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"Darling, have you ever screamed so loud yet he still tortuously rips your heart out "

"I have" – Adhira

CHAPTER EIGHT

THERE WAS FIRE scorching down her arms, her beautiful skin. The moon was losing its glow, gold- red stained her clothes. The lights were bursting high above. There were screams, chaos. The flames were dying from the rain- the gentle platter, platter of the rain.

But, but the wetness of her cheeks could not be blamed on the rain.

No, the rain was not responsible for the stains of mascara marking her face.

The rain was not responsible for shallowness of her breaths, the tiredness seeping into her bones.

She had given up.

And she could not blame the rain nor the crash for it.

∞ ∞ ∞

Adhira's body was attuned to the sound of the beeps from the machines- the early morning sunlight falling through the blinds, warming her skin. She felt the warmth of sun, the staleness of the air, the crispness of the bedcovers, the subtle mellowness of the air conditioning. There was a strange tingling sensation in her limbs.

The moment was closing in- the moment where she would wake up. It was all falling into place. Rudra sat by her bed, watching her breathe- gently. The web of machines around her seemed to have ensnarled her like sleeping beauty had been by the enchanted forest. It was a strange, vacant morning for Rudra.

Last night, he hadn't slept for a second. His eyes were fixated on her face, occasionally they would linger to the burn marks on her arms- the white gauze hid the damage but they didn't hide the pain she had felt.

He was beginning to loathe himself. He was beginning to loathe himself so deeply.

∞ ∞ ∞

Adhira was sitting near the fireplace, the embers burst into the room- and danced around her face. It was a bitter Christmas night in New Jersey. She sat alone in Rudra's cozy four-bedroom house. The rug warmed her legs- it was a velvety soft Persian rug. The deep maroon surrounded her small, defeated frame. She sat with her arms wrapped around her legs. She had hoped he would be here, next to her- watching the snow fall peacefully outside.

Her small fingers kept on tapping at the phone screen- no messages, no call- her phone stared hauntingly back at her. It was all so empty. Like his promises. Empty promises.

Adhira was tired of telling herself to stay, to watch- to listen. To wait. She was tired of hearing people telling her to move on, get over him- there is better out there.

Yes, Adhira knew that there was better out there. Yes, she knew that there was probably a man out there who would worship her, love her madly. Did that mean she should abandon Rudra?

Rudra had a different way of showing his love- he couldn't always be there for her. He was constantly late, he was a busy guy- there were lives he needed to save. And sometimes he was so tired that Adhira wasn't his top priority.

But still that didn't stop the tears. They slid down her cheeks, burning a trail. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. She had spent so much time cooking the dinner- she had made all of Rudra's Punjabi curries. They were all now cold.

She didn't even know if he was going to be back tonight. She didn't know why he always let her down like this. She knew that he didn't do it on purpose but it still hurt.

Adhira didn't have the strength left in her to move, she fell asleep next to the fireplace- her head resting on the nearby armchair.

∞ ∞ ∞

Rudra clicked the doors open at quarter past twelve. The winter wind rushed in as he quickly shut the door behind himself. He hung his coat on the rack and quickly removed his hoodie. He was so damn late again.

There wasn't a time when he didn't beat himself for letting her down. He slipped off his boots and blew a rough breath into his hands. Even though Adhira had reminded him before going out, he had forgotten to bring his gloves.

Only the lobby lights were on, the rest of the house was eerily dark. Rudra reaching for the switchboard realized that the power was out and the lobby lights were running from the generator. Using his cellphone lights, he entered the main seating area. The dining table was set with food- untouched. Rudra lifted the lids of the covered pots and realized that she had made all of his favorite foods- spinach curry, naan bread, stir-fried rice, lemon salad.

"That poor thing must have worked all day." He breathed out, pressing his knuckles against his forehead. "Oh, Adhira.."

He searched the house for her, finally finding her by the fireplace- her head resting on the armchair's seat. The fire had died out, leaving coals of red glowing behind. Her long, black hair cascaded beautifully down her back. She wore one of his sweaters- it was a blue stripped sweater and her own leggings paired with them. Rudra never told her this- but his clothes looked so much better on her than they ever did on him. He set his cellphone on the armchair and lifted Adhira from the floor. She muttered something incoherent against his chest. Holding her flush against himself, he walked through the almost dark living room. Rudra had an exceptional good memory- even though, he barely spent any time in his own house as being an emergency medicine doctor exhausted his day hours- he knew every nook and corner of the house. Going by his memory, he stepped around the center table.

"Three steps next to the center" He counted his steps. "Should be the sofa..." And it was there exactly. He placed Adhira on the floral sofa, making sure her head was at good angle. Gently, he tucked her in, placing the folded blanket over her small frame. He pressed his lips against her warm cheek.

