Oh boy, how exciting! And now it's time for a NEW holiday special, which is going to start totally normally... at the grocery store!

(Insert collective groan)

One Mushroom Kingdom day, Mario was out alone, doing a little blissful shopping at Toadmart. The reason it was blissful is because it was without Luigi.

Luigi: Hey!

Mario: No offense bro, you're just such a mom sometimes.

Waluigi: OOH, you just got mom zoned.

Daisy: Well at least something good has come out of this. Mom-zoning is now a thing.

Blue Toad *reading from Dictionary for Geeks*: Mom-zoned: the status of a person who poops on parties and acts like a goody-goody adult.

Luigi: That's not true!

Mario: Sure bro... we'll see. *snort*

Anyway, Mario had been there for about five minutes, frolicking through the beef jerky like Waluigi at a Wah Convention, when his pants erupted suspiciously with a loud 1-up sound that filled the whole snack section.
A random toad kid who was standing nearby looked at him and made a weird face. Mario looked back.
"You didn't hear anything," he said, waving his hands at him in a mysterious hypnotic way. The toad kid just blinked and kept staring at him.
Too lazy to attempt real hypnosis, Mario fished out his Mushroom iPhone, which he only uses on a very irregular basis. Sure enough, he had a text from Luigi.
Their conversation, which went on for like an eon, went something like this:

Luigi: Mario, you're at Toadmart aren't you?

Mario: maybe

Luigi: What are you doing?

Mario: something

Luigi: Well I need you to pick up some Chuckola cola and candied super acorns.

Mario: only if you pay me back

Luigi: Mario this is important!

Mario: why?

Luigi: BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Mario: okay, mom

Luigi: ... That's not funny.

Mario: yeah it is

Luigi didn't reply after that. Mario had been standing in the middle of the aisle furiously texting away for five minutes before he realized that the toad kid was still staring at him. He quickly put his phone away and groaned aloud to the entire store. "Forget blissful, now I'm on a grocery errand! This stinks!"
"Well why else do you come to the grocery store?" a cranky koopa asked from further up the aisle.
"Definitely not to do my younger mother's grocery shopping!" Mario replied.

NintendoJedi: Don't worry Mario, you'll be a grown-up someday.

Mario: O_O

One awkward scene transition later...

The front door of the bros' house opened and Mario came in with an armful of bags. Hanging up his hat and imaginary coat in exhaustion, he sighed.
"Weegie, I'm hoooome!!"
(Insert laughtrack here.)
Then he realized that he'd hung up his hat and screamed like Michael Jackson. He quickly snatched it back up and put it on.
When Mario turned, however, to take the groceries into the kitchen, he found himself face to face with Princess Peach.
"Hi, Mario!"
"AAAHHH!!" Mario jumped a mile and his head hit the roof, causing him to slam to the floor on his rear. It was super smooth, let me tell you.
"Oh... are you alright?" Peach asked in surprise, offering him a hand.
"Oh, yeah... I, uh," Mario stuttered, getting up but not releasing her hand. "Did I miss something?"
"Only the past ten years of your life," replied Toad, jumping up from somewhere behind the couch. "WELCOME HOME, DADDY!! How was your day at work?"
Mario looked up at the ceiling. "Hey author, give me a drink!"

