MERRY MOTHER FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH BITCHES! This chapter isn't exactly Holiday themed (sorry) but I forgot to write something for the holidays and had this request to post.

It's been forever since I posted last (like 15 days I think) so apologies for that. I've been busy moving, writing a Harry Potter fic (even though I'm very pissed at JK Rowling), and working on my own original story.

This chapter was requested by femalebakugo and I'm so sorry it took so long! I will be writing the last idea (not shown in the picture) as a separate one-shot because I think it could be a chapter itself.

Summary: The 5 times when Peter Stark-Strange was weird as fuck but everything turned out fine... ish.

Ships: SpiderFlash, IronStrange, BlackPepper (I needed to add BlackPepper for plot reasons, and because I love it!)

Warning: Swearing, there's a homophobic character later on so be warned, also in the first part Steve, Wanda, Sam, Thor, and Clint are quite Anti-Peter.

—— 1 ——

Tony and Stephen Stark-Strange had a weird son. A really weird son, actually.

Peter Stark-Strange, Tony's biological son and Stephens adoptive, was kept a secret from the world. He attended school under a fake last name - Parker - and pretended to be an orphan living with his aunt May.

To most of the world Peter was simply Peter Parker, the incredibly intelligent 15-year-old attending Midtown High.

To his parents Peter was their extremely weird yet perfect son.

But to a good portion of the Avengers, Peter was a spoiled brat.

That portion of the Avengers consisted of Steve, Sam, Clint, Wanda, and Thor. Clint and Thor didn't overly mind Peter, the prior choosing to mostly avoid him while the later was rarely ever at the tower. The two only ever showed dislike for him when pressured by that Anti-Peter-Squad.

Natasha, Bucky, and Bruce knew better, though, and found it rather amusing when the other Avengers complained about their nonbiological Nephew.

Peter never did anything to change his haters' minds, instead deciding to further infuriate them with the help of his parents, uncles, and aunt.

He'd bitch and moan about having to do anything, complain about getting dirty when being Spider-Man, and act like almost every other horrifyingly rich teenager.

"How is he even a superhero?" Steve scoffed, frowning at the teenager lazily watching Natasha and Bucky spar.

The other Anti-Peter-Squad heroes shrugged their shoulders and nodded their agreement. Peter smirked from the silent their side of the room, hearing them due to his superhearing.

"Oi, little brat!" Sam called to the teen, getting the brunette's attention. "If you're such an incredible hero, why don't you come spar us? At the same time."

Clint and Thor immediately went pale and started looking nervous. While they didn't overly like Peter's personality, that didn't mean they wanted to harm him in any way!

Steve and Wanda nodded, thinking that they would just beat Peter up a little to give him an attitude adjustment.

Bucky and Natasha both snickered, amused by the stupidity of the Anti-Peter-Squad.

Peter sauntered over to the five other heroes, making sure he looked horrifyingly entitled. "Fine but let's be quick, I'm going shopping in 30 minutes."

And quick it was.

Within seconds Wanda has been bitch slapped and was flipped onto her back, Clint and Sam were both clutching their broken and very bloody noses, Thor had been kicked in the private parts, and Steve had a broken arm.

"Wahoo! Go Petey!" Bucky shouted, waving his arms rapidly through the air.

Natasha was smirking evilly and letting out cackles of laughter, staring at the broken and bruised heroes lying before her nephew.

"It's not nice to assume things of people." Peter said, help each of them up. "You all assumed that I was nothing but a spoilt brat who couldn't fight to literally save my life. You were wrong."

Turning his attention to his Aunty Nat and Uncle Bucky, Peter smiled brightly. "Come on, bitches! We're going shopping!"

"Yass Queen! I've got Tony's credit card!" Natasha cried, showing off the golden card covered in real diamonds.

The now Ex-Anti-Peter-Squad members watched in silence as the three other heroes left. All five of them now knew two things; 1) The teen was most certainly not a spoilt brat... and he was a great actor. 2) Peter was NOT to be messed with again. Ever.

———— 2 ————

All was well in the Stark-Strange househo-... er, towerhold? Meh, anyway! The Anti-Peter-Squad had dismantled, realising that they were the punchline of a teenager's massive joke.

Everyone was calm, well rested, and in relatively good moods, happily eating breakfast together in the kitchen.

Everyone except for Peter, that is, who was about to storm in and be his usual weird self again.

"Good morning, Family-Chan!" Peter shrieked, appearing out of thin air.

Silence filled the kitchen as everyone stared at the bouncing, glitter mess of a teenager standing before them.

