Eren didn't know what he was expecting upon walking into that hospital room. Didn't know if he expected to see Levi as he'd been in his state of withdrawal - pale skin, darkened eyes, much too skinny, overall sickly looking. Didn't know if he expected him to resemble a corpse without any signs of life except maybe the machinery keeping his vitals working.

Because he didn't look like either of those things.

He looked like Levi, like the man Eren had known and loved dearly for the past six months. As he laid there between the white sheets, impeccably still aside from the light movement of his chest as he carried oxygen in and out fed by the cannula tucked under his nose, he seemed asleep. He bore the same calm, serene expression Eren had the privilege to wake up to every morning and watch manifest again every night. How absolutely normal he looked was unnerving to the brunet. He'd relapsed. Overdosed. Put himself into a coma for almost two days. Yet he physically showed no signs of this.

Eren's knees shook beneath him as he entered the room, letting the edge of the thick wooden door slide from his fingers and click shut. He slowly approached the unconscious man, mind blank without ever taking his eyes from his face. His insides felt like they were vibrating with all of the emotions storming inside of him.

He reached the chair next to the bed just in time for his knees to give out the same way they had the moment he heard the news of what happened. For several long moments, he was frozen where he sat despite wanting so desperately to reach out and touch him - take his hand or smooth his hair or something.

Eren wondered if this had erased all of the progress he'd made in the past seven months. He couldn't help but feel it had; he could get addicted so easily again...provided he pulled out of this. Whether Eren believed he could or not was a major conflict in his mind. One hand, he'd been so strong in the past and it was absurd to think that something like this would be his demise. On the other, an overdose on heroin was major and very serious; Levi's body was already so fragile...

Head reclined, Eren managed to lift his hand and wrap his shaking fingers around Levi's still ones. He watched his tears fall and stain the sheet with dark little circles. His teeth rocked together as he fought to keep his hysteria under control.

Suddenly, he felt the gentlest of fingers in his hair and heard an even softer voice saying, "Stupid brat..."

Eren's head snapped up instantly, simultaneous with a gasp being sucked between his lips. Sure enough, Levi's eyes were open - although heavily so - and gazing up at him with his arm reaching across his torso, gently caressing the side of Eren's face.

"Don't waste your tears on something hopeless like me," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His thumb caught a few of the tears escaping down Eren's rosy cheeks. His heart squeezed at the desperate sight of his love crying for him. Again.

"Y-you're awake," Eren breathed. The raven said nothing. "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay," he said quietly. "But you're not. I've gone and hurt you again." He sighed. "Hopeless..."

"You're not hopeless," the brunet whispered brokenly. He reached up with his own free hand and took Levi's from his face, sniffling. "I was scared. So scared..."

"I know, love. I'm sorry." The raven's eyes slid closed once more.

"I don't get it, Levi..." His voice rose, raspy and thick with tears. "I don't understand why you would...do this. Do...do the past seven months mean nothing to you?" Eren's voice cracked, his eyes searching Levi's face in an almost frantic manner, absolutely desperate for answers.

"No, Eren. They mean absolutely everything to me."

"Then why...?!" Eren could feel himself on the brink of hysteria; his voice did nothing to hide that. Noticing, Levi's shiny gray orbs reappeared.

"Now that you're here...I don't know why. I don't have an answer for you and I can't tell you what I was thinking. There isn't a damn thing I could say to make it okay, though. I know that. And you're free to leave."

"N-no. I'm not going anywhere. I promised I wouldn't abandon you. I won't break that promise."

Levi visibly flinched; he immediately looked away. "You insist on keeping such a detrimental promise when I've broken so many to you? You insist on staying even though I've torn you apart worlds more than I've done any good for you?"

"You know you're wrong, Levi. You know that's not true."

"You know, Eren..." He once again met the eyes of the brunet from the corners of his own. "Sometimes it's better to break a promise if it's better for your own well-being. There's no use wasting your time on someone who's going to continue to hurt you no matter how much you believe in them."

"Stop, Levi, please," begged the brunet, holding tighter to both of his hands. "You're not bad for me. I know you're not trying to hurt me. You're just...complicated. And...and so am I. It's okay."

