my head's underwater but i'm breathing fine
you're crazy and i'm out of my mind
- john legend, "all of me"

"Bickslow Kristof Ketzler, if you put down one more goddamn plus four card, I swear to god I will end you."

Bix tipped his head back and laughed at Ever, then reached out to the centre of the coffee table and dropped his card on the pile.

"Oh, fuck you," Ever grumbled, picking up her cards and adding them to her ever-growing hand.

"Uno is harsh," Natsu commented. "Middle-naming is serious business." Play passed to Freed, who stared at their cards intently, playfully pushing Laxus away when he tried to peek at them.

"Right, so we need to learn your middle names so we can shame you in the same manner," Ever said, grinning as she took a sip of her drink. She had come home from work shortly after Gray had finished talking with Freed, and Laxus had shown up not long after. Freed and Bix had made them all supper, and now they were relaxing in the living room together. Or rather, most of them were relaxing. Ever seemed like she might kill Bix at any moment, judging by the number of cards in her hand.

"I don't have a middle name," Natsu replied, leaning back against Gray. He was sitting on the floor between Gray's legs since Freed didn't have enough chairs. Ever looked over curiously at him and Natsu shrugged. "Sorry, this is kind of a downer – my mom was high when I was born and they only reason CPS knew to put 'Natsu' on the birth certificate is cause my dad was kinda with it and wrote it down."

"That's fucked up," Bix commented, and Baby thumped her tail on the floor, seemingly in agreement. She was half under Bix's chair, half leaning on Natsu. "I'm sorry, my friend." Natsu made a noncommittal sound, feeling a strange twisting in the pit of his stomach. Gray was the only person he'd ever told about his mom and the drugs.

"It's not a big deal," Natsu said, leaning into the hand that had appeared in his hair. Gray's fingers combed through the tangles and Natsu sighed happily. It was reassuring to know that Gray could read him well enough to know when he needed that kind of gentle comfort. "Just meant my foster parents could never middle-name shame me when I got in trouble. Which was... often."

"Looks like we'll have to get creative," Freed said, dropping their card on the table. "Blue pick up two." Laxus groaned and bumped his ankle against Freed's, hooking his foot around Freed's leg and giving them an exasperatedly fond look. "Laxus Oleskij, it's your turn."

"Mhmm." Laxus looked unashamed of his middle name as he grabbed two more cards from the pile. "And you, 'just Freed,' are a cheater."

"I got rid of my middle names when I came out," Freed explained as Gray shuffled through his cards. Natsu must have given Freed a curious look, and they smiled at him. "I changed my name, it was too... obviously gendered. So were my middle names." They fiddled with their cards absently. "My parents are..."

"Assholes?" Laxus supplied gruffly, looking protective. Freed reached over and rested a hand on his knee.

"That, sometimes," they admitted. Natsu gazed at Freed for a moment, taking in their long, intricately braided hair, their delicate facial features, their flat chest, their black leggings and off-the-shoulder top. It had never occurred to Natsu to try to guess their 'assigned' gender. "I like to think that their religion guides them in directions that make acceptance difficult."

"You give them too much credit," Laxus said, resting his hand over Freed's. His usually impassive face looked dark and fierce.

"They're my parents, love." Freed smiled and leaned over, resting their forehead against Laxus'. Then they turned and nodded for Gray to take his turn.

"Plus four, darling," Gray said with mock sweetness, leaning over and kissing Natsu's cheek as he dropped his card into the pile. "And the new color is red." Natsu felt a blush creep into his cheeks at Gray's use of the word darling.

"You fucker," he grumbled, drawing new cards from the pile as Gray laughed. "Fine then, what's your middle name? Anything embarrassing?" He felt Gray tense behind him, and he glanced up, frowning. "What's wrong?"

"I'd... rather not," Gray admitted quietly, looking just to the left of Natsu's gaze. "You'll just have to be creative for me, too." He glanced up at the group and attempted to look unconcerned, but Natsu could see that pain and unhappiness were hidden under the fake smile.

"Of course," Laxus rumbled, nodding his head at Gray. Natsu rested his arm on Gray's thigh, squeezing it gently. He was curious, but he knew better than to push Gray when he didn't want to talk.