NintendoJedi: *magically hands him a Chuckola cola*

"Thanks." Mario drank some and then spat it out in a fantastic spray at the speed of sound. "WHAT!?"
"Haha! We're your perfect tv family!" Toad said, launching himself into his arms.
Mario caught him with a thoroughly dazed look. "That's funny, I don't remember that happening."
Peach laughed awkwardly and put a hand on Mario's shoulder. "Toad, stop teasing," she said. "You're freaking him out."
Just then Luigi came in from the kitchen wearing an apron. "Hey Mario, I -
He paused. "Uh... am I interrupting something?"
"Oh no," Mario said. "I just found out that I have a family, apparently."
"Well, uh... give me the groceries so I can get dinner moving," Luigi said, looking hurried. "You have no idea what Bowser threatened to do to me if the yams weren't perfect."
Mario cocked his head, positive he had gone insane. "Did I miss something else? And further... DO I SMELL COOKED HAM??"
But Luigi had already gone back to the kitchen.
Before Mario could question further or start drooling everywhere there was a knock on the front door. Utterly confused, Mario turned to answer it.
Yoshi and Birdo were standing there carrying covered dishes of something.
"Oh, hey Yosh... what's this?" Mario asked.
"Hey, Mar. Well, Luigi asked us to bring some side dishes, so here we are!" Yoshi replied.
Mario blinked at them for a second. "Side dishes? ...
...Thanks dude, I'm starving!"
Letting them in, he asked, "So, uh... what exactly are you all doing here? Not that I mind," he added hastily, flashing the princess a pearly smile. Toad gagged.
"Luigi didn't tell you?" Peach asked in surprise.
Mario glanced around like a lost kid at a biker dude convention. "Uh..."
"You're kidding," Yoshi said. "Seriously?"
"Seriously. What is going on?" Mario demanded. "Did Luigi do a thing, or did I actually miss the past ten years of my life and now I'm a neighborhood dad having a family reunion?"
"Uh... I'm betting on the former," Yoshi said.
"This ain't Power Star Trek."
"Luigi invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner," Peach explained. "He said he'd make enough turkey for everybody!"
Mario stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "Thanksgiving?" he repeated.
"Yes, oh, Mario, have you forgotten? We celebrate Thanksgiving at this time in the Mushroom Kingdom," she said.
"Oh..." Mario looked thoroughly surprised, like he'd just been told his mother was bald. "Where's the history behind that?"
"Well you see, hundreds of years ago, when the present borders of the kingdom were drawn up, one of my great grandfathers was facing a terrible war," Peach began. (Cue the dramatic flashback music.) "It was the first time enemies from beyond the territories of Dark Land invaded us. There was a terrible battle near the old Goomba Trails which raged on for two days and three nights. Just when it seemed all hope was lost, the king was able to harness the power of the stars for our aid, and the day was won. Every year since, around this time of year when the battle took place, the toads gather to celebrate their peace and prosperity, giving thanks for all they have endured."
"Now that's gotta satisfy the history teachers!" said Toad.
Mario scratched his head. "Uh-huh," he said thoughtfully. "Well then we should be having Thanksgiving every time I beat Bowser, huh?"
"Mar, stop trying to get free food," Yoshi rolled his eyes.
"Hey, what did you just call me? I never authorized the use of that nickname," Mario informed him, crossing his arms.
"Sorry. Can I call you Mary?"
Mario's gaze narrowed. "No."
"Uh, I hope you don't mind," Peach said, changing the subject. "We didn't mean to surprise you about dinner. Did you want us to come back later?"
"Oh, no," Mario said. "Luigi does most of the cooking anyway. I don't know how we'll fit you all in here but I guess I can -
He was interrupted by another knock on the door. He frowned.
"Wait.  ...How many people did Luigi invite?" he asked cautiously, glancing around in dread.
"Oh, yeah, there was a posse of goons behind us," Yoshi informed him.
Mario opened the door to a faceful of none other than Bowser.
"You've gotta be kidding me."
Crossing his arms like a cool person, Bowser glanced him over and snorted in disgust, like he'd just seen a pathetic roadkill. "Mario. You're looking ugly as usual, I see. I actually deigned to stand on your doorstep, so I hope those yams are everything you promised!"
"I never promised you anything but a whipped jimmy, Bowser!" Mario scowled. "In fact I just found out it was Thanksgiving 38 seconds ago, so consider yourself lucky I'm even letting you in!"
"Yeah, I'M the least of your problems," Bowser snorted, pushing past him. Mario stared in horror as Bowser Jr. and the koopalings all poured in after him, flooding the doorway and filling the living room like kids at a Frozen convention.
"Oh... Mama... mia ," he groaned.

2.87 seconds later...

