"Happy Birthday, Eren!" chorused Carla and Mikasa together the minute Eren set foot in the living room.

He smiled sleepily at them. "Thanks, guys," he yawned.

"We made French Toast," said Carla.

Eren's eyes immediately lit up and the scent of cinnamon, vanilla, maple syrup, and frying oil greeted his nose as he wandered toward the kitchen.

"And stayed up late wrapping presents," said Mikasa pointedly, gesturing to two neatly wrapped gifts waiting for him on the table. He raised his brows.

"You guys didn't have to get me anything..."

Mikasa sighed. "I knew you'd say that. But it's too late, so you'll have to open them and enjoy them."

"Can't argue with that..."

Eren got down plates for Carla to serve the absolutely heavenly smelling pieces of French toast on and they sat down to eat. Eren practically drowned his in syrup while Mikasa glowered at him in disgust, barely using any on hers and Carla tsked him for using so much, scolding him and telling him how bad all that sugar was for him.

"Shush, it's my birthday," he mumbled in excuse before shoving half a piece of toast in his mouth.

"Boys are so gross," mumbled Mikasa.

"Come on, 'Kasa, you're fourteen. You're too old to be thinking that."

The faintest of blushes rose to Mikasa's cheeks and she averted her eyes to her food. Eren saw right through her and nudged her under the table with his foot, a grin spreading across his face. "Someone has a cruuush," he sang teasingly.

"Shush up, Eren," she mumbled. "You're not even close."

"Uh huh, sure."

She rolled her eyes. Carla chuckled, shaking her head. "You two are hopeless."

They finished their breakfast and Mikasa insisted Eren open his presents before she had to leave for the bus stop. One of them was the latest season of Supernatural, completing his collection thus far. The other was a book and a gift card to buy music with.

"Sorry it's not much," said Carla.

"No, it's great. Thank you both."

Mikasa was on her way out the door when Eren's ringtone sounded from the kitchen table. The caller ID showed Sasha, and he braced himself as he muttered a hello into the receiver. A very tone-deaf chorus of 'Happy Birthday to You' erupted so loudly into his ear that he had to hold the phone several inches away from his ear until it was over.

"Has anyone ever told you guys how tone deaf you are?" he joked half-heartedly.

"Damn, Eren! Just 'cause it's your birthday doesn't give you the right to be rude," muttered Jean.

"Take a joke, Kirstein!" Connie shot back.

"Thanks, guys," Eren went on.

"So how does the big two-oh feel?" Ymir asked.

"I've been twenty for like two minutes, how should I know?"

"Aw c'mon, Eren, don't tell me you're one of those people."

"What? One of what people?"

"One of those people who's all stickler about the exact time you were born. Seriously. Who. Cares." It was clear Ymir was rolling her eyes.

"What's wrong with that?" came Armin's innocent tenor.

That initiated lighthearted arguing between them on their, of course, very strong opinions on whether or not it was cool to know and care about the exact time you were born. Only being over the phone, Eren was unable to detect who had what opinion.

"Guys, guys!" he cut in. When their chattering stopped, he said, "I appreciate the call, but I have to start getting ready for work."

"Doesn't the shop open at like 11? It's only 8:30," said Armin.

"I know, but I have something I need to finish up there. Don't you guys have class, anyway?"

"He's right," sighed Marco.

"But hey, Eren," Sasha piped up. "I hope you're free tonight 'cause we have big plans for the birthday boy."

Eren raised his brows. "Uh oh. That can't be good."

"Jesus, dude, it's not like we're gonna take you to a strip club or anything-" said Marco.

"-and you're too young to drink!" added Connie.

"So are we, buzz cut," muttered Jean, likely smacking Connie across the head.

"Anyway," Sasha continued. "Be ready to go by seven 'cause we're picking you up."

"To do...?"

"It's a surprise, dummy. Jeesh, don't you know how birthdays work? Anyway, gotta go! Love ya!"

Eren chuckled. "Later, guys."

They chorused their goodbyes before the call ended.

"What was that all about?" asked Carla from her place at the sink washing dishes.

Eren jumped in to help. "Apparently they're taking me on a surprise adventure tonight," he said.

"That should be fun. Isn't Levi supposed to call you tonight?"

Eren nodded, joyful demeanor faltering a bit in remembering the last conversation he had with the raven. He'd been worrying about it all week, wondering if he was doing any better with his depression. Eren knew how it could be, being crushed by terrible thoughts and low self-esteem for days on end. Hopefully...

"Eren?"

"Uhm, yeah, but that's at 6. Sasha said this is at 7."

Carla nodded in understanding. They worked on the dishes in silence for a minute.

