"Bae. bae. baby. bestie. honey. babycakes. puppy. poopie. snuckums. sweetie. pookie. bub-"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT-" Janus yelled, glaring at Remus, who simply grinned.

"I'm honryyyyy" he pouted, shaking his flat ass.

"What. what are you-
there's nothing there, you can't-"

"LET ME PRETEND TO HAVE A FAT ASS, OKAY? NOT EVERYONE CAN BE LIKE LOGAN, JESUS." Remus shrieked, sobbing loudly as he began to twerk pathetically. "Twerk twerk twerk twerk-"

"Honey, no-" Janus said, dragging him away by the hair and shoving the duke into a closet, locking the door. "I will let you out once you promise to stop shaking your sack of bones."

*two weeks later*

"Hey bae." Remus called, strutting into Janus' room.

"Omg-" he said, drooling as he dropped to his knees.

from that day forth, Janus worshiped Remus and his fat ass. the end.