*gulp*

---

102.2° peaked Eren's fever that day, leaving his body a mess of shivers from the cold contrast of the surrounding air to his skin. Levi never left his side and in fact had prepared to haul him to the hospital if his fever got any worse. It didn't, though, and eventually his temperature decreased back down to a safer range.

Levi himself, on the other hand, only ended up with slight sinus congestion and a mild headache despite having lost count of how many times he'd kissed Eren or how long he spent around the sick male.

Presently, Levi was leaving the shop after a three hour session of tattooing the outline of a fairy on a man's back. He was still mildly buzzed from his tattoo reverie, something he'd found to be stronger and more enjoyable since getting sober. He only spared the others inside - Petra, Reiner, and Alex - an absent wave over the shoulder as he stepped out into the almost searing weather to cross the parking lot and hop into his car. He reached Eren's house in no time, where his bright-eyed lover was just stepping out of his house as if he knew the raven was coming. He hugged his mother goodbye, ruffled his sister's hair, and bounded down the walk to meet Levi at the curb.

"Hey," he breathed, slipping into the passenger's seat as Levi was waving at the females on the porch before pulling away from the curb.

"Hey," he said back in a calm baritone.

"How was work?"

"Same old." He glanced over at the brunet. "I see you're not covered in dust this time."

Eren chuckled. "I made sure to wash up before you arrived."

"Good call. So how'd it go?"

"Fine," said Eren simply.

"Find any more photo albums?" Levi joked with a small smirk.

"Hmph, no. Thankfully."

The raven snickered in response.

On his day off while Levi had the one session to do, Eren went back to his mother's to help her finish clean their attic. There hadn't been much left to do, so he'd been able to finish before Levi had arrived.

"Mom sent some left over food for us," Eren said once they were back in the apartment, fishing in his bag for a large Tupperware container full of Chicken Alfredo. "Hungry?"

"Not really." Levi took the bowl and stashed it neatly in the fridge among other leftovers they had yet to consume. With that, he took Eren's hand and pulled him to his feet from the couch. "Come with me," he said. "I have something I want to show you."

Eagerly, Eren followed his companion down the hall and into the bedroom where Levi sat on the bed, crossing his legs and pulling Eren down along with him. The two assumed their usual, natural position - facing each other with legs crossed, knees touching. With that, Levi's nimble fingers began unbuttoning his shirt. Mildly confused, Eren's brows raised as he watched, admittedly a little excited.

The raven found himself involuntarily holding his breath as he bared his torso to the younger man in front of him, whose eyes roamed over it, filled with curiosity and some form of analysis. He knew his bare body wasn't a pretty sight; he was still much too skinny and although had been gaining the weight he needed in both muscle and meat, wasn't nearly pleased with the way he looked. Though Eren had seen him half naked many times prior, even when he was much worse than this, it still made him nervous, especially as he was inviting Eren to look, wanting him to see the addition to his chest.

The brunet's eyes filled with fascination and even more curiosity as he took in the sight before him. His gaze automatically landed on the ink in the dead center of Levi's chest, right above where his heart beat strong. A long minute passed as Eren studied it. It was a fairly intricate yet simple tattoo of a Japanese character. It made no sense to him but didn't fail to fascinate him. Slowly, he lifted a hand to extend toward it. His eyes flickered up to the raven's in question; when he nodded in confirmation, Eren gently traced a few of the lines, unaware of the very edges of his lips twitching into the subtlest of grins. Gently, he spread his palm out over the tattoo. It was just slightly smaller than his entire hand; beneath it, he could feel the familiar thumping of Levi's heart.

"What does it say?" he murmured after a minute without averting his eyes from his hand on Levi's chest and the way it seemed to fit there so easily and naturally, almost like a puzzle piece.

"Tatakai." Levi articulated the words so smoothly it suggested he was fluent in the language. Finally, Eren met his calm gray orbs.

"And that means...?" he prompted.

"Fight," he translated.

A fleeting flicker of confusion crossed Eren's features before the realization settled in.

"Oh..." he murmured in awe."Is it...what I think...?"

Levi nodded firmly. "Yes. It's what you think it means. Exactly that."

Blinking, Eren looked down at the visible ink between his fingers, remembering.

