call me Barry Allen the way i fuck up the criminal minds timelines. p.s Reid already got shot in the knee and has almost fully recovered at this point, other than some lingering pain from time to time. also no, i wont mention that i haven't updated this since September of last year. love you guys :)

it had been almost three months of the couple trying to have another baby when Emma decided to go on a girls trip with Jasmine, Rose and Rose's mother, Anne. the girls had a week off from school so Emma and Anne took off from work for a few days to make the most of it. her and Spencer originally wanted to take the time to spend a few days as a family without any cases but they knew it would be suspicious to leave at the same time. 

the talks with Strauss were looking good and they only had to wait a few more weeks until they could tell everyone the truth without it affecting their careers. they had to prove to their bosses that they could work in the same team and be married without it affecting their focus or their ability to do the job, they also couldn't tell anyone yet because it might cause issues within the team that could lessen their chances of staying together in the BAU. they needed to wait until Emma had been on the job for at least six months before making an actual decision and the couple respected their wishes without complaint, not wanting to make it worse on themselves. 

Emma was on her way back home for the trip, excited to see her husband again and be able to spend the night alone with him. Anne had agreed to let Jasmine sleep over so that they could have some time alone and she was extremely grateful. when she walked through their front door she found her husband asleep on the couch while hugging a throw pillow, she smiled at how cute he was before walking over to wake him up so that they could sleep in the bed.

she touched his arm lightly, knowing how jumpy he could get sometimes, but she didn't expect him to flinch so hard at the touch. she moved her hand to his face and stroked his cheek "Spence? wake up Baby, let's go to bed" she whispered gently with a smile still on her face, though it dropped instantly when he opened his eyes. they were almost completely red and watery "hey you, how was-" he tried to reach for her arm in the middle of his sentence but she backed away, looking like she was about to cry "Dove? what's wrong?" he asked concerned, flinching as he moved his arm and then scratching it which just confirmed her worries even more.

"you promised me." she says quietly, tears starting to fall from her eyes "what? Dove you're scaring me, what's going on?" she wiped her tears as she continued "you promised me you would never do this again Spencer" before he could ask her what she meant again she started looking around frantically, opening drawers and boxes "where is it? damn it Spencer, where is the dillaudid!?" she yelled. he flinched back as if she had physically slapped him, hurt and betrayal written clearly on his face at her question "Dove i'm not using aga-" before he could finish she cut him off angrily.

"How stupid do you thing i am Spencer!? the red eyes, the pain and scratching of your arm, the sleeping on the couch because you can't even get to the damn bed-" "Dove" "-i thought we were done with this Spencer. i wanna know why, why would you you do this again? is it work, is it Maeve-" "Dove" "-is it because we're trying to have another baby? are you scared of being a dad again? i don't understand Spencer! we almost lost you the first time-" "Dove" he kept trying to interrupt her calmly but she wouldn't answer.

"-you swore you wouldn't touch the stuff again after everything that happened. Jasmine was so young the first time, thank god, but she's old enough now to remember all of this forever. did you not think about us when you got it? or maybe you did think of us but you just didn't care enough to say no-" he finally actually raised his voice and got her attention at that last remark "Emma!" he cut her off "what!? what could you possibly say right now to make this better?" he shook his head slowly with tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall. he rolled up his sleeve to reveal a rash on his arm.

"i got stung by a bee. it turns out i have a moderate allergy which causes rashes and itchy or watery eyes that quickly turn red from irritation" he says calmly, not even looking at her until he says his next sentence "how selfish do you think i am?" he asks as he finally looks her in the eyes "Spence i-" she tried to apologize but he cut her off with a shake of his head "we are trying to have another baby, how could you possibly think i would do something to screw that up-? i've changed a lot since that time in our lives, i almost lost the two people i care about most in this world because of my addiction. i thank god every single day that Jasmine was too young to remember and that it never affected how i treated her, even when i wasn't in my right mind. my biggest regret in life is how much i hurt you during that time. i think about the words i said to you every single day of our lives. i still have nightmares from the day you flinched away from me because you thought i was going to hurt you, that was the last time i ever touched dillaudid. do you really think so little of me? that i would ever put you through that again, knowing how much you're hurting right now, how much our baby girl is still hurting from the loss of her aunt?"

tears are now streaming down both of their faces at the reminders of the past, Emma reaches out to wipe away his tears but he backs up before she can reach him "Spence please, i'm so sorry" she begs "we've just been going through so much lately and i thought-" he laughs before she can finish but it doesn't sound like the laugh she fell in love with, its sad and disappointed "you thought i 'didn't care enough' right? that's what you said" he scoffs, repeating her earlier words "Spence-" she tries again but he holds his hand up to stop her "don't. just don't"

he wipes away his own tears and looks around the apartment "where's Jasmine?" he asks confused, having just now realised that she wasn't in the room and hoping she didn't hear anything they had just said "she wanted to spend the night with Rose so that we could have some time together" she explains. he nods slowly in reply and looks at the clock, it was past midnight already "you should get some sleep, we have work in the morning" he tells his wife, walking past her to grab a spare blanket "what are you doing?" she asks worriedly.