"All right Ever, lucky for you I don't have any more plus fours," Bix said, grinning and running his fingers over the braille on the edge of his card.

"Thank go- are you fucking kidding me?" Ever glared down at Bix's final card that was now resting on the top of the pile. "You didn't even say Uno!"

"Nobody called me on it!" Bix protested. He was right, nobody had been paying attention to anyone else's hands. Ever leaned over and punched him in the shoulder.

"You are such a jerk!" she exclaimed. Bix chuckled, patting her hand gently.

"Oh, my dearest Beatrice Gertrude," he said, grinning. Natsu giggled as her face turned bright pink.

"Oh my fucking god," she said, sighing. "My parents are Shakespeare professors, okay? My horrible name is not my fault." She groaned, throwing, down her cards on the couch in defeat. Natsu was pretty sure she had ended up with almost twenty. "Thankfully my mom gave me a nickname or I'd be stuck being called 'Bea' for the rest of my life. What the hell were they thinking?"

"Beatrice isn't the worst name," Natsu argued as they all tossed their cards down on the table. "I was in a group home once with someone whose name was Lovechild. Like, that was her actual name. Her birth parents were super hippies." Gray snorted from behind him. "What else... there was this guy named Rage and he was unsurprisingly a huge asshole."

"Rage?" Laxus asked in disbelief. "What... the fuck."

"It's a self-fulfilling prophecy," Natsu agreed, scratching Baby's head. She rolled onto her back, tongue lolling from her mouth. "Bix, I might have to kidnap your dog."

"Natsu, you monster," Bix faux-gasped. "You would steal a blind man's guide dog? Have you no shame?"

"I'm pretty sure your dog has no shame," Natsu retorted as Baby inched even closer to him – she was almost entirely in his lap at this point. Gray leaned down across Natsu's shoulders to scratch behind her ears and she panted happily. "Gray, we need a puppy."

Gray snorted, pressing a kiss to Natsu's cheek and sitting up again. He stretched, then accepted the bowl of chips that Laxus was passing around the table.

"Somehow I don't think Happy would be too excited about that," he said. Natsu sighed dramatically, leaning back on Gray's legs. "Besides, you don't really want a puppy. You just want to snuggle puppies. Go volunteer at the SPCA or something." Natsu huffed, but didn't disagree.

"She is a lot of work," Bix agreed, clicking his tongue and reaching down. Baby immediately jumped out of Natsu's lap, ignoring his whispered traitor, and sat in front of Bix, nuzzling his hand.

Natsu reached up and squeezed Gray's hand cautiously – he seemed okay, but Natsu knew how good he was at hiding how he was really feeling. Gray squeezed back, then began to trace his thumb over Natsu's wrist. He brushed over the row of burns there and Natsu winced, but Gray didn't stop, just continued the soothing motion, and Natsu slowly relaxed.

"Well, Bix is now winning by... four hundred and eighty-three points?" Freed said incredulously, and Bix snickered. Laxus grabbed the tally sheet from Freed's hand, frowned at it, then tossed it back on the table.

"Okay, I'm not watching Bix win a fourth game," Ever said, standing up and stretching. "I'm gonna make popcorn. Anyone wanna play MarioKart?"

__________

They left Freed's place much later than they had expected, and only after Gray had soundly beat every single person in MarioKart. Before they left, Freed had packed up leftovers and made them promise to come back again next weekend.

"Snowflake?" Natsu said quietly. "You okay?"

Gray was standing in the front entrance of the apartment, gaze unfocused, gently clenching and unclenching his fists while he breathed steadily. Natsu took a step toward him but Gray shook his head, so Natsu stood against the opposite wall and waited. Gray had been silent and tense the whole drive home, so Natsu had been prepared for worse.

Eventually, Gray relaxed the tension in his arms and exhaled, then reached out for Natsu, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. Natsu pressed a kiss into Gray's hair.

"It's Jean-Yves." Gray's voice was muffled against Natsu's shoulder, and Natsu frowned at the words, gently tugging Gray back until they were looking at each other. "My middle name," Gray clarified, keeping his gaze on the ground. "It's Jean-Yves."

Oh. Natsu immediately recognized the name as the uncle who had killed Gray's mom. No wonder Gray didn't want to tell anybody.

