TW for descriptions of child abuse & homophobic language

__________

when life leaves you high and dry
i'll be at your door tonight if you need help
- phillip phillips, "gone, gone, gone"

A faint conversation drifted through Natsu's brain, chasing sleep away and settling into his consciousness. He sighed, rubbing his eyes and sitting up slowly.

"... just having a nap, would you like something to drink?" Gray said from the kitchen.

Natsu frowned, but when he heard Richelle's voice saying that she would love a cup of tea, thank you very much, his heart sank. He burrowed into the corner of the couch and wrapped the blanket around himself, listening to Gray turn on the kettle and rummage through the pantry for the honey.

Richelle was hoping that she could represent Natsu at Don's trial. She couldn't guarantee that Natsu wouldn't be asked to go to court eventually, but he had agreed to talk to her about the situation, rather than a judge.

Gray walked into the living room and leaned over Natsu, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. Natsu grumbled in response.

"I know," Gray said softly. He pulled out two coasters and set them on the coffee table, then perched on the arm of the couch next to Natsu. "You want a coffee?" Natsu shook his head, rubbing his face with the heel of his palm.

"Natsu, how are you feeling?" Richelle stepped into the living room, dressed smartly in a dark wool skirt and a cream-colored blouse. Natsu could see a line of neat stitches peeking out from under her bangs, and he winced.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and Gray shook his head.

"We talked about this, remember?" he said gently, slipping down on the couch to sit next to Natsu. Natsu didn't respond. "Do you want me to stay with you or go away for a bit?"

Natsu hesitated for a minute, picking at loose threads in the blanket and chewing on his lip. Gray had already seen the worst of him, but Natsu had never talked to anyone about this before.

"Stay," he decided, and Richelle nodded at Gray to indicate that it was all right with her as well. She settled into the chair across from the couch, pulling out a notebook and setting it on the table. Happy jumped up onto Natsu's lap, headbutting his chin and then curling into a ball, purring loudly. Natsu tried to let the vibrations calm him.

"First of all, I want to ask how you've been doing since the hospital." Richelle's voice was kind. It was always kind, and Natsu had always wanted to make her happy. He felt miserable, like he'd failed her somehow. "Did you have a good Christmas?"

"Y-yeah," Natsu said softly. "We stayed with Gray's sister. His family's really nice." He knew that wasn't adequate praise for how he'd been welcomed over the holiday, but he just couldn't bring himself to say any more on the subject. His skin felt too tight, and he just wanted to go back to sleep.

"I'm glad to hear that," Richelle said, smiling at him and taking a sip of her tea. "And how have you been feeling mentally? Emotionally? Do you know when your next appointment is?"

Natsu glanced over at Gray, then looked up at the calendar on the wall. It was too far away for him to see, but Gray answered for him.

"We're going to get your stitches out this afternoon," he said, "and you have an appointment with the new psychiatrist on Monday after group." Natsu nodded. "And you've been taking all your new meds."

"It sounds like Gray has been a great support for you," Richelle said. "How's your mood?"

"Mostly okay, except today," Natsu admitted, chewing his thumbnail. "'m just nervous." He shuffled until his knee was resting on Gray's thigh, feeling calmed somewhat by Gray's presence.

"That's understandable," Richelle said gently. "Why don't we get the hard stuff out of the way and then we can talk about your plans for the future?" Natsu tensed a little at that, but nodded. Richelle picked up her notebook again and rested it on her knees, giving Natsu a fond gaze. "As you know, Don was arrested last week for assaulting myself and a police officer. He is also facing charges of abuse." Natsu nodded stiffly. "I have some documentation of times that the school contacted me about their concerns, but I'd like you to tell me about it. When was the first time that Don harmed you physically?"

"Um, a... a few months after Sandy died," Natsu said quietly. He kept his gaze trained on his lap, trying to match his breathing to Gray's. In... out. In... out. "He was never really nice, even before. He didn't want me there. But after she died, he was always angry."

