;; this one's not really poetry per se, but it's somehow poetic - i guess- it plays out in my mind as dialogue

have you ever felt what it's like to drown? like, not mentally, but, in the ocean. 'cause it is the scariest fucking thing.

one minute, you're floating around in a place that's supposed to peaceful, your happy place, your fucking terrain, and then you're sinking and getting consumed by the waters that are too big for you to ever stand up against.

that you don't have a single gasping hope of getting out of this mess, even when everyone you love is screaming your name, because the water's pounding in your ears and you're just being swallowed by this monster of a sea, and you can do nothing about it.

it's like watching yourself die.

you're helpless.

pathetic.

finished.

everything around you is water. it drags your whole body down into the cold abyss of God-knows-where. the salt opens up all your old wounds, making your limbs burst with pain. but worst of all,

you can't breathe.

and that's only supposed to happen

when you're laughing.

i think that's the reason why people are so afraid of drowning. the whole ocean - whatever it is for you, whatever you're struggling with right now, your demons- pretty much consumes you. it's like the mouth of a monster with no teeth, no tongue, but it swallows you whole like any other.

you can't see anything, and you can do nothing as it ties sandbags to your limbs, fills your lungs with water, and rips every bit of energy from your body to possibly get out.

that's it.

it just

drains you.

ironic, huh?