Sorry for the lack if updates, everyone! I've been dealing with a death in the family over the past few weeks which has made writing hard. Anyway, here's some major crack!

This is a request by adunay41107 and I'm super sorry for the wait! I hope it's dramatic enough for you, hehe!

Ships: SpideyPool, Shurichelle, Stony

Warnings: Blood, guns, muggings, bad teachers, injuries, threats, swearing, vague mentions of stripping, and a vague mention of republicans.

—————

When Peter Stark-Rogers left the tower for school that morning, he hadn't expected to come across a mugging in broad daylight.

The sun was shining, birds were singing, the thousands of cars lining the streets were full of angry adults, and he hadn't had a care in the world (other than the constant crippling anxiety which almost physically hurt him at every waking moment). Then, as he passed an alleyway, he'd seen a man wearing a hotdog costume pull a gun on a woman, demanding her purse.

"Ah, for fuck sake!" Peter mumbled to himself, contemplating where or not he should step in. Of course, he was a good superhero (unlike his family who refused to act unless it was a major situation), so he had no choice but to speak up. "Oi, hot dog douche! Put the gun down!"

Hot-Dog-Man simply glared at him. "Move along, kid. This doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Like fuck I will." Peter growled, storming over to the man, who let the woman go and pointed his gun at the teen.

The woman ran off, not even bothering to thank Peter, which was remarkably rude in his opinion.

"You better empty out your pockets, kid, since you just lost me that score." The armed man grunted.

Peter rolled his eyes, shooting forward to grab the gun from the man's hands. So caught up in the moment, Peter took no notice of the thief pulling the trigger, shooting him in the stomach.

Knocking the gun out of the man's hands, Peter twirled around, using the butt of the gun to knock him unconscious. It wouldn't leave any permanent damage, but it would keep him there until he could be found and arrested by an officer.

Peter huffed as he checked his watch. Now he was running late for English class!

The teenager ran out of the alley, not notice the wound and bullet in his stomach, nor the slowly growing patch of blood spreading over his shirt.

Peter frowned when a couple of people asked him if he was alright on the rest of his relatively short walk. The looked highly confused when he said that he was absolutely fine.

Though, you don't see a teenager walking around happily with a clear bullet wound every single day. 

Eventually, Peter made his way into the school building, walking past Mr Hall who looked ready to faint when he saw his shirt.

Peter waved a quick hello before running off to class. His English teacher hated his guts and it was getting more and more likely that she would kill him with every second that passed.

"I'm sorry I'm late, people!" Peter cried, throwing the classroom door open. "I got into a scuffle with a hot dog."

There was a long moment of silence, during which his classmates and teacher stared at him in shock. Not because of his words, but because of the clear injury he had, yet didn't seem affected by.

"Baby boy..." Peter's boyfriend, Wade, trailed off, staring at the blood. "Did the hot dog do that to you?"

"What?" Spider-Man asked, looking around in alarm.

The teacher stared at the bleeding gunshot wound in Peter's stomach, scoffing lightly. "I bet you're just doing this for attention."

"Ex-fucking-cuse you, bitch!" Shuri shouted, jumping to her feet.

MJ followed suit. "If he was 'doing this' for any sort of attention, you frigid alcoholic, it would be medical attention!"

"Holy-shit," Ned added loudly, "Do you have any professionalism?! Your student has been shot! SHOT!"

"Wait, WHAT?! I was shot?!" Peter cried, finally looking down at his shirt. "Ohhh."

The rest of the students began loosing their mind. Some were scared for Peter's safety, others were freaked out that he couldn't feel it.

The teacher, however, seemed more intent on scolding Shuri, MJ, and Ned, then calling an ambulance. "I am your teacher, you have no right to speak to me that way!"

Peter sighed and closed the classroom door, not wanting anyone walking past to see this mess of a situation. He waltzed over to Wade, who looked highly amused and only slightly worried.

"Wade, what do I do?" Peter asked, frowning deeply. "My dads are going to kill me!"

"Speaking of dads," Wade grinned, pointing towards the splashing water in his water bottle, "If that, and those angry footsteps,  aren't from Mr and Mr Stark-Rogers, I owe you $100."

"Whaaa?" Peter replied, finally paying attention to the loud, thumping footsteps which were approaching. "Uh oh."

The classroom door was slammed open with a bang, being half ripped off of its hinges and leaving a mark in the door.

"Dad? Father?" Peter gasped as Captain America and Ironman burst into the room.

"Peter!" Steve cried, shooting forward to pull his son in a hug. "Your Maths teacher said you were injured!"

The teenage superhero blinked at him momentarily. "...Mr Hall? Why would- oh. That explains a lot."

"What are the three most important things I have every told you?" Tony demanded, removing his Ironman helmet.

Peter frowned. "Always ask for money up front, never sleep with a Republican on a Thursday, and it's not stripping if you don't get paid...?"

There was a long moment of silence, then Wade began cackling madly from his desk, which went ignored. Steve glared at his husband darkly, they were going to have a talk later.

Tony winced. "Ah, what's the fourth?"

"Oh, never put yourself in active danger unless strictly necessary." Peter replied.

Ironman grinned, that's more like it. "Exactly! Now, who did this two you? Where can I find them? I just want to talk... with my new and extremely deadly blasters."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Ignore your idiot father, we'll take our revenge later. For now, let's get you to the doctors."

"You can't just take a student! The teacher cried, gaping at the heroes like most of the classroom. "Mr Parker hasn't got parental permission to leave!"

"Ah, yes he does." Tony retorted. "We're his parents."

"We'll also be taking MJ, Shuri, Ned, and Wade, too, since we do have parental permission from their guardians to do so whenever we please." Steve added, gesturing for the teens to grab their belongings, which they all immediately did.

One of the students, who seemed to have finally brushed off their shock, pointed at Peter. "Hold on... a hot dog shot you?!"

Tony and Steve sent the student odd looks, highly confused but too focused on their fight with the teacher to dive into a different topic just yet.

"But they'll miss English!" The teacher shouted, also ignoring the student.

Tony gave her a dark look. "So what? If they stay, they have to be taught by a bitch like you. I think I'd take torture over that any day of the week."

"Hey, guys," Peter added before they could continue their verbal argument, "feel free to continue, but I think I've lost a bit too much blood."

With that, Peter passed out in Steve's arms, grumbling about hot dogs. There was an alarming amount of blood on Peter's shirt, and their son was quite pale.

Tony gasped, looking around at the teenagers he'd had a small amount of legal control over. "Friends of Peter - GO!"

With that, the two Avengers were running from the room - one holding their teenage son while the other carried his school bag. Behind them trailed four teenagers, one a secret mercenary and another the princess of Wakanda.

As they ran to the awaiting car, Tony frowned, calling out a question. "What was that kid saying earlier about hot dogs?"

Ned grinned. "Oh, apparently the shooter was a hot dog."

"WHAT?!"