Bonus chapters will more than likely be a thing. I just have to write them xD if anyone has any ideas for them, feel free to let me know~

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Levi couldn't recall a time where he ever uttered the words 'I love you' to someone and meant it with every inch of his being. Really, he couldn't remember ever really saying them to anyone. If he had, it was when he was very young. He'd probably said it to his mother, even his sister because that was just what you did. It was normal, and he would have been much too young to understand not loving your family, to understand that just because they were your family didn't necessarily mean they deserved your love or that you deserved theirs.

Anyone else he might have said it to would have been his baby sister...but by the time she was born, his heart was already tainted and that kind of affection wasn't something he was capable of.

Every time he allowed those words to roll off his tongue, they felt strange. Not bad. Just strange. They sounded almost wrong in his voice, yet every time he said them they left a warm tingle in their wake. They were just words. They shouldn't make him feel the way they did, but they did.

After the events of that morning, they seemed weak and feeble and didn't hold nearly enough power for how he truly felt about the boy sleeping soundly on his chest and in his arms, with his deep breathing and steady heartbeat. He'd been the first between them to say it; every time he said it since he meant it with every atom of his being.

Eren hadn't so much as changed him as he'd brought parts of him to the surface. Parts that had been buried so deep by bad memories, drugs, and hatred. Being around someone so full of life was bound to have an effect on him...yet he'd had no idea it would be so profound.

~*~

Slowly, the raven untangled himself from the brunet, mindful not to wake him from his evidently deep slumber. He covered him up with the afghan at the end of the bed that had slid halfway off before standing up and stretching, wincing as his muscles protested against the soreness. His thighs in particular ached from having been stretched out more than they were used to. His ass was in no complete comfort, either, but with the pool of bliss he was floating in, it was more than worth it.

He started picking things up and tidying them, tossing their clothes in the laundry basket and shutting the television off. He then selected clothes at random and strode across the hall for a shower.

Back in the room, Eren was just waking back up, sitting up with his arms stretched wide and his mouth wide open in a yawn.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Levi said with a chuckle, crawling over to him.

"Heyyy." He dragged out the word and smiled into it. "How long was I out?"

"Mm, like half an hour. How you feelin'?"

"Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?" Levi rolled his eyes. "I'm...great." Eren smiled. "Sore."

Levi cracked a smirk of his own. "Me too." He reached up, pushing Eren's hair from his face again. "You need a shower," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"Hmph, you need a shower."

Levi leaned over and shook his wet hair in front of Eren's face in response.

"You mean you showered without me?" Eren pretend complained, sticking his lip out.

"Tch. Don't be a baby. Can't you shower by yourself for once?"

"But it's not as easy to get my baaack..." he whined, leaning over to lean his head heavily against Levi's shoulder.

"You're such a brat," Levi muttered.

Eren chuckled and snaked his arms around the other's waist loosely as he pressed his lips to his tattooed collarbone. "You know I'm joking, love," he purred.

"T-tch..." Levi's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, feeling the unmistakable heat of a blush creeping up his neck at the pet name. "Anyway, if you can man up and go shower...I might consider giving you a massage."

"Oh? That sounds nice."

"Then go." He nudged the brunet.

"Kiss me first."

"So needy..." Levi tilted Eren's chin up and leaned forward, but not so much to kiss him immediately. He gazed down at his lips, Eren's breath tickling his own, before he gently captured them in one of the absolute most intimate gestures he'd been able to make between them - right up there with sex itself. His lips lingered for a long, tooth-rotteningly sweet moment, rendering Eren dizzy when he finally pulled away.

"Whoa..." he breathed, turquoise eyes fluttering open.

Levi hummed in content and skimmed his thumb lightly across his lips, following through to brush and cup his cheek. Eren leaned forward just enough to rest their foreheads together. He took Levi's free hand and brought it to his lips, gently pressing soft kisses to his knuckles. He slid his hand around Levi's waist and laid back again, pulling him along. The older started pampering his face with his own soft kisses, skimming his lips over his jawline, his cheeks, over his forehead, his brow, down his nose and gently across his eyelids, leaving his lips for last. His fingers followed, wanting to capture every detail of his face and memorize it.

"I thought you wanted me to take a shower..."

"I do."

Eren chuckled through his nose, running his hands up and down the curves of Levi's bare back. "Sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna let me up?"

"Guess I'm gonna have to..."

"Well..."

