you grab my hand without any warning
i'm on the edge, you pull me away
- sheppard, "keep me crazy"

"I have something for you," Gray said once grand-maman and grand-papa had turned their attention back to the kids. He shuffled over to the Christmas tree and pulled out a small, neatly wrapped package. "The wrapping paper was Sylvie's idea."

The paper was decorated with Disney princesses in Santa outfits, and Natsu snorted. Gray swallowed nervously as Natsu slid his finger under the tape and tore the paper apart.

"Oh." Natsu breathed the word out reverently as he ran his fingers over the soft leather sketchbook in his lap. Gray thought that the dragon on the front was even more impressive under real light, rather than the dim light of the shop – its scales were red and iridescent, and its claws wrapped around the binding.

"I, um, you said you liked dragons," Gray mumbled, suddenly shy. Natsu looked up at him with a huge smile on his face and pulled Gray into a tight hug.

"It's amazing," Natsu said, leaning back and running his fingers over the cover again. "I love it, thank you." Gray smiled, pushing his glasses back up onto his nose. "You are fucking adorable in those, by the way," Natsu whispered, and Gray blushed, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. "I have something for you too," Natsu added, "but I dunno if you wanna open it here. Or later? It's kinda... personal."

"They'll be busy for a bit longer," Gray replied, curious, and Natsu hopped to his feet and reached out a hand. They made their way back to the guest bedroom, and Natsu reached for his bag, pulling out his old sketchbook.

"It's not fancy, or anything," he said softly as he turned to Gray and handed him the book, flipped open to a full-page sketch. "And I had to use the picture on your fridge for a reference, and I found the other photo in your room so I'm really sorry if I wasn't supposed to do that, but I thought... and I just realized that I've read Harry Potter but maybe you haven't so you might not have any ide— Gray, are you okay?"

Gray sat down hard on the edge of the bed, staring at the page and feeling slightly out of breath. It was a sketch of him from behind, staring into a giant mirror that Gray definitely recognized from Harry Potter. In the mirror was his reflection, looking happier than Gray had felt in a long time. Behind his right shoulder in the mirror were his maman and papa, and on the left was his mom.

Gray's chest clenched in a mix of joy and grief. Papa had his hand on Gray's shoulder and was gazing at him fondly. Maman was standing in front of papa, her hand on top of Gray's head, and he could almost feel her ruffling his hair like she used to. Mom was smiling at him, and Natsu had somehow managed to perfectly capture her stern-yet-kind expression.

"I'm sorry." Gray looked down to see Natsu crouched in front of him, his expression a mix of concern and embarrassment.

"Natsu, this is..." Gray looked down at the sketch again and felt his heart swell with affection. "I can't even... you..." He realized that he was crying and took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "You're amazing. This is, hands-down, the best gift I've ever received. Ever."

"Really?" Natsu asked. He looked shy now, and Gray reached out to touch his cheek.

"It's perfect," Gray reassured him. "I want to frame it and hang it up in the apartment." Natsu's face flushed red, and Gray leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "C'mere, you." Gray stood up, setting the sketchbook on the bed and tugging Natsu into his arms for a kiss.

"I'm glad you like it," Natsu murmured against Gray's lips. "Merry Christmas." Gray planted one last kiss on the corner of Natsu's mouth, then leaned back and smiled.

"Can I show Ultear?" he asked. Natsu looked flustered, but nodded. "Thank you so much. For everything. Not just this."

"What do you mean?" Natsu leaned back and looked at Gray quizzically. "If anyone should be thanking someone, it should be me. You literally saved my life last week." Gray laughed, then kissed Natsu's nose.

"I'm going to be stupidly sentimental right now," Gray admitted, moving a hand up to cup Natsu's cheek. "You make me happier than I have been in a long, long time. Not just since everything with Lyon, but..." he sighed. "I feel like I've just been... angry and bitter for a long time. And you don't make that go away, but it's... better." Gray ran his fingers through Natsu's hair and smiled fondly at him.

"That smile..." Natsu breathed. "First time I met you, you told me to fuck off." Gray snorted. "And now you're looking at me like... I don't even know."