"Does he know it's your birthday?"

"Levi? No. He doesn't."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Mmm...no, I don't think so. He has more important things to worry about."

"You don't think he'd like to know?"

"I dunno...I mean, I didn't know when his birthday was...and I screwed that up royally..."

Carla turned her frown on him. "What do you mean, hon?"

"Levi's birthday...is the same day as Christmas..."

His mother immediately understood and she squeezed his shoulder. "That wasn't your fault, darling. You didn't know. And things are better now. I'm sure he isn't mad at you."

"I-I know." Eren blinked rapidly, trying to shove aside the memory of that night. He still all too clearly remembered Levi's pained face under the light of the streetlamp, the way he begged Eren to say something and tell him to leave, the way he said he didn't deserve kindness. All of it weighed heavily on Eren's heart and he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of that guilty feeling.

"It's your decision," she said, ending the conversation.

Eren walked in the tattoo shop about an hour later. Unsurprisingly, he was the first there and he took the opportunity of no distractions to get right to work. He'd finished organizing Levi's art on the wall a few weeks ago and went onto other things - like making spreadsheets and putting all of the records of paperwork into the computer, freeing Reiner up to finally get back to doing what he did best - giving tattoos.

As he sat at the computer he played music over the Bluetooth speaker with his phone. Every song that played somehow managed to remind him of Levi...

"Hey, Eren, happy birthday!" came the voice of the ever enthusiastic Reiner Braun, breaking Eren from spacing completely out. He jumped and mumbled a thanks.

"I see your mind is elsewhere," commented the large blond, leaning over and studying the computer screen, which hadn't much changed since Eren began that morning.

"Shit, yeah, I guess it has been. Sorry." He leaned back toward the screen and fumbled for a place to start back up.

"Thinkin' about Levi?" Reiner teased.

Eren smiled guiltily. "Am I that easy to read?"

Reiner chuckled and hung his coat up. "Can't blame ya," he said. "I'd be worrying just as much if it were my girl in that situation."

"That girl of yours tells you a lot more than she lets on, doesn't she?"

"Not any more than she needs to. You don't needa worry, Eren. I don't care who you love. That's all your business. If you're happy, that's cool. And yeah, we've both told you this, but the guy's changed drastically since you walked in here." He gestured in the direction of Levi's untouched work area. "You're good for him."

"I mean, I guess so..." Eren habitually rubbed the back of his neck, a bit sheepish.

Reiner chuckled. "Humble as ever, I see. Anyway, we both have work to do. I'll ease up on the heavy." He winked up and turned to ready his own work area for his first customer.

Eren went back to work, too, though not without thinking about Reiner's words over and over. The more he thought about it, the more he selfishly couldn't wait for Levi to finish rehab, to see him again...

That night at six sharp, his phone rang.

He bit his lip and answered.

"Hello, Eren," came a voice he almost didn't recognize. His eyes widened in awe.

"Levi...you...you sound so much better."

"I should hope so, seeing as the withdrawals ended a few days ago."

Eren's eyes widened further and the air was beginning to bite at them. Ignoring that, he let Levi's words sink in. Pure joy and relief flooded through him. Every hint of doubt he might've bore was washed away to swirl down the drain, forgotten.

"That's fantastic," he breathed.

"Yeah, but they still have me on this godforsaken oxygen tank." Levi's scowl was evident in his voice and Eren found he couldn't stop smiling.

"Have you eaten?" he asked. Levi hesitated to answer and that smile faltered. "Levi?"

"Yes..." He didn't sound sure.

"But?" Eren prompted nervously.

"It's like my organs forgot how to completely digest food," he said quietly. "Even though the withdrawals are over, my body isn't functioning totally properly."

Eren felt he'd been relieved too soon, and felt stupid as soon as Levi said those words for having been. Of course the combination of the withdrawals and the drug itself had taken a mighty toll on Levi's body. He was still fragile...still weak. As much faith and hope Eren had in him making a full recovery, he still feared the worst. It was idiotic to think Levi would be totally okay once his withdrawals subsided. Eren supposed he just hoped too much...if that were even possible.

"So then...what?" he mumbled.

"Not sure yet. They're still running tests."

"Hmm...so how do you feel?"

"Sobriety without withdrawal is a lot better than I remembered."

Eren's smile returned a bit. Levi definitely sounded much better. His voice lacked the scratchiness he'd been so used to. He tried to remember this was what it sounded like back in the days of cleaning the back room. Even then it had been a lot rougher. This was smooth and deeper than he'd expected. Deeper than his own. It was...almost sexy, dare he say. His stomach flopped at the thought.

