#03

In the year 851, Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert-

Armin: Nah, nah, nah, that's not my name.

Then...what is it?

Armin: I changed it to Armin 'To Dat' Arlert. c: Yeh.

Uh, but that's ridiculous.

Armin: So! •^• I be who I be!

*Sigh* Fine.

Armin: Thank you :3

In the year 851, Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin 'To Dat' Arlert-

Armin: Ah, see how cool that sounds???

Y-Yes, it's very cool sounding.

Armin: Yeh, you can just hear the panties drop once you say it too-.

ALRIGHT, LETS GET ON WITH THE STORY.

~At the cafeteria~

Eren: *bursts through the doors wearing a Santa hat and throwing Christmas colored confetti everywhere* MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! :D

Mikasa: *Walks up to him and smacks him upside the head* PENDEJO!!! Christmas already passed! New Years, too! It's fuckin 2016 already.

Eren: WHAT??? D:

Armin: Yeah, you missed a lot. Didn't you come to the Christmas and New Year parties?

Eren: There were parties?! D:

Mikasa: Yeah, everyone attended.

Eren: Dammit! D:< I decorated the cabins and everything!!

Mikasa: You're late by two years, bro.

Armin: You should've been around when we had the parties. I don't know how you missed them.

Eren: Hmmmmm!!! >:c

Armin: Well, actually, now that I think about it...

~Flashback~

Armin: Okay, just one last knot to go...! *cutting away at bonds on his wrist*

Eren: *watching with wide eyes while tied up and gagged*

Armin: *cuts through the rope* Aha!! Got it! Now I can get out of here and send for help!! There's guards everywhere but I can sneak past them! Heh, heh, last time we mess with Cousin Rino's crew, am I right Eren? *elbows Eren*

Eren: *Nods and chuckles nervously behind his gag*

Armin: Okay, you stay here. Don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you. I'll come back with help and rescue you! Just hang tight! *runs off*

Eren: *sits quietly and struggles against his bonds until he slowly tips over and falls on his side* Gawrd demmit...

~Flashback Over~

Armin: Right, I never did come back for you..

Eren: Yeah, you didn't! And you lied about Cousin Rino and his buddies not doing anything bad to me! >:c

Armin: Oh, I'm sure whatever they did wasn't all that bad!

Eren: Are you kidding?! *lifts up his shirt to show a wicked gang tattoo*
Cousin Rino initiated me into his gang!!! Now I gotta show up to weekly gang meetings!!! Do you have any idea what they do to rookies like me?!?! They make me listen to Little Wayne in a dark room all by myself!!! That bastard sounds like he's high AND sleepy!!

Mikasa: That's how he always records his songs.

Eren: I KNOW, WHICH MAKES LISTENING TO IT EVEN WORSE!!!

Armin: Well, hey, at least you got outta there, right?

Eren: Yeah, no thanks to you!! Where'd you end up going?!

Armin: Uh....

~Flashback~

Armin: *riding a mechanical bull in a country bar* HELL YEAHHHHH!!!! *gets thrown off across the room and crashes into the wall*

Everyone: *cheers*

Armin: *stands up and shakes his head* WOO! That was fun!!!

Mikasa: *walks up to him wearing a cowboy hat* Hey, wasn't there something you were supposed to do?

Armin: I don't know... Did it involve Eren??

Mikasa: I don't know.

Armin: Huh.... WELP, WHATEVER!! *runs back towards the mechanical bull* YEEEE HAAAAAAHHH!!!

~Flashback Over~

Armin: I broke the record by eight seconds! :D

Eren: Mikasa, what the hell?! You were there too??!? D:<

Mikasa: What can I say, I love me some country bars. *puts on a random cowboy hat*

Eren: Ugh, well whatever! Annie ended up finding me and helping me back here!

Armin: Who the hell is Annie? .-.

Mikasa: You don't know who Annie is?

Armin: Nah. .-.

Eren: She's the blonde girl sitting alone over there. *points across the room*

Armin: *turns and spots Annie sitting alone quietly* Oh...Oh my...

Mikasa: You okay there Armin?

Armin: Oh my god... Hellooooo there foxy mama...!!! *w*

Eren: Oh no.

Mikasa: Armin, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

Armin: Well, if I'm thinking what you think I'm thinking, then yes, you're thinking exactly what I'm thinking you're thinking I'm thinking.

Eren: WUT??

Armin: SHUSH!! I'm putting my sex game on!!!

Eren: What's a sex game? ._.

Mikasa: Something you don't have.

