*hides*

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The flight was as long and dreadful as Eren expected. Having bought the tickets at the last minute, their seats were scattered throughout the plane. He sat nearer to the front, his mom was somewhere near the wing, and Mikasa was just a few rows back from that. The flight was full, and Eren ended up cramped in between two other people. On his left was a mean-looking old man who smelled of something his mind couldn't even put a name to (though it was somewhere along the lines of cigarettes, whiskey, and urine). To his right was a mother with a baby who couldn't be older than six months. At the moment, the child slept, but he knew as soon as the plane was off the ground it would wake up screaming from the pressure and pain in its ears. He tried to be friendly, casting halfhearted smiles and keeping himself wedged between the armrests, but the old man ignored him. The woman did smile back and even greeted him, but the words flying out of her mouth were incomprehensible German, which told him she knew little to no English. He was the exact opposite.

'Looks like I won't be making any friends on this flight...'

Twelve hours seemed more like three days. He couldn't see out the window because the man either blocked it or left the shade down. He fell asleep somewhere around the four hour mark, and hadn't stopped snoring for at least three. The baby had woken up and screamed bloody murder, but thankfully its mother managed to calm it down with a soft German lullaby before proceeding to feed it. The whole time she suckled on the nipple of her bottle, her big, brown eyes gazed curiously at Eren, who couldn't help but gaze back and smile a bit.

The mother noticed and articulated, "Sie heißt Amelia."

Eren nodded. He understood that much.

Eventually, the baby fell back asleep and Eren let his thoughts wander. First, they went back home to Levi. He knew that for this entire trip he'd have that worry in the back of his mind for the man. He didn't do well with being left alone and Eren was afraid of the decisions he might make if things got too lonely for him. He'd asked Armin to keep an eye out for him, though, whenever he had time. All he could do was hope for the best.

His thoughts then moved forward to Germany. To the half of his family he had little contact with in the past ten years. To the people he was admittedly afraid to face again after all this time.

He didn't remember their names or faces, really. Didn't remember his relation to any of them - cousins, uncles, aunts, second cousins, in-laws. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act around them - what was acceptable and what wasn't.

Eren had loved his grandfather and was truthfully sad he was gone, but if he could've had his way, he would have stayed home. He was doing this for his mother and those people he didn't remember more than for himself. He didn't need the closure or peace of mind as much as them, if at all.

~*~

Eren and his family had settled into his great aunt's enormous home and seemingly since the minute they arrived, he hadn't stopped meeting and remeeting people. Everyone knew English; it was a language most Germans learned from their early years in primary school and on, and he was immensely grateful for that. It took him no time at all to get used to the thick accents and simply from being there, the little amount of the language he'd learned from his father and trips when he was younger started to resurface.

They were all very gracious to his mother, saying they knew how close she'd been to Eren's grandfather and how much she loved Grisha. Eren could see the pain in her eyes from simply talking about it, from these people bringing up memories of him. They didn't know better, though, whereas he and Mikasa did. She managed to hide her sadness well enough from them, but of course the brunet saw right through her and took every chance he got to comfort her.

He kept in touch as best he could with Levi, too, though with the time difference and both of them being busy - Eren helping with funeral plans or meeting yet another new member of his family and Levi working - there wasn't much communication to speak of. Inevitably, he worried. Simple text messages here and there weren't nearly enough for him to know how his tattoo artist was really doing, and though he was still hoping for the best he couldn't help the concern.

~*~

The funeral took place exactly a week into the trip on a Saturday afternoon. A thick cloud of gloom hung in the air around the church where it was to be held; even the weather was ominous and overcast. It looked as if it would start pouring any second. Thankfully the service was held inside.

The pews were filled with family members and friends; Eren never realized how big his family was until the service began and everyone started filing onto the benches.

Everyone wore black, as typical for a funeral. It was closed-casket with the more immediate members of the deceased nearest the black case containing the body - his wife, two of Eren's uncles, and an adopted niece he'd supposedly been very close to.

Eren felt out of place for the entire thing. So many of these people had come to mourn the loss of this man who they loved and missed so much more than he ever did or had the chance to. He felt for Mikasa, too, because she had never met him or any of these people before, nor was she blood related to any of them. She kept her hands folded neatly on the skirt of her dress and her eyes on her shoes, staying very still.