"LUIGI!!" Mario hollered as he stormed into the kitchen. Or at least, he tried to, but the blabbering masses that now clogged his living room like a distressed toilet prevented him from moving very fast. When he did bust into the kitchen, he looked red as the shirt he was wearing. He was so going to kill -
"Oh, hey Mario," Luigi said real friendly-ly. "Do you want to try this pecan cookie?"
"Ooh, it has chocolate inside?" Mario squealed, taking it. "I love you!!"
Luigi chuckled in embarrassment. "I also have the same mini pumpkin pies from last year."
Mario grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed both his cheeks vigorously. "When do we eat?!"
"Hehe... uh... it should just be 15 or 20 minutes, bro," Luigi said, leaving Mario to bounce up and down like an infant girl. If there was one thing he knew, it was the art of Mario-whispering on Thanksgiving.
"Just keep everybody entertained for a bit, okay?" he asked.
Mario nodded. "Okay... oh yeah, I almost forgot." Instantly he was across the room with his hands at Luigi's collar.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING INVITING OVER HALF THE TOWN WITHOUT TELLING ME! THERE'S ENOUGH GOONS IN OUR LIVING ROOM TO DROWN ISLE DELFINO!!"
"Uh -
"AND EVEN BOWSER AND HIS IDIOTS ARE HERE PROBABLY TRASHING MY LIMITED EDITION TACO SUPERBELL PLUSH NINTENDOGS!!"
"I just -
"MY PLUSH NINTENDOGS!!!" Mario hollered.
Just then Daisy came in, who had somehow been let into the house. "Hey guys, Happy Thanks... Mario, what are you doing?!"
Mario let go of his brother's neck and crossed his arms, giving her a cocky look. "Darling, when a guy's got another guy by the neck over a kitchen sink, you should know better than to interrupt," he said.
Daisy made a weird face. "Hey, don't tell me that, I'm a princess!" she said indignantly. "Did you hit your head or something?"
Mario shrugged. Daisy looked disturbed but quickly hurried out.
"Well the boys are just being... uggh," she reported to Peach when she'd returned to the living room. Right now most of the guests were playing 'volleypillow' with the throw pillows, which is exactly what it sounds like. Yoshi and Birdo were standing around sipping tea and trying to act sophisticated by talking about famous composers, and Toad was seriously trying to hitch a ride on the fan blades.
"Pass it to me!" Bowser Jr yelled, bouncing up and down. Lemmy chucked the pillow but missed, and it smashed into the tv.
"GOAL!!" Toad yelled from where he hung by the diaper on a fan blade.
"Wrong game, ya ding dong," Roy snorted.
"Ohh... I hope we didn't put too much stress on Mario," Peach told her cousin with a nervous glance around. Bowser was nearby, going through all the old CDs and VCR tapes that were piled in a corner like he was some historian.
"The Kitsune and the Hound? Are you kidding me?" Bowser snorted, chucking aside some old tapes. "Home videos?! Hah! 'Mario and Luigi's first bath'?!"
"UNHAND THE TAPE OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR ARM!!" Mario roared, appearing spontaneously.
Bowser 'unhanded' the tape... right into Mario's face.
"Who uses tapes anymore, dude? Get with the times!" Bowser snickered.
"I did not let you into my house so that you could insult my taste in electronics," Mario informed him, tucking the tape somewhere safely in his bag of holding. "And furthermore -
He was interrupted when Morton kicked a throw pillow and it bounced off Birdo's head, causing her to face plant in her tea before launching towards the ceiling. Everyone stared in stupefied awe as it hit the fan blades, knocking Toad clean off the ceiling fan and sending him hurling to the couch below.
And then he upchucked his entire guts out on to it.
Mario clutched his head and screamed like a little girl (or Michael Jackson, take your pick). Everyone stood and stared while he twitched all over like cockroaches had taken over his head.

Blue Toad: OH, now I'm not going to sleep tonight.

NintendoJedi: You're welcome.