Levi sighed lightly and left a butterfly kiss on Eren's cheek before sitting back up and moving over to let him stand. The blankets fell away from his hips as he moved to his feet, revealing the naked planes of his skin - his back, curving down at his hips and around at his ass, forming down into his strong legs.

But that wasn't what caught Levi's attention. As soon as he'd started toward the door, saying a soft "be right back," Levi grabbed his wrist to stop him and stood up himself, inspecting the red lines trailing down the skin of Eren's otherwise flawless back. A few scabs dashed down where blood had been drawn.

"What is it?" he asked, craning his neck around. Levi's fingers trailed over the lines, frowning.

"Didn't realize I scratched you so hard," he murmured. "I drew blood. Does it hurt?"

"Stings a little...but my muscles are sorer than anything."

Levi nodded thoughtfully. "Hot shower should help. Sorry."

Eren grinned widely. "Worth it."

"Hmph. Go shower."

"Are you okay, though? I mean...from..."

"Mhmm. Go on. I'm gonna clean up."

"'Kay." Eren didn't bother selecting anything to wear before he strode across the hall and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Levi alone in the silence of his room. He started tidying - straightening the bed and wiping things down for good measure. He wandered to the kitchen and scrounged for a box of crackers to nibble on while he checked his phone and turned the television back on, sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed. He tried not to think of how Eren would be leaving in less than twelve hours. Tried not to think of how his sister was still all the way in Hawaii and how he'd be essentially completely alone for a week. Tried not to think of how uneasy that made him feel.

Eventually he managed to distract himself with the television and before he knew it, Eren was striding back in the room with his hair wet and shiny and a towel wrapped snug around his hips. His fresh shower scent wafted over to Levi's nose and his eyes strayed from the TV to the brunet's face. He quickly combed through his hair and dressed into a pair of sweats, sighing as he plopped down onto the bed.

"What's up?" asked the raven.

"I should start packing..." Eren mumbled glumly.

"In half an hour."

"Huh?"

Levi stood up and pointed at the bed. "Lay down on your stomach," he instructed.

Eren easily complied with a knowing grin, crawling up to the head of the bed and stretching out his limbs. Levi followed, tossing his leg over to straddle him, essentially using his butt as a cushion.

"Good thing your ass is so firm," he joked, rocking back and forth a bit.

"Shut up," Eren grumbled.

"Just don't fart on me."

"Don't tempt me," Eren scoffed, squeezing his knee.

"You're hopeless," sighed the raven. With that, he got to work. He used his long, slender, lithe fingers to massage over Eren's back, starting at the top near his neck with the pads of his thumbs and his knuckles. He moved outward toward the other's shoulders and worked his way down. Eren winced in pain from the pressure every so often, but was otherwise a puddle beneath his capable hands with his eyes half-lidded and his breathing deep. Levi was careful to avoid the cuts and made a note to keep his fingernails trimmed shorter more often.

"Where is it the sorest?" he asked without falter.

"Lower back," Eren mumbled into the pillows. "And my hips."

Levi nodded, working his way toward those areas. Eren sighed in content, enjoying the warmth of his lover's presence and the sensation of his massaging fingers, letting him relax and helping him forget he'd be halfway across the world in less than a day. Levi, too, reveled in the moment, though he was all too aware of Eren's having to leave soon.

"Levi?" Eren murmured after a few moments of silence.

"Hm?"

"Who...?" Eren hesitated, swallowing reasonably hard. He wasn't sure if this was a question he had the right to ask.

"Who...?" Levi prompted.

Eren huffed and decided he was too curious not to ask.

"Who was your first time with?" he squeaked.

"Do you really wanna know that?" Levi asked with the beginnings of a smirk tugging on his lips.

"Yes...but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"You'll probably look at me differently when I do tell you," Levi said. "Or maybe not believe me. That's why I asked."

"I won't, and I will. Tell me."

"It was with Farlan."

Eren's brows knitted together as he remembered the stories Levi had told about Farlan, who he'd been to Levi. The one who introduced him to drugs in the first place. The one who'd vowed to kill himself if he was ever caught by the law. The one who, to Eren, was faceless.

He often wondered if Farlan had saved Levi more than he'd hurt him...even though the way he saved him was so immensely harmful to Levi. Still, what would Levi had done had he been left alone with his depression, trauma and terrible memories? Would that have made it worse? Would he even still be alive? Eren knew things could be a lot different if he'd never approached Levi all those years ago. But would they be better or worse?

