every new beginning comes
from some other beginning's end
- semisonic, "closing time"

The last day of group came faster than Natsu had expected. January was almost over, and the snow was melting in the streets, making way for the cherry blossoms that would soon be blooming. They were planning on celebrating tonight with another party at Laxus' grandfather's place, but Natsu was still feeling uneasy about their last session together.

Humming to himself, he tried to chase the thoughts away by making pancakes while Gray was swimming. Natsu hadn't ever cooked much at Don's, and Don had never made anything that wasn't from a box, so Natsu had spent the last four years eating ramen and microwave dinners. Gray was slowly teaching him how to cook, but Natsu had never made pancakes before.

Plugging in his iPod and tying an apron over his bare chest, Natsu began to mix the ingredients together, hips swaying as he moved to the fridge to grab the eggs and milk. Following the recipe was reassuring, measuring and pouring and then warming the pan. The rhythm of the music slowly chased away the fears curled up in his chest, and he started to sing along.

We were victims of the night, the chemical, physical kryptonite
helpless to the bass and the fading light
oh, we were born to get together, born to get together

A brief mental image of himself, curled up on the floor of Don's kitchen, broken glass shaking in his hand, flashed through his head. Natsu took a deep breath, inhaling the strong scent of coffee and trying to distract himself like his therapist recommended. This wasn't Don's kitchen. This was Gray's – no, his and Gray's kitchen. He wasn't hiding or hurting himself. He was making pancakes for his boyfriend.

A pair of cold hands settled on his hips and Natsu yelped as Gray leaned over and kissed his neck. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but he refused to let Gray break his rhythm. Instead, he grabbed Gray's hands, winking at him flirtatiously, and pulled him closer.

oh, don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, he said shut up and dance with me
this person is my destiny, he said mmhmmm
shut up and dance with me

Natsu tugged Gray's arm in front of him and then spun him outward across the kitchen, catching his fingers at the last minute and twirling him back against his chest. He felt a laugh bubble out of him, trying to remember the last time he had danced. Natsu leaned over and flipped a pancake with one hand, then returned to Gray, pulling him back in for a kiss while he guided Gray's hips.

"You need to loosen up a bit," Natsu murmured in Gray's ear, fingers hovering over the waistband of Gray's sweatpants. He rolled his hips suggestively, then grinned and pulled back, returning to the stove.

"You're a tease," Gray replied, moving to stand behind Natsu. He rested his head on Natsu's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Natsu's waist. "You made me pancakes?"

"I attempted to make you pancakes," Natsu corrected, gesturing at the plate. "I make no guarantees as to how they taste. Did you remember to get real cream for the coffee when you went for groceries?" Gray rolled his eyes – he used almond milk, which Natsu insisted was not an acceptable substitute for half-and-half.

"Yes, dear," Gray grumbled, pressing a kiss to the back of Natsu's neck and moving over to the fridge, taking out the syrup and the cream. He set everything on the counter and poured them both a mug of coffee, then settled himself onto a kitchen stool and waited for Natsu to finish with the pancakes.

They ate breakfast in comfortable silence, twining their feet together under the stools and nudging each other gently to pass the cream or blueberries. Despite his uncertainty, Natsu's pancakes were amazing, and Gray ate way more than was necessary.

"You ready for today?" Gray asked. He gazed at Natsu, head cocked to the side. "Feels weird, doesn't it?"

"Feels like it's been a lot longer than two months," Natsu replied, mouth full of pancakes. "Everyone's changed so much." Gray hummed in agreement, sipping at his coffee.

"It's gonna be weird not to see everyone all the time," Gray said eventually, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I mean, they all feel like..."

"Family?" Natsu suggested. Gray nodded, running his fingers over the design on his mug. "Yeah. But I mean, it's not like we'll never see them again."

It was true – they had all already been spending time together outside of group. He and Gray had agreed to volunteer at the youth camp that Ryos was attending this summer, and Freed would be there too. Natsu had invited Lucy to bring Kaden out to the park with him, Gray and Ultear's kids last weekend, which had ended with everyone exhausted and spending the afternoon napping. Plus, the two of them had spent Friday night over at Gajeel and Levy's, helping Ryos babysit new baby Kiya while her parents got some much-needed sleep.

