The room looked like a dirty mess. Cockroaches skittered around every corner looking for food. An old ass pile of clothes was left in the shady corner of the place. It smells of blood and human feces along with someone's diabolical secret sauce if you catch my drift. The floors are covered in random items. From old books to toys, weapons to random underwear. Hell, a gun was half hazardously left under the bed like it was some disgusting secret. And what made it worse is that this was the least of Postal Dude's problems. He didn't acknowledge it at all.

The Postal Dude, even though he was legally an adult now and probably the most mature person ever. Still has a controlling stepdad that beat the shit out of him if he didn't do what he said. Not only that, the town of Paradise was a complete and utter hellhole, to say the least. People were assholes who attack and shoot anything with a pulse for little to no reason at all. The stores only sold goat milk and terrorists were everywhere. It felt like one big-ass stereotype. And the Dude was tired of it.

He was all covered in blood from today's average slaughter. He just got done killing the shit out of some random asshole at Paradise's local Gas Station. That is what he got for cutting him in line!

"Fuckin' pussy!" The dude said as he continued to smoke the health pipes. Wondering why the fuck would he even be alive here. No, better question does anything in life matter? His boss Vince was some wacky nutcase. How should he know? "Man, health pipe my ass! That stuff's addicting! This can't feel good for me, but I feel great!"

The Postal Dude decided to continue smoking crack. He knows that the withdrawal is going to kill him one of THESE GOD FORSAKEN DAYS. But he didn't care at all. He was going to suffer for no reason and he was going to God DAMN ENJOY IT!

He could see it all. He could see the drugs kicking in. His vision went all blurry for a moment. His shades make everything look like hell. He felt his heart pounding for millions of miles a second. His hands trembling and shivering and his whole body felt like it was going to be ripped from shreds. He laughed and laughed for what felt like forever. His stepdad may scold his ass. He rested his trenchcoat on the ground and continued to chuckle. This. Was normal. And this was fine...

The Postal Dude always did this these days. He goes into Paradise, kills some fuckers, gets some crack, and smokes the whole supply in a day. That's what usually happened when he didn't get the chance to see his boyfriend. The only one who truly understood him. Who loved him... Who did not judge him for anything? Who loved him for him? But for now, it was fine. His boyfriend was not here for now. That's about to change in a second.

The high lasted like Poland's success against Germany in World War Two. He sat up on the shitty beat-up bed a little bit. He raised an eyebrow when the door opened. He moved his shades a little bit as he saw him.

Oh SHIT! Dude thought, Oh God he knows... He knows.

The man was about his age with a fancy black eye patch on him. A nearly nine-foot-tall man with a ushanka on his head and wore a thick coat which he took off. He towered over the six-foot Postal Dude as he stared at him. His single eye stared at Dude with shock and confusion. He didn't understand what happened at all. But he had to go and comfort his boyfriend.

"Oh, hey Ruv, how's it going?" The Dude asked as the Russian walked over and sat next to him. "I was just doing my weekend routine! Y'know, the usual smokes and shit,"

Ruv narrowed his only eye. He sounded soft yet confused.

"Dude... you shouldn't do that," he said softly, rubbing Dude's hand with his own. "I know this month has been shit, I get it. But you and I both know it's not healthy?"

"Why not man?" Dude asked as he rested his head on Ruv's shoulder. Making Ruv all flustered. "You always hang out with Sarvente now! It kinda of makes me feel lonely, no offense. And I need something to comfort me in this hellhole of a town,"

"That's why I'm here," Ruv replied. He slowly grabbed Dude and pulled him onto his lap. The Postal Dude only climbed onto him, tackling him to the bed for a cuddle. Ruv held Postal Dude just as tight as Dude hugged back. "You can't hide behind crack and murder all the time man. Same with me when it comes to the shitty Church we have here or my emotionless attitude. Can you just focus on me, pleas-"

Ruv got interrupted as soon as his lips got smashed into the Postal Dude's. They made out for a second before Dude let go of Ruv's lips for a little bit. Ruv's weird Oreo face blushed extremely hard as he stared at Dude dumbfounded for a couple of minutes. Felt his whole body almost tense up as he felt Postal Dude rub his cheek a little bit.

"That's what I'm doing comrade," Dude cooed as he continued to cuddle Ruv. Both of them grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around each other. Making themselves even more warm and snuggled up. "Now shut up and let me kiss you, man!"

Ruv chuckled and smooched Dude's forehead before saying: "Do you want to sleep right now? I mean, it's nine and I understand that your sleep schedule is disorganized but-"

"FUCK YES OREO BOY!" Dude yelled out as he took off his shades. Showing Ruv two beautiful almost holy eyes. They made Ruv blush as Dude nuzzled into him. The dude's nose tickles Ruv's neck a little bit. "I'm tired, why not snuggle with the most handsome man in Arizona?"

That brought a chuckle out of the tall Russian guy. Ruv began to close his only eye as he heard the Postal Dude mumble out some random stuff about how cute Ruv looked 24/7. Ruv knew that this relationship was weird. But he liked it. Postal Dude sure as hell loved it. He was the crazy psychopath he was. But Ruv knew Dude was his adorable psychopath. And soon, both of them fell asleep without a word.

The End.