Artie and Koda, about the rest of the group : um, excuse me sir, those are my emotional support lesbians

-

Iris : I think we should have a kid

Artie : if by "kid" you mean "cat", I agree

-

Char : how do I get revenge on my enemies

Koda : the best revenge is moving on and living your life to the fullest (:

Char :

Char : Artie, how do I-

Artie : brick

-

Char : hungry? eat the government

-

Artie : sorry about the chaos, I needed attention

-

Jules : I'm having problems with a girl

Artie : 'her body won't fit in my trunk problems' or 'I like her' problems?

Jules : ...I like her problems

Artie : shame, I could've helped with the first thing

Jules : you literally have a girlfriend??

Artie : doesn't mean I know how I did it

-

cop, knocking on the door : open up! it's the police!

Koda, to himself : it's okay, I haven't done any crimes

cop : the fashion police!

Koda, kicking off his crocs : shit

-

Bee : how did you get in here???

Char : the window, or as I like to call it, The Char Door

-

Artie : truth or dare?

Iris : truth

Artie : I dare you to come over here and give me a kith

Iris, getting up : okay

Char : they didn't even fucking pick dare???

-

Char : hey, are you asleep?

Iris : yeah

Char : oh, okay, I'll leave you alone then

*two hours later*

Char : wait a goddamn mother fucking bitch ass minute-