And now, the ridiculously long conclusion to last episode.

Last time in Crazy Mario Land...

Luigi was screaming bloody murder.

Luigi: BLOODY MURDER!!

NintendoJedi: Quiet, Luigi. I'm trying to tell a story here.

Luigi: ...

NintendoJedi: Stop hogging the spotlight, Luigi. It's time for Bowser's scene.

"This place is really lame," Bowser commented as he tramped down a hall. B.J. sat on his shoulder, acting like a prince. Which he was.
"Yeah, it's supposed to be a haunted house or something but it's super boring. No jumpscares, no monsters..."
He was interrupted by the power suddenly failing and sputtering before giving way to blackness.
They froze. Waluigi, who was walking right behind Bowser, slammed right into his spikes. When Wario lit a match a second later, he passed out at what he saw.
Waluigi was standing there in the darkness...laughing.
"Oh, would you look at that," he said casually. "I've been impaled."

Luigi whirled in circles. He was all alone in the dark hallway...everyone had disappeared...no way out...
"M-Mario? Princess? H-hello?" He flattened against the wall. "Who's there?"
Far off down the hall, there was a squeaking sound, as from a door.
Luigi jumped so high his head hit the roof and he smacked sickeningly on the ground. When he sat up, he found himself in a different place: a creepy circular room with ancient paintings and decorations everywhere.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
Everywhere around him were doors - doors on every single...um, wall. (Yeah, I butchered that one.)

Luigi: DONT SAY BUTCHERED!

NintendoJedi: Yeah, well guess what happens next?

Luigi slowly turned around to see what would happen next. A door slammed.
"SHRIEEEEEEEEEEK!"
Luigi huddled into a ball in the middle of the floor. Finally something poked his arm.
"Hey, Luigi."
Peeking out from under his arm in very slow horror, Luigi saw...a big wooden box. Heart racing, he stood up.
It's a coffin! He realized in genuine freaked-outness. Backing away, he turned to one of the random doors. "MARIO!"
"Hey, greenie!" A voice behind him snapped. "Where do you think you're going?"

When the lights cut, Princess Peach was among the half screaming (which you recall from earlier). An instant later, a dim yellow lantern came to life in front of her... but Peach found that she was alone.
With a gasp, she grabbed the lantern and tried to see through the darkness. "Mario? Daisy?"
Something small and fast suddenly swept by behind her, like a shadow. She turned, but the lantern caught nothing. Only a big, empty room, similar but not the same as the gathering room.
Slowly backing towards one wall, Peach began to get a very eerie feeling. "Is anyone there? What happened?"
She could not be aware of the dark, snaking hand above her, reaching down for her from the ceiling.
Suddenly there was a loud bang and a muffled cry of some sort, coming from the wall. Peach gasped and almost dropped the lantern, causing the shadow to retreat into darkness.
By now she had realized that the racket was coming from a strange little window nearby. Cautiously Peach came closer. "Hello?"
The banging grew louder and more incessant, as if a little monster was shut up in the cabinet and dying to get out on the prowl.
"Who's there?"
"WHHMMMMM!"
Peach came closer, reaching out a hand. She probably either had a death wish or was seriously not thinking when she opened the cabinet, because who in their right mind would just go and open that?
Inside the cabinet was the horrific sight of...
TOAD'S REAR END!
"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" They both screamed as Toad tumbled out at the princess's feet.
"Toad?! Are you alright?"
"YEAH! That place was sooooo cramped! Free world, baby! Oh yeah, I'm just peachy, princess," he replied, standing up and dusting himself off. "It's the witch lady who might be a little, um... peach-less."
Confused, Peach looked to the tiny cabinet Toad had been stuffed in. Abruptly, a voice called out at that moment.
"Oh, Peach! Is that you?"
"Rosalina? Where are you?" Peach asked in surprise.
Just then a hand came out of the cabinet, nearly frightening Peach out of her skin. "In here... If you could spare a little help," Rosalina answered in a muffled voice.
Despite the near heart attack, Peach was able to help Toad pull Rosalina from the impossibly tiny space. Once she'd climbed out, Peach looked back in.
"Anyone else in there?"
"No," Rosalina replied. "There wasn't enough room with his rosy mushroom cheeks and my heels taking up all the space."
"How did you guys even get in there?" Peach asked. "How did you even...?"
"I have no idea," Rosalina replied. "We were together when the power failed, and then, suddenly there's Toad's big diaper in my face. Where's everyone else?"
"I don't know," Peach said nervously. "I don't even recognize this place."
"Oh, what if they're stuck in tiny cabinets like us? We've gotta find them!" Toad exclaimed.
"Alright... I'll lead the way, I guess," Peach said, taking up the lantern and heading for the nearest door. "Luigi must have been right. Does anyone have any idea where we are?"
"No," Rosalina shook her head. "But, look," she pointed at a nearby painting on a wall.
They came closer, looking with interest on the painting of a Boo. For some reason, it seemed different; as if it hid something.
While Rosalina and Peach were held captivated by its stare, Toad was standing there looking around and picking his nonexistent nose. That's why he was the only one to hear the door nearby creak, and a ghost of a dark shadow whisked by.