"I think it's just... it feels safe," Gray said finally, draining the rest of his coffee and standing to clear the counter. Natsu leaned over and wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing Gray on the cheek. Gray smiled and rested his head on Natsu's. "It's safe and we know everyone, and now everything is going to change."

__________

The common room at the Youth Center hummed with an anticipatory energy. Lucy sprawled across the couch, head in Cana's lap, while Erza lounged on the floor across from Natsu. Gajeel was asleep with his head in his arms, and Laxus and Gray talked animatedly about something in the corner of the room. Natsu sighed happily, stretching his feet out and bumping Erza's ankle.

"Hello everyone!" Mira bustled into the room, arms full of papers that she dropped on the closest table. She blew a few stray strands of hair out of her face, then put her hands on her hips and surveyed the room. "How's everyone feeling?" A mumble of half-hearted okays filled the room. "You're all enthusiastic this morning," she teased, tying her hair back and leaning against the desk. "Aren't you all looking forward to being done group?"

"...not really," Laxus said honestly, leaning back in his chair. He kicked Gajeel under the table, who jumped, startled. "I kinda got used to it."

"That's a common reaction," Mira reassured them, smiling gently. "Humans take comfort in ritual, in patterns, in sameness. But the only way we can grow is by facing adversity, accepting hardship, and becoming stronger because of it."

"Haven't we all had enough hardship?" Gajeel grumbled, tugging a hand through his tangled hair. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and Gray was pretty certain he was wearing the same shirt as yesterday.

"Agreed," Natsu said, kicking his feet up on a beanbag chair. He grinned at Gray, who rolled his eyes.

"If only it were that easy," Mira said gently. She shuffled through the stack of papers next to her, then fanned them out and began handing them to everyone. "These are your needs and wants that you all handed in from the first day of group. I would like to go over them, and then talk about your plans for the future."

Natsu looked down at the sheet of paper in his hand, then laughed out loud. Mira raised an eyebrow at him.

"Would you like to go first, Natsu?" she asked. He snorted, rubbing a hand over his face.

"No, it's just... this one wasn't my real goal, but I still achieved it." He grinned at Gray. "What I really want," he read from the paper. "Is this hot guy's phone number." Gray groaned in embarrassment, dropping his face into his arms. "And maybe a date where I can get him to smile."

"I think that should count," Lucy chimed in, high-fiving Natsu from the couch. Mira gave them both a mildly exasperated look, and Natsu waved his hand apologetically.

"I'll go first for real," Gray grumbled, glaring at his boyfriend. "I said that I wanted people to stop asking if I'm okay." He hesitated, chewing on his lip. "I'm okay with that now. I know that it's... coming from a good place, y'know?" Everyone nodded. "So... yeah. What I needed then was to let my sister help me, and I have."

"And what about now?" Mira asked. "What's your goal leaving group?" Gray contemplated the question for a moment before answering.

"I want to keep letting people into my life," he said quietly. "I want to go back to school, keep working, maybe travel. Learn how to be okay with myself." He exhaled, and Natsu was tempted to move over to grab his hand. He stayed where he was though, and Gray looked over to him with a smile on his face.

"Wonderful, Gray. You've come so far." Mira lifted up another piece of paper and handed it to him. "The district will print your actual diploma, so this is just a placeholder. To show you all how proud I am of you." Gray took the certificate, his face carefully neutral as he scanned it. Natsu knew that look – it was Gray's I'm-embarrassed-that-I'm-actually-getting-emotional-about-this expression.

"I'll go next," Lucy offered. "I wanted to go home to Kaden and needed to stand up to my dad. Now I'm in my own place, and my ex and I have figured out custody. My dad and I are talking again, but I'm not letting him control me anymore." She played with the ring on her pinkie finger. "I'm gonna start courses at the teen parents' center soon, and try to figure out what I want to do with my life."

"I wanted to play music," Erza said after Lucy had accepted her certificate from Mira. "And ignore my responsibilities. And I needed to set better boundaries. I've learned a lot about healthy relationships, and I know I'll be able to use those skills to make good decisions. I'm trying to find a job now, and keep writing music."