It was wet- he pulled away suddenly-guilty. The darkness had hidden her tears. Rudra found himself caressing her face, trying to rid it of the wetness. "I'm so sorry Adhira..."

∞ ∞ ∞

Adhira woke up to someone nudging her shoulder. The touch was so familiar, she instantly knew who it belonged to. Only one person would touch with hesitation and this gentle command. She gripped his hand- the long fingers instinctively wrapped themselves around her small ones. Her surroundings were lit with candles- the orange glow drowned the middle eastern styled living room. Rudra's face captivated her- she was seeing him after a month. Still, it seemed like years had gone by.

His beard seemed to be rougher than usual, his eyes seemed tired as always, yet there was a kind smile playing on his lips. He leaned down and kissed her- sweetly, softly. It wasn't the type of kiss that was driven by passion. No, it was a gentle, affectionate kiss. Adhira found herself gripping his shirt, her heart racing wildly- she held on his shoulders.

"I wish..." Rudra pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. "What I'm trying to say?"

He had never been the smooth kinds. Expressing his feelings was always difficult for Rudra. "I am sorr-" She pressed her lips against his.

"I understand." She murmured against his lips. He gripped her waist and drew her close- chest against chest- their hearts soaring. Just the warmth of their bodies and nothing else, no space, no air- just them.

"Sometimes, I wish- Rudra." Adhira began as ran her fingers through his hair. "Sometimes, I wish Rudra you would say things like all those heroes do in movies."

"You've always known that I've been hopeless with words." He stared back helplessly.

"I know." She smiled.

"I heated up the food." He took her hand and led her to the dining table. The small, square table was lighted by a tall lavender candle. Rudra had pulled out the small gas stove from the garage and had heated the food on the stove.

"The power is out." Rudra explained, pulling out a chair for Adhira to sit.

"Oh," Adhira smiled to herself. "I thought you were being romantic. You know candlelight dinner and all."

He laughed awkwardly. "I guess..."

"You're such a dork." She couldn't help but laugh. "And we could have waited till the morning for the electricity to come back."

Rudra shrugged his shoulders. Adhira noticed that he was still wearing his scrubs. She also noticed that his hair held droplets of water. He had probably gone out in the snowstorm and lugged the stove from the garage to the house.

"I couldn't let you sleep on an empty stomach."

"Pagal (crazy guy)." Adhira laughed. They stared into each other's eyes- half lost in the magic. Their lips curled upwards in humor. They didn't know why they were so happy, why there were laughter lines forming, why they were laughing.

These were the moments Adhira couldn't share with her friends and family. It was hard to. She didn't talk about these memories with anyone, it was too personal, too bare. But these were the moments that kept Rudra in her life. That's why when the world asked why? She couldn't explain herself. Explain their relation. He didn't know how to be romantic. Hell, Rudra didn't know how to take a girl out on a proper date. He wasn't smooth with words. He tripped over the first sign of flirting. He was rude, sometimes flaky.

He didn't know how to spin tales and make a girl feel special.

But he knew how to show love. In his own ways, he showed Adhira that he loved her and even though, he couldn't be with her every second of the day, she was always on his mind.

Safe and soundly tucked away in his heart.

∞ ∞ ∞

There was a smile forming on unconscious Adhira's lips. Instantly, Rudra tensed. Someone else wouldn't have noticed this slight movement. But not Rudra, he had been watching Adhira so intently for the past thirteen hours. The dusk had turned into dawn and Rudra hadn't moved a muscle. He sprung into action- like someone had suddenly passed an electric current through his body. Rudra scanned the monitors. All her vitals were normal, perfectly normal. The medicine was still being administered in the same amount.

It was a moment like in the movies. He turned around to look at her and she was staring back at him. Rudra completely forgot everything, every train of thought in his mind went out the window.

She was back.

The beautiful brown eyes were staring at him. He reached for her. Her empty eyes followed the movement of his hand. His heart racing. Her mind was a haze. Just as his fingers were about to touch her forehead it all clicked into place- she shouted. "Go away!"

The emptiness in her eyes was gone- the moment of confusion was replaced by pure, utter furry. There was a storm stirring in her every cell.

Every muscle in his body stiffened. He froze. "Adhira?"

And then she screamed.

When I used to update everyday, you guys should have complained that the update is every three days, not every day xD. Jk, Jk... sorry for the delay. I had to find this chapter and retype. It was one hell of a task. 

The song I have attached - has one hell of a beat drop though. 

BTW, what do u think of the new cover? I know it doesn't relate to CRASH but it's so gorgeous.