The majority of the service was in German, with the more important parts vaguely translated into English. For the most part, they had no idea what was happening until everyone was standing up and the bald pastor man was inviting everyone up to say their respects.

"You don't have to go up," Carla whispered to her children. "They'll understand if you're uncomfortable."

The relief on Mikasa's face was clearer than a sunny day. She and Eren elected to hang back toward the front door as people lined up. Chatter filled the air along with the sounds of people crying and blowing their noses. Eren kept his eyes on his mom just in case.

She was halfway to the casket when he became vaguely aware of the buzzing coming from his pocket. Frowning a bit, he fumbled to slide his phone discreetly out of his pocket to check the caller ID of the incoming call. Armin's smiling face took up most of the screen, accompanied by the answer and ignore keys and a notification of two missed calls. Frowning, he backed toward the door, telling Mikasa to wait there, and tapped the green button while retreating out into the humid, cool air.

"Hey, Armin," he said, voice edgy with mild suspicion.

"Eren." The blond sounded distressed and very serious.

"What's up?"

"First, where are you?"

"In front of the church..."

"Is the service over?"

"Yes. Why?"

"And are you alone?"

"Yes, Armin. What are you getting at? What is it?"

"It's..." Armin's deep breath was audible through the phone. Eren could almost feel his hesitation, and he wanted to be able to reach through the phone, shake his best friend, and demand an answer.

"It's what?" he pressed, heartbeat quickening.

"It's Levi," the blond said softly, but very seriously. Eren stopped dead in his tracks down the sidewalk.

"Wh-what about him?" he stammered. His stomach was lurching, heart racing and hoping to god it wasn't what he thought it was...

"He's...he's in the hospital, Eren."

Eren could feel his knees giving out. He didn't want to believe it. Of course he didn't.

His next words came out slow and emphasized.

"What, do, you, mean, he's, in, the, hospital?"

"I'm sorry, Eren." By saying Eren's name at the end of all of his statements it was as if he was trying to seem more sincere, more sympathetic.

"B-but what happened?" Eren's hands shook; it took everything he had to keep hold of his phone.

"He relapsed, and...and he's in a coma. Because he..." The blond huffed, evidently having trouble getting the words put. "Because he overdosed."

And at that moment Eren swore he felt his heart stop and drop right into the pits of his stomach. His knees gave out, and, fortunately, there just so happened to be the edge of a concrete border for a garden behind him to catch him so he didn't fall right on his ass.

This couldn't be happening. Armin was just...messing around. He had to be. Levi was probably fine. He was asleep. Or working. Or...didn't he have a therapy appointment that morning? He was there, or at the very least getting ready for it. He had to be. Had to be.

But Eren knew he wasn't. He could feel it, even from across the world. He knew Armin wouldn't joke about this. No one in their right mind would, and in his right mind Armin definitely was. And he wouldn't sacrifice the money to make a long distance call if it wasn't something important...like Levi...being in the hospital...after a relapse and overdose...

"Eren? Are you there?"

"I-I'm here..."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "You needed to know."

"Y-yeah." He swallowed hard. The panic was rising steadily. "I just...I don't know what to do, Armin. I-I'm halfway across the world...I can't just...I don't..."

"I think you need to find a way back, Eren, and soon. His condition is pretty unstable...I don't want you to be so far away if-"

"Please don't say it," Eren begged. By then, his face was buried in his free hand and his entire body was trembling.

"Alright. But really, I don't mean you should leave your family, but I think Levi needs you more."

"Right. I'll...I'll figure something out. Thank you, Armin."

"Of course."

"Can I just ask...one more favor?"

"Yes."

"Just...stay with him as much as you can until I get there. Please. In case he wakes up or...or..."

"I understand. I'll do what I can and keep you updated."

"Thanks, Armin..."

"Bye, Eren. See you soon."

"Yeah."

The line clicked, signifying the end of the call. Eren's shaky fingers placed his phone on the concrete beside him and he worked on reserving himself.