"I'm sorry I told you to fuck off," Gray murmured, leaning in to kiss Natsu again. He rested his hand in the hollow of Natsu's back and pulled him closer. "Being an asshole is my favorite defense mechanism." Natsu, then tipped his head, running his tongue over Gray's lower lip.

"I know," Natsu whispered, trailing his hand down to rest on Gray's ass and pulling their hips together. Gray gasped into his mouth, and Natsu nipped at his lower lip. "Everyone is probably wondering what we're up to." Gray groaned softly in protest as Natsu broke the kiss. "Let's go back to your family. But we're coming back to this when we get h..."

"Home," Gray finished for him, seeing the hesitation on his face. "When we get home."

__________

They ended up spending almost all day with Gray's family. Most of the morning was spent playing with Sylvie and Renaud, and after a while Ultear turned on a movie for the kids so the grown-ups could play board games. Gray had quietly vetoed Scrabble before Ultear could suggest it, so they'd ended up playing a bizarre new game that Gray had never heard of called "Exploding Kittens".

Around suppertime, Gray could see that Natsu was beginning to flag – he leaned heavily against Gray's shoulder and accepted the offered painkillers without arguing. Ultear smiled softly at them, then headed to the kitchen to pack up leftovers.

"...makes me happy too," Gray heard Natsu say as he left the washroom and headed for the front door.

"I have not seen him smile like that in years," Ultear said softly, and Gray saw her wrap her arms around Natsu's shoulders as he rounded the corner. "He looks at you like you are the stars. Take care of him, okay?"

"I will." Natsu locked eyes with Gray over Ultear's shoulder and flashed him a soft smile.

Natsu fell asleep in the car on the way home, fingers twined with Gray's and soft snores escaping his mouth. When he pulled into his parking spot, Gray nudged Natsu.

"C'mon, you," he murmured as Natsu began to stir. "I can't carry you and all this stuff." Gray gestured to the back seat, which was full of gifts and leftover food. Natsu yawned and made a soft sound of agreement, clambering lazily out of the car and helping Gray carry everything upstairs.

"Hey, Happy," he mumbled as Happy rubbed himself around Natsu's ankles. Natsu scooped him up and Gray could hear the pleased rumble from Happy's throat.

"I'm gonna go put the food away," Gray said, kicking off his shoes and pressing a quick kiss to Natsu's cheek. "Go back to sleep if you want." Natsu yawned in response.

Gray was almost done putting everything away when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, hands coming to rest on his stomach. Natsu pressed a kiss to the back of Gray's neck and he shivered.

"Thought you were tired," Gray murmured, making soft sounds as Natsu continued to kiss up his neck.

"Mmmmmnot that tired," Natsu whispered against Gray's skin. Gray wriggled around until he was facing Natsu, then backed him up against the counter and pulled him in for a kiss. Natsu hummed against Gray's lips, and Gray reached up a hand and threaded it through Natsu's hair, nipping at his lower lip.

Gray ran his fingers around the hem of Natsu's shirt, and Natsu lifted his arms, letting Gray tug the garment over his head and throw it to the floor. Gray's sweater followed it, a pang of hesitation ran through him as he stood in front of Natsu, shirtless. Natsu drifted his fingers over Gray's chest gently, tracing the outline of his scars, then his hands came to rest on Gray's waist. The feeling evaporated, replaced entirely by desire.

"You're gorgeous," Gray whispered as he kissed Natsu again, tilting his head and placing his hands on either side of Natsu's face. Natsu began to make soft sounds into Gray's mouth, tugging Gray's hips into him. "That's probably not very comfortable," Gray said softly, looking at the corner of the counter pressing into Natsu's back.

"'s fi—hey!" Natsu made an indignant noise as lifted him easily onto the counter, pushing his legs apart and situating himself between them. "Okay, the fact that you can do that is super hot."

Gray grinned, pressing his lips to Natsu's collarbone. When he reached the hollow of Natsu's throat, he drew his tongue over it in soft circles, loving every sound that escaped Natsu's lips.