Sweating like a hairy gorilla, Wario ran - or should I say waddled - down the hall.

Donkey Kong: Hey!

NintendoJedi: Be quiet, Donkey Kong! For all we know, you're dead!

Anyway, Wario took a random turn and ran, getting as far away as possible from Bowser and his travel companions who were apparently no longer, um... normal living beings. We can safely say that after seeing The Death Of Waluigi (formal title) two inches from his face, Wario was, seriously and really, running like a scaredy-baby.
"Okay, it's one super awesome guy against a creepy house... I totally got this! Who needs a dead Waluigi anyway?" He reasoned aloud.
Just then he heard a tiny cackle somewhere behind him that made him freeze. "Who's there? Show your lame self!"
"You really think I'm going to do that?" The voice hissed back. "You're the lame one here, fatso!"
"Hey! I'll have you know, Oh Voice From The Ceiling, that I won two weightlifting competitions this year alone!"
"..."
"Hey! Don't you give me the silent treatment you dumb specter, I'm talking to you! I am not fat, and I am totally way cooler than you are!"
"Oh, that's a shame," the voice snickered. "I doubt weightlifting will really help you out in the HALL OF DEATH!!"
"What-"
And then the floor opened and gave way to a bottomless pit beneath him. And Wario was never heard from again.

Everyone: YAY!

NintendoJedi: I'm just kidding, people! Sheesh, stop interrupting!

Elsewhere in the mansion...

"Hey, Dad?" Bowser Jr. asked.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know you impaled that guy back there?"
"Oh, yeah. Just leave him. Not my fault, really."
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we'll see anything scary in here?"
"Nah. I'm scarier than anything we're gonna find in this house."
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any idea where we're going?"
"Not a clue. Although, can't be any worse than Mario's position right now."
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because of that screaming I hear from upstairs."

Toad screamed his head off. Peach picked it up and put it back on his body.
"Toad! Be careful with that! You don't want to lose it!"
"What happened?" Rosalina asked, finally looking away from the painting.
Toad stuttered like a malfunctioning robot, pointing. "Th-th-th-"
They followed his gaze and saw nothing. "Maybe you're just hallucinating, Toad," Peach said. "We should probably keep looking for the others."
"Hold me?" He asked, holding out his arms to her.
So after Peach picked him up, they started on their way. Rosalina took the lantern, and that's why she was the first to see a dark shape of some sort waiting for them, farther off down the hall.
She gasped and came to a stop. "It's just...standing there," she murmured.
"What?" Peach asked. "Where?"
"Right up ahead!"
Peach looked. There was nothing.
"I don't see it."
How could she not see it? Rosalina wondered. "Hello out there!"
No response. It just shifted and stayed there, breathing.
"Umm...I think we should go another way," Rosalina whispered, getting a bad feeling.
Just then the creature laughed. "Oh, come on, Rosalina! Don't you want to stay and have fun for a while?"
"How do you know my name?"
"Don't be ridiculous! An immortal witch like you fits right in here, don't you think? Your power could be strengthened if you joined me!"
Rosalina gasped. "I don't know who you are, but I am not a witch, and I have no desire to gain your power," she declared. "Who are you? Show yourself!"
Peach and Toad, who clearly saw Rosalina yelling at a wall, glanced at each other.
The shadow creature cackled. "Silly, silly woman. You could have reigned here as an enchantress. Instead this place shall consume your friends, and forever hold you!"
A harsh lightning bolt struck outside, illuminating the window at the end of the hallway. The thing was gone.
Rosalina, panting in shock, turned to her companions. They were gone.
"Peach? Toad?" Quickly becoming concerned, she gathered her skirt and hurried in the opposite direction. "Where did you-
"AUGGGGH!" Toad came careening around a corner shrieking at the top of his lungs. Unfortunately, he was going too fast and slammed into the wall, splatting to the floor before picking himself up and resuming his screaming.
"Rosalina lady! The dead guy is gonna take the princess! You have to help her!"
"Wh-what?" She asked in disbelief, already following Toad. When they came to the dead end around the corner, it was all unfolded: an ancient skeleton, strung from the ceiling, was engaging the princess in... friendly conversation.
"Oh, come on now, doll, why don't you stay with me here? I have an eternity's supply of poison apples!"
"Uhh..."
"And you can get some spiderwebs for your hair and you'll look positively ghastly in no time! Won't you stay with me?"
"I'm very sorry, but I think not," Peach said, backing away slowly. "I'm more of a...living man kind of gal."
The skeleton let out a shriek like a vulture. "Why, you little...I'll let the bats peck out your eyes!"
"Halt! You'll do no such thing!" Rosalina declared. In the nick of time she and Toad arrived and struck Peach's harasser with her wand. They watched as his body quickly disintegrated to nothing.
Toad snorted. "Now you're just a sad little head," he told the skull lying there.
But he wasn't done yet. At that moment the window nearby shattered as a swarm of bats burst inside and began to fill the hallway, shrieking and crying. Peach gasped. "Run!"