"i think it's best if i sleep on the couch tonight, i'd rather not go to bed angry" she shakes her head immediately to protest but he's already grabbing his pillow from the bedroom "can we please talk about this Spencer?" he lets out a long sigh, closing his eyes and shaking his head slowly as he drops the pillow on the couch "not tonight. we have work in less than six hours and i know you get tired after long drives, you need to rest" her eyes tear up again at how considerate her husband was even after she was so horrible to him "at least let me sleep on the couch, you know your knee always hurts in the morning when you fall asleep here" 

he once again shakes his head in reply "we'll talk after work tomorrow" he turns out the lights before walking over and giving her a light kiss on the forehead "goodnight Emma" he told her as he laid down, leaving no room for discussion. she walks back into their room and tosses and turns all night, barely able to sleep even with all her exhaustion from the long drive home. after a restless night, she wakes up to her alarm for work and sees that Spencer had already left. 

she feels the guilt weigh her down all morning but tries to hide it as she walks into the bullpen, not wanting their fight to affect their jobs and their hopes of staying on the same team. she smiles in greeting to her colleagues and walks to get a cup of coffee, hesitating when she sees her husband at the machine with Morgan. she silently walks towards them, trying to avoid Spencer's eyes, not able to see the hurt in them and knowing she was the one to cause it.

as she gets to the counter she realises that the guys are blocking the coffee pot and for a second contemplates actually going back to her desk without getting any just to avoid her husbands hurt gaze. she's abruptly pulled from her thoughts as a mug is slid towards her, looking up she realises her husband had made it for her "thanks Spence" she says softly and he just nods in reply with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes before excusing himself and walking to his desk.

she ignores the questioning gaze from Morgan as she makes her way back to her chair and starts on her paperwork. hours later she felt a presence in front of her "Emma do you have that Smith file from the other week, i need it for my report" she looked through her desk and handed her husband the file, trying not to focus on the fact that he still hadn't called her Dove since the night before. 

"thank- what?" she looked up at his questioning tone to find everyone looking at them with weird expressions "you guys okay?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light "did you just call her Emma?" they both froze at the question but tried not their panic show "yeah, so?" Spencer asked, trying to escape their questioning but that had the exact opposite effect "so!? What do you mean so?! you have never once called her Emma since she joined and i demand to know what has been going on with my two favourite geniuses all day!" Garcia told them firmly 

"take a breath Penny" Emma told her, trying to get her to calm down at least a bit "we had an argument, but we're gonna talk about it after work. right now we're just focusing on our paperwork and staying professional until we can go home" she explained gently, luckily before any more questions could be asked Hotch interrupted them all. unfortunately though, the interruption came with a case which meant that they couldn't actually talk about anything tonight.

the hope for this being a simple and quick case gets thrown out the window once they get to the police station in Maryland and see the army there. everything goes at lighting speed after that, they know they have to work as quickly as possible while dealing with an Unsub who uses Anthorax as their preferred murder weapon. as they learn more about this specific strand of Anthorax, their worry grows exponentially. eventually they go back home and start working the case again at their office, since it has become domestic.

they split off into groups as they usually do, some going to the hospital and some working the scene. eventually, after giving a profile and Garcia doing her thing, they find a suspect. Morgan and Reid go to investigate the suspects house and Morgan steps out for a minute to take a phone call. when he gets back though, he's quickly locked out of the house by a frantic Spencer, who later explains that he has just been contaminated by the chemical. 

the team, the army and CDC agents rush to the house, but none of them can do anything just yet. after some more investigating in the house, Spencer's condition worsens and he starts to worry that he genuinely might not make it out this time. he needs to do something in case this takes a turn for the worse and he knows the only way he can do it right now without breaking protocol is to call Garcia.