"Okay?" Gray asked, running his hand down Natsu's side and resting it on his hip. Natsu moaned and threaded his fingers through Gray's hair as Gray continued his trail of kisses down Natsu's chest. He reached Natsu's jeans, noting that he was clearly enjoying this, then stood up again and kissed Natsu gently. "Have you... I mean, is this..." Gray felt his cheeks flush.

"My first time?" Natsu guessed, combing his fingers through Gray's hair. "Yes and no. I've done some stuff before. Not all of it." Gray nodded. "You?"

"I've..." Gray chewed his lip, feeling embarrassed. He had done this before. It had always been hard and fast, teeth clashing and hands scrambling at belts, breath thick with alcohol, in the back room of a shitty house party or in the back seat of some guy's car. "Not with anyone that matters," he said, hoping that Natsu understood. "I've never wanted it like this."

The last part was breathed in Natsu's ear as Gray leaned forward, biting down softly on his earlobe.

"Nnnghhh the feeling is mutual," Natsu moaned, tipping his head so that Gray could run his tongue over the soft spot behind his ear. Gray dragged his teeth down the side of Natsu's neck, then sunk them into the soft flesh near his collarbone. "Ffffffuuu..." Natsu's hand in his hair tightened, other hand on Gray's hip, encouraging him to rock forward.

"Just tell me if it's too much." Gray's hand trailed down over Natsu's chest again, resting on the very obvious bulge in his jeans. "I'm sure you know this already, but 'no' is an option literally any time." Natsu growled softly and bucked up into Gray's hand.

"Yes," he breathed, and Gray moved up to kiss him, rubbing his thumb over Natsu's jeans.

"Wanna move somewhere more comfortable?" Gray murmured, and Natsu nodded. "Hold on." He motioned for Natsu to put his arms around his neck, then slid his hands under Natsu's thighs and lifted him up. Natsu made a soft sound of surprise, but leaned down and kissed Gray's neck as he made his way to the bedroom.

"You're strong," Natsu said, grinning as Gray leaned over the bed and lay Natsu gently on the blankets. Gray blushed at the praise, then moved his hands back down, fiddling with the button on Natsu's pants. Natsu's hands scrambled to do the same to Gray, and soon they found themselves both naked, Gray leaning over Natsu and breathing heavily.

"Your ass is even better without the tight pants," Natsu groaned, sliding his hands down and pulling Gray tightly against him. "Oh, wow." Gray shuddered at the feeling of skin on skin, then let out a surprised yelp as Natsu flipped him over. Natsu leaned down and pressed a kiss to the center of Gray's chest, nuzzling the spot and then continuing to press kisses downward.

"Ah... mmmn, Natsu, tabarnak," Gray moaned, keeping one hand in Natsu's hair and fisting the other in the sheets. "Fuck- are you su-"

"Shhh," Natsu whispered, and Gray threw his head back as Natsu's lips closed over his cock.

"Ah, câlice," Gray swore, trying his best not to thrust his hips upward. He was glad they were at home and not at his sister's, because the noises he was making were not something he wanted anyone else to hear. How the hell was Natsu so good at this? The heat, and the wetness, and whatever he was doing with his tongue was... wow.

Natsu hummed, and Gray groaned, tightening his fingers in Natsu's hair. It had been a while since he'd been with anyone, and everywhere Natsu touched him felt electric. It didn't take long for Gray to feel the beginnings of release pool deep in his stomach.

"W-wait," Gray gasped. "N-not yet."

Natsu drew off Gray and pressed a kiss to his thigh, then dragged his tongue up to Gray's hipbone where he nipped lightly. Gray shivered, tugging Natsu's hair to encourage him upwards. Gray kissed him deeply, pulling Natsu tight and rocking against him. Both boys groaned as Gray reached between them, taking both their cocks in his hand and stroking them.

"Ahh, fuck," Natsu whined, bucking up into Gray's hand. They rocked together, panting and moaning and kissing each other desperately. Natsu's hands were everywhere – in Gray's hair, digging red marks down his side, gripping his ass.

"Gray," Natsu breathed, digging his fingers into Gray's bicep. "I w-want..." Natsu sounded shy, suddenly, and Gray removed his hand, reaching up to run his thumb over Natsu's cheekbone.

