shipwrecked by a sea so stormy
i'm lost but i'm never lonely
i can see it now, that you were my way out
- hedley, "we are unbreakable"

"Welcome back, everyone!"

Mira burst into the common area of the Youth Center with a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, books tucked under one arm and a coffee in the other. "Happy New Year!"

An assortment of vaguely enthusiastic murmurs circled through the group, and Gray contributed with a half-hearted "yay" mumbled over his cup of coffee.

"It looks like everyone is bright and chipper today!" Mira teased, and a couple of people groaned. Cana, Erza and Lucy were almost asleep in the beanbag chairs, Laxus and Gajeel were both slumped over the table with their heads in their arms, and Gray and Natsu were both on the floor. Gray leaned back against the wall, coffee mug balanced on his knees in front of him, and Natsu's head rested on his shoulder. Gray was pretty sure Natsu was snoring.

"Wake up, sunshine," Gray murmured, nudging Natsu. "Mira's here." Natsu grumbled unhappily, nuzzling Gray's shoulder, but sat up, rubbing his eyes. Something in Gray protested at the loss of contact. He felt unsure and uncertain this morning, and the warmth of Natsu pressed against his side had helped keep those feelings at bay.

Natsu grumbled, grabbing his own coffee from the table in front of them and taking a large gulp. "Why'sit gotta be so early?" he complained. Gray had to agree – this was a far cry from the late, lazy mornings they'd had over the Christmas holidays. Waking up before the sunrise, wrapped up in the warmth of Natsu's arms had made it even more difficult to get out of bed, although Natsu had bribed him with a shower together. Which had ended up taking about ten times longer than it should have, but in Gray's opinion, it had definitely been worth it.

"I know everyone's probably pretty tired today," Mira said cheerfully, leaning against one of the desks and smiling at everyone. "I hope you all had a good vacation! Why don't we start off with a quick go-round, with everyone sharing one thing they're looking forward to this year?"

"Did that," mumbled Laxus, without raising his head.

"Oh?" Mira said, her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah, we all had New Year's brunch at Laxus' grampa's place," Lucy explained, twisting into a sitting position and tugging her hair back into a messy ponytail. "So we all talked about our favorite memories or things we're excited about."

"That's wonderful, I'm so glad you're all getting along outside of group!" Mira enthused, and while Gray sort of hated her for being able to be this cheerful first thing in the morning, he could feel that her smile was genuine. "All right, how about we do something more relevant to the program instead. Do you all feel comfortable discussing how you've been moving toward your goals for the group?"

Nobody disagreed, although Gray wasn't certain what he had to contribute to this discussion. He hadn't improved, or gotten anywhere, or done any—

"I'll go first," Lucy offered. She was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a baggy sweater, and she cradled her Starbucks cup between her hands. Her legs were stretched over Erza's lap, and her back rested against Cana's knees. "I moved out from my dad's place. We are on speaking terms now, but I'm staying with my ex at the moment, which isn't as bad as it sounds." She twirled a loose piece of hair around one finger. "I have someone helping me look for housing, and my ex and I are working on a real custody agreement with Kaden, where he actually pays me some child support."

"It sounds like you're really proud of these choices, Lucy," Mira said. Her face was soft and her smile wide and authentic. "Those are definitely measurable ways that you're working towards your goal."

After that, everyone was happy to share. Laxus talked about moving in with his grandfather and applying to become an electrician. Gajeel said that he had secured community service hours to finish his probation, and had helped set up a nursery for the baby. Erza talked about starting a new program for rebuilding relationships after addiction, and Cana had signed up for a teen AA program.

The more everyone else talked about their successes, the more Gray's stomach twisted and the dark feeling from earlier settled deeper into his chest. Everyone was making progress. Everyone was getting better, and he still wasn't sure that he could even read a bunch of stupid letters that his fucking brother wrote him from prison. He couldn't talk about his mom without wanting to throw up. He had opened up a bit to Natsu, sure, but...

"Wow. I'm... not really sure where to start." Gray looked up as he realized that Natsu was speaking. "I left my... abusive foster home." Natsu swallowed, looking down at the floor. Only the faintest traces of the bruises on his face remained under Natsu's eye. "I'm living with Gray now. It's going really well." A flush of color rose to his cheeks, and Gray felt himself smiling. "I got a new psychiatrist and I'm taking my meds. I haven't hurt myself in thirteen days."

"Natsu, we are all very, very proud of you," Mira said softly, and everyone chimed in with words of encouragement. "I know these past few weeks have been difficult, but you are doing a wonderful job at making positive changes in your life." Natsu ducked his head and blushed, nudging Gray to take over.

"Um," Gray said awkwardly, looking intently at the hole in the toe of his shoe. "I, ah..." He chewed on his lip. "I'm not..."

