CHAPTER FOUR

❝ Even if I find the heart to forgive you, how will you face yourself in the mirror knowing how terribly you wronged me. ❞

∞ ∞ ∞

RUDRA WATCHED her- sleeping peacefully. He had promised he would visit her dorm today. Unfortunately, he has lost himself in an urgent case that he completely forgot about his promise. As always.

The night was silent- her roommate had gone out for thanksgiving break. Adhira had decided to stay an extra day just for him. She must have waited all evening for him. Rudra closed the door behind him.

The windows were open, letting the chilly autumn wind caress her beautiful face. Adhira sat on the floor, her head resting on the table- breathing softly. Rudra removed his stethoscope and set it on the table before taking a seat beside her.

He gently caressed her face- feeling her skin- his hands were still cold from the frigid outdoor wind. "Rudra..." Adhira mumbled in her sleep, smiling.

She shifted slightly- Rudra knew that if he shifted his hand one bit now, she would wake up. Adhira always had been a light sleeper. The slightest sound would wake her up.

"I'm so sorry for letting you down again."

She sighed- her breaths fell on his arms, opening her eyes- the rich brown irises stared at him, lovingly. "I'm used to it."

In a daze, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around him. "I'm just glad that you're here. Safe and sound."

"Don't be so easy on me, Kapoor." He whispered, leaning into her touch. It was comfortable- having her here, breathing her mellow floral scent. Strangely enough, he found himself relaxing. The day's tiredness and fatigue leaving him. "Aren't you worried I'll take you for granted someday?"

"I have faith in you, Rudra."

She smiled- in the sparse light- her eyes sparkled. Shining brighter than the celestial lights. She lifted herself and kissed him, softly- sweetly yet passionately. "I have full faith in you." Her lips murmured against his.

∞ ∞ ∞

As Rudra watched her walk away, he realized that she had put her faith in the wrong person. He sat in the dim lights of the hall. His mind abuzz, his heart was still numb as ever. Beat you silly thing- why are you so dead?

"Adhira..." Were all his lips murmured. Strangely, enough- he could feel the hard thumps against his rib-cage. After constantly being surrounded in the thin balance of life and death, one move he would make decided whether the patient would live. He had to decide when to call it quits- when to give up on the fragile body on the operation table- when to signal the time of death.

Yet, yet in this relationship- he never knew the time of death. Their relationship had been dying for so long. He hadn't noticed- she was constantly battling to keep it alive and he had given up on it. It was like he had gone into a state of chaotic heartbeats and Adhira had been trying to give him countershocks to keep his heart in the same state as hers.

The tender string binding their hearts had been withered and torn. Adhira had been holding onto it for so long, way too long- nurturing it, caring for it. Rudra had held onto it- that too barely and today he had merely let it slip between his fingers.

In a second, the string binding their hearts had been snapped.

Suddenly, Rudra didn't feel so good anymore. The memories of the goods time flooded him, overwhelming him greatly. He pressed his back firmly against the wall, letting his eyes closed. Welcoming the darkness.

He opened his eyes when he heard a familiar voice. It was his grandmother. With her crisp white hair tied tightly in a bun, she watched him with disdain. She had kind eyes like his mother but a much bigger heart to match those eyes. Clicking her tongue, slowly and setting her cane on the side- she sat down beside him.

"Broke that poor girl's heart, didn't you?"

"I know what I did, ba (grandma)"

"She didn't deserve it." She cuffed his ear tightly- like she used when he was just a small boy. "I saw her do Garba like an expert today. God knows how much practice it must have taken her."

Rudra had been so caught in Sasha and showing her around the newly constructed Indian center in New Jersey- he didn't even notice Adhira till the end. He wondered when she had found the time to learn. Being a fulltime college student and a part-time editor, she barely had enough time to cook her own meals.

A strange longing to see her dance entered his heart. He wondered how stunning she looked- Rudra had never seen her dance. Would she have moved along crowd- her small steps perfectly in sync with the other dancers.

"There were blisters on her feet. I swear they were the color of the eggplants I used grow in India. Maybe even darker." Ba readjusted her sari before staring at the opposite wall. "I told her to apply ointment to it. The silly girl just laughed at me and said it wasn't bothering her."

She was an expert at hiding her pain- at times, so lost in her laugh- Rudra forget that she too had sadness in her life. Always, there to cheer him up. Rudra didn't remember the last time she had turned for his help.

"She must have been preparing for weeks." He whispered- his dark eyes in a daze. Yet, he didn't have the slightest clue about this. Any of this.