This whole thing was completely out of the blue in his eyes. He knew Levi wasn't good with being so alone, with both of the people he was closest to so far away and not really having anyone else, and he knew it was going to be hard on him. But still, Levi had been doing so well...he didn't expect a relapse, much less one that would put him in a coma...

"Eren, dear, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

The brunet looked up to find his mother striding quickly toward him. He couldn't form the words before she reached him, pulling a tissue from her purse and dabbing his cheeks with it to dry the tears he hadn't been fully conscious of.

"Mikasa said you left to take a phone call. Who was it, hon?" She sat down, her concerned amber eyes searching his green ones for answers.

"Armin," he mumbled. "It was Armin."

"What did he say? Is he alright?"

"Yeah. Armin's okay. But I can't...say the same for L-Levi..."

The woman's frown deepened. "What happened?" She rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

"He's in the hospital, Mom," Eren mumbled. His vision blurred and swam as more tears pooled on his lower lids. "He r-relapsed. And overdosed..."

"Oh my goodness..." Carla moved closer, sliding her arm around the back of Eren's shoulders. He leaned into her embrace, emotions tipped over the edge and he couldn't hold them back.

"I don't understand why," he mumbled brokenly. "And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Armin said I should go back...and I want to, but..."

"Go," she was saying suddenly, moving back and holding her son by the shoulders. His damp eyes narrowed in confusion. She nodded. "Go, Eren. It's okay. He needs you a lot more than we do."

"B-but-"

She shook her head again, stopping him. "We both know you'd much rather be there with him. I promise it's okay. Go back to your aunt's house and change your ticket to the earliest flight you can get back. You'll have to pay a change fee, but you know it's worth it." She fished in her purse for the keys to the rental car. "You know the way back, don't you?"

He nodded, using his sleeve to wipe his face before taking the keys from her.

"Be careful," she told him. "Keep me updated as much as you can."

"I will," he promised. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, hon. It's not your fault." She smoothed his hair, sending him a warm smile. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Mom. And tell Mikasa what's going on."

"I will. Now go."

With one final nod and sparing a squeeze for his mother, Eren swiftly stood, grabbing his phone. He jogged to the rental car, all the while trying to keep the tears away, the images of Levi lying in a sterile white environment and memories of his broken self during withdrawal. Trying to keep away the memories of his father when he'd overdosed...

He was grateful for the distraction of driving. Usually it made him think even more, but with having to drive on the opposite side of the road and follow different laws than he was used to, he was forced to focus on the road more so than his thoughts.

The plane ticket was fairly easy to exchange, and he considered himself lucky for finding the last seat on a flight taking off later that evening right to the city he needed to go to. So said the site, the seat had just opened up and he grabbed it immediately. It took a large chunk from his savings, but at that point he couldn't have cared less about how much money he had. He needed to get back to America and back to Levi as soon as he possibly could.

Eren caught a cab to the airport not an hour later after hastily repacking his things. Traffic wasn't exactly in his favor on a Saturday afternoon in busy Berlin, and he found himself bouncing his leg and nibbling his thumbnail while he waited for it to clear up. The airport, too, was a mess of busy travelers trying to find their gates and shuffling lazily through security.

Almost three hours on the dot after Armin's call, Eren hastily boarded his flight. He earned several dirty looks from his fellow passengers as he merely stuffed his luggage into the overhead compartment. He didn't know why he was still rushing so much; he knew his own hastiness would not make the plane take off faster and get him back to Levi any sooner.

As he settled himself into his seat, he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. His heart was racing, anxiety bubbling up and causing his hands to tremble just slightly. As he waited for the flight to finish boarding and the attendants and pilot give their announcements, all the thoughts he hadn't had time for before surfaced.

Levi.

He'd done the very thing Eren had feared from the minute he confessed his addiction to Eren last December...the very thing he feared, even though only a little, for ten months. The very thing his father had done ten years ago that had taken his life.

Levi was alive. Even without Armin telling him, that was something Eren could be certain of. His heart was still beating...but at what cost? Was he only being kept alive by machine? Was his life at risk? How much of one drug could induce a coma in someone? How much did Levi have to poison himself with to do this? Had it been a deadly amount?

And the biggest question of all...

Did he do it intentionally and try to end his own life?