"And now you're fighting...whether it's because of me or not. And you have to fight in order to win. There's no other way."

"I'm not gonna let you drown. You have a chance to beat this. I know you do. You have that fight in your heart. I've seen it in your eyes. You just have to find it, but you don't have to be alone while you do. I'm just...trying to understand as best I can. All I want is to see you smile. Genuinely."

"That's what I'm saying. It's what I mean about the fight in you. You have it. If given a reason, you can fight. And you can win."

"You have to fight it. I believe in you."

"Now I'm certain you're gonna be okay. I was right about the fight in you. I'm happy that you can see it now, too."

The brunet removed his hand from Levi's chest, only for said man to capture it in his own and press a soft kiss to his knuckles. "Do you like it?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Eren said with a nod. "I do."

"Good. I do, too."

"Who did you have do it?"

"Petra, a few weeks ago."

"Did it hurt?"

"Of course it hurt. But it's more than worth it."

Finally, a smile broke out across Eren's face, lighting up Levi's world along with it. He squeezed the raven's fingers as he continued to study the tattoo. He wanted to memorize it. He wanted to remember exactly how it looked - where the lines were, how they intersected, how they were filled in, the exact position on Levi's body.

"What's that dopey grin for, brat?" Levi asked.

"Nothing...I-I just...I feel kind of honored," he admitted sheepishly.

"Good. You should." With that, Levi reached out to wrap his free hand around the back of Eren's neck, pulling him forward and claiming his lips in an affectionate kiss. Eren leaned closer, trying to communicate his love for the man through his lips. His left hand abandoned Levi's to slide around his waist beneath the shirt that still clung to his shoulders. In the past, this would have had the raven flinching or freezing up, even pulling away. But he didn't. He only deepened the affection, snaking both arms around his neck and pulling him as close as their bodies would allow. He trusted Eren, trusted that he wouldn't hurt or judge him, trusted him to keep him safe.

And that was what had Eren pulling away, ending the kiss and bringing his hands back into his lap while biting his lip. The atmosphere took a hard left toward nervous tension.

"What's the matter?" Levi asked, studying the brunet's suddenly distressed features with a hard frown.

Eren said nothing. He gulped and reached back, gently removing Levi's arms and then taking hold of the back of his shirt. Unsteadily, he looked his companion in the eyes. "Promise you won't judge me?" he asked.

"Of course I won't. What do you mean? What are you doing?"

Drawing in a shaky breath, Eren said, "I'm being fair."

He didn't wait for a reaction as he slid his shirt over his head, tousling his hair in the process. His hands shook as he removed it completely and balled it up in his lap to grip tight while he allowed Levi to take in the mess of his torso. It was Eren's turn to hold his breath while he watched Levi's eyes travel over the planes of his upper body.

Levi could feel the uneasiness radiating off of the other as he took it all in. Eren's skin was smooth with a tan line dipping below his collarbone that was nicely prominent. He was averagely toned, the modest hint of a six pack beneath his warm brown skin. His ribs were visible, but not in a sickly manner the way Levi saw his own to be. He had a nice body, much to Levi's pleasure...

...but he hadn't been lying about bearing his own scars. A vast number of them marked up that otherwise smooth skin, particularly around his hips and ribs. They collected a bit on his stomach and the lower one looked, the more scars were to be found. They crisscrossed each other all over and bore striking resemblance to the ones on Levi's arms - horrifyingly straight and precise, some longer than others, some darker, indicating the depth when it was once a bleeding wound.

Before he knew it, Levi found his hand stretching toward Eren. He stopped abruptly to meet those large green eyes.

"May I?" he murmured.

With his lip trapped between his teeth and his brows clearly expressing his anxiety, Eren gave a curt nod.

First, Levi took the younger's hands to move his arms out of the way. He squeezed before releasing one to extend it forward once more. His fingertips barely brushed Eren's skin over the left side of his ribcage. As expected, the skin was soft yet bumpy from the blemishes that he never took his eyes off of.

"I-I know this isn't exactly fair, your tattoo being beautiful while my body is hideous, but-"

"Shh," Levi cut him off. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and waited.

Levi let his fingers trail over all of the visible markings, down to his hip, across, and gently back up. His touch left Eren's skin a mess of goosebumps as he barely brushed him with almost no contact at all.