Something inside of Eren nagged at him and wanted to hate Farlan for showing Levi to drugs and causing him to spiral down that path he almost didn't return from...but in the end, he did get better instead of losing his life, and Eren would take an alive, even drugged Levi over no Levi any day.

"Don't believe me, huh?" Levi asked.

"No, I do. But why would I look at you differently? And why did you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"Because of what you know of him. Because of who he was to me...the influence he had in my life."

"That doesn't make me look at you differently, Levi. At least, not in the way you think."

"Then in what way?"

"I...don't know. I guess I just didn't see that coming."

"I see."

"So...how old were you?"

"Seventeen, believe it or not. It was right after I dropped out of high school."

"And..." Eren's voice dropped. "...you were high, right?"

"Higher than a kite," Levi said, equally as soft.

"On what?"

"I don't think you want to know."

"I do."

"If you're sure."

"I am. Out with it."

"Cocaine."

Eren flinched despite having braced himself. That wasn't one Levi had ever told him he'd done before, but he knew he still shouldn't have been surprised.

"It was the first and only time I ever tried it," he continued. "I know that doesn't make it any better. Maybe that's what I thought would cause you to see me differently."

"No," Eren murmured. "It doesn't. I still don't think your past defines who you are right now." He gently tapped Levi's knee, motioning for him to move so he could flip over onto his back and then pull the raven back onto him. He reached up and placed his palm over his heart, right over the tattoo forever marking his skin. "And I don't think you got this tattoo for nothing. You could've done any kind of drug in the world or...I dunno...sucked anybody's dick and I'd still see you the same way."

Levi gently slid his hand over Eren's, holding it more securely to his chest. "Blinded by love, I see," he whispered.

"Maybe. Or maybe I just don't want to judge you for your mistakes. Either way, I mean it."

Before Levi ended up crying like an idiot, he laid down across Eren's chest and pressed his face into the crook of his neck, closing his eyes and inhaling slowly.

"I wish it was you," he said, "I wish it had been today."

"You mean...the first time you had sex? You wish it was with me?"

"Yes. All the people I banged back then..." He breathed a sarcastic laugh. "All those one night stands...and the random people I brought home. Stupid. That all meant nothing to me. I just wanted to get high and get off. I didn't think about the deeper meaning. Didn't care. Or maybe I didn't realize it had one. But now I know, and I feel like an idiot for all those times I let myself lay down with someone I barely even knew in the past."

"So you regret it."

"Yes," Levi said in a small voice.

"But...the past is the past, Levi. You can't change it. You can just learn and move on. Haven't I said that before?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you have."

"So then...try not to worry about it so much."

"I don't regret it as much now...because...of you. In some ways this morning was like the first time because I didn't have some kind of poison running through my veins. And...it was better than I remembered it to be."

"I'm just that good, huh?" Eren said, grinning.

"Tch." Levi smacked his chest. "Don't get cocky."

The brunet chuckled. "It's okay. I know what you mean."

"Good. So then what about you?"

"M-me?"

"No, idiot, the other person in the room I just had sex with."

"Oh...um..." Blood rose to his cheeks. "What about me?"

"Your first time, shithead. Keep up."

"Oh. That. You...you want to know about that?"

"It's only fair. And you said you'd tell me, no? Spill."

"Right...um, well, I was a junior in high school...and that was one of the years I was most depressed." His voice dropped to nothing more than just above a whisper, eyes glued to the ceiling. Levi's fingers began tracing lines over his stomach as he listened. "And uhm, there was this girl. Long story short, I needed someone. And she needed someone. So we decided to be that person for each other. And there was a time I only ever really talked to her, except for my mom and Mikasa and Armin on occasion. We got really, really close...and I really liked her, but I don't think we were ever officially together. And then one day we were at my house. Alone. I don't remember where my mom was...but it just sort of happened. I later realized I didn't have the feelings for her I thought I did. And the feeling was mutual. We stopped talking, and when high school ended I never saw her again."

"I see. So it was with a girl."

"Well, yes and no." Levi looked up, brow raised in confusion. "She was a transgender girl. Physically male, but not so much...spiritually. But I didn't know it until after we did it. I...kinda found her crying in my bathroom after I woke up and she said she was afraid because she knew she was a female inside but she was afraid I'd see her differently because of everything that happened. Kinda like you. But I didn't, of course."

"But you never dated her?"

"No. I mean, we kinda tried after it happened, but it didn't feel right to either of us."

"And she's the only one you ever had sex with."

"Yes. Until this morning, anyway."

"Obviously. So what was her name?"