Levi was prepared to argue, but with seeing the silent plea and desperateness in Eren's swimming turquoise orbs, he gave in.

"If you're sure."

"I am."

Levi could still never fully understand Eren's unwavering devotion to keep his promise or his seemingly infinite, indestructible love for him. His eyes narrowed, looking over the younger as his foggy, mildly aching head tried to comprehend it.

That was when he noticed the brunet's attire - a nice dress shirt covered in a black vest with black pants. He'd clearly rushed out of the funeral just to come back, to be at Levi's side. The guilt multiplied, but he wouldn't say anything.

Instead, he murmured, "You look nice."

Eren glanced down his own body. "Funeral clothes? Yeah, sure, thanks," he mumbled sarcastically.

"You do."

The brunet half-shrugged. He glanced up at the clock, noting the minute hand being dangerously close to the 5 and knowing his time was almost up.

"My time's almost up," he said, though his hands tightened around the raven's further.

"Where are you planning to go?"

"I...don't know. I hadn't thought of that yet. My family is still in Germany, so..."

"Stay in the apartment. You still have the spare key, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you have a place to go."

The brunet merely nodded. As exhausted as he was and as much as curling up in that big, familiar bed sounded like heaven, he was hesitant to leave Levi. Though he didn't seem as bad as expected, the raven had a brave, stoic mask perfectly practiced and easy to put in place. Even Eren was still attempting to learn how to see through it, and that was no easy task. At that very moment he was trying to look beyond it, to see the pain or weakness Levi was surely attempting to cover up as to not worry him, something he did often.

"I'll be fine, Eren." Levi removed a hand from the brunet's to brush that stubborn strand back, gray eyes flitting back and forth between Eren's liquid green ones.

Eren internally cursed himself. Unlike Levi, Eren didn't have any kind of mask or means of hiding his emotions from his face.

"Go home. Get some rest. Don't worry so much, or you'll get wrinkles."

Eren managed a half hearted snort. "Can't have that, huh?"

"Absolutely not."

Eren rose to his feet, although reluctantly, and leaned down toward the other's face. Levi gazed right back up at him, eyes searching Eren's to again memorize them as he leaned closer and closer. Eventually, their lips came together in one of the most emotion-filled, tenderhearted kisses. Levi could feel the emotion down to his very soul; his free hand came up to caress Eren's smooth cheek ever so delicately. The sound of their lips parting was nearly inaudible.

"I love you," whispered the younger, "so much."

A lump formed in Levi's throat. Past it, he managed a soft, "I love you, too."

Eren kissed him once more, this time even softer. It reflected his words and amplified them tenfold.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he promised. "Get some sleep. I know you need it."

Levi could only nod. He didn't trust his voice with the growing lump in his throat from knowing he didn't deserve Eren's love, or even his presence.

Eren left one last kiss on Levi's forehead before striding slowly toward the door. Just before he could twist the knob and pull it open, Levi spoke up.

"Eren." The brunet turned, and suddenly Levi could no longer meet his gaze. "I know this means nothing, I just have to say it. I'm sorry."

The corner of Eren's lips curved up a bit to form a small half smile that didn't nearly reach his eyes. He nodded slightly once before pulling the door open and stepping through it, leaving Levi to be consumed by the heavy burden that was his guilt.

Eren met Armin in the lobby/waiting area of the hospital. The blond stood upon seeing his friend returning and immediately took note of his distressed demeanor.

"Are you alright, Eren?" he asked.

The brunet forced a smile. "I'm okay," he responded. "It's just hard, y'know?"

Armin could only nod. Really, he didn't know all that well. Being aromantic, he didn't experience the kinds of feelings his best friend bore at this moment for someone he loved in such a way. All he could do was sympathize. He did understand that Levi was more important to Eren than anyone, and he'd known that feeling before with his family.

"So um, would you mind taking me back to Levi's apartment?" Eren asked.

"Not at all, but are you sure you wouldn't rather stay at my house? You're more than welcome."

Eren followed the blond out of the building, calling back an absent thanks to the receptionist woman who'd bent the rules for them.

"That's okay," he said. "I wouldn't wanna be a burden."

"You wouldn't be," Armin assured him, pressing the button to unlock his mom's minivan.