They talked aimlessly for a while, the conversation taking no particular direction. Too soon, Levi was warning him that he was about to cut off, which he learned gave them about thirty seconds until it actually happened. If he could, he would've sat there talking to Levi all night, but he figured that was asking too much and was grateful for the time they did get.

"I guess I'll talk to you next week, then," he sighed, voice heavy with disappointment.

"Eren?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Eren's phone nearly slipped through his fingers. He felt like butterflies were fluttering throughout his entire being and his very soul seemed to warm up from those three simple words he never could've expected.

"I love you, too, Levi," he found himself murmuring.

"I may not be worthy, but-"

"Shh. Don't say that. I'll talk to you in a week."

"Y-yeah..."

"Bye, Levi."

"Eren..."

They both let the line cut them off and Eren set his phone soundlessly on the desk where he sat. For a long moment, his mind was blank.

And then it exploded.

Levi loved him. And he said it, just like that. He was loved...by Levi. By the person he himself loved most in the world. In some ways he felt like he'd known it, but was afraid to admit it in case he was wrong. But now...now he could feel it down to his very bones, rushing through his veins by the pounding of his heart, resonating in his soul.

He was so happy he could scream. He had to bury his face in his hands to bury his laughter. He felt so light, so free, so loved. He felt like he could float atop his joy and purity around him...like he wanted to run through a field of roses and write cheesy things in the sky with the exhaust from a jet, like he wanted to hug absolutely everyone he could and laugh forever. And most of all, he wanted Levi to be there with him as he did it all.

'Jesus Christ, what am I turning into?' he thought, dropping his hands and shaking his head. His cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling so much, but he loved it.

Eren was just about to jump up and run downstairs to give his mother an update - she always asked how Levi was doing after his phone calls - when he spotted the pile of keys on the corner of his desk. Levi's keys. Particularly the intricately designed one...painted by Levi's own artistic hand of a deep blue rose. Images of blood-caked melted wax, dirty spoons and needles flashed fleetingly through his mind and suddenly carrying out his promise to clean that cabinet was more important than anything else.

In all honesty, he'd been putting it off out of fear. Of what, he wasn't sure...but he'd been afraid to go over there and do it. But things suddenly changed and he remembered Levi's words.

"It's...it's something I can only trust you with, and if you can't...I'm not sure this can ever work..."

Eren was suddenly fumbling with his phone to call Sasha. She picked up with a cheery, "Hey, birthday boy!"

"Hey, Sash...I hate to do this, but-"

"Do not tell me you're canceling."

"No, no, nothing like that. I was just hoping you could give me some extra time. Say, half an hour?"

"Why?"

"There's something I really need to take care of."

"Can't it wait?" The girl was clearly frowning.

Eren was still staring at the keys. "No, I don't think it can."

"Well..."

"It's really important, Sasha. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't." Eren could hear the desperateness seeping into his tone.

"I understand. But 7:30, no later. Got it?"

"Yes. Thank you, Sasha."

"No prob. See you then."

"Bye."

Eren hung up and seized Levi's keys off his desk in one swift motion. He then found some shoes to stuff his feet into and pulled a jacket on over his shoulders. With that, he headed downstairs to let his mom know he was leaving.

"Where are you going? Don't you have plans with your friends soon?"

"Yeah, but I pushed it back to 7:30. I have something I have to take care of." Carla frowned in confusion. "For Levi," he clarified.

"Okay, hon, but be careful. It's supposed to start snowing soon."

"I will. Love you." He pecked her cheek and hurried out the door.

The air outside was nippy and the clouds hanging overhead as the sun went down definitely threatened snow. He hurried down the walk to his car, practically throwing the door open and jumping inside. He was halfway down the street before he had his seat belt on.

He wasn't sure why he was in such a haste. It wasn't even 6:30 yet and even at a leisurely pace he would have plenty of time before his friends were supposed to pick him up. Part of him must've felt guilty for holding this off for so long. Another part was pushing him to get it done before he could chicken out again. The last part felt like this was an apology to the raven, or perhaps a test.

"And if you can't...I'm not sure this can ever work..."

Eren wanted this to work, needed it to. Levi might have changed since Eren walked into his life, but so had Eren himself. Before Levi, his life seemed bleak. Aimless. Despite it only having been a mere six months since their worlds collided, he couldn't imagine himself without some form of Levi with him...without the raven by his side in one way or another. He knew it was bad to be so attached. He knew things could end badly. He could get so hurt. Weak and feeble as he was at the moment, the artist had immense power over him.

"I'm just...trying to get used to you."

"That's dangerous."