That moment was a clearing in a sense for the raven. His eyes opened to the understanding of so many things Eren had told him in the past six months - that he was worth it; that he deserved to live and be happy; that he meant something to the world. Every time Eren said it, he never fully believed it. He'd been chained to the idea that the world would be just fine without him, and he knew it would be. Still, that didn't mean he meant absolutely nothing to anyone or anything. Even if it was just to Eren, he had worth. He'd survived his struggles for a reason - be that reason Eren, Alex, his many satisfied clients, or a combination of all three, he didn't know. Even with his demon nagging away in his mind, continuously telling him he was a useless human being, or something classified lower than that, he could believe Eren's words. The demon would always be there - the minute he let his life spiral down a path that would do permanent damage, that was inevitable - but that didn't mean he had to let it win.

And it was the same for Eren, who'd dealt with his own struggles personified right on his body, right before Levi's loving gaze. He was worth so much more than imaginable. He meant absolutely everything to Levi, and as much as he knew he probably didn't deserve it, he knew for Eren it was worth it. If it wasn't, he wouldn't have been able to build up the trust to open himself up to the raven like this and show him his deepest insecurities.

And that was what they needed. To trust each other. To love each other. Fully and completely, they needed each other.

Eren's breathing hitched lightly as Levi traced the last of his scars. He trailed his hand up to cup Eren's smooth, rosy cheek.

"You are not hideous," Levi murmured, looking deeply into those sparkling orbs. "I promised I wouldn't judge you, and I will not break that."

Eren swallowed hard, audibly. "Y-you still love me even though I look like this? Even though you've seen the awful things I've done to myself?"

"Eren." Levi looked into his eyes more seriously and sincerely than Eren had ever seen him before; he almost melted under that gaze. "Do you still love me, even though you've seen me puke my guts up, cough out a lung, and my disgusting naked body before I went to rehab?"

Eren nodded solemnly. That was one question for him that was pitifully easy to answer. "That stuff doesn't matter to me," he said.

Levi raised his brows, waiting for Eren to get it. When he did, a flurry of emotions crossed his face - mild confusion, realization, understanding, and then embarrassment. He dropped his gaze and muttered a soft "oh".

"Exactly. If anything, your scars only prove how strong you are, and you know you've told me that before."

Eren could feel the heat rising through his neck to his face; he was sure Levi could feel it beneath his palm. "Yeah, I have," he murmured. "I'm sorry. I know it's stupid...being so insecure like this when I've seen you...l-like that."

Levi shook his head. "I'm just glad you finally trust me enough for this."

Eren's head snapped up, his eyes widening. "You think I didn't trust you?" The raven half-shrugged. "No, Levi, no no no. That's not the case at all. I trust you more than anyone. I was just afraid...that maybe you would see me differently. Or that it would hurt you. Or trigger something. And I didn't want that to happen."

"Shitty brat," Levi murmured. "You're always thinking of me." He brushed his hair back gently. "But thank you."

Eren nodded; his hand came back up to rest over Levi's heart. "I love you."

"I love you, too," responded the raven, covering Eren's hand with his own and leaning in for a deep kiss. From the moment their lips collided, Eren's stomach erupted with butterflies while Levi's nerves came alive with electricity. Eventually, Eren's hand abandoned Levi's again to slide once more around his waist while the older's arms locked securely around his neck. They pressed closer and closer until Levi ended up in his companion's lap, throwing affection and intimacy into his actions, the whisper of their lips moving in perfect synchronization the only thing filling the air. As Levi's hand came up to tangle through Eren's impossibly soft chocolate locks, he nibbled on his lip, earning the quietest whimper of pleasure from the younger male. He gently coaxed his lips open to slide his tongue in between, exploring the cavern of Eren's mouth, coiling his tongue around the other's in an almost playful manner. Levi himself let out a low groan as Eren trapped his lower lip between his teeth ever so delicately, pulled a bit, and then released.

"We're gonna have to breathe sometime," he breathed, barely moving away from the raven.

"Fuck breathing," Levi growled, and with that laid back while pulling the younger with him, fervently connecting their lips again.