Not noticing the awkward silence, Peter took a seat and started rambling off about his plans for the day. "MJ-Chan and I are setting fire to Donald Trump's Toupee. Did you hear that he's been impeached? I did."

There was a small break as Peter gasped for breath, before he started up again. "Then Senpai and I are going to dress up as McDonalds employees, drive to Wendy's, and start a massive fight with the employees there."

Tony spat out his drink in amusement, covering Steve in what suspiciously looked and smelt like his favourite brand of whiskey.

Stephen on the other hand sent Peter a suspicious look. "Senpai? Peter Benjamin Stark-Strange, have you been hiding a crush from us?! Or better yet, a boyfriend!"

"Ah," Peter froze, looking sheepish. "Maybe? We only started dating a few months ago, though. His name is Eugene Thompson, but we all just call him Flash."

"My baby's all grown up!" Natasha, Tony, Stephen, Bucky, and Bruce all cried in sync. It was almost as if they'd practiced this moment multiple times.

"Right..." Peter mumbled, getting up and waltzing over to the cupboard to grab a box of Lucky Charms. "Anyway, then, if we haven't been arrested, Senpai and I, along with Ned-Chan, MJ-Chan, and Shuri-Chan, are going to Walmart."

"Oh, that sounds surprisingly normal." Wanda said, smiling lightly.

"Where we're going to throw handfuls of glitter at random strangers while singing the Six soundtrack!" Peter shouted, sauntering out of the kitchen with his box of cereal.

"That mess of a child," Stephen said to his husband, pointing in the direction that Peter had just disappeared in, "Is the way he is because of your parenting!"

Tony nodded, poring himself another cup of whis- I mean, coffee. "Yah, I can see that."

————— 3 —————

On some random Friday afternoon, exactly 37 minutes and 19 seconds after Peter's school let out, a certain brunette teenager sauntered into the lounge room of Stark tower.

The heroes were all watching a random game show and screaming the answers at the television. Bucky looked to be on the verge of angry tears, glaring at the dumb bimbo answering every question wrong.

She was wearing way too much makeup and very revealing, tight fit clothing. Her voice was high pitched yet nasally and her laugh was even worse.

Wanting to interrupt but not being the best at appropriately socialising, Peter decided to run through the living room while screaming. "I'm going to Comic-Con in an hour with Shuri, Ned, Flash, and MJ!"

"You do you, boo!" Bruce called, smiling as his nonbiological nephew left the room.

Exactly an hour later Peter walked back into the room, though he looked nothing like himself. He wore a long curly red wig, chest and hip pads, a black leather outfit, and had a face full of perfect make up.

"Ahhhh! You look beautiful!" Natasha cried, jumping up from the couch and pulling her almost double into a hug.

All the heroes, including Pepper who had shown up to spend some time with her girlfriend - Natasha -,  slowly made their way over to the teen.

"Why'd you choose Tasha, not me?" Pepper pouted mockingly, getting a chortle from a few of the heroes.

Peter smirked. "No need to worry, Aunty Pep! I'm going as Aunty Nat and Flash's going as you. We wanted to cosplay as our favourite power couple~"

"You know, you actually look almost completely identical to Nat." Clint said, looking between Peter and Natasha.

Sam nodded, confusion covering his face. "The only difference between you two is that Natasha's slightly taller and has different coloured eyes."

"Oh, that's what I forgot!" Peter said, rushing into one of the nearby bathrooms. A few minutes later he returned, eyes now matching his Aunty's.

"You could do this as a career, kid." Tony smirked, taking a sip of his whisk- I mean coffee.

"Hopefully it's not too good." Peter mumbled, a small amount of anxiety starting to kick in. "I don't want to be bombarded by half blind paparazzi!"

He was clearly joking, not believing that his cosplay was that good (it was, he almost looked like Nat's identical twin), but the tiny part of him that actually believed his fears might come true, was right.

The moment he stepped out of the tower, planning on heading towards the coffee shop he was set to meet his friends at, the paparazzi started swarming.

Without giving any of the reporters/photographers a second glance, Peter started sprinting down the street. He was internally thanking himself for subconsciously training in his drag heals since without that training he would have been falling on his ass, just like most of the paparazzi was.

After about 10 minutes, Peter arrived at the coffee shop, having narrowly escaped the vultures who had all returned to the tower.

Ned, Shuri, Flash, and MJ were already there, waiting for him. Ned was dressed as Wanda, Flash as Pepper, MJ as Tony, and Shuri as Stephen. Honestly, none of them looked anything like the real people, but that was expected.