Everyone:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHIT!!!

Armin: Alright, time to make my move!! :D *confidently walks towards Annie*

Mikasa: ........How much do you bet that he strikes out?

Eren: 20 bucks.

Mikasa: Deal.

Armin: *Makes it to Annie's table* Why, hello, there beautiful! (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annie: ....What? ē__ē

Armin: Ya know, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room, and I can't help but admire your gorgeous bun.

Annie: Uh...thanks...?

Armin: I also can't help but wonder what a foxy soul like yours is doing all alone here. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annie: Because I hate people.

Armin: Heh, heh, well I'm not no ordinary people. Because when it comes to you, I'm your angel from above, sweet thang. (͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annie: Yah. (¬_¬)

Armin: Looking at you now, I can't help but fall for you. *Leans on the table but then slips and falls over*

Annie: ._.

Armin: *Gets back up* I meant to do that! To show how serious I was about falling for you. (͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annie: You're being serious?

Armin: Well, of course! How can I not be for a sweet thang like you?

Annie: I'm anything but sweet. ē_ē

Armin: I don't believe that :3

Annie: And this is coming from-?

Armin: My name is Armin Arlert. I'm from the Shiganshina District. What's your name? :3

Annie: It's Annie Leonhart.

Armin: Oh, that's sounds nice. Leonhart! Sounds brave and tough! I like it.

Annie: Yeah... *thinks* Ya know, Armin...

Armin: *to himself* She said my name...!

Annie: ...Your hair is pretty nice too. Though it's a bit longer than how all the other guys have it.

Armin: Oh yeah, I noticed that. I guess I should put it up in a ponytail or somethin'.

Annie: ....How about two? And how about getting you into something a little more comfortable...? (≖ᴗ≖)

Armin: Oooooo I like where this is going (='ω'=)

~Five minutes later~

Eren: So...girls do not have dicks..?

Mikasa: No, Eren, they don't. -_-

Eren: But...why? If they don't have dicks then what's there?

Mikasa: Eren, I don't feel like talking about this with you.

Eren: But I want to know! ;A;

Mikasa: Eren--.

Eren: WHERE DID THE LADY DICKS GO?!?!

Armin: Hey, guys! I'm back! :D

Eren: Oh hey Armin--HOLY SHIT.

Armin: What? *wearing a pink dress with his hair in pigtails*

Eren: Ugh! My god! You look like you just came back from RuPaul's Drag Race!!! :A:

Armin: Oh, yeah. Annie dressed me up. :3

Mikasa: *covering her eyes* God, couldn't she have just tortured you instead?! oA-

Armin: Heh, heh, she knows how to take my clothes off quick, I can tell you that.

Eren: Gross.

Mikasa: Do I have to fuck her up for doing this to you???

Armin: No, not at all!! She was just playing around! :D Besides, I'm in L-O-V-E with her Ō///u///Ō

Eren: You like her?? After she did THIS to you?!? *motions to Armin's dress*

Armin: Like I said, she was just playing around! Our relationship is like the kind where people say and do mean things to each other but in reality they're totally in love. Yeah, it's like that, BUT BETTER.

Eren: ......She made you a fuCKIN' DRAG QUEEN!!!

Armin: And I'm workin' it!! Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to the powder room to redo my make-up! *swerves on his high heels and struts away*

Eren & Mikasa: OAO

Jean: *walks up to them* Hey, who's the new girl?

Mikasa: That's Armin..

Jean: .... *gags*

Eren: Yeah...though I gotta say...he is working those heels..

Jean & Mikasa: *stare and nod* Yeah.

~At the male cabins~

Eren: So THAT'S what girls have...! :D

Jean: Y-Yeah Eren. e_e

Armin: *bursts into the room* HEY THERE GUTTER SLUTS!!!

Eren: Armin, where the hell have you been???

Armin: Oh nothin'! I was just out doing a little 'something something' for Annie when she wakes up tomorrow morning! :3

Eren: You're still head over heels for Annie?

Armin: Okay, first off, I'm head over wedges. *raises up his leg to show wedges* Secondly, yes I am still in love with her!!

Jean: I don't understand how you can fall for her..

Armin: Shut up, Pony Boy!! Don't you have a Marco to go Polo?!? O^o

Jean: What the fuck does that mean??

Armin: Just go to bed!! O^o

Jean: Okay fine -.- *walks away*

Armin: Anyways, as I was saying, I am still in love with my foxy mamma, Annie, and I will do all that I can do make her mine!