Humming huskily in delight, Eren pressed several more harsh, bruising kisses to Levi's lips before he trailed away, nipping delicately at his jaw, nibbling at his earlobe, trailing his lips to the raven's neck. Levi drew in a light gasp at the warmth meeting his skin as Eren's damp lips searched for his sweet spots. He reclined his head as far back into the pillows as he could, giving his lover the best access possible and nearly arching his back off of the bed as best he could. All the while he had his own lip trapped between his teeth, thoroughly enjoying Eren's kissing, nipping, nibbling, and sucking across his neck and throat, even peppering his tattoos with love bites.

Eren felt good. Really good, with his warm skin pressed up against Levi's, his fingers rubbing his shoulders. He was positioned between Levi's knees, who had them propped up and pressed to Eren's hips as if that would better hold him down. Curious, Eren gave a testing grind of his hips down against Levi. The raven sucked in a surprised gasp that ended in a sensual groan. He lifted his hips, trying desperately to maintain the friction against his groin. As his lips trailed to Levi's collarbone, he gave another grind, harder than the last. The two moaned in unison; Levi's nails bit into the skin of Eren's back and he could feel the front of his pants growing tighter and tighter. Eren ground down again even harder, feeling this too.

"Eren..!" he gasped, involuntarily dragging his nails toward Eren's ribs.

The younger's breaths were coming in soft pants now as he picked up something of a rhythm, sliding his fingers down to grip Levi's hips in order to better hold him.

And suddenly Eren's hands weren't his anymore. They were smaller but rougher, lighter in color with nails biting into his skin harshly enough to draw blood. Painful heat rose behind Levi's eyes and his vision blotted out momentarily. When it cleared again, his surroundings were not his bedroom and the person above him was not Eren. Instead of the deep, husky, sexy moans he was hearing a moment ago, it was a higher pitched and rough voice meeting his ears. He was being held down and violated - his muscles stretched in damn near unnatural ways, being touched ruthlessly all over, down to the most private parts of himself. The pleasure from moments ago was now pain. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't find his voice. He'd gone still and stiffened up in the way his body defaulted to when this happened. As much as he wanted to fight, to find his way out, he couldn't so much as blink.

His mind flashed in and out, back and forth between the present and the past. Both were painful and terrifying with the overwhelming urge that he was being held against his will...

"S-stop," he managed to choke out. "Eren, please...stop..."

And suddenly the red haired woman was ten feet away from him. Cold air washed over his feverish skin and he dragged in a shaky, strangled sounding breath. Gradually, his vision cleared back to the scene of his bedroom - his familiar bed under the bare skin of his back, the midday light shining in the windows, the popcorn ceiling overhead. Despite his shakiness, he swallowed hard and forced himself to prop up on an elbow.

His eyes found Eren all the way on the other side of the room, his face ridden with fear, guilt, remorse. Those bright eyes were wide and staring at Levi, shimmering with the tears constantly flooding from them. He was pressed against the dresser, gripping it so tight his fingers were white.

"I-I'm so sorry, Levi," he stammered almost hysterically. "I-I d-didn't mean to...I didn't want t-to hurt you...I-I wasn't careful...I'm...I'm sorry, s-so sorry..." A sob broke from his chest, consuming his pretty much unintelligible babbling.

Levi sat up all the way, swallowing hard. "It's okay, Eren," he said in a much scratchier baritone than anticipated.

"N-no, it's not. I-I didn't...y-you..."

A shudder snaked down Levi's spine; he pulled one arm across himself to grip the opposite shoulder. The look on Eren's face absolutely broke his heart. He needed to fix this.

"Eren, please-" He lifted a shaking hand out to his lover, who unexpectedly flinched away, shaking his head.

"No, Levi. I-I should go...I should get away from you..." He snatched his shirt off of the floor and started pulling it on. "I'll be back...in a while, I think. If you don't want me to come back, just t-text me..."

And before Levi could protest, he'd disappeared down the hall. The front door opened and shut before he had time to blink, leaving the apartment in total silence.

Levi stared at nothing for a long while, his fist pressed to his churning stomach. Part of him felt the need to throw up. The rest was numb while his mind let what just happened sink in.

Slowly, he let his eyes trail down to his arms, to his scars - particularly the word on the left one.

Monster.