"Oof...what happened?" Daisy asked, sitting up from the floor where she lay with toads around her. Yellow Toad, who had his head stuck in a vase, was walking around trying to get it off. He tripped over Blue Toad, who was still lying there, and the vase shattered off his head.
"I have no idea," Blue Toad said helpfully. "Looks like we got knocked out or something. Ooh, talk about awesome!"
"Awesome? Where's everyone else?" Daisy asked.
"Ah. They probably either got trapped in vases too and suffocated to death or they are seriously good at playing April Fool's jokes," Yellow Toad reasoned.
"But it's not April," Blue Toad said.
"Shh! Do you guys hear that?" Daisy asked. They all shut up as she stood up and they listened. It was muffled screaming or something - coming from this room.
"Is this a joke?"
"Mmm, well, considering we're in a spooky mansion at a lock-in party hosted by King Boo and searching for an apparently valuable treasure, I'd say the odds are pretty low of that," Blue Toad said.
"What...where is that coming from?" Daisy asked, moving about the room. "It sounds like someone needs help!"
"Yeah, I think this whole place needs help," Yellow Toad said, pointing to one of the paintings. "Just look at this ridiculous decor of a monkey!"
As soon as he laid a hand on the painting, it turned to nothing and Diddy Kong flopped out of it right onto the floor. Yellow Toad looked at him.
"What do you know, a real life monkey."
"Diddy? Was that you?" Daisy asked in surprise. "How did you get in there?"
"I don't know," he said. "But all the sudden I was frozen stiff!"
"The others are probably in trouble," Daisy said. "Come on, we've gotta go find them!"
The party quickly scampered for the exit. But right before they reached it, a loud bang shook the door on its hinges, nearly scaring them out of their wits.
The toads gasped. "What's that?"
"I don't know," Daisy whispered. "We'd better hide!"
Hearts pounding, the four scrambled all over the room like decapitated chickens, looking for hiding places. Daisy ended up behind a dresser, Diddy Kong on the chandelier, and the toads in a potted plant. Hey, so maybe it's kind of stupid, but when you have a giant growling beast pounding the door down what else are you supposed to do?
Anyway, time ran out, and the door broke down. In came prowling a big, angry monster, cloaked in shadow...his low growl sounded like approaching death...the toads almost wet themselves as they peeked out and tried to remain silent...
AND THEN THE PROWLER SPOKE!
He said...
"I really could go for a banana right about now."
Everyone was so crazy relieved they let out enormous sighs of relief. Even the room and the furniture.
Then Diddy Kong dropped down from the chandelier onto Donkey Kong's shoulder.
He freaked.
"GAAAH! MONSTER! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF! UMHAND ME EVIL SPIRIT!"
"Donkey! It's just me!" Diddy cried, hanging on for dear life.
"Huh?" He froze and looked around as everyone came out of hiding. "Well way to give someone a heart attack!"
"Sorry," Daisy said. "We thought you were...well, a monster."
"Yeah, speaking of monsters, there's definitely some around here," he said. "A whole bunch of weird noises, even voices, in the hallways. It really creeped me out."
"Well, we've got to find the others," Daisy said. "They could be in serious trouble."
"Sure," DK said. "I've been looking for you guys for a little while. I was starting to get...a little worried."
When Daisy peeked out the door into the hallway, she just saw a dark flash of movement by a doorway. It looked like a robed figure with a weapon over their shoulder - what it was she couldn't say. But the sight of it fazing right through one of the doors was enough to make her scream. (At last, a chance to practice that horror movie scream she'd been perfecting.)
Everyone rushed out but saw nothing. "What is it?" DK asked.
"I saw something," Daisy stammered, pointing. "It was right there!"
"Well, it seems to be gone," Blue Toad said. "What's that on the floor over there?"
They hurried into the hallway, straining to see. The figure had seemed to have left something lying on the floor; upon very close inspection it was a little piece of paper. It read:

Key behind Boo painting

"A Boo painting?" Yellow Toad asked. "Where do the boos paint their masterpieces?"
Daisy sighed. "No, it means a painting of a Boo," she said, looking around. "Key...we need to find a painting of a Boo!"
Everyone started looking around the hallway as if it would actually help. It was clear that there were no paintings in the hallway.
Daisy rolled her eyes. "You need to actually move your legs, people!"
"Was there anything on the back?" DK asked.
Daisy turned it over and gasped. "I don't believe it."
"What?" Blue Toad demanded, shoving over. Written on the back was the terrifying message:

Waluigi wuz here

"How is that possible?" Diddy asked.
"I don't know," Daisy said, staring at it. "Is the fool trying to trick us? Because if he is I'll pop him into next week-
"Hold the phone!" Yellow Toad interrupted. Everybody froze. Somewhere in the hallway a phone was ringing.
"Answer it!" DK said, sending the toads running around looking for it. They soon spotted the ancient rotary telephone on a table, but it took them longer to pick up because they didn't recognize it as a phone at first.
Yellow Toad finally got it. "Hello?"
...click.
Yellow Toad shrieked bloody murder.
"What? What is it?" Daisy demanded.
"Th-the-I answered the phone, and there was nobody there....or they hung up on me anyway."
Daisy sighed. "Okay, let's still try not to lose our heads. We need to focus on the Boo painting and finding the others."
"But this place is haunted!" Yellow Toad cried.
"No kidding," Diddy said. "I mean, even this Waluigi note is written in red ink."
Everyone did a double take.
"Does that mean what I think it means?" DK asked.
"I...it can't," Daisy said.
"Oh, but it must," Blue Toad said, grinning broadly. "WALUIGIS DEAD EVERYBODY! TIME TO ROCK!!"
Just then a spider descended from the ceiling on a string. Blue Toad froze and the two stared at each other face to face for a while.
"SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
Daisy was pacing in circles. "Okay, okay, everybody calm down, nobody panic!"
"Not panicking," DK said.
"Okay...just keep it together...I'm sure if we put our heads together we can make it out alive, right?"
Yellow Toad tapped his chin. "Well, who's to say Mario's not dead too? And if he is, then so are we."
Daisy put her hands to her head. "Gee, you make me feel so good."
Just then they were interrupted by a shrill shriek coming from up the hall.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
They all turned to get almost run over by Peach, Rosalina and Toad.
"Aaahhh!"
"SHRIEEK!"
"SCREAM!"
"WAAaaaah!!"
...and you get the picture.
Once everyone was over the initial shock and done screaming in everyone's faces, Peach exclaimed, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here and safe!"
"Thank goodness we found you!" Rosalina added.
"Yeah," Blue Toad sighed. "I almost died hanging around with these miserable wretches."
Yellow Toad crossed his arms.
"Well, it's a good thing we're all okay," DK said enthusiastically. "Now we just need to find a way out of here!"
"What about the treasure?" Toad asked.
"Oh, yeah," Daisy remembered, taking the piece of paper. "We found this clue...a key in a Boo painting?"
Peach and Rosalina looked at each other. "Boo painting? Yeah, we know exactly the one upstairs," Peach said. "I'm positive."
"Really? Well let's go!"
"Are you sure you don't just wanna scram?" Asked Blue Toad.
"Yes, I'm sure," Daisy said. "I have a feeling finding the treasure IS the way out."
"Come on," Peach said. "It's this way."
But then Yellow Toad froze. "Whoa, hold the phone, guys! What about Mario and Luigi?!"
Everyone looked at each other. "Oh my gosh, you're right! Where are they?" Daisy asked.
"OH NO THEYRE GONNA GET DEAD!!" Toad shrieked.
"Shh!" Yellow Toad scolded. "Are you trying to attract every dead person in the vicinity?"
"WELL MAYBE IT'LL HELP IF MARIO AND LUIGI ARE DEAD!"
"No," Peach interrupted. "Not Mario. He'll be alright, I just know it."
"I have a better question," Diddy spoke up. "Where on earth are the dinosaurs?"
Certainly nowhere to be seen. And you know, I had totally forgotten about them too.

"Luigi..." the voice whispered from nowhere. "Luigi...."
"WHAT?!"
"Luigi..."
"YES I CAN HEAR YOU!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Luigi shrieked, whirling in circles.
"Luigi...Stop whirling in circles."
"No! Maybe you'll kill me if I do!" Luigi insisted. "Or...eat me or something!"
The voice finally snorted out loud. "I'm not gonna do that. I already took your soul."
Luigi froze.
"WHAT?!"
Abruptly a small caped creature stepped from the shadows before him. He held up a bottle of orange liquid to the light.
"Behold, your soul."
Luigi screamed bloody murder. Then he fainted dead away.