"Can you tell me what happened?" Richelle asked. He could see her scribbling on her notepad and it made his stomach clench. Once summoned, the memory was so visceral.

He had just finished washing the dishes and set the last plate on the counter, but the towel bunched up and the plate slid to the floor, shattering into several pieces. Natsu's heart sank and he dropped to his knees, praying that the crash wasn't heard over the television. Natsu swept the broken ceramic into his hands, wincing as it sliced into one of his fingers.

"What the hell did you do?" Don shouted, storming into the kitchen. Natsu's throat tightened as he stood slowly, cradling the broken pieces in his hands and keeping his gaze on the floor. "So fuckin' useless you can't even do the dishes right."

"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered, hands trembling so hard that he dropped one of the larger pieces again. Don snarled, and before Natsu could see his hand moving, Don's knuckles had slammed into his cheek. Natsu cried out in surprise and pain, and again when the motion was repeated across the other side of his face.

"If it happens again, you'll be getting a closed fist instead of the back of my hand," Don growled, then stormed away into the living room.

"It's okay," Gray whispered, reaching out and resting his hand on Natsu's knee. "You're safe now." Natsu sniffed, grabbing Gray's hand and letting it anchor him to the present.

"The school contacted me about that incident," Richelle said softly. "Do you remember taking these pictures?" Natsu's shoulders tensed as she lay two photos on the table. He looked so young, only fifteen, and his hair had been brown at the time. Two sets of angry red welts decorated his cheeks. Natsu heard Gray's sharp intake of breath.

"Yeah," Natsu said quietly.

"You told me that you got into a fight at school," she said, looking at her notebook. Natsu nodded. "Can you tell me why you said that?" He chewed his lip, feeling his cheeks flush.

"I was tired of moving," he whispered after a moment. "They're all the same. Moving me somewhere else wouldn't have made a difference. It was only a couple more years." Gray gripped his hand tighter, and Natsu knew that his expression was heartbroken.

"I understand." Richelle scribbled something in her notebook. "And how often did Don harm you physically, or threaten you verbally, after that incident?" Natsu blinked at Richelle's question. "Daily, weekly, monthly..."

"A-at first it w-wasn't as often," he said after a minute. "Maybe every f-few months? But then the last y-year was... more. I didn't stay there all the time, I... I didn't wanna be there." Natsu took a deep breath. "I was s-scared of him." Gray moved his hand to Natsu's lower back and began tracing circles there.

"What changed?" Richelle asked, concerned. "What made it more frequent?" Natsu felt his face and neck grow warm, and his vision started to blur.

"Get the fuck out of my goddamn house!" Natsu felt hot tears streaming down his face as Don shoved Eli out the front door. Don slammed the door so hard that Natsu was surprised it didn't crack the frame, then turned to Natsu with a murderous look in his eye.

Even though he was prepared for it, Natsu staggered back under the weight of Don's blow to his raised arms. He'd long ago stopped hitting Natsu's face, knowing it was easier to hide bruises where he already hid his scars. Natsu stumbled backward into the wall, and Don grabbed onto his wrist, twisting it awkwardly until Natsu was begging for him to stop. He wrapped his other hand around Natsu's throat.

"P-please, I'm s-sorry."

"If I ever catch you with a boy again, you will be wishing for this punishment instead of what I'll do to you." Don's breath was hot next to his ear, and Natsu tried to pull away. "You will not bring that kind of sin into this house." Don yanked on Natsu's wrist again, squeezing so tightly that Natsu knew there would be a handprint-shaped bruise there the next day.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed as Don slammed him back against the wall again. He hadn't known it was wrong. Eli was so pretty, and it was just a kiss. Just a kiss and now he felt like he was going to die.

A soft thumb running over his knuckles was the only thing keeping Natsu from running to the washroom to throw up. He kept his eyes focused on the intricate paisley pattern of the blanket so that he didn't have to see the pity in Gray or Richelle's eyes.