"Thanks, Armin. I just...kinda wanna be alone right now."

Armin gave Eren a knowing look. He knew how Eren was when he got into moods like these, and being alone wasn't the best thing for him. The brunet brushed it off, though.

"I'll be fine," he said. The words were empty.

"I'll trust your judgment, Eren, but if you start to get...you know...call me. Even if it's late."

Eren nodded, giving him another doll-like smile. Empty and emotionless. It was on his face but not in his heart.

"So...was he awake?" Armin asked as he drove down the road toward Levi's apartment.

"He wasn't when I got there, but he woke up while I was with him."

"How is he?"

"Okay, I think. It's so hard to tell sometimes...but I don't think he was in pain or anything."

"I see."

Armin didn't want to pry any further, so the rest of the ride was silent. He pulled up behind the row of cars to let Eren out at the stairwell leading to apartment number 36 and stopped, waited for Eren to retrieve his things from the trunk, and walk back to the window.

"Thank you, Armin. For everything. I...I hate to say it, but if it weren't for you I don't think he'd still be..."

"No need to say it," the blond cut in. "Get some rest. I'll talk to you later."

"Right. Okay. Bye, Armin."

Eren backed away from the car. Armin waited only a minute and watched him reach the stairs before taking off, thinking about how, while Eren was in a depressed mood, his best friend seemed more like a stranger.

Eren trudged to the top of the stairs, dragging his things behind him. He reached the familiar door and fished out his keys, unfortunately buried at the bottom of his clothes while he thought about how damn unfortunate this night was turning out to be. He shoved the key into the slot and twisted, using his ankle to pull the bag in and bumped the door shut with his hip.

Once the door was shut, dead silence fell over. The interior of the apartment was exactly as he'd remembered it. Of course it was. It had only been about a week. But suddenly even all of the tiniest aspects of it screamed Levi, from the impeccable cleanliness to the guyish yet floral scent. From the position of the furniture to the warmth of the air. From the popcorn ceiling to the stains of blood leading down the hall. It was all there, those little details Eren's mind subconsciously picked up, like the little hole on the wood of the table and the scratches of the granite countertop in the kitchen. The piece of tile missing in the corner and the cracked covering of the light hanging above the table. The worn, faded color of the couches and the off center window next to the TV, among many other things. With these things, it was home. Not because Eren was used to being there or because he spent more time there than he did his legal address anymore, but because it was so Levi. Levi was home, and though said man wasn't there, this place was just enough to get him through the night knowing Levi could be gone right then.

Eren didn't force himself to ignore the spot on the ground Armin described he'd found the man lying. Instead he stared at it for a long while as if he'd be able to see it himself. He wasn't, of course, but he was glad.

Eren shuffled further into the apartment, mindful to take his shoes off before doing so, remembering Levi was such a stickler for it. He dragged his bag to the bedroom and hefted it onto the bed after flicking the light on. Unsurprisingly, the bed was completely made up and everything was organized, in its place as always. Indolently, he unizipped the suitcase and found his pajamas, pulled them on after undressing himself from the funeral attire, and stashed the bag near the corner. He decided against taking a shower, being too tired and knowing he could just do it before he went to see Levi in the morning.

He started crawling to the head of the bed when he spotted Levi's cell phone on the night stand on his side of the bed, evidently untouched for days - probably since before he'd overdosed. He lifted the device from the table and pressed the button. It lit to life, but showed very little battery remaining. There were the two missed calls from Armin and only one text message.

From: My Nerd♡ @ 9:49 PM

|Hey. Reminder that I miss and love you. I'll be home soon. Wait for me~|

It was from Eren himself, right before he'd gone to the funeral. That told him his message had been just a few minutes too late. Had he been maybe ten minutes earlier, this might have been prevented. Levi might be okay, lying in his own bed instead of the one in the hospital. Eren could've stopped it, if only he had known.

At that moment, all of his emotions spilled over and his hands began shaking again, his eyes filling with tears that wet his lashes and left cool trails down his hot cheeks. He fumbled to plug Levi's phone in before curling up under the covers, surrounded by Levi's scent and curled up around Akane. He hugged her tightly, shaking and sobbing into the soft fake fur of her head. That night, he let his tears be his lullaby.