"Did you hear that?" asked Bowser Jr. from his seat as another distant scream faded through the halls.
"Yep," Bowser replied. "Another one probably bites the dust."
"Yeah, well...what if we bite the dust?" B. J. asked nervously.
Bowser snorted, continuing to tramp down the hall. "What are the chances of that?"
Just then a tiny voice whispered from somewhere. "I see you."
Bowser stopped. "Huh?"
Bowser Jr. grabbed his horn. "Who's that?!"
"Alright, phonies, show yourselves!" Bowser demanded, turning in a circle.
A low chuckle. Slowly, they continued down the hall....
"This really isn't funny!"
Bowser Jr. was shivering his claws off...
"Show yourself NOW!"
Now he was hiding under his bandanna...
UNTIL THEY WALKED RIGHT SMACK INTO A LITTLE CLOAKED DUDE!
"SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAM!!"
Their scream was so loud and high-pitched the walls began to crumble and the floor collapsed beneath them. The entire hallway caved in and they were lost among the wreckage below.
Just out of harm's way, the little figure giggled and retreated safely away.

"You guys almost got that?" Daisy asked, glancing around the room. The group was now upstairs, once again at the Boo painting. Rosalina held the lantern while Peach and DK tried to pry the painting off the wall.
"Got it!" He declared. Everyone gathered around the cranny to see...a big red rock.
The toads squinted. "Is that it?" Yellow Toad asked. "We're on this death run for a rock?"
"No," Daisy said, coming forward and taking it. "It's just supposed to be a key to the treasure."
"Then where's the actual treasure?" Blue Toad wanted to know.
Rosalina looked around thoughtfully. "Hmm..."
But just when she might have given some sage wisdom, they heard a tiny sickly cough from somewhere in the room.
Peach turned. "What was that?"
She happened to step on Diddy's foot, causing him to shriek. So basically, he screamed two seconds early, before they spotted the dark, snaking hand once again reaching at them from above.
"RUN!!" Daisy yelled. But before they could move, some doof kicked a switch in the wall and a trapdoor under them opened up. For a second everybody froze and looked at each other.
"Or, you know, that could work too," Daisy acknowledged. Then they all plummeted screaming to their probable deaths.

Luigi felt something tap his forehead. "Hey! Green goof! No fainting!"
Sitting up groggily, Luigi looked around to see the mysterious cloaked figure standing there...with his orange bottle.
Luigi gasped. "Give me that!" He cried. "Please! I don't want to be without my soul!"
The creature cackled. "Well, alright," it said. "I was going to probably dine on it later, but since you are pathetically begging..." It tossed the bottle to him.
Panting as if he was near death, Luigi opened it up and quickly downed the whole bottle. Then he sat back and sighed in relief. "Ah, nice soul..."

NintendoJedi: Yeah, who else here thinks he shouldn't have done that?

Luigi glanced around. "Umm...so who are you, exactly?"
"Only a person," it said. "Just a person. You're looking for a Mario, right?"
"Well...yeah, I guess so."
"Oh, shoot," the figure said. "Of all the rotten luck. That guy like, just died."
DUN DUN DUN...
Luigi was halfway to the floor again when the thing grabbed him. "Hey! No fainting! This story's gonna take forever!"
"B-b-b-b-but-
"Look over there," it pointed to the coffin that was still nearby. "If you look in there you'll find your brother..."
"H-how did he-
"Oh, dear," the figure said pleasantly. "Did that upset you? Well gosh, I'm awfully sorry. He died because he went too long without a soul. I took it, you know."
Luigi stared at nothing in horror. Then he barfed right on the floor.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" The creature yelled.
Luigi slowly made his way closer, reaching out a hand. "M-Mario...come on, bro, it's time to go..."
The figure snorted. "He's dead, genius. Trust me, he's not going anywhere."
Luigi whirled around. "You have to make him wake up!"
"What a moron," it muttered. "I said he's dead, man. DEAD. As in never coming back."
"You have to have a way to bring him back!" Luigi cried.
"Well...oh, I suppose you could try giving him this," the creature suggested, handing another 'soul bottle'. "Might revive him, if he's not too far gone."
Luigi snatched it and threw the coffin open, almost gagging when he saw the sight inside. Inside the coffin was...
MARIO LYING THERE!
He had a dying rose in his hands, which coughed at the fresh air. "Whew, thanks, man," it said. "I was gonna shrivel up in that smelly place!" Then it got up and walked off.
Luigi, positive that he had gone insane, turned to Mario. Quickly, he propped him up and made him drink the whole thing, feeling admittedly awkward feeding something to a potential dead person. Luckily, Mario began coughing a moment later, and his gray skin began to brighten.
"MARIO! You're not dead!!"
"Of course I'm not dead," he replied, sitting up groggily from the coffin. Then he caught Luigi's eye and looked around, doing a double take at almost everything. "Umm...Luigi..."
Luigi hugged Mario's arm. "Come on Mario, let's get out of this place."
"But-
"Oh, well would you look at that," the robed person spoke up. "I accidentally gave you the wrong bottles."
Luigi blinked. "Wrong bottles?" He repeated.
"Who are you? What are you talking about?" Mario asked.
The figure cackled. "Well, I'll let Luigi figure it out. You see, it appears I got your two bottles mixed up, so now..."
Luigi froze. He put a hand to his chest and stared at Mario in bewilderment.
"What is it?" Mario asked. "What's wrong?"
Luigi grabbed Mario's shoulders and shook. "Mario...please don't get mad...I don't know how to tell you this... but... well... it appears I...I..."