Eren: I'm worried for you Armin. What if she doesn't like you?? What if you get rejected and I have to bust your ass out of prison for creating a shoot out at Walmart again?

Armin: Okay, that cashier led me on, and you know it!!! Plus Walmart ripped me off. I obviously had 25 dollars left in my gift card!! O^O

Eren: That's besides the point! What if things don't work out? Then what?

Armin: Nah, there's a love between me and Annie, I can feel it! You're just doubting it because she's anti-social. That's not bad. It's not like she's a total traitor to humanity because she killed off a whole bunch of people just to capture you in a 15 meter class Titan body.

Eren: .___.

Armin: .____.

Eren: .___.

Armin: .____.

Eren: ..... Yeah, I guess you're right!

Armin: There you go! :D Now if you excuse me, I'm off to bed! G'night!!

Eren: Night, Armin. *gets into bed and closes his eyes*

Jean: ....OH I JUST GOT "POLO" THING!!!! :D Wait... AH ARMIN WHAT THE FUCK?!?! D:<

Armin: HAHA, BITCH!!! >:D

~In the morning~

Eren: *wakes up and gets dressed into the cadet uniform*

Armin: *sneaks up behind him and jumps on his back*

Eren: AHHHHH I DIDN'T STEAL THAT METH I SWEAR!!! ARMIN DID IT!!!

Armin: Excuse me??? -A-

Eren: Oh, Armin, it's you!! Heh, heh, didn't know... >_>

Armin: You bastard -_- *leaps off* Remind me to never have you around Bobby ever again.

Eren: S-Sorry... - ~ -'

Armin: Well, whatever! I'm so excited! :D Annie should be seeing what I got for her right about now!

Eren: What did you get her anyway??

Armin: Uh..

~At the female cabins~

Annie: *wakes up and yawns* Ugh...wait...what the...? *sees nothing but teddy bears and roses around her bed* How the hell did this...?

Random violinist: *shows up and starts playing*

Annie: What the...? e__e

Random waiter: *french accent* Here is your gourmet breakfast, mademoiselle. *hands plate of food*

Annie: Uuuuhhh, I didn't-.

Random waiter: *shoves food in her mouth*

Annie: Mmmpfffhhh!! o )-( o

Random make-up artist: Oh honey, those bags under your eyes do not suit you. Mmm-mmmm, they won't do!

Annie: What bags-?

Random make-up artist: *throws powder in her face*

Annie: What the fu-??

Random tailor: Your dress is ready!~ *pulls Annie out of bed and undresses her*

Annie: Whoa, whoa, hey!

Random tailor: There! It's on! You look beautiful!! :D

Annie: -____-

Random hair stylist: Let me doll your hair up, sweetie!

Annie: No, no, no, I'm fine-.

Random hair stylist: *does her hair anyway*

Annie: God dammit!!! ÒAÓ

Mikasa: *watching from afar and sighs* God dammit Armin...

~At the male cabins~

Armin: She's gonna have the best time :3

Eren: How the hell could you afford all that??

Armin: Well... *stares up at nothing as he thinks about how he brutally beat a man up and forced him to arrange Annie's gift and then asked the man if he was pretty and when the man hadn't given him a complete answer he kept brutally smacking him* I don't wanna talk about it...

Eren: Well, let's get going.

Armin: Right-.

Annie: ARMIN!!!!!!!!!!

Armin: Oh, guess she got her gift :D

Eren: Uh, Armin...

Armin: I wonder if she likes it.

Eren: Armin, you might wanna--.

Armin: Maybe it wasn't enough. I'll give her something better next time! *rambles on*

Eren: *steps to the side*

Armin: Man, now that I think about it, a limo would've been better--.

Annie: *bursts into the room and tackles Armin down*

Eren: .___. *whistles and walks away*

Annie: You idiot!!!

Armin: Oh, good morning, sugar buns! :D

Annie: This is anything but a GOOD morning, dumbass!!

Armin: Uh...I'll call you pumpkin pie then!

Annie: AGH!! *throws Armin across the room*

Armin: *falls with a squeak like a squeak toy*

Annie: *picks him up* What kind of idiot gets a violinist, a waiter, a make-up artist, and a tailor for me?!

Armin: Don't forget the hair stylist! :D

Annie: I hate how I look now!!! I'm girly! I HATE girly!!! *throws Armin again*

Armin: *squeaks again*

Annie: There's a reason why I don't talk to anyone and its to keep me from dealing with dumbasses like you!