"You... you puked on my s-sleeping couch," Mario stammered. "Th-that... was my... PRECIOUS!!"
Before Mario could go on a mindless rampage, Luigi came in from the kitchen, looking a bit rough. He took one look at the situation and turned right back around.
Since Mario was unable to speak further, Bowser did that for him. "Hey Luigi!! We have a code orange! Cleanup on cushion 2!"
"Sorry, can't hear ya!" Luigi replied, shoving his hands halfway up the turkey's rear. Blue Toad, who was sitting on a kitchen stool watching him, turned up the radio on full blast.
"And now it's time for the hit single from the classic Super Mario Brothers, Love is the Drug!"
"AAAAHHHH!! ITS POISON TO MY EAR-STOMACHS!! TURN THAT INFERNAL JUNK OFF!!!" Mario screamed, snapping out of his funk. But before he could go destroy the radio, there was another knock on the front door.
He turned. "NOOO!!! NO MORE PEOPLE!!"
Peach and Daisy, watching somewhat fearfully from the corner, glanced at each other. (And when the girlfriends glance at each other, you know it means something.)
"Yep, the rollercoaster's about to scale the hill," Daisy muttered.
Peach stepped forward. "Uh... Mario? Are you alright?"
"No!"
Toadette, one of the randomly appearing toads around the house, peeked around the corner and giggled. "He's so cute when he's angry!"
"You're kidding, right?" Yoshi asked, who was standing right over her. "You didn't see him at the tennis tournament in '97. Do NOT get near Mario when he's angry." He paused and added, "Unless your name is Peach."
Meanwhile Peach had put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed him gently. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'll get it," she told him. Leaving Mario to stare at the wall in that irritatingly oblivious way, she opened the door.
There stood Wario and Waluigi, wearing sunglasses and leaning on the doorframe like French models or something.
"Woah, looky here. Sup, baby," Wario nodded.
"Let us in so we can eat your bird or whatever you do on Thanksgiving," Waluigi said.
"Oh... Wario and Waluigi," Peach said with obvious displeasure. "How nice of you to show up."
"I'll have you know we were invited," Waluigi said snootily.
"WHAT?! Who invited YOU?" Mario exploded from inside.
"My bad," Luigi said from the kitchen, but thankfully Mario didn't hear him.
"Yeah, well, you nerds have to be thankful for awesome people like us on Thanksgiving!" Wario said.
"Yeah, RIGHT," Bowser said, shoving his face in just because he could. "We should all be thankful for the pathetic roadside losers."
"Well he did save Atlantis," Toad spoke up from his barf couch.
Everyone looked at him. "What?" Ludwig asked.
After the awkward silence that ensued, Wario said, "Just imagine how boring your lives would be without us!"
As if to prove his point, he stepped inside past Peach, slipped on a banana peel that had SOMEHOW gotten there, and managed to fantastically face plant right into Toad's puddle.
"Now talk about an entrance," said Bowser.
Mario actually burst into laughter for like the first time this story.
"Hey, thanks Wario! Now that you've cleaned it up with your face, I don't have to worry about it!"
Wario growled, standing up with quite a barfable sight on his head. "Very funny!" he snapped, but it was hard to take him seriously. "I bet you planned this and this vomit isn't even real."
Mario giggled. "Oh... yeah, I wish I had been that clever, but..."

NintendoJedi: Remember where you are!

Toad wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Oopsie."
Wario was silent for about ten awkwardly silent seconds of silence. Then he began silently groping around for something to silently clean up with, which actually made it look like a gross fat zombie was silently invading the living room. Since he was acting like a blind idiot, he started stumbling around kicking stuff, leaving people to jump out of the way in terror.
"PUKE MONSTER!! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!" Larry hollered, eager to incite a panic.
It worked.
Just then Blue Toad walked in from the kitchen to 'get a peek at what the rest of the goons were doing'. He was instantly pinned to the wall by Toad and Toadette, who were shrieking like drowning kindergarteners to escape the 'glop monster'. The koopalings stampeded past a moment later in a herd that sounded like a harem of buffalo.
"And there goes the rollercoaster," Daisy breathed, shaking her head as she gave chase. Peach followed her quickly down the hall. Last of all came Bowser and Mario, the latter of whom was screaming like an enraged fangirl.
"NO!! NOT THE BATHROOM!!... WARIO, SO HELP YOU IF YOU GET PUKE ON ANYTHING!!" Out of breath, he turned to Bowser. "Can't you control your minions??"
"If I could control them, they wouldn't be worth ANYTHING," Bowser said.
Mario turned and darted down the hall. "THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE YOU BUZZARDS!! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!!"