Eren's hands balled into fists in his lap as he stared out the window at the ground. The plane was moving, headed toward the runway for takeoff. Now was not the time to have a full-blown panic attack, even though he could feel it coming. He had to fight it.

Fight it...

Had Levi stopped fighting...?

Eren detested not knowing. A large part of him knew that Levi wouldn't stop fighting, wouldn't want to give in to his weaknesses so easily, even willingly. He wouldn't. He'd found reasons to live, to keep moving and breathing. Struggle was inevitable, but Eren had seen the resolve in his eyes more than once. It was rare, but it existed. And he'd promised to keep breathing for Eren, hadn't he...?

That was where the doubt laid. Yes, he had promised. But he'd also broken promises in the past. Even if it was a result of his depression, he had gone against his word in the past. That was a fact Eren couldn't ignore.

So he began to wonder and doubt. Wondered if Levi never really cared about him at all. Doubt that he did, that maybe he had just been using him as a pillar to hold onto for a little longer. For what, who knew? Sex, maybe. It was essentially the last thing they did before he left. An excuse? Phantom love? Something to replace his family? Or to replace his drug?

None of it added up. Eren knew this was just the beasts of his anxiety talking to him, the demons of his depression. Down to his very soul he knew Levi loved him and that all of those things were preposterous.

However, sometimes those beasts were stronger than the reason from one's soul, and as soon as the seatbelt light was turned off, Eren was the first to unbuckle and squeeze out into the aisle to book it to the bathroom. As soon as the door latched behind him, his anxiety engulfed him and had him sinking to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and rocking back and forth. He sobbed uncontrollably into his legs, trying as best he could to muffle the sounds in the material of his dress pants he wore to the funeral and hadn't bothered to change out of in his haste to the airport. His whole frame shook almost violently.

He dragged out every second he could in that tiny space trying to calm himself down before a knock sounded at the door.

"Just a sec," he mumbled. He pulled himself to his feet and reserved himself as best he could, attempting to put his disheveled hair mostly back in place and wiping away every trace of his tears with a paper towel. There was nothing he could do about his puffy, reddened eyes, so he unlatched the door and stepped out, keeping his gaze away from the person waiting and doing his best to hide his face from them with his hair.

He went back to his seat and was just putting his seat belt back on when the woman next to him turned her wise, sky blue eyes on him.

"You don't seem to be having the best day," she said quietly, knowingly in a German accent.

"Uhm..." He swallowed hard, trying to make the thickness of his voice subside. "Well, no, I'm not," he said with the smallest of forced smiles.

"May I ask why?"

Eren blinked at her. Wasn't every day a random stranger asked what was wrong, and if they did it was more for good gossip and pure curiosity than anything. This woman, though, with her friendly, wrinkled smile, long gray hair and liquid blue eyes seemed more genuinely concerned.

"My, um..." Eren cleared his throat. "My...boyfriend is in the hospital," he told her.

"I'm so sorry, dear." She placed her rough, wrinkled hand atop his. His first internal reaction was to withdraw his own, but elected to be polite and leave it there. "I know that's rough. You must remember that this has happened for a reason, though. In the end, you'll be led down a path that will take you somewhere better even if it's painful at first."

"Y-yeah..." Eren had nothing more to say to that. Half of her words made no sense past his clouded mind.

"I will pray for you, son," she said.

"Th-thank you..."

She nodded, squeezing his hand with a smile before releasing it and proceeding to bow her head and fold her hands in front of her.

Eren watched her for a good, long minute before averting his eyes back to the window where below him, he could see nothing but clouds they were passing below.

He'd never been religious even though, after his father died, his mother delved into it for what he thought to be comfort. He had the mindset that, if any kind of god existed, it wouldn't have taken his father from him and caused him and his mother to experience such depression. He couldn't believe a god would be so cruel and, therefore, ceased to believe in any such thing.

That had been in the mind of a depressed, grieving ten-year-old, and he since hadn't started believing in any such thing. Religion made no sense to him - hundreds of millions of people worshipping something they could never be absolutely sure existed until death and thinking these entities were all-powerful beings that, despite their pleas for help and guidance, rarely - if ever - delivered. Eren wasn't one to judge, but he wouldn't follow them senselessly.