Ba simply laughed.

"It was a surprise for me." He added when Ba didn't say anything.

She was just slowly breathing beside him, a crooked smile on her face. Rudra knew that look quite well. It was the look she gave moments before she would reprimand him for his mistake. Had he really made a mistake in her eyes? When he looked at himself in the mirror, it didn't feel as though he had made a mistake.

"Ah, she's crazy in love." She finally spoke. "Crazy in love with the wrong person."

That hurt- strangely enough.

"Ba, I'm the wrong person? I didn't tell her to do any of this."

Never in his life had he seen his grandmother look so furious. "It is good that you left her. You do not deserve her after all. "

"I'm your grandson..."

"She is someone's granddaughter too." Was her fitting reply. "Your parents may have forgotten that but I still am human enough to realize it. "

Ba held her hands in a tight fist. The bangles she wore chimed pleasantly as she shifted her arm to settle them on her knees. She was here beside Rudra and Rudra knew that his grandmother never approached him without a reason. The end of their conversation would leave him transformed- it always did. Her eyes had seen things beyond his years. She knew the world and his heart better than he himself did.

"They're happy with Sasha. I don't want to upset them."

"It's not just about them." She laughed, bitterly. "These hairs haven't gotten white in the sun, my child. You are tempted by the new girl."

"I might be." He admitted after a moment.

"And when your heart realizes how much effort a relationship requires- will you abandon her too?"

His eyes wide- offended almost, he stared at his grandmother. She was accusing him of being unreliable and a fraud. He had stayed by Adhira's side for six years. It was only in the recent months he had been feeling this way but he had always been faithful to her.

"I know how to make a relationship work. I've been with Adhira for so long."

"That's the point. A fleeting temptation was all it took to break your relationship and love. "

"I've been feeling distant towards Adhira long before Sasha came back."

She shook her head- tired that her grandson did not see what she did. "Your heart chose Adhira and kept choosing Adhira for all those years. Do you not trust your heart to continue choosing her? "

"I don't understand, ba."

"People fall out of love, Rudra. It doesn't mean you abandon the person. It means that you trust your heart's initial choice and fall in love again. More than the world, it is your own mind that will fool you into believing otherwise."

Rudra's mind trailed back to their initial meeting- the first time he held the door for Adhira and her shy smile. The way he kept looking back at her- she had him mesmerized the first time they met. She was gorgeous, kind and the way she laughed- God Lord, he could listen to it all day.

All of the sudden, he found himself smiling.

Ba watched him and smiled too. "Gems like her don't come around too often. Don't let her go."

"I won't-"

His words were interrupted by Aditya rushing to the hall, out of breath- his eyes wide in shock. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

Rudra lifted himself off the floor and offered Ba a hand to help her up as well. Ba gripped Rudra's arm tightly. She snapped her fingers at Aditya. "What is it, boy?"

"Dr. Kapoor called me... (gasp)....there has been an accident on Route 55. He needs you to report urgently."

Confused, Rudra stared at Aditya. Why hadn't Dr. Kapoor called him? Feeling the pockets of his silver, black tunic, he realized that his phone was missing. He had left it in his car. Been so caught up in the conversation he was having with his parents- Rudra didn't realize he had left it charging in the car's USB port.

But this didn't explain why Aditya looked so worked up. He had never seen Aditya look so devastated- his younger brother was calm and composed, always ready to try his smooth moves on a lady.

This is when it struck him. The outpour of shock. There weren't words to describe how every cell in his body froze. He shouldn't have let her walk away, he shouldn't have let her walk away. She was in no state to drive, let alone get home safely.

"Who was in the car?"

Breathless and flushed, Aditya sobbed loudly-his skin matching the red coat he wore.

Rudra gripped Aditya by the collar, fear coursing through his blood stream like a vehement poison. "Answer me, Aditya!" He screamed.

"M-my Bhabhi jaan."

And all hell broke loose for him. 

GUYS top 400 in Romance. OH MY GOODNESS. 

Okay, how cute is Aditya though. I read ALL the comments in the last chapter. God, you guys are so amazing. <3. And I really need to stop updating everyday because it's gonna to screw me up so bad when I run out of chapters. 

I'll make a deal with you guys- if we get CRASH in the top 100s of Romance- I'll do a double update THAT very instant. Meaning I will post chapter 5 and 6 together at the same time. 

If we don't get CRASH into the top 100's that's okay too, I'll  add chapter five next Friday. <3

much love.