Char : hey, you wanna go get a bite to eat?

Astra : sure. Artie too?

Char : I haven't seen them in awhile, I don't think they're awake right now

Artie, in a face mask, from atop the fridge : you would be incorrect in that conjecture, Charlotte Tyler

Char : JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-

-

Bee and Char : my immense self hatred vs my delusional god complex

-

Koda : DON'T EDGAR ALLAN BRO ME IF YOU DON'T EDGAR ALLAN KNOW ME

-

Artie : looks like we're stealing Bee's car again

Koda : can I drive this time?

Artie : absolutely not

-

Jules : hey, Char, whose your favorite one in the group?

Char : what day is it

Jules : uh, Sunday

Char : Koda

-

Astra, walking into Artie's house, covered in scratches : you wouldn't happen to know anything about a feral chicken that guards your house, do you?

Artie : was it Napoleon?

Astra : we didn't exchange pleasantries

Artie : that's Napoleon

-

Jules : didn't you die

Artie : that was weeks ago dude things change

-

Koda, bleeding out : can we stop for ice cream on the way to the hospital?

Jules, driving : I don't see why not

-

Astra : did you just fall

Char : I attacked the floor

Astra : backwards?

Char : I'm fucking talented

-

(long one, get ready boys)

*everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Artie : so. who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know

everyone :

Jules : ...I did. I broke i-

Artie : no, no, you didn't. Char?

Char : don't look at me! look at Astra

Astra : what?! I didn't break it

Char : huh, that's weird. how'd you even know it was broken?

Astra : because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken

Char : suspicious

Astra : no, it's not!

Bee : if it matters, probably not, but Koda was the last one to use it

Koda : liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Bee : oh really? then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Koda : I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Bee!

Jules : okay let's not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Artie

Artie : no! who broke it!?

everyone :

Bee : Artie...Char's been awfully quiet

Char : rEALLY?!

*everyone starts arguing*

Artie, being interviewed : I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it

Artie : I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick

Artie : 

Artie : good. it was getting a little chummy around here