So he let the woman pray for him and Levi. He allowed him to be thankful for her thoughtfulness, but nothing more. He was desperate, but not in such a way that would make him think maybe her praying would help him or cause any higher power to aid him. What would happen would happen, and there was no getting around it. He would have to face it head on, even if it came to the worst-case scenario.

~*~

The plane landed a painful eleven hours and fifty-three minutes after taking off. To Eren, it was the absolute longest, most agonizing near twelve hours of his life, not knowing what was going on back on the ground at home. Not knowing if Levi was okay or not. Simply not knowing.

As soon as he was off the plane, his phone was to his ear making a call to Armin, all the while dragging his belongings down the busy corridors of the airport and not bothering to excuse himself when he bumped into anyone or got in their way. He remained oblivious to their annoyed glances and glares.

"You're on the ground?" Armin answered.

"Yes. Headed toward the pickup terminal."

"Okay. I'm almost there."

"Got it."

He stuffed his phone back in his pocket as he followed the signs toward baggage claim that he knew would lead him to where he needed to go and find Armin. He made it there before his blond friend showed up, constantly checking his phone and down the road in the direction he knew his friend would be coming from.

The time on his phone when Armin pulled up to the curb was 8:26. He tossed his luggage in the backseat before hopping in the front. Armin took off only a second later.

"Hey," mumbled the brunet, running a tired hand through his hair.

"Hey," Armin replied. "Are you alright?"

"No."

"I understand."

"How...how is he?"

"He woke up from his coma a few hours ago, but he isn't very responsive. His condition is mostly stable...but the doctors have yet to be able to do any tests to find permanent damage."

Eren nodded slowly, fingers drumming impatiently on his thighs as they waited in traffic.

"Tell me what happened," he said.

"I'm not entirely sure, Eren."

"From your perspective, then."

"I had a small hunch, I guess you could say. I called him twice and with no answer, I decided to head over there. The door was unlocked, so I walked in and he was right there in the middle of the floor face down. I called an ambulance and he's been at the hospital ever since. The paramedics told me what happened, and that's when I knew I had to call you."

"When was this?" Eren murmured.

"Last night. I had to find the money to make the long distance call."

"What time?"

"About nine-thirty when I went over there."

Eren was nodding slowly, feeling his stomach churning and like he was about to throw up. He forced it down, though, working on calming himself as he watched the road go by.

"Eren, you need to know...he had to have his lungs flushed of fluid and his stomach pumped. They said his organs don't completely function properly, but that they'd probably been that way for a while. A couple months, at least."

"Y-yeah, they have...I just...I didn't know it was that bad..."

"Looks like he didn't, either."

Eren drew in a shaky breath. His hands shook mercilessly, his heart pounded in his chest and caused his head to throb relentlessly. He already had a headache from the plane ride; the anxiety was doing no good for that.

Eventually, they made it to the hospital. As they neared the front entrance, all the haste Eren had been feeling before vanished. His stomach was clenched nervously as he stepped onto the tiled floor, the normal smells of a hospital filling his nose. Armin remained right next to him and close, noting how pale and uneasy he looked.

The receptionist behind the front desk recognized the blond male and, giving Eren a once-over, nodded in realization. She'd been told who he was and warned he was coming. She stood from her chair and walked toward them, heels clicking on the linoleum.

"It's technically after visiting hours," she said, nodding toward the clock in the waiting room reading 9:05. "But I think I can make an exception."

"Thank you," Armin said, casting her a smile. She didn't return it.

"Follow me," she said.

"Do you want me to go with?" Armin whispered to the brunet.

"No...I want to see him alone."

With that, he followed the path of the receptionist down a couple of hallways and into an elevator that took them up two floors, and then down two more corridors and into an area marked "INTENSIVE CARE UNIT".

"He's right in here," she said, gesturing to a door marked with a number Eren didn't bother to read. "I can probably give you about twenty minutes."

"Okay. That's fine. Thank you."

The steadiness of his voice surprised him. The lady nodded, wished him luck, and walked away.

He waited until he could no longer hear the clicking of her heels before he faced the door. Holding his breath, he placed his hand on the knob and did his best to prepare himself for what he was about to see.