Hello, Shelby. Today we will be finally trying to fix your first world problem that is to date, one of the most unanticipated and yet crucial experiences in a human person's life.

In fact, you hate just thinking about it. Am I right? I do too. Yes, it's Meeting New People. (Well, of course meeting someone that isn't me.)

But hey don't worry, I love you and that's why I know people make you nauseous the first time you see them and that you're not much of a talker.

I won't force you into doing anything uncomfortable, I promise. Just let me slide in a bit of advice.

That sound good?

Great. So you're probably thinking of exactly two things right now. These are questions that nobody says aloud but always ask in their head.

I'm no magician, but if I had to choose between reading a person's fear of communicating and pulling a rabbit out of a hat, the former will always be easier to do.

It's absolutely true. For the majority of people, it's no sweat overcoming this fear.

But for some, not even close.

One, you Shelby, are not an island.

Well, in all honesty, you are a person and not some perfect hill of sand with a palm tree if that makes you feel better. Jokes aside, meeting people is just basically a permanent part of what a normal-ish person does in his or her life. Interaction, as we all know, is vital to a human being's life. And while a pretty decent amount of alone time is necessary, no one can live alone forever.

In short, it keeps you and the other person sane. Nice.

Two, meeting new people comes at random.

You might say, heck, I could hide from these suckers all my life but the ugly truth is: you don't have a say in who comes when. No matter what you do or how hard you try, someone will always come into your life.

Whether you like it or not, red strings exist and there's nothing you can do about it. Sorry, Shelby.

Okay, so now that we've cleared things a bit and I've answered a couple of your questions, it's time for me to ask you.

Do you feel extremely nervous when you meet someone for the very first time?

You do? Well, I'm glad to hear it because I feel exactly the same way. Wait a minute.

See what I did there, Shelby?

That's right, I asked you a question to start another conversation.

Questions move like clockwork. Ask a complete stranger a question and surely that question will likely be paired with an answer. It's almost second nature to answer.

Listen, Shelby.

Cause here's a fact. In heavier scenarios, asking questions that are actually unanswerable by the words yes or no would act as excellent starters. And from there, you'd have at least shared a few opinions to boost the tense mood.

See? That wasn't so bad. You hardly moved a muscle.

Sometimes, you just gotta ask all the right questions.

But that's not all you did. You sat and listened to all the things that I've said.

Did you know that by listening intently to people, we form a deeper sense of connection?

No? Well, now you do, Shelby.

Not eavesdropping silly. Listen once someone is already talking to you, even for just a little while. Cause that in itself requires a whole new level of mutual understanding. When we are listened to, we feel less vulnerable. When we are listened to, we may feel comfortable to reveal ourselves.

And from someone afraid of conversation, to move forward and take all the time to read and ask for all this advice is actually a big leap. I'm pretty proud of you already, sport.

And that people, is our third solution to speaking to new people.

Who do you normally ask for advice?

Correct. Without me hearing your answer I know it would go along the lines of coming from the people you trust.

As humans beings, we are naturally egoistic. Actually heeding advice, if any may even be the last thing you'd resort to when making a decision. But just to think, the mere fact that you allowed a person to express their opinions in your behalf can mean the world to them.

Try asking advice from someone you don't know but want to get acquainted to. It doesn't have to be something big, like how to plan a wedding or how to get away with murder.

Chill with them a while and ask them how to speak a few words in Spanish or how to make the perfect no-bake cheesecake.

And essentially, it makes you sound more interested in the person you are talking to, just enough to break the first wall of trust. Kinda like you know, breaking the first barrier.

To end this session, I  hereby challenge you to hit someone up whom you barely know using all these tips and if you're for it, do share in the comments how it goes!

1.) How to have better conversations with people you've just met, according to science by Sarah DiGiulo

2.) How to talk to people - 17 must read tips for poor communicators by Jude Paler

Hello favorites! This is me reminding you that nothing will be easy at first.

You will take chances, both win and lose them. But there is nothing to be ashamed of for trying because in return no matter the outcome, you grow.

See you, Shelby.

hugs and strangers,
dilagmakata