Have you ever been so obsessed with a game that you basically quit life for a few days? If so, then you will likely appreciate this story. (Apologies to the rest of the people around you.)

One Mushroom Kingdom day, Luigi was standing on the doorstep outside his house, fishing through his eighty million keys. There was his Mercedes key, his attic key, his shed key, his 'forbidden cupboard' key (where he kept all of Mario's junk food), his memory box key, his key to E. Gadd's lab, his toolbox key, his diary key,
...
And finally his house key.
After finding it he picked up his groceries and unceremoniously went inside.
It was Luigi's turn to do the grocery shopping, and after a pleasant Mario-less trip he had arrived home with plenty of probably healthy food. As he came inside he yelled, "Hey Mario, Santa's here!"
Now that basically meant he was back from the grocery store.
Usually, at a time like that, Mario was at the front door faster than a speeding bullet, even if he had previously been in the bathroom. It wasn't always the best.
But today there was no response at all. Confused, Luigi began to wander around the quiet house looking for his brother.
He soon found him lounging on his bed playing on his phone, engrossed in something in a very uncharacteristic way.
"Yo, Mario, did you hear me? I said I'm home," Luigi said on coming in.
Mario didn't even look up.
"Mario? Are you deaf?"
"Yes," Mario replied.
Luigi rolled his eyes and came over. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to kill this pidgey," Mario said, shaking the device violently. Luigi watched for a minute, then said, "What game is that?"
"Pokemon, duh."
"For your phone?"
"Yeah, Pokemon Go, dude! Where has your head been recently?"
"Well, ex-cuse me if I don't keep up with all the news," Luigi snorted. "Do you want some mushroom-flavored potato chips or what?"
"Yeah, in a bowl," Mario said.
Luigi sighed. "Mario, you've gotta come get it yourself."
"Ohh...no thanks, then," he said, rolling over.
Assuming the conversation was over, Luigi left the room. Weird for Mario to refuse food.

Now Luigi had figured that Mario would at least want to play Strikers with him that night, the way they had planned earlier. However, even after forty five minutes of waiting, it became apparent that Mario had no plans of getting off his phone anytime soon.
Luigi was loafing around on the TV guide, feeling fat after eating the whole dinner by himself. After Mario had refused a snack and later dinner, Luigi had come to the conclusion that he would have to spend the days in loneliness until Mario got tired of his new game.
So he was surprised later that night when Mario actually appeared in the doorway, and for a second he jumped up in excitement. "Mario? Wanna play something?"
Mario waved a hand. "Nah, listen, Luigi," he said, still on his phone of course. "We have to go out!"
"Uhh...where? At this time of night?"
Mario nodded. "I've gotta find this rare Pokemon!"
Luigi frowned. "Find a Pokémon? What do you mean?"
"Just get in the car!" Mario insisted.
Ten minutes later Luigi was slowly driving around the near-deserted streets of Toad Town while Mario sat in the passenger seat, navigating Luigi from his phone like a PPS. (That's a Pokémon Positioning System.)
"Turn left!"
Luigi , who was already halfway past the turn, had to abruptly swerve to catch it and almost hit the curb. Mario's head hit the side of the car but he didn't seem to notice.
"Turn right! Then do a loop-de-loop!"
"Wouldn't that just put us back where we started?" Luigi asked.
"I'M the one holding the phone!" Mario reminded him.
"Yeah, that's the problem," Luigi grumbled, but he still did as Mario said.
As they came up to an intersection, Mario said, "In a hundred feet you need to turn around."
Luigi slammed the brakes and the car screeched to a stop. "You could've told me that a thousand feet ago!"
Mario shrugged. "Okay, we're here."
"No we're not!" Luigi said, looking around at random expanses of road. "We're positively nowhere! What are you even doing?"
Mario was already out of the car. "It's gotta be nearby..."
Luigi crossed his arms. "Yeah, good luck! I don't even know why he dragged me into this," he muttered.
For about ten minutes Mario walked around the area with his phone like he was searching for clues or something. Finally Luigi had it.
He poked his head out the window. "Hey Mario! In five minutes the Mercedes Express is leaving and it ain't coming back!"
"Wait! I just found it! I just found it!" He started bouncing up and down like a baby girl.
Luigi rolled his eyes and slumped on the steering wheel. "My brother is an absolute nutcase sometimes."

The following day Luigi didn't get out of bed until one in the afternoon. And Mario let him, thanks to his playing Pokémon Go all morning.
When Luigi finally did wake up, he walked over and bashed Mario's head with a pillow. Mario acted like he hadn't even felt it.
"Mario! We were supposed to go golfing at the castle today!"
"..."
"Mario! I'm trying to have a conversation here!"
"..."
"Mario! You're getting really annoying!"
"Look who's talking," Mario spoke up.
Luigi growled in irritation. "If you're not ready to go in ten minutes, I'm going without you and telling the princess how selfish you are."
"Who ever said I wasn't going? There's a Pokestop somewhere on the course and I've gotta hit it before everyone in town finds out!"
Mario jumped up and pulled his arm. "Come on, there's no time to waste! Let's a-go!"
Luigi's eye twitched. "Can I at least get dressed first?"