"I'm sor—"

"No." Gray covered Natsu's mouth with his hand, then dropped it slowly, dragging his fingers over Natsu's lips. "No more apologies. I don't want to talk about this anymore." Natsu nodded, grabbing Gray's wrist and pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand. "Remember... at Christmas? You said you could help me forget?"

"Mmhmm," Natsu replied, running his teeth up Gray's thumb and pressing another kiss there. Gray shivered, stepping closer.

"I need you to make love to me," Gray whispered, grabbing Natsu's arm and pulling it around his waist. Natsu's breath hitched and he groaned softly at Gray's words. "Make it so that all I can think of is you." Gray's voice dropped into an almost-whisper, lips brushing Natsu's ear. Natsu shuddered, biting down gently on Gray's thumb. "Make it so the only thing I can say is your name."

"Fuck, Gray," Natsu moaned, moving his hand up to the back of Gray's head and fisting his fingers roughly in Gray's hair.

"Th-that's the idea," Gray gasped, tipping his head back and pressing his hips forward against Natsu's. "Please."

"I've never..." Natsu hesitated, but Gray shook his head, tipping Natsu's chin up and biting his bottom lip gently.

"Me neither. It's okay. I'll help you." He kissed Natsu, open-mouthed and soft and full of affection. "I trust you." Gray backed up slowly and tugged on Natsu's hand, and they made their way to the bedroom, where Natsu backed Gray up towards the bed.

"Take this off," Natsu murmured, grasping the bottom of Gray's shirt and tugging it up. His own shirt followed, and then he pushed Gray back on the bed, straddling his thighs. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," Gray said breathlessly, propping himself up on his elbows. "I want you. And... it's not just because I'm sad or angry." He let out a soft sigh as Natsu leaned forward and ran gentle hands up his chest. "That's part of it, but... I want this. Please."

"Okay," Natsu whispered. He pressed gently on Gray's chest until Gray was lying back with his head on the pillow. "Let me take care of you."

Natsu's lips started just below Gray's ear, caressing the soft skin there and then trailing down Gray's neck to the hollow of his throat. Natsu kept his teeth out of it for now – that was for when they were clashing together, hard and fast and breathless. This was... something else.

Gray moaned as Natsu's lips drifted down his chest, stopping at the edge of his scar. Natsu brushed his lips against the raised, white area and Gray shuddered underneath him. This wasn't the first time Natsu had touched Gray here, but every time he did it, Natsu felt like he had to remind Gray how much he cared for him.

"You're brave," Natsu murmured as he kissed along the border of the scar, then dragged his tongue to the centre. His left hand wrapped around Gray's ribs, fingers tucked under him, while Natsu's right hand reached up to grasp Gray's wrist. "You're perfect."

Natsu made his way lower down Gray's chest, pressing soft kisses as Gray moaned and arched his back beneath him. When he reached the edge of Gray's jeans, Natsu moved upward again, then turned his attention to the left side of Gray's body. He wasn't sure how long he spent kissing and caressing and whispering soft words, but by the time he reached Gray's pants the second time, Gray was a panting, shaking mess underneath him.

"Okay?" Natsu asked, fingers resting lightly over Gray's belt buckle.

"Yes," Gray whispered shakily. "Please, yes."

Natsu undid the buckle, then the button of Gray's jeans and the zipper, taking his time as Gray whined and arched up toward him. He slid each layer down Gray's legs, tossing the garments in a pile on the floor, then got rid of his own clothes as well. When he came back to the bed and settled in between Gray's legs, Gray looked down at him with an expression of longing.

"Fuck, you're incredible," Natsu whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the inside of Gray's hip. Gray gasped and jerked upward, so Natsu grasped his thighs to keep him still and repeated the motion on the other leg.

"Natsu," Gray whispered, one hand fisted in the bedsheets, the other grasping Natsu's shoulder. "I want..." Natsu continued to press kisses everywhere but where Gray wanted them, then looked up and grinned.

"Demande gentiment," he said, and Gray groaned, eyes widening in surprise.

"S'il te plaît," he begged, voice breaking. Natsu smiled, then dropped his head back down and took Gray's cock into his mouth, slowly and gently, revelling in the noises Gray made. They had done this a few times now, but each time Natsu learned more about Gray's body, about what he liked, what pulled those soft moans and gasps out of him.