The rest of the half-hour went by slowly and painfully. Richelle needed to document as much as possible, which meant going over every painful memory. The cigarette burns on Natsu's wrist. The broken finger. The concussions. Bruise after bruise after bruise.

Richelle finally packed up her notebook and tucked it into her purse. Then she moved over to the couch and crouched down in front of Natsu, trying to catch his gaze.

"I am so sorry, Natsu," she whispered, placing a hand on his knee. "I wish that I could have helped sooner. People like Don make it so difficult to prove that something bad is happening." Natsu nodded miserably, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Do you feel safe and happy here?"

"Yes," he replied quickly, looking up at her with pleading eyes. "Please don't make me leave." She smiled at him softly.

"Nobody is going to make you leave," she replied, standing up and straightening her skirt. "We can save our future plans discussion for another day, I think you need a nice, relaxing afternoon. Gray, thank you for being here and for everything you've done for Natsu. I can show myself out, and I'll contact you if I need anything else."

"Thank you," Gray replied, turning to Natsu as Richelle left the room. "C'mere, you." He wrapped an arm around Natsu's shoulder and pulled him close. "I'm so sorry." Natsu pressed his forehead against Gray's chest, feeling tears slipping down his cheeks.

"I th-thought I w-was okay," Natsu whimpered, feeling Gray's fingers carding gently through his hair. He shivered, and Gray tugged the blanket up around both of them. "A-and now... I j-just... don't... I c-can't..."

"You've been so brave," Gray whispered, kissing the top of Natsu's head. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. I wish I could have found you sooner." Natsu sobbed against Gray's chest, and Gray held him tightly. "I'm sorry."

Natsu curled up tighter, wrapping his arms around himself and feeling the ridges of all the scars on his arms. The ghosts of them ached, and he closed his hand over his wrist, trying to push away the memory of tight fingers and the smell of cigarette smoke.

Gray held Natsu until he'd nearly cried himself to sleep. When Natsu finally sat up, his face was tight and his eyes were swollen, and he felt like a faded version of himself.

"Thank you," Natsu said quietly, looking up at Gray. He was surprised to see tears on Gray's cheeks too, and he reached up uncertainly to wipe them away. "I'm sorry."

"God, no, don't be sorry," Gray said, kissing Natsu's forehead. He took Natsu's hand in his, running his fingers over the small, white scars. "It's not- I just don't understand how someone could..." Gray sighed, bringing Natsu's wrist up and pressing a gentle kiss to each of the marks. "Thinking about him hurting you like that just makes me so fucking angry. You deserve so much better, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner."

"'s not your fault," Natsu said softly, resting his head against Gray's shoulder. "You tried, and I didn't... I couldn't..."

"It's okay," Gray said softly, wrapping both arms around Natsu again. "You're safe now. Je ne laisserai personne te blessé, plus jamais. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

__________

Richelle had been able to give Natsu some money for new clothing, so after getting his stitches out (which was more gross than traumatizing), Natsu and Gray spent the afternoon at the mall.

Natsu hadn't owned new clothing in... well, ever. Everything he had was either a hand-me-down or from a thrift store, so going shopping for what he wanted to wear was a new experience. Now he stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, chewing his lip uncertainly.

"Does it- do I look okay?" he asked, walking out into the living room.

Gray had looked up when Natsu had come out of the bathroom, and was now staring with his mouth half-open and a strange expression on his face.

Natsu swallowed, looking down at his outfit. He was wearing a pair of tight, black jeans, with a faded gray tee under an unbuttoned, black collared shirt. He had even popped into the tattoo place and got new plugs for his ears – bright pink, to match his freshly re-dyed hair – and a solid black lip ring to replace the silver one. Gray hadn't even blinked when Natsu had wanted to buy eyeliner, which he now had smudged around the outside of his eyes.