NintendoJedi: Come on, Luigi! Out with it!

"I ATE YOUR SOUL!"
For a second everyone was silent as Mario stared at him. Finally Mario shook his head.
"What!?"
Just then they heard a faint screaming from overhead. They looked. By then it was already too late.
Three toads landed in a thud on the floor, piled on top of each other, one by one. Then a giant flower opened up on the floor and Daisy landed on it. Then Rosalina landed on her feet nearby. Then Donkey Kong crashed down on top of them all. Diddy caught his foot with his tail and ended up hanging from the wreckage.
Mario and Luigi, who were narrowly missed by inches, stared frozen from the coffin, arms still around each other like scared babies. When everyone had finally stopped screaming, they looked at each other and quickly let go.
Then, Peach suddenly came floating down gracefully with her parasol and landed neatly nearby.
"Oh, I haven't been on a trip like that since third grade," Yellow Toad moaned.
Then a rock fell down and bonked his head.
Daisy scrambled over and picked it up. "Hey, be careful with that," she said.
Peach gasped. "Mario! Luigi! Thank goodness you're alright!"
Mario put a hand to his head and looked around in confusion. "Can someone tell me what on earth is going on?"
"I can," the dark figure stepped forward. Everyone looked. Blue Toad fainted.
"Hey...aren't you the person I saw in the hallway?" Daisy asked.
"No...that was someone else."
Everyone exchanged glances, then Rosalina said, "Or the person I saw in the hallway?"
"No."
Finally Mario scratched his head. "Well, I could probably make a Dark Side joke, but I'm really confused and I don't really remember what's happening, so could you please just fill me in?"
"Of course. See, this place is haunted," it growled. "And all of you have been thrown into a game. However...while the rest of you poor saps were running for your lives, I was able to easily prey on the bros here, and I took their souls to feed my greedy desire for...souls. Which is why Mario died and such."
Everybody blinked in stupification. Mario looked down at his body as if to make sure it was there.
"But you gave us those back!" Luigi said. "And..." he looked at Mario in horror.
"Right you are," the thing cackled. "But there is one tiny detail...you got them mixed up."
Mario widened his eyes. "Wait. Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
The creature laughed. "I don't know. If you're thinking what I'm thinking."
"But if you're saying what I think you're saying, then I think that's really bad," Mario said.
"I can't change what you think," the creature replied. "I can only tell you what I think you should be thinking."
"But I really don't want to think that if it's what I think it is," Mario said. "Tell me that's not what you're saying."
"Oh, but I can't, because I don't know for sure what you're thinking, and if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I'm thinking you're right."
"CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE POINT PUHLEASE?!" Donkey Kong interrupted. Everyone's head had exploded by now.
Luigi clutched his head. "Mario...and I...switched souls!"
Mario shook his head. "Alright, I've had it. Let's call it a game," he said, lying back down in the coffin and pulling the lid over himself. "Wake me when I'm dead!"
Luigi gasped. "M-Mario I didn't mean it! Don't go back in there!"
"Okay, wait," Daisy interrupted. "So you switched their souls? What does that even accomplish?"
"Um...your worst nightmare," the robed figure replied. Then a brilliant crack of lightning flashed, and the thing disappeared before their eyes. Then, for like the millionth time this story, the floor suddenly caved in beneath them and the whole circular room fell away.

King Boo carefully sipped his latte in a Boo-shaped mug. "You got any nines?"
The Boo opposite him looked over his cards. "Hmm...no. Go Cheep-cheeps."
King Boo groaned and picked another card.
The party had simmered down to a calm and sophisticated gathering ever since the party had left, leaving the boos and other random partygoers to play light games. Except for the shy guy doing sudoku in the corner, who might as well have been weightlifting for the amount of sweating and straining he was doing.
King Boo was starting to think he might go nuts in here with these hooligans. "I wonder how everyone with the old treasure hunt is going?"
The Boo shrugged. "Eh, they've probably all died."
Just then, the doors burst open and a koopa rushed in. "King Goon! The people have fallen through the floor!"
King Boo raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? What did you just call me?"
"Umm..."
"For your information it's King BOO. And I'll be getting some major BOOs on you if you don't watch it."
"Honestly, that's really not much better," a random koopa whispered to a shy guy.
King Boo whipped around. "I heard that!"
"Well, uh, please king, would you come this way?" The koopa asked.
King Boo growled. "This is why I don't normally have parties. Mortals make my nonexistent head ache."