"Her legal birth name was Jack, but she preferred to be called Willow."

"And do you miss her?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Curious."

Eren simply hummed and silence followed. Levi's fingers continued to trace lines on Eren's torso - the shallow bumps defining his modest muscular frame, across each of his ribs and down his chest several times before he simply lazily traced invisible lines and then came to a slow stop, spreading his fingers over the younger's heartbeat to feel it thumping steadily underneath it.

Eren decided it was his turn to trace, and picked up said hand to trace over the lines of his palm with his pinkie, trailing down to his wrist where the scars began. Besides those markings, there wasn't much else to trace and he allowed his finger to run over the bumpy surface of Levi's ivory skin. Surprisingly, Levi let him, simply watching.

"I've been wondering something," the raven murmured.

"What is it?"

"What would you have done if the withdrawals had taken my life?"

Eren tensed ever so slightly, but Levi was close enough to feel it. He tilted his head up to see Eren's face. The brunet did not return the gaze; he purposely kept his eyes on the ceiling. The simple word 'withdrawal' had the unpleasant memories of his sickly, dying Levi buried in it. It made his chest tight, and he didn't like to think about it.

"What do you mean?" he asked finally.

"Where would you have gone? What would you have done with your life?"

"I...I'm not really sure," he mumbled. "I wouldn't have been able to handle it well."

"You would've moved on though."

"No." Eren shook his head back and forth several times. He hated the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "No, I don't think I would've been able to. I think about my depression over that month after Christmas, and I can't imagine it getting worse than that. A-and if you were g-gone, I know it would've. I-I don't think I could handle that..." Eren swallowed considerably hard in an attempt to get rid of the lump forming in his throat. His hand had clasped tightly around Levi's fingers.

"It's okay, Eren. I understand. I'm sorry I asked."

"It's fine...it's just difficult to think about." His fingers relaxed a bit and he went back to his gentle tracing over Levi's forearm until he came to the letters, still so distinct after several months of having been carved there. From his own experiences, Eren knew they'd never fade completely. Levi could live to be a little, wrinkled old man and the scars would surely remain, even if they were faint. The cuts that had created them were deep enough, destructive enough. Eren would know - he'd treated them himself. The only way they wouldn't be visible was to cover them up, and the man who bore them was very careful to keep them that way...

"I have a question," he said suddenly.

"Ask."

"Would you ever cover these up?" His fingers ghosted over the letters. "Like, tattoo over them?"

Levi's eyes lowered to the markings. He studied them for a moment. "What would I cover them with?"

"Butterflies," Eren blurted jokingly, the word having spontaneously popping into his head. "Or something else. I don't know. I'm not creative."

The raven hummed thoughtfully, taking in the mess of his arm for a moment before he suddenly sat up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Levi simply held up a finger before scooting to the end of the bed and leaning over, reaching for one of the drawers to fish for an assortment of gel pens. They were clearly used very little and the package sported the entire rainbow and more. He moved back to Eren's side, who propped himself up on an elbow, and unbuttoned the plastic case. It looked like something a little kid might use; Eren couldn't help being amused at the fact that Levi had it, artist or not.

He slid out a dark green pen and uncapped it. Placing the cap at the top of the pen, he positioned his forearm in his lap and didn't hesitate placing the tip to his canvas, creating curved lines near his wrist at the end of the word. It took Eren an admittedly good few minutes before he realized the shape was a butterfly.

Levi flew through different pen colors - sticking mostly to blues and greens. Several butterflies ended up scattering up his forearm, each fashioning different patterns but staying within the same area of the color wheel. For simple, quick doodles, they were exceptionally drawn, though for Levi that was no surprise.

"I was joking about the butterflies, you know," Eren hushed as he was finishing up the last hues of the fifth butterfly nearest his inner elbow.

"I know."

"Then why...?"

"I liked the idea."

Eren leaned against Levi's back, resting his chin on his shoulder and gazing down at the art. Strangely, the insects didn't look out of place on his skin despite being out of Levi's usual style.

Suddenly, Levi was lurching forward, stuffing the assortment of pens back into the drawer, and standing up.

"Let's go," he said.

"What? Go where?"

"The shop." He shut the drawer with his knee and headed toward the bedroom door.

"For what?" Eren was scrambling to follow him, yanking a random shirt from the drawers and fumbling to put it on.

"I'm gonna tattoo this," Levi explained, already in the living room picking up his shoes.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yes, Eren. Seriously." He slipped the shoes on and took his keys from the hook.