"What?"

"Which... what w-way..." Natsu dropped his head to Gray's chest and huffed in frustration.

"I've only ever been on top," Gray replied, pulling the meaning from Natsu's fragmented question. "But I'm open to anything." Natsu shivered as Gray ran a finger down his spine. "Do you want to do that now?" Gray was trying hard to keep his voice steady.

"Yeah," Nastu whispered, arching his back under Gray's fingers. "I think so. And you... on top, that's... good." Gray could almost feel the heat from Natsu's cheeks, and he lifted himself up on one elbow, tipping Natsu's chin up to kiss him.

"If you're not sure, we don't have to," he murmured, but Natsu shook his head.

"I'm sure," he insisted. "I've been... wanting you. And I want all of you." Gray smiled, deepening the kiss again and rolling himself back on top of Natsu.

"I can make that happen."

__________

They lay together afterwards, ankles tangled together, Natsu drawing lazy circles on Gray's chest. Gray sighed contentedly, pulling Natsu tighter to him and kissing the top of his head.

"This is definitely not what I expected to get out of the group," he murmured, thinking back to his argument with Ultear about attending.

"I don't need more fucking therapy," he hissed, keeping his voice low enough to not wake the kids. "I go every week and it doesn't do a damn thing." They stood in the front entrance of her home after his weekly dinner with them.

"But with this you can finally finish school," she insisted. "And do the programming course. Plus, it will be good for you to meet other people your age. They are going through difficult things as well."

Gray rolled his eyes – he could barely handle his own bullshit, never mind somebody else's. He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I just want..."

"What, Gray?" Ultear's voice was becoming exasperated. She never got angry, but frustration was seeping into her words. "What do you want? I cannot help you anymore. You throw everything back in my face. All you feel is anger and you won't allow yourself any happiness."

"I'm happy with Sylvie," Gray countered, feeling defensive anger welling up in his chest.

"She is not responsible for your happiness," Ultear said sharply, and Gray recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "Sylvie loves you dearly, but even she knows that you are not okay. 'Uncle Gray sad,' she says, and it breaks my heart." Ultear was beginning to cry now, and Gray felt the anger in his chest melt into shame.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, reaching out and pulling Ultear into a hug. "I'll do it. For you and for her." Ultear shook her head.

"No, baby brother," she replied. "You must do it for you."

"Me either," Natsu replied, snapping Gray back to present day. "I'm really glad I met you."

"Me too," Gray said softly, tugging the blankets closer around them and enjoying the comfortable weight of Natsu's body draped across his chest.

A buzzing phone interrupted their cuddling, and Gray sighed, reaching over to the bedside table.

"Since when does Cana text you?" Natsu asked, peering at the screen. It turned out to be a group message to everyone from the program.

Cana: So I don't wanna fuck up and get drunk on New Year's Eve. Anyone have plans that don't involve alcohol?

Gray looked down to Natsu and shrugged. They hadn't really talked about it – there were always fireworks downtown, but Gray hadn't been to them since he was a kid. Before he could reply, another message popped up.

Laxus: I don't have plans but we can get together at my place and play board games?

"Laxus plays board games?" Natsu sounded incredulous. "I'm surprised he didn't suggest like, a fight club or something."

"We don't talk about fight club," Gray responded idly, reading the continuing thread.

Gajeel: I would but I gotta babysit brother and his bf.

Laxus: Bring them, it's fine. My gramps has a big place and he's pretty cool about me having friends over. Bring whoever you want.

Cana: Thanks dude, sounds awesome.

"Wanna go?" Natsu looked up at Gray, who was hesitating. Crowds of people weren't really his thing, and while he could deal with jam sessions after group, he wasn't sure he was up to seeing them all – plus whoever they brought – at the same time. "We can leave whenever, if it gets to be too much." Gray looked down at Natsu's pleading face and sighed.

"All right," Gray grumbled, mostly faking his reluctance. He thumbed off a message to the group.

Gray: Natsu and I will be there.

Then he threw his phone back onto the bedside table and turned to Natsu, pinning him to the bed and smiling.

"Ready to try that again?"