Yellow Toad: And so, Mario learns what it is to be a fussy housewife.

Blue Toad just shrugged and went to turn up the radio even louder.
"What's going on in there?" Luigi wanted to know, sleeves rolled up and half up the business end of the bird.
Blue Toad shrugged. "The usual."

A couple of minutes and much chasing goons around the house later, Yoshi had somehow managed to herd the koopalings into the dining room. The random toads were in an unspecified place, which could have been a restaurant in Japan for all we know. The foobs were currently doing a raid of the bathroom (a necessary precaution whenever entering a foreign house).

Mario: I think this is why I'm going to start bringing my own toilet seat with me wherever I go.

Yellow Toad: Like a man-purse? Wow, that would look so... hysterical.

Blue Toad: Do you WANT the bathroom jokes to skyrocket?

Mario: At least it's sanitary.

Luigi: He's got a point. We usually don't have other people in our bathroom.

Mario: Look, I'm a self-proclaimed toilet man, but have you ever considered the germs on an average toilet seat?

Bowser: Oh, beef and baloney! You people are so particular.

Daisy: So I assume we're meant to think you have different ideas, Bowser?

Bowser: Well.

Toad: WHY are we talking about this again?

Blue Toad: Because the main character of this franchise spends his free time sticking his head in random toilets for a living.

Bowser: YEAH, thank you! Whaddaya think of that, Peach?

NintendoJedi: Alright guys, charming as it's been, I'm here to get you back on schedule.

IN THE LIVING ROOM...

Mario put a hand to his head and sighed. "This is the worst day of my life."
Bowser, who was standing around picking through all the collectibles on the shelves, snorted. "Isn't it always."
"I mean it this time," Mario insisted, leaning against the front door. "My house has been entirely invaded by goons that are convinced I'm being haunted by the puke monster, I'm hungry, there's foobs doing Gadd-knows-what in my bathroom, I'm hungry, I'm being haunted by a puke monster, there's goons in my house, and... I'm hungry. Why do you do this to me, author?!"
There was no response from the ceiling.
"I'm sure you'll win an award if you say it all again," Daisy spoke up.
"Oh, and not to mention that repulsive music they're blasting in the kitchen," Mario added, shivering. "It still gives me nightmares," he whispered.

Toad: No woman can withstand the powerful drug of Dancing With Mario*!

*Dancing with Mario is a powerful antidepressant. Do not take this drug if you are pregnant, have a history of heart disease, or currently have a valuable artifact hidden on your person that you do not wish stolen. Failure to do so will result in nausea, fangirling, or comas.*

Blue Toad: FORTUNATELY, that drug isn't on the market anymore.

"Uh, well, I think dinner should be ready soon," Peach offered, hoping to cheer him up.
Mario massaged his forehead. "Good. I need some chocolate-dipped deep fried bacon right now."
"Man, that'll send you right to your grave," Bowser said, picking at some old Kart diecasts and 'accidentally' knocking them over. He paused. "On second thought... where can I get you some??"
Before anyone could move, Waluigi came into the living room. "Alright, nobody move," he instructed carefully. Everyone stared as he walked awkwardly over, dripping with a questionable substance.
"Beanpole..." Mario warned. "What are you doing?"
Waluigi glanced around carefully. "It's not exactly an easy question, what am I doing," he said.
"What do you mean it's not an easy question, what are you doing??" Daisy demanded.
In answer there was a bang and Wario flew into the room, dripping wet. On the bright side, he wasn't the puke monster anymore.
Everyone just kind of stared at him for a while... and he stared at them... and so on and so forth.
Finally Daisy said, "I don't think I want to know."
Toad, appearing from somewhere, raised his hand. "Oh, I do! Me me me me me!"
Mario took a deep breath. And he facepalmed. And he said he needed to lock himself in a closet.