Yeah, he was a monster alright. He'd hurt Eren again. The one time he thought he could make him happy, the darkness of his monstrous past resurface and ruined it. If he'd just been stronger back then, or quicker...if he hadn't been such a coward, maybe he wouldn't have had such a traumatic memory to hold him back. But he had been a coward and in the end only managed to inflict more damage on the absolute most precious, most important thing in his life. They couldn't even make love the way they wanted to, and he was solely the one to blame. He'd been a monster since birth.

And he knew he didn't deserve Eren anyway. So maybe this was good. Maybe Eren would go out there and find someone that could love him better than Levi could. He considered texting him; considered what he'd say.

'Don't come back. Not because I don't want you, but because you deserve better than me.'

'I've locked the door. I don't want to hurt you anymore.'

'I'm sorry. I love you. But go home to your family. Your friends. Be happy. Be free.'

Several things he could've said swarmed around in his mind, but he could not bring himself to reach for his phone, let alone type out a message and hit the send button. He wanted Eren to come back. Needed him to. Needed to fix things in person at the very least.

Eventually, he could no longer bear sitting there. He got up and shuffled into the bathroom to relieve himself, avoiding his reflection at all costs. He redressed himself and tidied up the dresser of things Eren had knocked over in his haste to get off the bed. Wiped it down for good measure. He then stuffed his headphones in his ears, plugged them in, and cranked the volume high before curling up with Akane, willing himself to sleep with his hand on his phone, just in case.

The precaution turned out to be useful because a while later its buzzing had him waking up. Immediately at full alertness, he unlocked it to read the message from Eren.

|Do you want me to come back...?|

Levi did not hesitate in his response.

|Yes. Come home.|

Blowing out a deep breath, he raked his fingers through his hair and removed his headphones to neatly coil up and place in the drawer next to the bed. He then slid out of bed and shuffled down to the living room, flipped the television on for background noise, and sauntered into the kitchen. Aware of his empty (although knotted) stomach, he pulled out the Chicken Alfredo and put part of it in a pan on the stove to heat. He made tea, too, knowing it would be useful in calming his nerves. He made enough food for two, desperately hoping Eren would be back in time to join him for dinner.

He set the table with two bowls and cups for the tea, organizing it neatly with napkins and forks. He popped some garlic bread in the oven last minute, knowing Eren was a sucker for the stuff.

The closer the food was to being ready, the more hopelessness he felt that Eren would return, at least for that night. However, he was halfway through serving the Alfredo into the first bowl when the familiar click of the knob and sound of the door opening met his ears. Stomach clenching nervously, he turned to find the brunet stepping back into the apartment. He looked better than when he'd left, though his hair was a mess and his puffy, bloodshot eyes radiated immense guilt.

He had trouble meeting the raven's eyes, so focused on kicking his shoes off and neatly stacking them in the doorway and then hanging his keys. But without anything else to distract him, he was forced to look up at his...companion...

"Hey," Levi murmured after a minute.

"H-hey," he mumbled in a voice gravelly from crying.

"Hungry?" Levi asked, holding up the pan of pasta.

Silently, Eren nodded and made his way to the table as Levi filled his bowl and served one of his favorite foods ever - garlic bread.

"Tea or milk?" Levi asked, pouring his own tea.

Noting the extra cup on the counter, Eren said, "Tea is fine. Thank you."

The two sat down to eat, an awkward kind of tension filling the air between them.

"Where did you go?" Levi asked.

"Armin's."

"Hmm. And how is he?"

"He's good."

"And your mother and sister? I forgot to ask earlier."

"They're good, too. How's Alex?"

"She's...Alex."

Eren merely nodded, slowly twirling the noodles around his fork. They both hated the small talk, hated the uneasiness. They knew they had to talk about it, but neither wanted to be the first to bring it up.

The meal was finished in silence, as well as the washing of dishes - Levi washing and Eren drying, the same way it worked with his mother.

Once all of the dishes were clean and put away, Levi said, "I'm gonna go shower." Purposefully, he stretched up onto his toes and pressed a soft kiss to Eren's cheek, a silent way of saying, 'I still love you no matter what.'