What Luigi had thought might be a peaceful walk to the castle turned out to be nothing but a Pokémon adventure. Aside from Mario, who had his eyes glued to the phone every second, toads and other creatures were standing all around on sidewalks, under trees, and some even in people's yards with their phones. It was as if the entire town had been transformed into text-happy teenagers again. Luigi started to look like a freak since he was the only one not doing so.
"What on earth is wrong with the world?!" He cried when he saw the display. A couple of shy guys bumped right into him without even noticing. They didn't apologize either.
"Well, excuse me," Luigi snapped.
Mario shook his head. "Luigi, just chill. They're only trying to be successful Pokémon trainers."
"Well the problem is, this place has been transformed into a phone emporium," Luigi complained. "When's the last time you looked around?"
"Can't. Too busy right now."
Luigi put his face in his hand and pretended to cry.

When they got to the castle, they were greeted with the sight of Purple Toad hanging from the gate by a rope around his waist. "Sup, Mario!"
Mario didn't reply, so Luigi said, "Mario's not available right now."
"Ohh...well, everyone's waiting for you on the golf course," he said. "You can take a golf cart."
"Okay..." Luigi gave the toad a funny look. "Why are you...?"
"Don't ask," Purple Toad replied glumly.

Luigi ended up driving the golf cart onto the course, because Mario sat uselessly beside him...playing Pokémon Go. When they were almost there, Luigi said, "You know you're gonna have to put that away, bro."
"Nu-uh," Mario said. "Pokémon love golfing!"
"No...They love fighting," Luigi said.
"How do you know?"
Luigi growled under his breath. "Whatever, just put it away!"
By the time they reached their friends about thirty six seconds later, Mario had not put it away. Luigi pulled up and jumped out, nodding to the group who was already in the middle of a hole. The princesses, the Kongs, Yoshi and a few toads were standing around watching Yellow Toad try unsuccessfully to get the ball off the tee.
"Hey guys! What took you so long?" Daisy laughed.
"Pokémon," Luigi groaned, getting his clubs out of the back.
"Pokémon?" Peach asked.
"Oh, Pokémon! As in Pokémon Go!" Diddy cried. "I love that game! I've already got like fifty!"
"Well I've already got over a hundred," Mario boasted, getting out with his phone. Luigi glared at him. "Mario, it's time to golf!"
Mario ignored him. Diddy and the toads were all hovered around him, gaping with stupidity at Mario's impressive collection.
"Mario the Pokémon trainer?" Blue Toad asked. "That just sounds so ridiculous!"
"Ooh, where'd you get that one?" Yellow Toad squealed.
Luigi came to stand by the princesses and sighed. "I am so sorry."
"Oh, no prob," Daisy said. "Let's just go to that hole by the Pokestop. That way everyone wins!"
"What's a Pokestop?" Luigi asked nervously.
"You don't wanna know," Blue Toad said.