"Um," Gray replied, and Natsu frowned at him. "No, I mean... yes. Good." He ran a hand through his hair, clearly flustered. "You look... incredibly hot." Natsu's cheeks flushed as Gray stepped toward him tentatively. "The eyeliner is... wow." Gray ran a hand down the side of Natsu's face, then snaked his other arm around Natsu's waist and pulled him close.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Natsu said softly, inhaling the soft scent of Gray's shampoo as he pressed his face to Gray's shoulder. Gray's outfit was much more subdued – dark jeans and a forest green cardigan over a black tee. His necklace was tucked under the shirt, and the sleeves of the cardigan were rolled up to reveal a bracelet that Natsu hadn't seen before. "Where's that from?"

Gray hesitated, looking down at his wrist and running his fingers over the piece of jewelry. It looked like a thick piece of dark braided leather, with a silver wolf's head at either end. Both heads were biting a silver ring that completed the bracelet.

"... Lyon gave it to me," Gray said finally, and Natsu looked up at him. "I haven't worn it... and I'm not forgiving him, but I just..."

"You don't have to explain," Natsu said softly, grabbing Gray's hand and squeezing it. Gray gave Natsu a half-smile, then kissed his forehead.

"Shall we?"

__________

Laxus wasn't kidding – his grandfather's house was enormous. Natsu was pretty sure he could fit every foster home he'd ever lived in into just the entryway.

"This is..." Natsu hesitated, stopping on the front porch. Gray frowned at him. "Are you... okay with this?" Natsu gestured to their joined hands. They had been officially together for a week now, but hadn't seen or told any of their friends yet.

"I, uh... yeah?" Gray said. He squeezed Natsu's hand and stepped toward him, wrapping his free hand around Natsu's waist. "I don't think anyone will be weird about it."

Natsu shrugged. "Honestly, if someone was a dick about us dating, it would probably be the least shitty thing that's happened to us in the past two weeks." Gray hummed in agreement, reaching out and ringing the doorbell.

"Happy New Year!" The door was opened by Cana, who was wearing a fancy dress and looked elated. "Coats go in the closet. Natsu, I need to hug you. If that's okay?"

Natsu nodded, and Cana wrapped her arms around him tightly. He could feel her shaking and he felt a flood of guilt.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear, and she shook her head, pulling back and grabbing his shoulders with both hands.

"Mn-nn. No sorry's, we already talked about that." She smiled fondly at him, then squeezed his arms again. "Just... I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," Natsu said, glancing back at Gray, who was closing the closet door. Cana looked between them suspiciously.

"Are you two—"

"Yeah." Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and threaded their fingers together. Cana grinned.

"Yes! When?"

"Um... Christmas Eve?" Gray replied, looking to Natsu for confirmation. "Or day, maybe? If you wanna be techn—"

"First kiss," Cana clarified, and Natsu could see Gray's puzzlement.

"Christmas Eve," Natsu said, realizing where this was going when Cana yelped happily and then shouted down the hallway.

"Erza! You owe me twenty bucks!"

"You... bet on us?" Gray asked. Cana beckoned for them to follow her down the hallway, laughing at his question.

"Mhmm. I said Christmas Eve, Erza said Christmas Day, and Lucy was gunning for like, I dunno, the day you met." Gray blinked and Natsu laughed. "Laxus didn't wanna play cause he's no fun like that."

They rounded the corner to see Laxus sitting on the couch, giving Cana an unimpressed look.

"Other people's relationships are private," he rumbled, then waved to Natsu and Gray. "Happy New Year." He nudged the person sitting beside him, who turned around and smiled. They had long, green hair that was tucked up in a messy bun, and wore a faded t-shirt that said 'Yes, Homo' in sparkly letters. "This is my partner, Freed. Freed, this is Natsu and Gray. From group."

"Nice to meet you!" Freed waved politely. "I hear you have to deal with my grumpy boyfriend on a daily basis." Laxus grunted but didn't protest.

"It's okay, I have a grumpy boyfriend too," Natsu said, and Freed laughed as Gray half-heartedly elbowed Natsu. "I'm so jealous of your hair – I tried green once and it just turned gray. How do you get it to stay so bright?"