Natsu slid his hand over and rested it against Gray's – not holding it, but touching him nonetheless. Gray exhaled softly, trying to breathe past the lump in his chest.

"I talked about... my brother," he said after a moment. "It... was really hard... and I, um, I guess that sounds dumb, it wasn't big deal like everyone else's." He dug his fingernails into the carpet.

"Gray." He had been expecting to hear Mira's voice, but instead was faced with Natsu's gentle, reproachful tone. "As someone who was there, it was a really big deal." Gray felt his face growing warm, and he took a shaky breath.

"I just... I..." He tensed, feeling a warm pressure behind his eyes. No, he thought, running a hand over his face. No, this is not happening. I am not crying here. But no amount of swallowing or clenching his jaw could keep the tears from spilling out the corners of his eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry," he whispered, wiping at his face angrily with the heel of his palm.

He felt Natsu's hand hovering next to his, the slight shift in his body that indicated he wanted to hug Gray but was waiting for his permission. Gray felt like he couldn't move. Part of him was terrified of this – of showing these emotions, letting people see him this vulnerable. The other part figured they had already seen so much, and hadn't Natsu shown him that being open like this was okay?

"Gray." Mira was kneeling in front of him now, touching his arm gently. "This must be very difficult for you. Nobody here is going to judge you for your emotions, but if you would prefer, we can all leave the room for a little bit."

Gray shook his head a bit and leaned into Natsu slightly. Natsu scooted up and wrapped an arm around him, letting Gray rest his head on his shoulder.

"Gray, I really admire your dedication to being a good person." Erza's voice was gentle, and Gray wiped his eyes with his sleeve, looking up to see her smiling at him. "You always see the best in other people. That's not a weakness."

"You're so caring," Lucy added, and Gray made a soft sound as he realized what they were doing. They had done this for Cana when she relapsed the week after group started. Mira called it a 'compliment circle,' which made it sound like they were in kindergarten, but Cana had felt better afterwards. "The people in your life are lucky to have you."

"You're real," Cana said. "You don't bullshit or lie about things. It makes what you say more authentic."

Gray felt a sob building in his chest, and he dropped his head to his knees, swallowing hard. Natsu rubbed his back in slow circles, murmuring soft things like it's okay and I'm here.

"You're compassionate," Laxus rumbled, drumming his fingers on the table. "You've shown that you're willing to do anything to help out the people you care about." Gray didn't have to look up to know that Laxus was looking at Natsu as he spoke. He felt the sob burst out of his chest, accompanied by a fresh wave of tears, and he gripped his knees tighter.

"You..." Gajeel's voice was rough, and Gray kept his head between his knees, knowing that he would lose it completely if he made eye contact with anyone right now. "You forgave me." The words hit Gray like a physical blow to the stomach, tensing up his chest and making him dig his nails into his palms. "I didn't deserve it, but you forgave me. An' it doesn't seem like a big deal, but... people don't trust me. An' you saw all the shit I pulled back then, an' I was a dick to you, an' you still just let it go."

Gray let out a shuddering breath, trying to focus on the small patterns that Natsu was drawing on his back. He felt Natsu shift beside him, pressing their knees together.

"You saved my life," Natsu said, just loud enough for the rest of the room to hear. "You literally saved my life, and you gave me a place to stay, and you brought me into you family. You're a super cool uncle, and a great brother, and an awesome cook." Gray laughed a bit through his tears, wiping his face and sniffling.

"You are an exceptional young man, Gray," Mira said softly. "You have come so far in such a short time – you all have – and you should all be very proud of yourselves." She stood up slowly, making her way back to the front of the room. "We're going to take a quick break now, and when we get back, we're going to talk about making healthy choices."

Gray closed his eyes for a minute, letting himself cry while he listened to the sound of Natsu's breathing and everyone else moving around the classroom. The tears stopped after a minute, leaving him feeling shaky and exhausted. He lifted his head, sniffed, and rubbed his face with his sleeve.

"You good?" Natsu asked, still tracing shapes on Gray's back, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Gray nodded, trying not to look at anyone else in the room. "It's okay. They're not judging." Natsu bumped their heads together gently.

Gray jumped when something nudged his foot, and he looked up to see Erza standing above them. She reached down her hands and he took one, letting her pull both him and Natsu to their feet. As soon as Gray was standing, Erza pulled him into a tight hug. Even when they had known each other before, they hadn't been affectionate, and it caught Gray off guard.

"I meant it," Erza whispered as he relaxed into her embrace. "It's not a weakness." She slowly let him go and grabbed both his shoulders, looking at him seriously. "It's okay to see the best in people, but to also be cautious and angry. Those two things can exist simultaneously." Gray looked away, feeling shaky. He'd been so uncertain about her relationship with Jellal that he'd completely missed the parallels to his relationship with Lyon.