"I wanted to be away from here," Laxus laughed, tapping his fingers on the paper. "Wanted to be with my friends. But now I have friends there and here." Natsu smiled, thinking of their Saturday evenings spent playing games, watching Laxus slip into a softer version of himself around Freed. "I needed to move in with Gramps and I did. I'm starting school in a couple weeks, gonna be an electrician."

Cana sighed, staring at her paper with a strange look on her face. Lucy looked up at her and grabbed her hand, rubbing her fingers over Cana's knuckles.

"Back then I wanted a drink," Cana said quietly. "And I still do. That's... I haven't beat that one. Dunno if I will for a long time."

"Addictions are difficult demons," Mira said, voice gentle. "Nobody expects you to be one hundred percent overnight. Or even after two months."

"Yeah," Cana conceded. "And I have learned better ways of dealing. I haven't had a drink since before Christmas, which doesn't seem like a big deal..."

"It is a big deal," Natsu interrupted, leaning forward. "It's a big deal, and we're all really proud of you." He could feel his scars rubbing underneath his long-sleeved shirt – he knew how important those days were.

"Thank you." Cana's face flushed red, but she continued. "I'm registered to go back to school in a few weeks, which is gonna be shitty but I'm gonna do it. I don't wanna fuck up again."

There was a silence in the room, and Natsu imagined that everyone was thinking the same thing. Eventually he realized it was just him and Gajeel left to share.

"Guess it's my turn for real," he said, grinning. "Although I did get the cute boy's number and a date, and more than one smile, so I think that should count for something."

"Oh my god, shut up," Gray mumbled, cheeks flushed red. "What are your real goals, you ass?"

"Okay, okay," Natsu said, glancing down at the paper. "I, uh..." his mood suddenly took a sharp downturn. "I wanted people to trust me." There was a heavy silence, and Natsu rolled his lip ring between his teeth. "And then I went and did some stupid shit that probably made that pretty hard. But... I'm getting there. I trust myself now. I'm counting too," he said, glancing over and making eye contact with Cana. He gestured at his arm. "Thirty-nine days."

"That's wonderful, Natsu," Mira said. She pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders. "And what's your goal moving forward?"

"Oh. I've got lots." Natsu thought back to his most recent appointment with his psychiatrist where they'd had a very similar discussion. "Keep taking my meds, go to my appointments, ask for help when I need it, let people help me." He could feel Gray looking at him, but he kept his eyes on the uneven pattern of the carpet. "I'm going back to school like Laxus. And starting a job tomorrow. I just... I guess my goal is to not get to... to that point again. Where I hurt myself. Or worse."

Gray moved over, sliding down on the floor next to Natsu and putting an arm around his shoulders. Natsu hadn't realized that he'd been crying until then, and he managed to laugh through his tears. Gray leaned his head against Natsu's and rubbed his back soothingly.

"Those are wonderful goals, Natsu," Mira said, smiling and turning to look at Gajeel. Everyone followed her gaze to see him fast asleep again, snoring softly and drooling onto the desk.

"No," Gray interrupted before Natsu could say anything.

"I wasn't gon—"

"You were going to suggest we draw a dick on his face because you are twelve years old," Gray retorted, rolling his eyes. Natsu tried to pout, but it turned into a laugh.

"Why don't we let him sleep?" Mira suggested as Laxus draped Gajeel's jacket over his shoulders. She hopped up until she was sitting on the desk and glanced around the room. "You are a phenomenal group of young people who have been given terrible situations to overcome. I know that society doesn't always understand what you're going through, and they label you with names and assumptions that you don't deserve. If no other adult in your life tells you that they're proud of you, I will."

Natsu sniffed a few times, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand. Gray's arm tightened around his shoulder, and he let himself relax into the embrace.

"I've only known you for two months, but you have all done more self-improvement in that time than most people do in their entire life." Her eyes moved around the room, lingering on each one of them long enough to give them a meaningful look. "Don't stop here. Keep improving. Keep being better. I know you can do it, especially if you help each other. The relationships you've made here are far more important than any worksheet, art project, or poem that you've created." She gave them all a bright smile, then gestured around the room. "I have nothing else to give you. Go out in the world and be wonderful."

__________

"Can we go to the beach?" Natsu stared out the window the car, conscious of Gray's questioning gaze. He was wearing one of Gray's too-big hoodies, and he pulled the sleeves over his hands. It felt safe, like a cocoon.