Armin: Well, there's a reason why I talked to you and it's to help you meet a dumbass like me. :3

Annie: T-T *throws him across the room again*

Eren & Mikasa: *outside waiting out the fight*

Eren: I gotta say, I honestly think she looks great in that dress.

Mikasa: I know right? And her hair?

Eren: Flawless.

Mikasa: Absolutely.

Eren: Mmm.

Armin: *flies through the door and hits the ground*

Annie: *stomps out* WHY ARE YOU SO DAMM STUBBORN?!? *pries the door off its hinges*

Armin: Well, it's because I like you, duh!

Annie: *is about to throw the door when she stops* What?

Armin: *gets up* I like you..!

Annie: O____O

Armin: （。々°）

Annie: O___O *throws the door straight at him anyway*

Armin: *goes flying*

Mikasa: Shouldn't I stop her?

Eren: It's totally fine!!

Mikasa: Armin is literally bleeding right now--.

Eren: BITCH DON'T RUIN THIS PRECIOUS MOMENT ÒAÓ

Mikasa: o___o

Annie: *walks up to Armin and steps on him*

Armin: I can dig you being on top
(￣▽￣)

Annie: Armin....you're an idiot.

Armin: Only for you!~

Annie: Listen...you seem like a cool guy and all, but I'm not here to look for a relationship. I came here to become a soldier and I can't have things like romance and friendship get in my way.

Armin: But...with all of that stuff you're pretty much nothing but a soldier that's told what to do all of the time. What's the fun in that?! :D

Annie: You don't get it do you?! D:<

Armin: I do. I just think you're being too serious about it. :c

Annie: ???

Armin: Sure, you're here to serve humanity, but all of the things you don't wanna do are what make you a part of them. Don't neglect things that are good for you. That's how you become a sad, poor sap who regrets shit all of the time.

Annie: At least that's not as bad as running a meme page.

Armin: RIGHT OMG?!!

Annie: It's SOOOO much angst.

Armin: Ya know, I almost did that once! Thank god Bobby got me into drugs...

Annie: that's still kinda bad. .__.

Armin: Eh

Annie: *sighs* Alright...I'll give you a chance, I guess.

Armin: REALLY!??! (O▽O//)

Annie: On one condition...

Armin: ANYTHING FOR YOU!!~~

~The next day~

Eren & Mikasa: *sparing together*

Eren: Hey, what did Armin and Annie agree on??

Mikasa: No clue.

Eren: ....

Mikasa: ....

Eren: ....

Mikasa: ....

Eren: Oh, I found out you have a cat where your lady dick is supposed to be!! :D

Mikasa: *suddenly stops fighting and just stares*

Eren: :D

Mikasa: ....thank god you're a main character. *puts her fists down*

Marco: Hey, are you all not paying attention to what Annie is doing?

Eren & Mikasa: Huh?

Marco: *points to Annie at the other end of the training field*

Annie: *using Armin as a literal punching bag*

Armin: *the happiest a person can ever be*

Eren & Mikasa: ooooohhhhhh...

Marco: Are none of you gonna help him?

Eren: Ah, he's in love! Let him be!

Armin: *far off* I JUST FRACTURED TWO RIBS

Eren: He'll be fine..!

Marco: Mikasa??

Mikasa: Screw that. *puts on a cowboy hat* I'm hitting the country bar. Anyone wanna join?

Other cadets: YEAH!

Mikasa: Yee hah.

To Be Continued! c:

Next time!~

Armin has now found a new love among the grueling life of a cadet. Now Eren and Mikasa will also find something within themselves that'll transform the both of them. Could it be...love, as well??

Eren & Mikasa: Fuck EreMika.

OKay, well, screw me, amirite?

Ahem.

Will Armin realize how dangerous his new love is? Will Annie ever truly accept him? Will Mikasa win the annual bull riding competition (yeah, she will, she's as beast)? WILL EREN BE ABLE TO CATCH UP TO THE SHIT FEST THAT IS 2016?!? GOD HAVE MERCY ON THAT POOR BOY.

Eren: Hey Armin, you wanna play cards with us?? *points to him and a few other male cadets*

Armin: Nah, homeboy, I'm expecting a call from Annie!

Jean: So you actually ended up with her after all?

Armin: you could say that c:

Jean: ???

Armin's phone: *plays Anaconda as the ringtone for Annie*

Armin: That's my boo!~ *picks up the phone* Hello?!

Annie: *standing at the doorway of the male cabins holding the phone to her ear* Stop fucking calling me. This is the thirtieth time you do this, you fuckin nard.

Armin: HI HONEY!!!~~

The boys: *sigh in unison*