"Thanks," he said softly. "I feel like I've been a shitty friend to you." She shook her head, but he continued. "If you ever wanna talk about..." Gray gestured to the tattoo on her finger. "We could grab coffee or something."

Erza gave him a small smile, and at that moment it was so easy to see her as Scarlet, the brash, over-confident fifteen-year-old with a bleach-blonde mohawk and fishnet stockings that Gray had met so many years ago.

"You're sweet," she said, squeezing his hand. "I might take you up on it."

"I'm... I just gotta go do something, okay?" Gray said. He looked between Natsu and Erza, who both nodded at him.

Gray slipped out of the classroom, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He thumbed through the contacts until he hit Freed's name, then hovered there hesitantly. What if it was weird? What if he made Freed uncomfortable? What if...

Fuck it, Gray thought, pulling up a message window.

Est-tu occupé(e) cette fin d'semaine? he wrote.

Gray set the phone down in his lap, taking deep breaths and praying please don't be busy, I don't think I can put this off much longer without imploding. He didn't have to wait long for an answer.

Non, pourquoi?

J'ai besoin d'ton aide.

There. Asking for help wasn't so hard. Except now Gray felt like that was maybe a bit imperative, so he added, If that's okay. Please?

Of course, Freed replied. What do you need help with?

Gray sighed, running a hand over his face. It would probably be easier to explain on the phone, but he wasn't sure he could get through it without crying again. He typed out the quickest reply he could think of.

My brother's in jail and he wrote me these letters, and I want to read them but I don't think I can do it myself. They're in French so I was hoping you might be able to read them to me.

Gray watched the ellipsis bounce on the bottom of the screen, chewing on his lip.

Not a problem. Why don't you (and Natsu) come over on Saturday? Any time is fine. Freed included the address in the message, and when Gray pulled it up on his map, he saw it wasn't far from Ultear's house.

Thank you so much, Gray replied. He could feel some of the nervous energy in his body starting to dissipate, and he breathed out a sigh of relief.

Anytime. Now get back to group and I'll see you on Saturday. :)

Gray smiled, shoving his phone back into his pocket and standing up. He took another deep breath, shook out his hands, then headed back to face the rest of the morning.

__________

"Gray, my favorite patient, light of my life... are you smiling?"

"Fuck off," Gray grumbled good-naturedly, reaching out to shake the hand of the red-headed woman perched on the table in front of him.

"Please tell me that cutie is the reason behind it," she whispered, pointing at the front of the office where Natsu was draped casually over two chairs, thumbing through Gray's phone where he was doing French exercises. His lips were moving slowly, earphone draped over one ear, and he played absently with a strand of pink hair that hung in his eyes.

"His name is Natsu," Gray said softly without actually answering the question. He could feel the corners of his mouth turn up, and he looked away quickly to hide his embarrassment.

"Graaaaay, you're in love," the woman whispered, face softening. "When? Where? How did this happen? Also, come over here, I'm going to take some measurements today." She gestured for him to head over to the wall near the back of the physio center.

"Am I almost done with this stuff?" Gray asked, trying to change the subject. The woman raised her eyebrow at him and he sighed. "Yes, Sherry, I am doing the exercises at home. Ask my boyfriend if you don't believe me." Sherry let out a little squeal and Gray winced.

"Okay, boyfriend," she said, "and also, he what, lives with you?" Gray glared at her while she palpated his shoulder, then began to manipulate it into different positions. Other than Natsu, Sherry was really the only person who had touched his scars, and it had taken Gray a long time to trust her.

"Yes, boyfriend. And it's a long story," Gray said hesitantly, letting her guide the muscles through the different exercises. His shoulder was almost moving smoothly again – a far cry from his first few appointments, where he couldn't even make a fist with his right hand. In fact, it was a huge improvement from even two weeks ago. "We ended up living together because of... a situation."

"That's not vague at all," Sherry muttered, handing Gray a dumbbell and encouraging him to lift it up and over his head.

"It's his story," Gray said firmly, and Sherry flicked her eyes up to his, then nodded.

"Sorry for prying. How's that feel?"

Gray did another ten reps of the exercise, then shrugged.

"Honestly, it's pretty good overall." He handed the dumbbell back to her and rolled the shoulder a bit. "Sometimes if I'm stressed it gets tight and really painful, but you know what Kim thinks about that."

Sherry laughed – Kim was Gray's therapist. Gray had scoffed at her when she'd first brought up the idea that his pain could be partly psychological, but now he wasn't so sure she was wrong. The intensity seemed to fade when he wasn't stressed or angry, especially over the past week.

"Well, you've really come a long way, my dear," Sherry said. She tilted her head to the side and smiled at him, and between the expression on her face and the words she'd spoken, Gray felt that pressure of tears behind his eyes again. He blinked a few times, managing to keep it in check this time.

