he had no one to kiss and LJ, tired of his incessant complaining, kissed him. Nina was furious.
I have no idea what the fuck this is, I'm so sorry. I'm tired, it's late, let's just move on.)