Rating: 3

Grammar: D

Well, you did come to me looking for an honest review and I'm going to be very honest. This wasn't a very well thought out one shot. This practically mimics the urban legend Bloody Mary. There were just so many things wrong with it, I don't even know where to start. 

Bad grammar, for one. Commas are a thing. They exist. 

There are HUGE holes in the short plot line, to the point where it just doesn't make sense. 

The characters need to be worked on. Yes, it's a short story but that doesn't mean your characters can't have depth. 

The story behind it all makes very little sense too. 

Gah, there's so many. If you want better help, message me and we can work something out.