Unfortunately, he soon found out. When they arrived near the green they found at least a dozen random citizens standing around a tree like it was some sort of business meeting.
"RARE POKÉMON!" Mario shrieked without warning and darted from the moving vehicle. Unexpectedly the toads and Diddy Kong stampeded after him.
Luigi face palmed.
"There he goes to join his family," he sighed.
Daisy came up beside him. "Don't feel bad," she said. "He's just playing. It's a phase. Just a phase he'll move out of..." Then she took out her own phone.
Luigi looked over. "What's that?"
"A mew," she said with a shrug. "The new rare Pokémon. Why?"
Luigi widened his eyes. Then he sat on the ground and covered his head with a towel. And he didn't come out for a real long time.
A few minutes later, Peach and DK, who were pretty much the only ones actually golfing at this point, came over to the tree. "Hey you all, I forgot my putter at the last hole," Peach said. "Could you just watch the rest of our clubs while DK and I go get it?"
"Of course, princess!" Mario answered, not looking up.
"Um...okay," she said. "Be right back."
"Yo Mario, do you have THIS one?" Blue Toad asked, showing him a random phone he'd snatched from a shy guy.
"Hmm...yep."
Yoshi came over with his own phone. "Hey, Mario, shouldn't you be watching the golf clubs?"
"I am."
"So where are they?"
Mario quickly glanced around. "I don't know."
Yoshi and Blue Toad looked at each other. They were trying to decide whether or not to ask a very serious question.
Finally Yoshi took a deep breath. "Mario..."
Mario acted like he hadn't heard. "Hey, Yoshi, I think I've realized something. You're kind of a Pokémon, aren't you?"
Yoshi stopped. "Of course not! What makes you say that?"
"Well, you look kinda like one, and your whole kind pretty much says Yoshi."
"With that logic, you're a Pokémon too," Yoshi said. "Practically all you ever say is your own name."
Mario gasped. "That's not true!"
"Guys," Toad interrupted. "I hate to interrupt, but weren't you supposed to be watching those clubs?"
Mario shrugged. "Why? Who actually needs to watch golf clubs?"
"Because a goon just ran off with them," he pointed.
Mario's eyes popped. Wario and Waluigi, laughing like the dorks they were, were running away down the golf course, golf clubs in tow.
"Hey! You goons get back here!" Yoshi yelled. Guess if they listened.
"Mario! Aren't you gonna chase them?" Toad asked. "You know, throw a golf ball at them or chew them out or something?"
"Maybe in a few hours," Mario said, turning back to his phone.
"Mario!" Luigi uncovered himself from the towel. "You are pathetic! Get off that phone and go stop them!"
"Grrr," Mario growled in response.
Luigi threw his hands up. "You leave me no choice." Getting in the golf cart, he punched it into drive and almost rammed right into Mario with it. "In the cart!"
Eyes never leaving the screen, he climbed in. Cursing to himself, Luigi drove off after them.
After about five minutes, Luigi realized he'd been going in triangles around two oddly shaped holes. Finally he spotted Wario and Waluigi on a green, along with
"PEACH AND DK!" He shrieked. Then he stopped and a sly smile crept on his face. "You are so gonna be in for it," he said.
Mario didn't look up. "You're soaking beans for who?" He asked.
Luigi rolled his eyes and drove over.
Peach looked up. "Hey, you guys! What happened?" She asked, holding her golf clubs. They had just interrupted a thorough chewing-outing of Wario and Waluigi.
Mario sat there playing like an oblivious bump on a log.
Luigi pulled up and sighed. "I'm-a so sorry, princess. Mario has been so -
"Worried!" Mario interrupted, jumping up. He promptly came over and glared at the goons. "I'm so sorry, princess! We were chasing them everywhere!"
"How did they get them in the first place, Mario?" Luigi asked, crossing his arms.
"I really don't know!" Mario swore.
Peach shook her head and sighed. Luigi smirked, expecting her to give him a big chewing out as well.
"Oh, it's alright, Mario," she said. "No harm done. Just maybe be a little more watchful next time, huh?"
"WHAT?" Luigi screeched like a parrot. "He was playing his phone the whole time!"
Everyone acted as if they didn't even hear him. Mario giggled like some spoiled kid who knew he'd gotten away with it. "Okey-dokey, princess! Hey, do you want to hear about the time I swallowed a meatball whole?"
Luigi's eyes were bigger than his face for a while. When that was over, Wario and Waluigi, who had been standing there like dorks, came over and teased him. "Ha, you thought he was gonna get chewed out!" Wario said.
"Mario never gets chewed out, practically," Waluigi said like he knew what he was talking about.
"What are you talking about?" Luigi asked.
Waluigi tapped his chin. "I dunno."
Mario, who was yapping it up to the princess about meatballs as if he'd drunk a gallon of coffee, was oblivious to them once again. Finally Luigi had it.
"Hey Captain Oblivious! Why don't we play some actual golf now?" He suggested.
To his surprise, Mario nodded. "Okay."
"Mario! When are you gonna - wait, what? Did you say okay?"
"Yup."
"But what about your phone and your precious Pokémon?"
Mario shrugged. "They'll be alright. I'm done collecting them, anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"I got them all. You know, that game is kinda old now. Gotta move on, you know?"
Luigi's eyes popped. "You got them ALL in like two days??"
Mario shrugged. "Yeah. Look, I'm waiting for the next app now."
"Next app?" Luigi asked in dread.
"Duh! Super Mario Run! It's gonna be the biggest thing in the history of phones!"
Luigi stopped and turned to the audience. Then he put his face in his hands and pretended to cry.

NintendoJedi: So, what did you guys think?

Wario: Well, I think it was mostly garbage, but I'll spare you because of our cameo appearance at the climax.

Waluigi: What he said. Although, I still think someone should have gotten hit in the groin with a golf ball.

Wario: Man, that would've been good. And they SHOULD call the app Super Wario Run.

Waluigi: You can't run, Lardlump.

NintendoJedi: We are officially done here.

And that was my attempt at a shorter story. It would have been done a lot sooner but I was really trying to wrap up another book...
Anyhoo, as most of you hopefully probably know, Pokémon Go's time has kind of come and gone, but I wanted to do a little homage to it. Dedicated to all you nutcases who might have spent hours walking or driving around looking for Pokémon...
And if you've never heard of Pokémon Go, it's an app. Who do you think you are, Luigi?
The 'Lardlump' thing, on a random note, is actually something Waluigi called Wario in Mario Super Sluggers. And of course, Super Mario Run is Mario's first ever app for mobile device. It was a big deal, man!
...and before you even ask, no, I never actually did play Pokémon Go myself.