The brunet didn't have much to say to that. If Levi wanted to tattoo the butterflies, he wasn't going to argue. In fact, he was kind of giddy - for one because Levi had been so serious about a suggestion he was joking about and two because he'd get to watch the process of a tattoo again. To him, it was a fascinating thing to witness.

They arrived at the shop not fifteen minutes later. Inside, it was no surprise to find Petra and Bertholdt working on things of their own, nor was it for Petra to question why they were there on their day off. Levi left Eren to answer as he strode swiftly to his little corner of the place and sit, spinning toward his desk and pulling things out to get ready.

Eren pulled up his usual chair at the end of the desk and propped his chin up on the heel of his hand as Levi opened to a clean page of a small tablet with a pencil in hand. He smoothed it out and, using the doodles on his arm as a reference, got to work redrawing the colorful insects on paper. This time, he gave them much more detail and made them look more realistic.

It was a peaceful, calming process for the both of them; Eren's lightly hooded lids watching Levi's expert fingers use a pencil to create yet another masterpiece with the soft music and buzzing of two other tattoo machines filling the shop with very little chatter. He was in the middle of coloring the first one before Eren's internal alarm clock went off and he checked the time.

"Five o'clock," he sighed. "I need to go pack..."

Levi nodded absently, finishing with the colored pencil he used before neatly stashing it away and beginning to put his things away.

"I can finish these tomorrow," he murmured.

They stated their farewells to Petra and Bertholdt before departing the shop. The sun had already sunk most of the way below the horizon, leaving the sky a hazy gray-blue with very little clouds in sight. A light, early September breeze blew gently past, carrying with it the scent of coffee from the cafe next door. They slid into Levi's car and headed back toward the apartment.

"How long will your flight be?" Levi inquired.

"Twelve hours," Eren sighed. He was definitely not looking forward to being cramped on a plane with a bunch of other people for twelve hours.

"Do you have a ride to the airport?"

"I...have no idea."

"I'll take you."

"You don't have to-"

"It's fine. I want to."

"O-okay. Thank you."

Once in the apartment, Eren pulled out his bag and began packing some things into it, sighing absently as Levi watched and assisted.

They left shortly after he finished packing for his mother's house, who'd stated she only planned to get a cab to the airport and thanked Levi endlessly for his offer, which she took up. Mikasa didn't seem all that thrilled about it, but she didn't say a word.

The airport was bustling with people as always. Several cars were lined up and people retrieved their luggage from the insides. Others were hugging their friends and loved ones goodbye. Levi pulled up to the curb beneath one of the many signs stating the name of their airline and shifted the car into park. They, too, retrieved their things from the trunk of the car. Levi shut the door and stepped up onto the curb behind the brunet, heart rate escalated in nervous anticipation for sending him off.

Carla was first, though. With her warm, motherly smile, she set her suitcase on the ground and moved in to hug him softly, thanking him and saying goodbye. Mikasa merely waved before she and Carla headed for the door with Eren calling after that he'd join them momentarily.

And then Levi was being completely engulfed in Eren's embrace, surrounded by his warmth and familiar scent. He returned the gesture, locking his arms around Eren's waist and holding as tightly as he could for as long as he could.

"Will you be okay?" Eren murmured.

The raven gave a small nod. He knew things would be lonely, but he'd be alright, he thought...

"I'll text you as much as I can," Eren promised. "And you can always call Armin."

Levi rolled his eyes half-heartedly. "I think I'll be okay," he said. He liked Armin - he was a nice kid - but he didn't know him well enough to be calling him if he got lonely. Talk about awkward.

"I know. I just worry." The brunet pulled back to look Levi in the eyes. "Promise you'll be okay." He wasn't demanding, but requesting. He knew Levi was strong and could handle himself, but his anxiety required that extra reassurance.

"Yeah, I promise," Levi murmured. "Now you need to go..."

"Just...one more thing."

Eren's hand lifted, his fingertips gently brushing Levi's cheek before he leaned in and softly pressed a kiss to his waiting lips. Levi paid no mind to the abundance of people around or the watching eyes of the public as he reached up to Eren's neck to kiss him deeper, longer, with more passion and love for just one last time before he'd be without his beloved for almost two weeks. It was pathetic, he knew, being so uneasy about the loneliness and not having Eren's bright eyes to wake up to, but he couldn't help it. He soaked himself in the feeling of Eren's embrace one last time, stowing it away in his memory as best he could. Little did either of them know, it wasn't enough...