You know what? 

Guess who is back?

We back baby

We back— we back— we back— back— back— 

Ahh! Penne paar, ahh! Oru mutham—

Ok back to the topic, ahem.

I'm sorry, I had to do that, I'm an Anirudh fan.

North In·​dia

ˈnȯrth ˈin-dē-ə

Part of the Indian country that comes above Karnataka, Telangana and Andhra Pradesh. 

...according to the South Indians.

I know, it isn't the ideal definition. Sue me because even I though this was the definition several years back.

South In·​dia

ˈsau̇th ˈin-dē-ə

Madras.

...according to what South Indians think that the North Indians think about South India.

Though I do deny that North Indians think so, I've also heard some people actually think South India is just Madras, I'm just going to support all those who know what South India properly is and say that not ALL North Indians are geographically unknowledgeable.

Now, for everyone, I'm going to state facts. About North and South India.

To all the unknowledgeable South Indians, what you people are referring to as North India is basically all parts of India other than the southern one.

Because what you include in North India also comprises of central, eastern, western and northern India.

Goa, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Odisha, Jharkhand, Chhattisgarh, Gujarat, Rajasthan, Punjab, Haryana, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, West Bengal, Assam, Mizoram, Tripura, Manipur, Meghalaya, Nagaland, Arunachal Pradesh, Sikkim, Uttarakhand, Himachal Pradesh and Jammu & Kashmir.

The last one's a Union Territory.

But for my convenience purposes, I'm going to refer to these places as North India here.

Idc, we're all Indians, so chill um—

Now, North Indians, the unknowledgeable ones, South India is made up of  Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, and Telangana.

Not to forget the Andaman and Nicobar as well as Lakshadweep islands. Also Puducherry (Pondicherry). These three are Union Territories.

There're also Dadra and Nagar Haveli and Damn and Diu, Delhi, Chandigarh and Ladakh which come under UT list.

Now, onwards to the matter at hand, why do some North Indians and South Indians show a rivalry that could put the stupid India-Pakistan rivalry to shame?

What I have heard and also experienced sometimes is that some North Indians look down upon South Indians because of ✨ s k i n  c o l o u r ✨

I mean seriously, you guys thing that you're all albinos or what? Y'all have melanin anyways—

And what is this about us being dirty just because we are dark skinned? Like bro, I get that you are uneducated but you don't have to go announcing about you bunking your science classes.

Also, I think one of the main reason is because 2022's Vikram movie was banned in many of the North Indian theatres?

That was a rumour but if it is true, I definitely would be pissed.

Now to the South Indians. Being a South Indian, Tamilian, to be precise, I've seen and heard it all.

Hindi Theriyaathu Poda (I don't know Hindi, buzz off), Head weighted bitches, Vadakkans (North people),  Selfish people—

Back it up, back it up, I actually have a problem.

Like, Entha ✨ m a y i r u ✨ da avan 'vadakkan' concept kandupidichathu?

Why this kolaveri, kolaveri, kolaveri di?

Distance-uh la moo—

Ok, I'll stop.

But seriously, if you're gonna go 'Vadakkan' as in to address the North Indian generally, then fine. But why do you have to call them 'Vadakkan' only to refer to them in an offensive way.

I mean, if you're angry about those labourers getting job here, then up your fucking game! It's not their fucking fault.

Dumbasses.

Anyways.

All those celebrities who had worn the 'Hindi theriyathu poda' shirt? 

Some of them (*cough* Aishwarya Rajesh *cough*) did that for publicity but they were already fluent in Hindi.

Not a rumour, you can check it online.

I'll come down to my experiences.

Kindergarten found me being sorta antisocial because I was dark skinned and people called me dirty, ugly and other synonymous words.

Immature brats.

And I want to let you guys know about something, this racism wasn't just the North Indians alone. There were South Indian fuckers in it as well.

Is it weird that I just called little kids 'fuckers'?

Well they must be my age now so—

Come first grade, I started attending Bharatanatyam and Carnatic music lessons.

I think my life became way better after taking these two classes.

Vaazahka mella mella okay aanadhey!

Jodi vandhu ippo jo—

Ehem.

So, I shifted several classes for the Carnatic music alone but no matter where I went, both in my dance and music class, one thing was common.

Other than both of them being artforms and classical ones at that, these classes had a diverse bunch of people.

Just through my dance and music classes, I've met Malayalis, Tamilians, Teluguvaru, Kannadigas, Marathis, Gujaratis, Assamese, Bengalis, Saurasthrians, Australian, American, Canadian, Sri Lankan.

I might be missing some of the other ethnicities but yes, I grew up with such bunches of diverse people and even people of different religions had been there. Hindus, Hindu Brahmins and Christians.

I didn't face any dumb criticism.

In fact my best friends were a Brahmin and a Telugu girl.

And there was also a Saurashtrian girl with whom I had bonded for a brief period of time and we had been very close then.

Her cousin was coincidentally my friend too and he taught me that in Saurashtrian, 'vegetables' were called 'kaylokezur'. Or 'kaylokesur'?

Did I get that right, dear possible Saurashtrian reading this?

And there's a Malayali girl whom I'm good friends with.

And there's also a Gujarati guy from my institute that I'm friends with.

And there were these two Marathi sisters back in my childhood home with whom I had bonded very amazingly.

Also, I have Hindu, Muslim, Christian and Jain friends.

Basically, I have a diverse gang of friends.

Gangu gangu leader vacchadu legan—

Apologies. Onwards now.

I'm probably not the only one with varied friends. There are many Indians with such a friends-circle who actually understand how stupid the whole rivalry within India between several religions, races, north and south is.

So please everyone just shut the fuck up and like Pablo Neruda from class 12's dearest NCERT book says, keep quiet for sometime and reflect on yourself.

Not that I like the poem anyway. It's too superficial for my taste.

Don't go for too long though, because then you'll actually realise that nothing in the world is really ever worth anythin—

It's a joke.

I'm a pragmatist.

I like dark jokes.

So it's a joke.

Or is it—

Anyways!

At the ends of the day, when all is said and done done, we're all Indians.

We all like Sunny Leone!

Again, joking.

Or am I—

So I think it would be wise of us to see the bigger picture and stop thinking about the comparatively teeny-tiny circle that we've drawn around us.

And on that note,

Jai Jawan,

Jai Kisan,

Jai Hind. 

*Eagle-whistle* THE EAGLE IS COMING! YOU BETTER START—

Okay, I'll stop with the Anirudh references now, bye!