A/N: Thank you so so so much for getting this book up past the 1k reads mark! *celebrates*
This means a lot to me, that you all have stuck with me this long. So here's my gift to you. I'm doing a double update!! (Not that this hasn't happened before, but it's a bit past midnight here so I stayed up late to post this first thing on Friday!)

~October.

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To Ericka,

Hey.

      I know we haven't talked much, or at all really. Not since I've left. It feels weird to be writing this letter to you. Like I've unearthed some long forgotten relationship out of the ground and it's all rusty. I don't know how to navigate it yet. Its...ah. Ericka.

      I...I'm sorry. I should've been here for you. When Evelyn...when she...after what happened to her, I swallowed my sorrow and wallowed in it for months. I'm so stupid. I should've been there for you. For everyone, really. We all lost her, not just me.

And then I ran away.

      Haha...this is the point where you'd tell me that I didn't. But I did. I always do and I hate that about myself. Whenever I start to miss someone, or something like this happens, I leave. I don't go back and talk to the people I miss. I don't go back and try to work my way through things like this. I leave.

This letter should be for everyone really, I let down everyone.

But I think both you and I know why I left. The whole reason.

Yes, there were reminders.

Yes, I'd turn around to the desk behind me in science and find it empty.

Yes, I'd walk out of my house and without even knowing it, I'd end up at Evelyn's doorstep before remembering that she'd never answer the door.

Yes, I once sent a text to her dead number asking if she wanted to come over and join me for dinner because I was home alone again.

Of course she wouldn't respond.

      And at those moments, you know what happened to me? All of it, all of the pain, the loss, the emptiness would come crashing back down over me like a tidal wave and I'd be left shivering, feeling that hole in my heart grow even bigger.

I'd need a moment to myself as I tried to get a hold of myself. I still do that. It still happens.

But you know, that wasn't the only reason why I left.

I would've gotten used to it eventually, if that had been the only reason. I had all of you, right?

Except that was the problem.

I didn't. At least, I didn't feel like I did.

As much as I tried to hide it, everyone knew how I felt about Nick, including you. Everyone except Nick. Ironic, isn't it?

You know before you two were together, you know who he'd come to for advice? Me.

As if he never truly understood how I felt. Funny how that works. And he only came to me because both Evelyn and Noel ignored him.

Those were the times when we were the closest. It was before you two were...a thing. So Evelyn was still around, and other than my boy problems, nothing was really the matter.

He used to find me near my little cliff, the one I showed you only a few days before I left. That is...was where I'd go to get some personal space. Where I'd go to think.

      And that's where we would talk. He'd tell me about you, and how he felt and how he thought you felt, all with that goofy smile on his face. I'd feel myself tense up right before he sat down, legs swinging beside mine over the edge. I remember thinking that it wasn't a long drop from there. I'd just have to lean a bit farther...

But I didn't. Because he needed me to listen. Because I'm stupid, and I didn't tell him before.

      And he talk about the latest issue, and I'd plaster a fake smile on my face and let my heart bleed on the inside. Just so you know, I didn't hold back. I did help him, and tried to give him my thoughts on it. Well, my thoughts aside from the ones I wanted to tell him. I told him the things he wanted to hear, and that was enough.

      Then, after he'd left, I'd stitch up my broken pieces with staples and tape. That's not how it works, is it? You can't put together a thing made of flesh and blood as easily as paper.

     Except that's not what made me leave. As much as it hurt, I was willing to let him go. I knew I'd get over it. I'm strong enough for that. Or, I was. I don't even know anymore. Right now, I feel like paper again, wilting. Maybe I'm not strong enough anymore.

What made me leave?

Here's what made me leave.

     The day she died. There, I said it. Evelyn died. She's never coming back and it tears my heart up all over again because I was just getting used to thinking that she was just back at home all this time. As if that stupid accident never happened. As if we didn't lose sleep for months. As if the last thing I'd said to her wasn't the dumbest thing ever. As if she was going to be there when I'd come back, and I'd invite you all over to dinner again, and everything would be the same. As if.

      Oh, I wish that was how it worked. I wish the cogs of time could be turned back. I wish we could have rewritten what happened that day.

But that's off track.

      The day she died. The doctors were getting ready to turn off her life support, and we were given a few minutes alone with her, to say goodbye. I remember feeling numb. I felt like it couldn't possibly be happening. She was just asleep. Her parents had just gone outside, to take a minute. This was our chance to say goodbye. We weren't going to be allowed in when she really left. But she was just asleep. Any minute now she'd wake right back up and shriek in our faces, calling us losers for believing her. But she stayed still as we silently watched her unmoving face. I remember needing to hold onto to someone for a second, just to ground myself. Remember where I was. I looked over at you, but you and Nick were already holding hands, keeping yourself grounded. I walked over to Noel and put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, and that stung.

     So I walked backwards a bit, and wrapped my arms around myself. All of you were here. All of you stayed on the ground, feet firmly planted and when you started to break, someone was there to console you. Noel was alone too, but that's how he's handled things since the very beginning. He has that kind of realistic view. He knew what was happening and he receded into his own thoughts while he watched Evelyn on the bed, feet firmly rooted in the ground.

I, on the other hand, felt like it was a dream. I stayed a bit farther away, staring at her face as I mentally pleaded for her to make some miracle recovery right that second and open her eyes. Open them before they closed forever.

     And when they turned off the Life support, and she flat-lined, I felt myself floating away. She left through the ceiling and went straight up. But I wasn't a spirit. I wasn't allowed to leave yet. So I drifted. Nothing kept me grounded like you three. I was always the dreamer. And since that day, whenever I walked, my feet didn't quite touch the ground. Every other step would skip. Every other toe wouldn't leave a footprint. I was drifting away. Nothing kept me to the ground, except my physical body. It wasn't my time.

 So I was like a kite. Floating away, but not quite gone yet.

Couldn't. The string kept me tied to the world. But that's all it was.

A string. A simple thread made of memories and emotions, frayed and breaking with every passing second.

But then it got too much, and I cut it.

And I flew away~....

~Calling to you, from the other side of my world where I'm still floating,

Zeenath.

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As always, please comment/vote if you liked the chapter! I try my best to deliver these chapters on time, and your comments and votes really help! ;) 

This chapter is for ColorMeInfinite, who's an amazing unicorn with great writing skills! ^_^

~October