"Ugh, my head is aching," Toad complained as he sat up. His eyes popped. "AGGGGGHHHH! We're going to be eaten alive!!"
"What?" Peach asked.
When everyone came to, they found themselves all trapped in suspended cages in some underground basement. Toad and Rosalina were together with Peach in one, while they could see Daisy, Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, and the other two toads nearby. In a cage across the room they could see Mario and Luigi, still apparently out cold. And one last cage hung in the corner...
WITH WARIO, YOSHI AND BIRDO!
"Yoshi!" Blue Toad cried. "We thought you were dead!"
"Yeah, me too," Yoshi said.
"Oh good, you're awake!" Wario panted, grabbing the bars. "Someone let me out of this smelly dinosaur cage!!"
"You? What about us?" Daisy grunted as she tried to make room between DK and the other toads.
"You're squashing me!" Yellow Toad complained.
"My foot!"
"AAAGGGGHH!" Diddy shrieked as he was smashed against the wall.
In the other cage, Toad groaned and sat down. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."
"Alright, calm down," Peach said. "Stop struggling and try to think. Rosalina, do you think you could break these locks?"
Just then another cage across the room started to move. Blue Toad sighed. "Oh great, here we go."
Luigi sat up blinking like a baby just up from a nap. Everyone waited.
"Good morning, babyhead," Wario said.
Luigi yawned. "Ugh, is it morning already? Man, I had the worst dream..." He rolled over and his elbow happened to go right into Mario's kidney. As expected, he sat up a million miles an hour.
"..."
Luigi covered his mouth. "Omigosh Mario, sorry..."
Mario groaned and gasped for air. "What is with you? First you eat my soul, then you sock me!"
Luigi's eyes popped open. He looked around and spotted everyone staring at him from cages. "Uh...where are we?"
"Probably the other side," Mario wheezed. "That's what you get for eating my soul."
Luigi crossed his arms. "I didn't mean to do that, sheesh! And you ate MY soul, you know!"
Mario stopped. "What?! But I was dead!"
Luigi nodded. "How do you think I brought you back? You had to have a soul, you know."
Mario looked ready to throw up. "You did what?!"
"I can see where this is going," DK muttered under his breath.
"Yeah, I had to give you my soul to revive you! Don't you feel grateful?"
"Not really!" Mario said. "I want my soul back! Give it!" He stood up and grabbed Luigi in a Heimlich maneuver. "Get it...out...of your body!"
"Alright, this is finally getting interesting," Wario said.
"Ugh, do we really have to watch all this?" Blue Toad asked.
"Mario - I - can't-"
Finally Mario stopped. "Maybe I can slap it out of you!" He mused.
Luigi tried to get a breath in. "Please don't..."
Mario frowned. "You better not do anything stupid to my soul or you'll be in for it, buddy! There's got to be a way to reverse this..."
"You know, maybe I don't like having my soul in you, either," Luigi said.
Mario widened his eyes. "Get it out of me!"
"What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, but make it quick! You're getting your timid temperament all over me! I can feel it...spreading...the Weeginess...overtaking..."
Luigi crossed his arms. "You're being entirely too dramatic. I haven't noticed any thoughts of reckless abandon from you yet."
"Sorry if I'm interrupting, but are not siblings' souls already said to be entwined?" Rosalina asked.
"In a way, yes," Peach said.
"That's cool!" Diddy said. "Kind of like a soulmate, except...not like that."
"Yuck," Wario said.
Mario and Luigi continued to argue and poke at each other and the fight started to escalate and the cage started to rock around quite a lot until...
"SILENCE!"
Silence. Down below, a hooded figure walked into the room like a dark mastermind...when suddenly he threw off his cape to reveal...
WALUIGI!
Wario screamed. The afterward silence was really awkward for a minute.
"Waluigi! But you're dead!" Wario said. "How did you get here?"
Waluigi tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I dunno."
Daisy threw up her arms. "Answer to everything," she muttered to her cage mates.
"But...then YOU'RE the mastermind behind this?!" Yellow Toad demanded.
"That's right!" Waluigi said. "You have fallen into the elaborate trap of...um...the Purple Menace!"
"That's gotta be the dumbest improvised name I ever heard," Wario said. "If you were gonna do all this, why didn't you let me in on it?"
"I was going to when I got impaled, but you ran off screaming like a scaredy baby."
Everyone looked at each other, except for Mario and Luigi, who were still trying to make each other cough up their souls.
Waluigi rolled his eyes. "Morons."
"Halt!" A voice demanded. "Don't listen to a word this beanpole says!"