Didn't matter. Eren knew. And he enjoyed it. He liked the feeling of the unknown. Liked not playing it so safe. It was what he'd needed.

And now he was flying up the stairs to the door marked 36 on his twentieth birthday, waiting more anxiously than he had for anything in his life for the tenant of that particular apartment to get better so he could come home.

Eren stuck the key in the lock and twisted. His heart was flying, his hands shaking. Inside was nearly pitch dark. The curtains were still drawn, seeing as the last time they left, it had been 2 AM. He reached over and flicked the light on to find that everything was eerily the same. He knew it was dumb to expect it to be any different, but it was eerie nonetheless.

It smelled virtually the same, slightly floral with the tiniest hint of cigarettes. One of the blankets was still in a pile on the couch where Levi had sat most of the time. There was still a plate dusted with a few toast crumbs adjacent to an empty tea cup on the coffee table. The lampshade remained slightly tilted.

Holding his breath for no real reason, Eren stepped further in and shut the door, habitually locking it. The place seemed so empty without Levi, so quiet. Not that Levi was particularly loud...

Eren wandered further into the apartment, flipping on every light he knew of as if that would make it seem less empty, less abandoned. The feeling of need for haste was long gone and his nerves suddenly stood on end.

Eren pulled his phone from his pocket and shuffled his music. The sound of something else comforted him as he grabbed a few things from the kitchen before heading to the bathroom. It, too, remained unchanged. The mirror behind the door was still broken. Bandages still sat out on the sink from when Eren dressed the wounds on Levi's arm.

A phantom image of the raven sitting on the toilet as he treated the cuts flashed across Eren's vision. It felt so real he actually backed up a few steps, shaking his head.

"Jesus, Eren, could you get any more paranoid?" he muttered to himself.

He stepped back into the bathroom and took a tentative seat on the floor, setting the things from the kitchen down as well.

With a deep breath, he opened one side of the cabinet. Sure enough, the pinkish wax remained stuck to the wood inside. Just that had him remembering Levi's bloodshot eyes, both sober and intoxicated, almost always in pain.

He got to work, then. He scooped up all of the spoons, candles, lighters, box of needles and such and threw them into a plastic bag. He used a damp towel to collect the shards of glass from the broken syringe. He practically had to force himself to pinch the rest of it - the plastic plunger and the needle - between his fingers and discard it into the bag. By then, his arms were shaking and he was fighting back the sting of tears in his eyes, unsure if it was due to a swirling vortex of emotions or some other cause.

Then he began scraping up the dried on wax. It ranged from dusty white to dark brown where it was mixed with dried blood.

He lost track of time as he sat there scraping. He was determined to get rid of every last bit of evidence in that cabinet. Half the contents of the plastic bag consisted of pieces of the wax. Once he got the last of it, he knotted the handles of the bag three times for good measure.

The relief he felt in having done this was almost unreal. It made a point.

Eren gave himself a minute to breathe and checked the clock. It was only just after seven. He'd have time to find somewhere to dispose of this stuff and get back home before his friends showed up. He was sure that if he was a second late, he'd take an earful from Sasha.

He stood up and stretched. He took a minute to tidy the apartment a little - rinsing the dishes, folding the blanket and straightening the lampshade. He wanted there to be more evidence of his presence.

That done, he shut the lights off and gave the place one last glance before departing, feeling much lighter than he had upon showing up.

*~Recovery Journal Entry #2~*

I can't wait to get the hell out of this place. I'm so immensely tired of being probed by doctors (aliens?) day after day. It's test after test, therapy session after therapy session with a man whose eyebrows are the most ridiculous things I've ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes on. He knows what he's doing and I can't deny that he helps, but having to stare at those caterpillars for an hour every day is doing a damn number on my eyes and I'm starting to have nightmares about them...

I haven't gone as far as to tell him the deepest parts of my being like he seems to want me to. I couldn't care less about telling him; there's only one set of ears I will allow to hear the stories I have swarming around in my head.

I've remembered so much since becoming sober. The monster...it blocked those memories and then, that was my intention. I wanted nothing more than to forget...wanted nothing more than to be released from those bonds and feelings. The monster seemed to block me from part of who I am by doing that. I can feel again in such stronger ways, more intense and real ways than I had with my drug...

...so much so that I told Eren that I love him...

...

I do. So much. He'll never understand how much, or know how grateful I am for him and everything he's done for me. I owe him an enormous debt I will never be able to repay. He's part of the reason I'm so damn anxious to get the hell out of here. I've never been so desperate to see someone again. The teenager himself is almost like a drug in his own way...I always seem to want more of him and these feeble phone calls aren't nearly enough.

Soon, Eren. Soon. I promise.