"Natsu, fuck..." Gray's voice shook and his fingers carded through Natsu's hair as he shuddered and arched on the bed. After a minute, Natsu felt the grip on his hair tightening. "I want... please, I need..."

Natsu hummed, then pulled away gently as a soft whine escaped Gray's throat. He pressed one more kiss to the inside of Gray's thigh, then shuffled up to grab the lube and a condom from side table drawer. Then he leaned down and kissed Gray again, running his tongue over Gray's lip and drawing it into his mouth.

"Are you sure about this?" Natsu asked, gasping as Gray leaned up and bit gently where his neck met his shoulder. Natsu's whole body was shaking, vibrating with a nervous energy that made everything a thousand times more sensitive. He wasn't sure if he was asking for Gray's sake or his own.

"Yes," Gray whispered in his ear. "Yes. I want you. Please." Natsu nodded and brushed his lips over Gray's cheek, moving back down and settling between his legs. Gray had done this to him several times now, but the idea of screwing it up or making it not enjoyable for Gray was terrifying.

Gray must have noticed Natsu's hesitation, because he pushed himself up on his elbows again and gave Natsu a soft smile. "Do you want me to help you?" he asked. Natsu nodded shyly.

So Gray showed him. Guided Natsu's hands, his mouth, his body. Kissed him gently when he fumbled, made soft gasps of pleasure when he didn't. They took their time, movements slow and languid, and when Natsu was finally inside of Gray, they were both shaking and panting and trembling.

Gods. Natsu stilled, letting Gray get used to the feeling. Everything was bright sparks, and there was heat everywhere they touched, and Gray was making these soft pleading sounds that made Natsu simultaneously feel like he was going to die and that he had never been more alive.

"Holy shit, Gray," he gasped, pressing his forehead against Gray's chest as Gray's fingers scraped patterns over his back. Then he felt Gray's thigh nudging him to move, and he did. "You're amazing," he murmured.

"Natsu," Gray moaned, hands roaming everywhere – Natsu's hair, his back, his arms, his face. Gray's eyes were shut and his face was tight and he looked right on the edge of falling apart. Natsu's arms shook as he rocked into his boyfriend, again and again until they were both trembling and panting. Natsu shifted a bit and Gray's eyes flew open, locking onto Natsu's as his chest rose and fell.

The moment stretched until it felt like Natsu had lived it a thousand times – Gray's wide, almost frightened stare, his trembling lower lip, the sheen of sweat across his chest, his hand cupping Natsu's cheek. And then Gray was throwing his head back, eyes screwed shut and mouth falling open, fingers digging into Natsu's hips as he whispered his name over, and over, and over.

Natsu couldn't hold himself back and he found himself falling, too – leaning forward and letting Gray's lips muffle his long, low moan. Everything was sparks and fire and hot release. His entire body felt heavy, suddenly, and he collapsed forward onto his elbows, panting and shaking.

"Fuck," Natsu whispered, dropping his forehead to Gray's chest. Gray made a weak sound of agreement, arms coming up slowly to wrap around Natsu's shoulders. They lay like that for several minutes until Natsu needed to roll off the bed, tossing the condom in the garbage and handing Gray his pajamas.

Natsu slipped into his own sweatpants, feeling a deep, satisfied type of exhaustion flooding through his body. Slipping under the covers, he wordlessly nudged Gray over, then curled up behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist. Gray sighed softly, melting into the embrace as Natsu kissed the back of his neck.

"Thank you," Gray murmured, fingers moving down Natsu's arm to entwine with his own. Happy jumped up onto the bed with a satisfied purr, then plunked himself down against Gray's chest, tail wrapped over his nose.

"Mmmm I think I should be thanking you," Natsu said sleepily, shifting his arm until it was underneath the pillow. He nudged one of his legs between Gray's and rubbed his thumb absently over Gray's stomach. "You're incredible."

Gray hummed quietly, tipping his head back to give Natsu a quick kiss. Natsu returned it and then yawned, squirming slightly until he was completely comfortable. The last thing he heard before he drifted off to sleep was Gray, quietly whispering, "I love you, too."

__________

French Translations

Demande gentiment = ask nicely
S'il te plait = please