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The Woolworths Wedding (ft. Spidervenom)

This chapter was a request by Fairy_Diamond_34 and I greatly apologise for how long it's taken! I hope this wedding was worth the wait!

Yes, that's right - I'm doing another wedding. Move over SpideyPool, SpiderFrost, BlackPepper and maybe MayPepper (if you count the small fragment of one); it's SpiderVenom's turn.

My wedding writing is just getting worse and worse... And I didn't realise until after I'd written this chapter that Woolworths is Australian and other countries might not know what it is. It's basically a chain grocery store (like Coles, or Aldi).

Ships: SpiderVenom, Shurichelle, BlackPepper, Ironstrange

Warnings: Swearing, Karens, Donald Trump, holy water mentions (idk?),

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Who thought that a relationship between two nineteen-year-old males would reach the point of marriage so soon?

Much less one of the pair being in a symbiotic relationship with an eternally hungry, slime-like alien, and the other with billionaire adopted fathers and superpowers provided by a radioactive spider.

A lot of people, probably, but they were, and they were anxious.

"Where the fuck are the Woolworths employee cosplayers?!" Peter shouted into his walkie talkie.

A few moments later, Tony's frantic voice and the shrieking of an angry Stephen came from the walkie talkie. "Over by the sticky wet floor sign."

"Perfect." Peter sighed, relaxing slightly before his eyes landed on the nearby priest. "Why the double fuck is the priest not wearing Woolworths green!"

Peter's soon-to-be husband, Eddie Brock, rounded a corner, chuckling. "Calm down, love... why aren't you getting ready, anyway?"

"The wedding planner just quit." Peter responded, hissing slightly.

Eddie let out a deep laugh. "Good, she was such a fucking Karen. Dressed like one, acted like one, spoke like one. She was just one big Karen red flag."

Natasha and Pepper rounded one of the isles, quickly walking over to the two teenagers. "Boys, go get ready for your wedding," Pepper began, "we'll deal with the wedding nonsense."

A look of relief covered Spider-Man's face as he handed over a small folder of documents. "Thank you."

"No problem, now go get ready for your big day!" Natasha exclaimed, making a shooing motion with her hands.

"Okay!" Peter laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

Eddie grinned. "Sure, I'mma go get food first, though. A certain parasite is hungry."

"HUNGRY." A voiced hissed loudly from Eddie's shoulder, making him snort in amusement. "And that's my cue! Seeya!"

As Eddie strutted off towards the hot food area, Peter took a few deep breaths to calm himself before joining his friends in dressing up area.

The Woolworths themed wedding they were having - paired with the assortment of food venders in the parking lot, the Avengers themed Ferris wheel just to the left of the entrance, and the firework display - was going to be a very large occasion, much to the teens' dismay.

Apparently, everyone wanted to attend the weddings of superheroes, and were threatening physical violence unless more people were allowed to attend. Which is why they now had 300 attending guests, instead of the 30-40 people they'd originally wanted.

So yeah, Peter was a bit stressed.

"Peter!" Shuri cried, standing next to her girlfriend and Ned. "Where have you been?!"

Before the teen could respond, MJ spoke up. "Doesn't matter, put your suit on! The wedding starts in an hour!"

A swarm of make up, clothes, hair products, and shoes took up the next hour - until it was finally time for Peter to walk down the isle.

Peter's outfit was almost indescribable - a large, Pom-Pom-like fluffy dress that went from purple to red. This dress was paired with a pair of red tights, and leopard print heels.

Why he chose this outfit, no one knows.

In upbeat remix of the Woolworths jingle played loudly from the store's speakers as Peter walked down the isle, towards his soon-to-be husband.

Eddie was standing at the alter with the manager outfit clad priest, wearing his own indescribable outfit. It was entirely made of Pom-Poms and he held what seemed like a giant, reflective metal marble.

That's it. Peter and Eddie were both just nuts. Case closed.

Anyway, as the priest preformed the ceremony in a series of demonic sounding screeches, the forcibly attending people in the room looked at each other in confusion. The other people (the couple's close family and friends), however, wiped away their heavily streaming happy tears.

"Now," The priest began in English, "It is time to see if you your love will waiver under the pressure of the worst of Karens."

A mumble of shook ran through the crowd as loud stomping and an ear piercing shriek rang from another isle. Ultimate Karen, or Karensaurus as the priest like to call her, stormed closer.

"EXCUSE ME!" She shrieked, snapping her fingers at the couple. "But this is a GROCERY STORE. Not some sort disgusting homosexual chapel!"

The crowd gasped in horror, but neither of the couple wavered under the woman's continuous scrutiny. As she continued to screech profanities at the young couple, Peter and Eddie looking at each other, wearing matching resting bitch faces.

Eventually she stopped, flushing in embarrassment when she realised just how many people were staring at her. "I want to talk to you manager."

The priest stepped forward, throwing holy water at her, which made her shriek loudly and run out of the Woolworths.

"You have proven yourselves and your love unwavering against the worst of Karens." The priest announced. "So I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss your husband, or skip that step and mop the floor with Patricia over there."

Patricia, who was cleaning up a puddle of cherry juice, snarled back. "Fuck you!"

The new husbands snickered, sharing a quick kiss before turning to the overjoyed crowd. Applause, cheers, and whoops filled the isles as the wedding attendees celebrated loudly.

"Now, let's get this party started in here!" Eddie shouted, both of the husbands throwing their bouquets made of coupons towards the crowd.

MJ and Shuri, who had each caught a bouquet, grinned, before shouting in sync. "It's firework time!"

Everyone headed towards the parking lot, proclaiming their congratulations to the newly married couple. The rest of the night was a chaos filled mess of food, fireworks, and fights, but it was the most exciting superhero wedding yet.

However, was it really?

Do you really think this was their real wedding?

Pfft, no.

Peter and Eddie had been married for a whole week at that point, they were just putting on a VERY entertaining show for the media.

But no one would find this out until a month later when Karensaurous got drunk at a nightclub, then demanded to speak to the manager of America, only to get a meeting with Trump. Spewing all the information she'd overheard from the Avengers and CO, she told the pouty Donald about the teens' private wedding.

Trump, who was still bitter about not being invited, immediately spewed all the gossip to his gossiping buddies, who told the rest of the world.

So end the end, the couple got what they wanted, Karensaurous got a DUI, and Donald Trump was a misinformed gossiping asshole, like usual.

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