"hey Reid" she replies, emotions clear in her tone "Reid? wow, no witty Garcia greeting for me?" he asks her, trying to lighten her mood "i can't be my sparkly self when you are where you are" she replies honestly "listen, can you do something for me?" he asks her, his tone changing to become slightly more serious "anything" she replies without hesitation "i need to record a message for someone, in case this doesn't go the way we hope" he can hear her sharp intake of breath "Spence" she tries to comfort him but he stops her.

"please Penelope, this could go either way at this point and we don't have a cure yet. i need to make sure i have this message." she takes another deep breath before agreeing "alright, who's it for?" he lets out a sigh, not knowing how she was gonna take this "if i make it out of here, you can't tell anyone and i promise i will explain everything to you when i'm out but..." he takes a pause to catch his breath "i want to leave a message for Emma's daughter...our daughter" he finally confesses and she gasps, covering her mouth with her hand.

"me and Emma already set up videos a long time ago in case anything ever happened to us but we could never bring ourselves to make any for Jasmine, i just can't leave her without a goodbye" Garcia starts to tear up at the idea of losing one of the people she loves most in the world but she starts the recording anyways and lets him say what he needs to, without any questions. he sits down before starting, he'd been trying to avoid thinking of losing his daughter the entire case but he couldn't ignore it anymore.

"hey sweetheart, it's dad. if you're listening to this, i'm so sorry that i couldn't come home to you. i want you to know that i love you more than anything in this world, there is no one that will ever, ever, compare to you in my heart. you and your mom have been the best things that have ever happened to me and i'm so happy that i had that time with you both. i wish i could be home right now but i know you two will take care of each other. it doesn't matter what happens after this life, just know i will do anything and everything i can do to make sure i watch over you, i'll be there at your graduation, when you start your career, and i'll be there at your wedding even if i can't walk you down the isle like we practiced when you were little. i love you so much more than you could ever imagine and i'm incredibly proud of you, i'm so sorry Bunny."

on both sides of the phone, both agents wipe the tears streaming down their face. "Reid?" Garcia asks when she doesn't hear anything else "sorry, i gotta go" he replies as he hears voices from the door. They continue to work the case, Hotch not letting Emma anywhere near the house the entire time. all she wants to do is speak to her husband, apologise to him a million times over and tell him how much she loves him but Hotch knows it's not safe for her. 

many things happen throughout the next few hours, they find a cure and Spencer gets let out, he gets a decontamination shower and everyone is breathing a little easier until they realise that the young agent has a cut on his arm which means that the chemical most likely entered his blood stream. at that point its a rush to get him to the hospital and treated as fast as possible. the rest of the team finish the case up and wait in the hospital for news on their friend. eventually, he becomes stable and they get the anthorax out of his system.

while he's sleeping in the hospital the nurses tell them that only one person can stay with him as visiting hours are almost over, as much as they all want to see him, they collectively decide that its best that Emma stays with him until he wakes up. she sits in the chair next to his bed for what seems like centuries, replaying their fight over and over again in her head as she cries silently. she rushes over to his side as she hears his shift and his eyes slowly start to open, adjusting to the bright lights in the room.

"hey Dove" he says softly as he registers where he is. she instantly breaks down at the use of the nickname and he opens his arms slowly to let her fall into them, comforting her as she cries into his chest and mumbles apologies into his skin "shh shh, it's okay, it's alright, stop apologizing" he tells her quietly but he feels her shake her head against him, lifting herself up to look into his eyes "i should have never said any of what i said, i know you would never start taking dillaudid again. i was just so scared when i saw you and i jumped to conclusions that i never should have, i'm so sorry Spence" she tells him with tears still streaming from her eyes.

he wipes the dampness from her cheeks and gives her a soft smile "i forgive you, it's okay. all that matters is that the three of us are safe and alive" he tells her as he kisses her forehead, though she gives him a big smile in return "four of us" she replies and for a second he's confused before explains "this is like the worst time to tell you this, but...i'm pregnant" he pulls her back in for another hug, as tight as he can with the little strength he has at that moment.

they both let out more tears at the news, though this time they're much happier and they both have smiles on their faces as they cry. the happiness in the room is only amplified once their daughter walks in, having been cleared to visit because of the circumstances, needing to see her dad in person to believe that he was really okay. "hey Bunny" she rushes to hug him the second she sees him. they all stay in the room, as close as humanly possible, all night long. their little family is now growing bigger and so does the love they have for each other.

A/N: btw, Spencer calls his daughter bunny because the stuffed animal that she used to pack in his bag when she was a kid to "keep him safe" was a small stuffed bunny.