"Sure," Gray said softly, reaching over to grab Natsu's hand. "I mean, it's three in the morning and January, but sure." Natsu didn't respond, just rested his forehead against the window as Gray turned onto the next road toward the ocean. "Anywhere in particular?"

"The pier," Natsu said. He felt Gray's fingers tighten around his, and he knew that Gray was thinking of their night on the abandoned boat under the stars.

Natsu sighed, rolling down his window and letting the cool breeze fill the car. Today had been hard. After group, they had gone home and he had fallen asleep with his head in Gray's lap, napping until they'd left for the Laxus' place. The party itself had been bittersweet. They all knew that it wasn't the last time they would see each other, but something about it had felt final, which led to everyone staying way later than was necessary.

After a few minutes they pulled up to the pier and Gray turned off the car. Natsu sat for a moment, listening to the crash of the surf and feeling it in his chest. He turned to Gray, pulling their hands up to his lips and kissing Gray's knuckles.

"Come with me," he said softly, pushing open his door and stepping out into the sand.

They both kicked off their socks and shoes and rolled up their pants, then made their way down to the edge of the water. Natsu shivered as the surf rolled over his feet. He felt like it was dragging him into the ocean, and he stood there for a moment, letting the sensation overwhelm him.

"I died at the hospital, didn't I?"

It wasn't what he'd meant to ask, but once the words left his mouth it felt right. Gray didn't reply for a moment.

"They wouldn't tell me anything," he said finally, wading out a bit further into the water. "They just kept saying they were trying to stabilize you, but... in the ambulance, you looked..." His voice wavered a bit. "I kept asking, and asking..." He sighed, then finally answered the question. "Yeah, I think so."

"I had a dream about it," Natsu said softly, leaning down and running his fingers through the sand. "I was drowning, and something was dragging me down." He looked up to see Gray gazing at him curiously. "Someone pulled me out. It was you... but not you."

"Me?" Gray looked puzzled.

"Mm. You brought me here, to the beach, and you told me I was dying." Natsu put a hand on his chest, remembering the icy feeling that had flooded through him. "You had the wrong voice."

Gray stepped forward and grabbed Natsu's hand, not even flinching as a larger wave broke on the beach and crashed around their ankles, soaking the bottoms of their rolled-up pants.

"You told me I was running out of time," Natsu said softly, exhaling as Gray leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "And..." His voice caught and Gray tipped his head so they were looking at each other. Natsu shivered. He remembered blood, and cold, and not being able to feel. "I said I wasn't ready."

"Good," Gray whispered, tugging Natsu in for a kiss. It was slow and soft, and Natsu let himself feel every inch of Gray pressed against him. After a moment he pulled back and placed his hands on Gray's hips.

"I need to ask you something stupid," Natsu whispered, looking out to the shadows of the abandoned ships floating on the waves. It felt like forever ago that he'd woken up there, watching the sunrise and wondering when he was going to eat next.

"I'm sure it's not that stu—"

"I need you to teach me how to swim," Natsu interrupted. Gray was silent for a second, then laughed, pressing his nose into Natsu's hair.

"That's not stupid, I can—"

"Now," Natsu said. Gray blinked.

"Like... right now?" Gray looked around them. The only light came from the car's headlights and the lamp hanging on the dock, and nobody was around.

"Yeah." Natsu chewed on his lip ring nervously. He'd had no idea they would end up here when they'd left Laxus' place, but now that they were standing in the surf, it felt... important. Necessary.

"Okay," Gray said. Natsu blinked as Gray let go of his hands, stepping out of the surf and tugging his sweater over his head. "We'd better put our clothes in the car so they don't get wet."

"Wait... seriously?" Natsu's chest warmed as he watched his boyfriend wriggle out of his clothes until he was only wearing his boxers. He'd even ditched his shirt and was now shivering, holding his bundle of clothing in front of his chest.

"Hurry up, I'm gonna freeze to death unless we get in the water soon."

Several minutes later they were both in their underwear, clothes stashed safely in the car, wading out into the surf. Natsu gasped as a larger wave rolled in, crashing into his knees and splashing up onto his chest.

"Fuck, that's cold," he hissed, clutching Gray's forearms. Gray laughed, tugging him deeper into the waves.