"Oh, Ever – my roommate – helps me re-dye it every couple weeks, it's ridiculous," Freed replied, toying with one of the loose strands of hair that had come out of the bun.

"It looks awesome," Natsu said. He hesitated for a second, taking in Freed's startlingly androgynous features, then added, "Sorry if this is, uh, weird, but... what pronouns do you use?"

"They and them," Freed said, giving Natsu a grateful smile. "You're sweet, thank you for asking. And your hair looks great too, I love the pink."

Freed and Natsu chatted for a few minutes, then Natsu turned and grabbed Gray's hand, looking around the rest of the room. It was cozy, with people draped over the couches and an impressive assortment of snacks spread over the table. Lucy and Erza were at a larger table playing cards, and when Lucy saw them, she bounded over and wrapped them up in a group hug.

"Merry Christmas, you two," she said softly, kissing them both on the cheek. "I'm super happy for you but also – Natsu!" She turned to him, frowning, and he tried his best to look innocent. "Why the heck didn't you say anything?"

"I don't have a new phone yet," he protested, holding his hands up in front of him.

"Your boyfriend does," Lucy grumbled, but she sighed and squeezed Natsu's hand. "I'm just glad you're happy."

"I really, really am," Natsu said softly.

Lucy headed into the kitchen, and Natsu turned to see that Gray had walked away and was talking to Erza. The green of the cardigan looked amazing on him, and Natsu sighed, trying to appreciate how incredibly lucky he was. After a moment he made his way over to Gajeel, who was sprawled on a couch next to two boys who looked quite a bit younger than him.

"You must be Ryos," Natsu said, waving at the boy with long, dark hair. He looked a bit like Gajeel, but Natsu wouldn't have guessed that they were brothers. Gajeel nudged the boy, and he looked up from his phone at Natsu.

"Oh, sorry!" he said. "Yeah, that's me. You're Natsu?" A nod. "Cool, this is my boyfriend, Sting." The blond boy next to Ryos waved shyly as Gajeel rolled his eyes and mouthed, His name is Eugene, and Natsu tried not to laugh. "Gajeel actually thinks you're pretty cool, despite how much of a jerk he is."

"Oi, you know I can ground you, you punk," Gajeel muttered without any venom. Ryos stuck out his tongue at his brother, and Gajeel cuffed him upside the head. Natsu tensed a little – he knew they were joking around, but he was still on edge from the memories Richelle had dredged up that morning.

Cana ended up roping Natsu into playing charades – Gray shook his head vehemently when Natsu beckoned, and ended up watching from the couch with Ryos. Even though Natsu embarrassed himself several times, he felt exhilarated from laughing. He hadn't even realized that he'd rolled up his sleeves until he took a break from the game and headed back to Gray.

"I'm proud of you," Gray murmured into his ear, running a hand over Natsu's forearms. The scar on Natsu's left arm was still pink, despite having the stitches removed, and Natsu flushed as he realized that everyone could see it. "You don't have to be embarrassed. Look at Laxus."

Natsu frowned and glanced over to where Laxus was sitting. He saw Natsu staring and subtly raised up his arm, showing off a thick, white scar that crossed over his wrist. Natsu's eyes widened, and he gave Laxus an understanding nod.

"Countdown!" Cana shouted, glancing over the wall TV where the Times Square ball was ready to drop. "Ten! Nine! Eight!"

"Seven!" shouted Natsu, snuggling back as Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu's waist. "Six! Five!" Gray pressed a kiss to the side of Natsu's neck and he shivered, smile so wide it almost hurt. "Four, three, two... one!"

"Happy New Year!" Freed shouted, raising their glass as everyone cheered and someone threw confetti into the air. Natsu turned around in Gray's arms and wrapped his hands behind Gray's neck.

"You mean so much to me," Natsu whispered, leaning in for a kiss. Gray softened into his embrace, then slowly broke away. Natsu huffed, and Gray laughed quietly, pressing a kiss to Natsu's nose.

"Bonne année, mon coeur."