When Mario peeked into the bathroom a moment later, he screamed. It wasn't a normal, typical scream that came from a manly set of vocal organs; it was the kind a five year old girl makes after all the stuffed unicorns are gone.
And it hit hard.
Now, I'm not exactly gonna describe to you what he saw, but let's just say the foobs had their way with the plumbing and leave it at that.
Mario was seething when he stumbled back into the living room.
"Mario...? Is everything okay?" Peach asked.
Mario looked ready to explode. "NO!"
Everyone stared like he'd just said he hated pizza.
"Oh, dear... is there anything I can do to help?" she offered.
"Not unless you have secret plumbing skills tucked under your belt," he snapped.
(Insert dramatic gasp here.)
Daisy shook her head and snickered. "Really, what's the matter Mario, are you manstruating or something?"
The girls giggled at his slightly confused expression. "No!" he insisted angrily. "I'm not!"
A few more stifled giggles. Mario frowned. "I don't even know what that is! Stop it!" he growled.
"I'm just as lost as you are," Toad said, staring at a wall.
"Did I hear raised voices?" Yoshi asked, coming in.
"Yoshi!" Mario ran over and hugged his neck. "A glimmer of sanity! Where have you been??"
"Oh, well I can tell you. I've been in the dining room with eight hooligans otherwise known as koopas. They wanted to play War and use the table as a funeral pyre for the loser. After I got them to drop that, they started playing Game of War or something using utensils like catapults. They almost blew up your limited edition Wind Waker mug, by the way. And now I've finally gotten them to calm down a bit by giving them Twinkies I found in your pantry. Hope you don't mind," Yoshi said.
Mario stared at him for a while. And he opened his mouth. But then there was a scream from the kitchen.
It was followed by a terrible bang that shook the house's foundation, causing a few more screams. Mario jumped up in terror. "NOT MY WIND WAKER MUG!!"
Then Luigi called casually through the doorway. "Guys, dinner's on the floor! Come and get it!"
"You've GOT to be joking me," Bowser said as everyone scrambled up. "What do you think we are, animals?"
But sure enough, when the group appeared in the kitchen doorway, they found a most heart-stoppingly terrible sight. Larry and Lemmy stood there with what looked like flame throwers, and the giant roasted bird that must have previously been their dinner lay on the floor as if it had just walked out of the oven.
Mario's jaw hit the floor. Blue Toad discreetly punched the radio off.
"Oh my gosh, is that what we're supposed to be eating?" Waluigi asked dramatically. "It's so... huge! What a great gig Thanksgiving is!!"
"Yeah... except I usually like my food... on a table," Daisy said at last.
There was another awkward silence as everyone stared at the dead bird on the floor. Then Wario shrugged. "Aw, what's a little dirt? Gimme the internal organs!"
Mario grabbed his hat and hid under it. And he sank to the floor. And he didn't come out for a real long time.