Eren watched him disappear into the bathroom before he started scrounging up blankets and pillows. With the Afghan on the back of the couch near the door, another in the linen closet, and settling for a throw pillow, he worked on setting up his bed on the smaller of the couches. He knew he could've used the bigger, but for one he was used to the smaller and two, he wasn't a particular fan of sleeping so near the door. He shut the television off and snuggled down into his bed, trying to push aside the memory of Levi's broken pleas from beneath him...

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Sleeping?" he mumbled innocently. Sighing, Levi slid his hands into the pocket of the hoodie he sported as he stepped into the living room to take a tentative seat on the edge of the coffee table as Eren sat up, his slender fingers wrapping around the edge of the blanket he was under. Levi knew why Eren elected to use the couch as his bed instead of sleeping in the bedroom like normal, and he hated the reason.

"You're in here because of what happened earlier," he said quietly, steadily meeting Eren's teal gaze.

"I don't know..." the brunet said. As much as he wanted to, though, he couldn't tear his eyes from Levi's face.

"Are you trying to punish yourself?"

"No...I dunno..." He swallowed hard, both visibly and audibly, and watched as Levi stood and moved to the couch with him, crossing his legs and facing him directly. The brunet wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to take his hand or even pull him into his arms, his lap, but refrained. After what happened earlier, he feared that any contact would only do harm in one form or another. He instead gripped the blanket tighter.

"What happened wasn't your fault, you know. Why are you doing this?" asked the raven, eyes narrowing to search Eren's for answers.

"I...I should've known, Levi. I should have been more careful. But I let my stupid desires take over and it did nothing but bring more harm to you. I should've been mindful..." His sentence trailed off and he bit his lip out of habit.

"Eren, honestly, you can't go blaming yourself every time something like this happens." The younger remained quiet. A long moment of silence passed, ending when Levi blew out a long breath. "So that's it? Now you're not going to touch me? Not even hold my hand?"

Still, Eren said nothing. Remained still. With the memory of Levi's pleas for him to stop so fresh in his head, he couldn't bring himself to make contact with Levi, almost like he was afraid he might crumble at the slightest gust of air. His mind fought between the fragile Levi he remembered from months ago and the stronger one he knew now. That afternoon had been a reminder that he was still fragile, still broken in so many ways that Eren was afraid he couldn't fix, or even sew up.

Levi's face fell into his hand. He pinched the bridge of his nose, head shaking back and forth ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry, Eren...I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you want," he murmured in a much quieter tone.

"So now you're the one blaming himself?"

"Fuck, Eren, how can I not? Maybe if I had been more careful, or if I'd just fought harder back then, or told somebody..." His voice cracked at the very end, again reminding Eren of his inner brokenness. Reminding him of how scarred he was because of wounds that were never treated, never even bandaged.

And suddenly Eren realized this was a wound that was still bleeding, ten years later. The memory of that woman doing detestable, unforgivable things to him had never been patched up; the skin had never grown back. It had merely been covered up by a dirty cloth - the drugs - and now that the cloth was gone, it was left to bleed again. And a person could only lose so much blood.

Pressing his lips tightly together, Eren reached out with hesitance and gently took Levis fingers in his hand. As he had from the beginning, he wanted to be the thing to help Levi get through things like this. Wanted to support him while he found himself again. Just because they'd found a normal routine, found a comfortable way of life didn't mean Levi didn't struggle on a daily basis. He'd made a promise - a pinkie swear, at that - to be there for the man he loved. And he would be, even if he was afraid.

The sensation of Eren's fingers was enough to get Levi to look back up while wrapping his whole hand around Eren's, holding tight. He could feel himself trembling internally, but spoke anyway.

"I thought I was ready...but to be honest with you, I've never had sex without being under the influence of some drug. I thought I could do it, but now I get that the drugs were the reason I was able to do it before. And now that I actually want it...now that I've found someone I love to want in that way...hell, I'm sorry." The shakiness snaked into his voice and his breath.

"But it's not your fault. I'm the one who took it too far without thinking..." Eren retorted softly.

"So you're sleeping on the couch as a result?"

"I could go home, if...if you want me to..."

"God, no Eren. No. That's not what I want. At all. I only want you to go if you want to." To make a point, he tightened his fingers further.

Eren's gaze drifted down to their hands. "I don't. I just don't wanna hurt you again."

