This is a request by @WiredAUMaker (so sorry for how long it took) and I... I don't even know what happened in this chapter. Maybe I need more sleep.

Ships: IronStrange

Warnings: Swearing, fire, a toddler being taught magic

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"Hey, ah..." Clint announced, walking into the kitchen with what seemed to be a large armful of Peter's clothes. "I don't want to alarm anyone but Peter's now a toddler."

Shocked silence filled the room as everyone turned to stare at Hawkeye, who laid the bundle of clothing on the floor - revealing Peter, who was somehow hidden in the pile.

"What did you do?!" Stephen Stark-Strange hissed, immediately going in to protective-mama-sorcerer mode.

Tony and Stephen shot up from the table, shooting towards their now toddler, once teenage son. They stared at him for a second - making sure that this was actually Peter, not just a random child Clint found on the street.

Clint shook his head, eyes widen in horrified alarm. "Nothing! It wasn't me!"

"You're on thin ice, Barton. Especially after what you did to my cloak." Stephen spat, glaring at Clint.

"For the last time, that was Loki dressed like me who through it out of a window! Not me!" Hawkeye exclaimed, jumping as Stephen threw a random book (which definitely hadn't been in the room before that) at him.

"Yes! We can finally have a wholesome happy one-shot where we all just get ice-cream and live as one big happy family!" Tony exclaimed, picking up his son and twirling him around lovingly.

Peter giggled, rambling an assortment of happy words in toddler dribble. Stephen nodded with a grin, agreeing with his husbands idea, as the Avengers screamed their favourite ice-cream flavours in the background.

There was also some talk of murdering those who did not like their favourite ice-cream flavours, but that was easily ignored.

It all seemed well and good until a loud thud echoed through the kitchen, startling everyone.

A brick slammed against the window, but didn't break the shatter resistant glass. Causing a dozen more bricks followed suite, until finally Clint opened one of the windows. This idea came with a cost for the hero, however, as he was almost immediately hit in the face with a brick.

"Brick-tch!" Clint shouted, clutching his nose.

Natasha blinked at him. "Did you... did you really just combine brick and bitch? What the fuck, Clint."

Before Hawkeye could respond, Stephen let out a noise if discontent - noticing that the brick had a note attached to it. Yanking the piece of paper from the solid weapon, the sorcerer frowned. "Dear Avengers, blah, blah, blah... we have discovered that Spider-Man is your son-"

"Did you not announce that on the ts of vs?" Thor asked, interrupting Stephen, much to the sorcerer's annoyance.

Tony nodded at the confused Norse god while his husband continued reading aloud. "Blah, blah, blah... So, we've decided to turn him into a toddler to make kidnapping him easier."

The room fell into silence - with only Peter making cheerful small child noises - before the Avengers and Loki burst into laughter.

"They... they are the dumbest villains I've ever heard of!" Loki announced, snickering loudly.

As the room's joint laughter died down into soft chuckles, Tony turned serious with a deep sigh. "Well, I suppose this means that we can't have a wholesome ice-cream day."

——————

"Why have you brought that child here, again?" Odin asked, staring down at Peter with an uncomfortable, half cringing grimace.

Loki looked at his father like he was stupid, making a sour face. "Because Midgard has a bunch of bitch ass villains who need villainary lesson. And also, I never learnt the particular stream of magic necessary to turn Peter back?"

Thor nodded along in silent agreement, attempting to carefully wrestle Peter away from his hair - which the toddler was actively attempting to yank out of his skull.

"Which is where I come in!" Frigga cried, jumping out from behind Odin's throne, scaring her husband. "Booyah, bitches! It's magic time!"

"Ahhh! Frigga?!" Odin shrieked, falling out of his throne.

The Asgardian Queen payed her husband no mind, shooting towards the toddler with her arms wide, yanking him away from her blonde son. "Hello, cutie! Aren't you just adorable!"

"Fridge!" Peter shrieked, pointing at Frigga with a large grin. The queen giggled softly, twirling the child around before correcting him. "It's Fr-I-gah, sweetie."

"No! You are Fridge!" Peter denied, pointing at the woman. He repeated this naming process with her two sons, then her husband, which made Frigga snicker loudly in pure amusement. "Lolly and Poor! Oh, and Owen!"

Odin was not impressed with his nickname.

"So, mother," Loki interrupted her cooing over the boy, "how long will it take to turn him back?"

Frigga turned serious, looking at Peter with an evaluating look. "Hmm, since he is Midgardian not Asgardian, it will take about two weeks less then usual to make a potion that is potent enough. However, he is also superhuman, which will add a week. So two weeks at most."

"Two weeks!" Thor exclaimed, shocked. "But that's like... twelve days! Who's going to look after him for that long?!"

Frigga stared at her son, cringing at his lack of mathematical skills. "It's fourteen days, actually. And you won't need to worry about finding a babysitter - you two will be doing it."

"WHAT?!"

—————

It had only been a little over a week into Peter's stay, yet the whole of Asgard had fallen into chaos.

Day 1 and 2 had gone well, with the Asgardians cooing over the child feverishly, entranced by his Midgardian toddler-ness.

On day 3, however, the drama began. Peter made friends with a magical speaking snake named Jeffrey Jeff Jefferson, who demanded to be let into the village's only bakery. The toddler had agreed, of course, and the snake had devoured most of the stores stock before finding a wig and parading around as the baker's wife.

Day 4 started with a fire covered court yard, caused by Peter's small magnifying glass, which had been abandoned the day prior in the grass. This fire was only put out when Loki noticed it nearing his favourite tree, which spurred him push Thor into the flames, causing the nearby guards to actually do their jobs.

Peter went missing on Day 5, not being found until Odin had attempted to sit in his thrown, only to be kicked away by a superhuman toddler who did not want to be sat on.

Peter spent Day 6, 7, and 8 convincing Frigga to teach him magic, then learnt a bunch of basic but chaotic spells.

This was not a good idea, because thats when Peter's fun really began.

The streets were flooded with different colours of biodegradable glitter, along with rainbow sheep, much to the Asgardians' horror and dismay.

The main water fountain only cycled chocolate milk, too, and a strange but large family of trash cans dressed as people had slowly began claiming houses as their own.

Wigs were glued to heads, weapons were replaced with ducks and geese, and all shoes were now magnetic when worn.

It was utter chaos, and not one magical Asgardian tried to stop the child - all too afraid of his unusually powerful magic capabilities.

Even Odin couldn't stop the child, as he was too afraid of Peter turning him into a furry version of Medusa again.

Utter. Chaos.

—————

"So, how was he?" Stephan asked, catching the toddler who was yeeted at his head.

Thor and Loki just stared at the Stark-Strange husbands, shocker horror covering their soaking, glittery, and slight singed face.

The blonde prince broke into loud sobs, with Loki clearly having a mental breakdowns as he clutched his sides and repeated a few words. "Demon child. Demon child. Demon child."

"Can I stay with uncle Lolly and uncle Poor again soon?" Peter asked innocently, being placed on the floor before being handed the growth potion vial by his father.

Finally - after two weeks of living as a toddler - Peter would return to his natural teenage state.

Tony nodded, smiling happily at his currently young son. "Of course, sweetheart! Now, take your potion."

Unimpressed but to terrified to disagree, Thor and Loki simply let out a loud, synchronised sob, then a wail. "Noooo!"