Luigi came forward. "Um, Mario?"
"Go away, Luigi," Mario moaned pathetically. "Everything is ruined."
"But Mario..." Luigi looked ready to cry.
"UUUUGGGGGHHHH!!" Wario groaned dramatically to the ceiling. "Every year we can't get through something without a big emotional barf fest."
"Excuse me, I think you were part of the problem," Daisy told him.
"Well that's just ridiculous," he said.
"I've had it," Mario said. "I've had it with you people destroying my house and my life and my peace of mind and my precious and... and this is the last straw!" he announced, pointing to the floor.
But when everyone looked, they saw nothing but linoleum tiles.
Mario blinked. "Where's the turkey?"
Everyone glanced around. But of course, they had ALL managed to miss what happened to their dinner.
"Well, it must not have been dead after all," Toad reasoned. "I guess it walked off!"
"But that thing had already been cooked for several hours," Luigi said slowly. "I seasoned it and everything!"
"Oh, crud. Well, it can't have gone far," Wario said. "Come on guys, split up! Search the house for a runaway gobbler, about two feet tall, no identified facial features."
"I'll be sure to listen to your advice to track down the thief who stole my diamonds," Daisy said sarcastically.
"No no no," Mario said desperately. "It cannot be gone, the turkey can't be gone! I NEEDED THAT TURKEY!!"
"But Mario, you just said it was ruined because it was on the floor," Luigi said.
"Wow. You guys are pathetic," a random voice suddenly spoke up. "Can you be so stupid as to actually believe the turkey walked off?"
"Hey, remember where we are," Toad said defensively. "And also... who said that?"
"I should be insulted that you can't recognize," said King Boo, appearing from nowhere over their heads. With him appeared a few smaller boos, Gumboo, Boolicious and Jamboolaya.
"I have brought my tastiest gathering for this giving of thanks. Now when do we eat?" King Boo asked.
"Um, how long have you been here?" Yoshi scratched his head.
King Boo gave them an annoyed glare. "As long as I've wanted to be!"
"And who exactly invited you, King of the Marshmallows?" Wario rudely asked.
"As if anyone really wanted YOU here, creep," King Boo replied.
"Umm, what about our turkey?" Luigi asked uncomfortably.
"YEAH," Mario broke in angrily. "Where's my turkey??"
"YOUR turkey?" Waluigi asked. "Oh, so now this holiday's all about you?"
"Well maybe I'm sick of this junk!" Mario snapped back.
Everyone was stricken to silence for a second, even King Boo. Gumboo slapped his hands over his mouth.
Finally Luigi stepped forward. "Mario, we can still -
"No! No, we can't. I've got a thousand hungry idiots waiting in my dining room and my living room is absolutely trashed. My blood pressure is shooting through the roof and there's a possibility that my plush Nintendogs may have gone to doggy heaven, while the dead bird which I was SUPPOSED to be eating at a perfect dinner has now vanished into thin air. Which is not to speak of the week's worth of plumbing I'm now going to have to perform on our bathroom!" Mario pointed.
(Insert pitying silence here.)
Luigi put a hand on his shoulder and sighed. "Hey... it's okay, bro. Look, I know it isn't exactly the day you pictured, but it'll be alright in the end, promise. We'll figure something out."
"Hey, Mario," Yoshi spoke up. "Thanksgiving is not supposed to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. There's always going to be a life threatening accident or a nut who ruins your upholstery, but that's just how it is. I guess the real point of Thanksgiving is just to be... thankful."
"For everything you do have," Peach spoke up. "And be glad that we're all here together. And I know many of us made sacrifices to be here," she added.
"Yeah, Rosalina and Donkey Kong couldn't even come," Luigi said. "They were going to be busy with their own family plans."
"And Toadsworth went with Professor Gadd to an oldies reunion," Blue Toad threw in.
"We're all here for you," Daisy said, "but please, you don't need to be PMSing about it."
Mario had a confused look as he turned to Luigi. "Uhh... so, you didn't invite Petey Piranha or something?" he wanted to know.
Luigi grinned and shook his head with a chuckle. "Now bro, even I knew that enough was enough."
Mario took a deep breath. "Well... what should we do?"
"Hey, Frameface," King Boo said. "Do you remember that time I made hoagies on the bus?"
"YES!" Wario said, jumping up like a kid at ANOTHER Frozen convention.
Mario frowned. "Why?"