Peter sat down at the table, letting out a breathless sigh.

"Let me guess." Flash mused, looking on the verge of laughter. "Paparazzi?"

Peter sent him a glare, making all 4 of his friends burst out laughing. "Blah!"

—————— 4 ——————

They - Stephen, Tony, Peter, and Flash - were Christmas shopping at Walmart when it happened. When SHE appeared.

They were just waiting in line, giggling quietly over a joke that Peter had just told, completely minding their own business. It was a relatively strange sight; two billionaires sauntering around Walmart with two teenagers.

That was when Karen, in all her glorious entitlement, stormed towards the two couples, face red and eyes blazing.

"What do you think you're doing?!" She screeched crossing her arms and glowering at them.

The three heroes and Flash stopped their giggle immediately and turned at look at her, faces completely void of emotion.

"I don't know," Tony spat back, glaring at the lady, "Why don't you tell us what you think we're doing?"

The lady scowled as if it should be obvious. "You're not paying for my shopping!"

"Whaaa?" Peter mumbled, the lady was clearly nuts.

"Why the fuck would we pay for your Christmas shopping?" Stephen asked incredulously.

"Because you're rich! You have enough money to pay for my stuff because if you don't my babies won't have Christmas this year!" She cried, pouting.

Tony glared at her. "We aren't paying for your anything, Karen, leave us be."

"Fine! I didn't want you pansies touching any of my stuff anyway!" Karen shrieked.

Flash turned at glare at her, eyes narrowing. "What did you just call us?"

"Pansies! All you gays are the same! It's your fault America is so gay!" The lady screamed. "You should if even be allowed to shop at Walmart!"

That was when a smug smirk covered her face. "Security! Security!"

Within seconds two burley security guards were there, looking really confused.

"What's the problem, ma'am?" One asked, looking at the group of people.

"These gays are ruining America and should be kicked out of this store! Kick them out!" She whined, turning hideously bad puppy dog eyes towards them.

"Ah, ma'am, we can't-" The second security guard started, but was interrupted by the Karen.

"See!" Karen shouted, smirking at the heroes and Flash, "They're gonna kick you out for ruining America and going against God!"

"No, ma'am. That is most certainly not what we will be doing. Now, must ask that you please leave our store or you will be escorted out." The first security guard said, looking at the lady with distaste.

Karen crossed her arms smuggly and went silent for a minute before realising what the security guard had said. "No! No! No! Kick them out! Not me!"

Before anyone could say or do anything else, Karen's son - Chad - turned up.

Chad was in the same year as Peter and Flash, attending the same school as well. How he even got in, nobody knows. He was as dumb as a bag of bricks, was always bragging about virtually everything, and bullied Peter on a daily basis.

"Oh look! The poof patrol is here!" Chad said with a smirk standing next to his mother.

The moment that Stephen and Tony realised just who the homophobic slur was directed at, shit hit the fan.

"I hope for both of your sakes that you didn't just say what I thought you said." Tony hissed glaring at the mother-son duo.

"And what if he did?" Karen smirked, "It's not as if you can do anything. You're just a queer that's going to hell because of his sins!"

A dark look covered Stephen's face before a malicious grin appeared. "Oh, you'll see."

And with that Karen and Chad were both escorted away, without their unpaid for groceries and Christmas gifts.

And see they did...

———————— 5 ———————

"Hey, has anyone seen Peter?" Bruce asked, waking into the dinning room.

For some reason everyone was just sitting there, doing things to could be easily done in any room of the tower. Examples of these include; Eating (Thor and Clint), Reading (Stephen and Pepper), Doing something on a device (Tony, Wanda, and Steve), Plotting Murder (Natasha), and Painting their nails (Bucky).

"Nah." Everyone, except for Thor, answered.

The Norse god nodded, smiling brightly as the heroes all turned to look at him. "Yes! The man of Spiders as transformed back into his natural form. Like Brother Loki!"

There was silence.

"You know," Tony said, clutching yet another glass, "I'm not even surprised at this point. Like really, he's the most weird as fuckity fuck kid that I've ever met. And I've met a lot of weird kids!"

And that's when Peter Stark-Strange crawled out from under the dining room table, dressed as a giant Huntsman Spider. "I'm greatly offended."

"Wait, so you can't turn into a spider?" Steve asked, confused.

Peter smiled toothily. "Oh, yeah, I can."

And with that Peter morphed into a 6ft Spider and exited the building through a large open window nearby.

The End.