Then Morton, Wendy, and all the koopalings strutted into the room, followed by Bowser and Bowser Jr. Blue Toad shook his head. "It just gets better and better."
"I'm the one with the elaborate plan," Ludwig announced. "I set the traps for you and brought you here. All this skinny bum did was traipse around a dark house in a bathrobe."
Everyone looked at each other for the millionth time. "Y-you?" Peach asked. "But you weren't even at the party!"
"Or so you thought," Lemmy said sneakily. "We were the ones having all the fun!"
"That's totally not cool," Diddy said. "Then you were behind all the clues and the scary voices?"
"And the shadows and the skeleton?" Toad added. "And the bats?"
"And where did the coffin come from?" Asked Yellow Toad.
"Yeah, how'd you make us fall through the floor?" Daisy wanted to know.
"Ugh, shut it with your questions!" Morton said. Meanwhile Mario and Luigi's cage was swinging dangerously close to a wall.
"Give it back!" Mario demanded, shaking Luigi like a soda can.
"Not until you give back mine," Luigi said, starting to look sick.
Finally Waluigi groaned. "Look you guys, would you just cut that out? Those weren't your souls already!"
They froze, Mario about to turn Luigi upside down. "What?"
"Yeah, those things we gave you weren't your souls," Wendy spoke up. "That's stupid. They were just some orange sodas we left out in the sun."
Everyone was quiet for a while. Then DK shook his head. "I officially have no idea what is going on."
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" King Boo demanded as he entered the room, followed by an entourage of boos and koopas.
Mario dropped Luigi on the floor of the cage. "I saw nothing."
"Who are you people?" King Boo asked, looking over the koopalings. "And why is your face so hideous?" He added to Waluigi.
Bowser stepped forward. "Allow me to explain. You see, my minions decided to come over and play some tricks on the party guests and such. Uh, no biggie."
"Bowser, you were in on this too?" Peach asked.
"Well, not until I fell through the floor and realized the koopalings were pulling strings. Literally. I almost punished them all after...uh...surprising us in the hallway, but they made up for it."
"Well...did any of you find the treasure?" King Boo asked.
"No," Blue Toad complained.
"We found this rock," Daisy said, holding it up.
King Boo gasped. "That's it!"
"That's it?" Wario repeated.
"I knew it was just a dumb rock," Blue Toad said.
"No," King Boo rolled his eyes. "That's the key to my treasure chest! I've been looking for it for days. Now..."
He floated over to a chest in the corner and inserted the rock in a slot on top. The box slowly opened. "You can all have something from inside!"
"Alright!" Waluigi said, holding out his hands. "Gimme the loot!"
King Boo started passing out the coins, which thankfully were not fake, until only the koopalings didn't have any.
"Hey, what about us?" Roy asked.
"You guys didn't actually do anything," King Boo said.
"Seriously? You just invited these people over to find your missing wallet!"
"That's not true," King Boo said. "They still had a good time."
"I didn't!" Mario said. "What gives? I spent the last hour or something getting jumped in the dark, dead in a coffin, falling through the floor, unconscious in a cage with Luigi, and now this! I'm starving!"
"Oh please, you were never dead," Larry said. "I hit you with Lemmy's taser gun thingy."
"So was it you who was on the phone?" Yellow Toad asked.
"Or making the skeleton talk?" Peach asked.
The koopalings looked at each other. "Uhh...no."
"What do you mean 'no'?" Rosalina asked.
"We didn't plan that stuff! Why?" Ludwig asked.
Everyone looked at each other. Then they all looked back to King Boo.
"What? This house is haunted, man. I didn't do everything!"
Luigi shivered. "Okay, we got your money, let's go home now," he told Mario.
"Wait! The boos just made a fresh batch of pigs in a blanket, if you all are interested," King Boo offered.
"Sold!" Mario said.
Luigi slapped his forehead.
"Then let's go...right after I eat your souls," King Boo cackled, turning dark eyes on them.
Luigi gasped and fainted into Mario's arms. Mario glared at him.
King Boo chuckled. "Just kidding."

Annnnnd there it is. I apologize too late if that was intense for you for whatever reason.
Aaaaaaaanyway...
Not to 'advertise on my own channel', but if you like haunted houses you might like to stay tuned for future works of mine, including my Luigi's Mansion novel. However I must warn you it's really not a funny story.
I seriously, really do plan to try to keep the stories less complicated from now on unless they are specials, in which case...you get something like this.