"Well, what do you think, dimwit? My boos brought some extra grub," he said, indicating the pans they now magically carried. "Thought maybe it could help with your little feast or what not."
Luigi gasped. "That's perfect! I don't know how to say it, King Boo, but... you're a lifesaver!"
"And don't you forget it," he told him darkly.
Luigi was too ecstatic to hear. "See, bro, it'll work out fine! Come on, who's ready to eat?"
The kitchen windows exploded at the eruption of approval that he got.
Making their way into the dining room, the group was greeted with a very unexpected sight, to say the least. There at the table, the koopalings were blunting knives and bending forks... right around the giant turkey!
Luigi's eyes went wide. "You... the turkey?! It's fine?"
"Well duh. What did you think happened to it?" Wendy snorted. "After you nutjobs dropped it on the floor we took matters into our own hands."
"Does that mean it's stuffed with something obnoxious, like used tissues?" Blue Toad asked.
But this time it was Mario's turn to laugh. "Oh, it wouldn't matter even if it was," he replied, sitting down. "At this point... I think I'm just thankful to have food at all."
Luigi grinned and glanced around the table. "Hey, guys! Before we start... everyone should say something they're thankful for!"
Bowser groaned. "Ugh, not this dumb kiddie practice again," he sighed, but no one heard him.
"Okay, I'll go first then," King Boo proclaimed. "I'm thankful for... my superior intellect, and each of my little boo minions." He paused. "Well, most of them."
"I don't know whether to be touched or disgusted," Daisy said.
So they went around the table, with people mostly saying nice happy junk. When it came to Wario, it kind of turned.
"Oh alright, I'm thankful for my devilish good looks and my awesome taste in fashion."
"Wario, you don't have either of those," Waluigi said. It earned him a wallop in the nose.
"Well I'm thankful for flame throwers," Larry spoke up boastfully. "And I have plenty of them!"
"Musical talent," Ludwig put in.
"I'm thankful for doors that lock," Wendy said sarcastically.
"ROTISSERIE!!" Roy suddenly shouted, much to the confusion of some people.
"I'll be thankful when this is over," Bowser Jr offered. Toad waved his hand in the air.
"Oh, I'm thankful for friends! And flowers and butterflies and mushrooms! Oh, I love mushrooms! And the princess, oh I'm so glad she's our princess!"
Peach giggled. "I'm thankful for... all the lovely times I get to spend with friends," she said. "And a certain hero who always makes us feel so safe!"
"I'M thankful for Princess Peach," Bowser broke in. "And Junior here, too, sure. And my awesome castle. And my hair!"
"What about you, Mario?" Luigi asked, nudging him. Mario shook his head in amusement.
"I can't possibly choose," he said in surprise. "There's too many things, I can't even start!"
"Oh, come on," said Luigi. "Give us one."
Mario thought for a second and then broke into a smile. "I'm-a thankful for friends and family that makes my life cuckoo crazy," he said, glancing at Luigi. "And I wouldn't really have it any other way!"
For some reason, everybody clapped. Luigi threw his arms around him. "Happy Thanksgiving, Mario."
When that emotional junk was over and the food had been served, people turned a bit more normal. Of course by that I mean shrieking and throwing bread and killing each other for the yams. But it was Thanksgiving, and it was all very wonderful.
A little bit later however Luigi did sneak away with a plateful of food for a minute. Opening the kitchen window, he lowered it outside carefully.
"Here you go, guys," he whispered. "Happy Thanksgiving."
Petey Piranha and his flock of butterflies sat in the grass and devoured it all with contentment. (Though how butterflies eat potatoes, I guess I'll never know.)

Agghh, it's done! There it is guys, my Thanksgiving special. Hope you enjoyed... even if it was kind of late for Thanksgiving here where I celebrate.
Whoops...
Well, I hate making promises around this time of year. I have been so, super busy with work these couple of weeks, I swear I'm not sure if I'll get any writing done this half of December. But all finals must come to an end eventually.
I packed a lot into this one, so I hope you found it all. By the way, the whole Love is the Drug thing is referencing the old Super Mario Brothers movie, which is why Mario was so disgusted. I will now forever affect your life by giving you that sequence here:

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

...okay, now pretend you never saw that.
Well, I hope you all have good Thanksgivings whenever you celebrate them, and wonderfully crazy winters!

Bye for now,

NintendoJedi