"I'd like to remind you that this was your idea," Gray said, crouching slightly so that the water came up to his chest. "And also point out that teaching someone to swim in the ocean, in the dark, is probably not the best way to do this, so please, whatever you do, do not let go of me." Natsu complied eagerly, stumbling into Gray's chest and clinging to him as the water crashed around them.

"Bleh." Natsu spit out a mouth full of salt water, making a face at the taste. "You're right, this was a terrible idea."

"C'mere," Gray said softly. He tugged Natsu closer to him, pulling him until his back was flush with Gray's chest and his head was on Gray's shoulder. Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu's waist, nudging his legs until they were off the ocean floor. He slowly moved out into the deeper water, turning them to face the beach. "Kick your legs."

"I feel stupid," Natsu grumbled, but he followed Gray's instructions, kicking his feet to keep his chest above water. Slowly, Gray began to loosen his grip, until he had one hand on the small of Natsu's back and the other under Natsu's head. The sensation of weightlessness was terrifying and exhilarating.

"There – you're floating." Gray's voice was gentle. Natsu shivered, feeling a tug of panic in his stomach as Gray began to slide his hand away.

"W-ait," Natsu said quickly, trying to turn. A wave crashed through suddenly, catching Natsu by surprise and hitting him in the face. Natsu's arms flew out to either side as he slid under the surface of the water, then came up just as quick.

"Hey, you're okay, you're okay," Gray soothed, pulling Natsu toward him and helping him brush the seawater from his face. Natsu sputtered, wrapping his arms around himself and glaring at the water. "Are you okay?"

"F-fine," Natsu muttered, cuddling closer to Gray's chest and feeling infinitely more comfortable with Gray's arms wrapped around him. "J-just scared me." He shivered, feeling somehow defeated. An ache of disappointment began to spread through him, but it was halted by Gray's words in his ear.

"I'll keep you safe." His lips brushed Natsu's cheek as he wrapped his arms tighter around Natsu's torso. "I won't let you get hurt. Trust me." Gray began to place soft kisses down Natsu's neck, hands moving down to press into his lower back. Natsu made a soft sound, tugging Gray's hair until they were kissing. The salt water tasted terrible, but Gray's mouth was soft and warm, and Natsu threaded his fingers into Gray's hair.

"You're not alone anymore," Gray murmured, nipping at Natsu's bottom lip. As a wave came up behind them, he wrapped his arms around Natsu's waist, lifting him easily over the swell. "I won't let you drown."

"I love you," Natsu murmured, burying his face in Gray's chest. He hadn't said it since the letter-reading incident at Freed's, but it rolled off his tongue and he couldn't stop himself. Then, thinking back to what little he remembered from French classes, he added, "je t'aime." Gray made a choked sound, wrapping his hand around the back of Natsu's head and kissing his hair.

"Je t'aime aussi, mon coeur," he whispered. "I love you, too." They weathered another few waves, shivering against each other under the moon. "Why don't we get out of here," Gray suggested after a moment. "I have a towel in the trunk, we can dry off and go home and I'll make tea. I'll teach you how to swim in the pool tomorrow."

"You're perfect," Natsu murmured as he let Gray pull him away from the ocean and onto the beach. The sand clung to their feet as they ran back to the car, toweling off quickly and shimmying back into their clothes. Gray hopped up on the hood of the car and reached out for Natsu, pulling him up and wrapping an arm around him.

"Are we gonna be okay?" Natsu asked, burying his face in Gray's chest. He couldn't shake this feeling that everything was changing, that nothing was ever going to be the same.

"We're already okay," Gray replied, running his fingers through the tangles in Natsu's hair. "It's not gonna be easier, but we're...stronger now." Natsu hummed, relaxing into the embrace. He leaned backward, looking up at the constellations and thinking of his dream.

"I'm glad you found me," he whispered, twining their fingers together. The sound of the waves and the smell of the ocean and the stars over them made him feel ethereal. Gray propped himself up on one arm and looked down at him, smiling.

"I'm glad we found each other," he replied. "You ready to go make a life together?" The question sounded both innocent and like a promise, and it flooded Natsu with warmth.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Good," Gray said. Then he leaned down and kissed Natsu, soft and sweet, like it was their first time. "Then let's go home."