"Th-thanks," he managed.

"Gray, don't start showing emotions on me now," Sherry chided gently. "I might start thinking you're actually human." He snorted, and she moved back to the table, grabbing her clipboard. "Seriously, though – I don't think you're going to get much more out of coming here. You should keep seeing your neurologist for the pain, but as for here... I think you're done. I know recovery hasn't been easy, but you're ready to move on to bigger and better things."

Gray crossed his arms over his chest, trying not to let his excitement show. Two months ago, he wouldn't have cared about another 'sign of progress' in his life, but right now he couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"All right, get outta here," Sherry said. She extended an arm and Gray let her pull him into a sideways hug. "Go take your boyfriend on a nice date. Treat him right, he looks like he's a keeper."

"He is," Gray murmured, turning to see Natsu with his sketchbook open across his knees. "Thank you. For... everything. I was a pretty big asshole and you put up with a lot from me."

"Was a big asshole?" Sherry gasped, grinning at him. "I kid. I'm really proud of you. Now get out of here and enjoy life." Gray took a couple steps toward the waiting area, then turned to wave.

"I will. You too."

Gray snuck up on Natsu and leaned forward, kissing Natsu's cheek and causing him to jump up in his seat.

"Jesus, Gray, you scared me," Natsu huffed, collecting his sketchbook and the phone. "Done already?"

"Done for good, actually," Gray said. Natsu tipped his head back and beamed at him.

"That must feel awesome," he said, tucking his belongings back into his satchel and slipping his feet back into his boots. He made quick work of the laces, then stood and grabbed Gray's hand. "Now we get to go get my brain fixed, hey?" He tried to play it off casually, but Gray could hear the anxiety in his voice.

"It'll be okay," Gray said comfortingly, squeezing Natsu's hand. "I can come in with you if you need me to."

"Mm. I know." Natsu nudged Gray gently and they headed out of the office, walking down the hallway to the elevator. "I just don't have great experiences with psychiatrists. Maybe this one'll be different."

They left the building in a comfortable silence, then wandered down the road hand-in-hand until they made it to the car. The snow had stopped falling, and the sun had finally decided to come out, making everything a little bit less gray.

"I talked to Freed," Gray said finally, fiddling with the car keys. "They said we can come over on Saturday." He ran his thumb over the back of Natsu's hand.

"How do you feel about it?" Natsu asked gently, leaning against the car and pulling Gray forward so they were chest to chest. "Sorry, I'm sure you're sick of talking about your feelings today." Gray huffed, dropping his head to Natsu's shoulder.

"I feel..." He sighed. "Nervous. Terrified? But also... is there a word for pre-relieved? Where you hope you're going to feel a sense of closure?" He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of traffic, and the excited screaming of children at the school playground across the street.

"Probably in German," Natsu replied, kissing the top of Gray's head. "They have weird, oddly specific words for everything." Gray snorted. "Seriously though, just... I'm here. And if you decide you don't wanna go through with it, that's okay. If you do and it's awful, that's okay. If you do and it's great, that's okay too." He wrapped his arms around Gray's shoulders and squeezed him tight.

"Thank you," Gray mumbled, resting his hands on Natsu's hips. "I guess we'll see what happens." He fumbled for the keychain again, unlocking the doors and standing up, and pressing a quick kiss to Natsu's lips as he did so.

"So, we'll go after we drop off Sylvie?" Natsu asked, sliding into the passenger seat and tugging his seatbelt on. Gray nodded. "What time is Ultear dropping her off on Friday?"

"Five, I think," Gray replied, pulling out of the parking stall and heading toward the building where Natsu's new psychiatrist worked. "We usually get takeout and watch a movie." Some of the tension in his shoulders bled away at the thought of spending the evening with Natsu and his niece.

"I heard that her favorite movie is Frozen," Natsu said, grinning, and Gray turned to glare at him. "And I believe she mentioned that you like to sing along?" He snickered as Gray's ears turned pink.

"Shut up," Gray growled, but there was no heat behind it. Instead, all he could think of was curling up on the couch with Sylvie on his lap and Natsu under his arm. He sighed happily – now he just had to make it through the rest of the week in one piece.

__________

French Translations

Est-tu occupé(e*) cette fin d'semaine? = Are you busy this weekend?
Non, pourquoi? = No, why
J'ai besoin d'ton aide = I need your help

A/N: Gray asks Freed "Est-tu occupé(e*) cette fin d'semaine?". The "occupé(e) is because French has a masculine/feminine structure, and you have to pick the verb based on the gender of the person you're talking about. Since Freed identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, French is not kind to them. Generally you have to pick one (in speech), but in writing you can put both, which is what Gray has done to make Freed more comfortable. They might eventually have to have a conversation about how to handle spoken verbs - unfortunately there's no gender-neutral option in French. :(