"It was a mistake, Eren. An accident. I know you didn't mean to do it."

"So then...you forgive me?"

"Do you need me to say it?"

The brunet gave a small nod.

"Yes, Eren. I forgive you."

"Are you okay, though?" He searched Levi's eyes for his answer.

"I've been better," said the raven honestly. "But I've been worse. And it was worse when you were gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Come here."

Levi pulled on Eren's hand, coaxing him to move closer before he leaned forward himself and slid his arms around Eren's ribs, pressing his face into his warm neck and inhaling slowly. In turn, Eren's arms wrapped around his shoulders and he rocked back and forth gently.

"Levi?"

"Hmm?"

"If...if we're ever in a situation like that again and it gets to be too much...I mean, if I hurt you or I go too far, I want you to tell me right away. And I promise to be more careful."

"Hn, you say 'if' like it might not happen again."

Eren's lashes fluttered. "Are you saying you want it to?"

Levi lifted his head, studying Eren's soft features for a moment. "Yeah, I'd like it to. Without the shitty flashback, of course. I was...enjoying myself," he admitted a bit sheepishly.

Eren let out a soft chuckle. "I was, too."

"I'm just not sure of my limits. I didn't expect it, and then suddenly you were touching my hips and it hit me like a fucking train."

Eren nodded slowly in consideration. "Touching you there triggered the memory," he said quietly.

"I suppose so."

"Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe slowly, we can change that?" His face twisted up in a strange manner that made him look constipated. "Or maybe not. I don't know."

"We can try," Levi said.

"D-do you want to?"

The raven nodded. "If you do, I'm willing."

"I do."

"Alright. Then we'll work on it."

"Okay. But like I said..."

"Mm-hmm. So, you still wanna sleep on the couch?"

"Um..."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Just come on, brat. Let's go watch a movie or something." Levi stood and pulled the younger along with.

"Wait, I should put these blankets back first."

"Later."

The brunet stopped short, causing the smaller of the two to turn and raise a thin brow in question.

"Are you feeling okay?" Eren asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"It's not like you to let me leave a mess."

"Tch, please. It's not that messy, and I'm not as big of a so-called clean freak as you think." He yanked his hand again and headed toward the bedroom.

Eren laughed. "Come on, Levi. You're a huge clean freak."

"Watch it, brat."

Eren giggled softly as he went to shuffle out a pair of pajamas. Out of habit, he started for the bathroom to change before he realized that was no longer necessary; Levi had seen his scars and after that conversation, he felt more comfortable changing in front of his companion. He stood in the corner of the room, pulling his short over his head to replace it with muscle shirt and then kick his jeans off to replace them with sweats. He felt eyes on him the whole time and was desperate to hide his mild embarrassment, so made the excuse to brush his teeth and disappeared into the bathroom. Upon returning, he found Levi lounging back against his many pillows with the TV remote in his hand, flipping through movie channels. For once, Eren didn't feel the need to ask if he wanted him to stay; he'd already said he wanted him to come back, and that was enough. So he ventured over to the bed and crawled in next to Levi without touching him.

"Don't be a brat," Levi muttered, automatically moving toward him and leaning against his side.

Smiling, Eren slid his arms around Levi's ribs and pulled him close, burying his nose in those damp black locks. He remained gentle, still mildly timid because of earlier events, but it was hard not to take Levi into his arms, to keep him close. Sometimes he was afraid Levi might drift away, like a sandal being lost in the current of a stream and someone running after it, trying to catch up and snatch it but being too slow and thus, losing one half of the pair of shoes forever.

It felt so silly to be comparing his relationship to a pair of shoes and that whole 'other half' thing that sappy lovers always rambled on about. Still, it was undeniable that the two needed to find each other. They had both needed someone when they found each other, had both been struggling to keep their heads above the water. And by some force of the universe or God or fate or whatever one wanted to call it, they crossed paths. And now they were walking side by side, hand in hand. It wasn't skipping merrily off into the sunset with 'happily ever after' because they both still struggled. The difference was each other. They had each other, and in the strangest of ways, that made things that much more bearable, with something real and warm to hold onto.

---

Cheesy-ass ending. Sorry. ^~^;;

Levi's tattoo is above, btw.