United Kingdom kept wondering when British Empire would leave the room. He had been here since they got back from dinner and by being here, it was, in fact, right next to his bed.

The king asked him if he liked the cuisine, to which United Kingdom nodded while the man simply said it was just an exaggeration and stated that British dish tasted so much better. The young prince let out a small giggle as France was always famous for their cuisine, the king was strange.

- Isn't it time for you to rest, father?

The prince asked after they just spent another hour with United Kingdom trying to focus on his book while his father was reading next to him. He never knew that the king liked reading.

- It is still soon. I am staying with you anyway, so I am resting already.

United Kingdom could swear that he had never been this surprise before in his life. He felt his eyes were so round and big at the sudden news. His father was going to stay here with him? Like, the man would sleep here?

This castle was surely not short of rooms, was it?

And how was he going to act around his father?

- I discussed it with France.

Okay, so the palace still had empty rooms but his father asked to stay with him. He did not know what to expect. His tiring mind refused to keep thinking, he would just accept it.

- Then where would you sleep? There is only one bed and I can not let you sleep on the couch.

- I can sleep there if you don't feel comfortable sharing the bed with me. It is fine to me.

If there was something the prince hated about himself, actually, he thought about many, but one of them was his consideration for others rather than himself. He could not help but notice how his father sounded a bit disappointed, like he did not really want to sleep on the couch but he lied.

To the 18-year-old prince, he had never slept with anyone, not to mention, the king who had never seen him for 16 years and he was also the same man who pushed him to his demise two years ago, alongside with France, his brothers and friends. Even now, when they tried, it was never easy to forgive them entirely.

- I don't mind. Let's sleep together, father.

He guessed that he himself had been so good with saying untrue things without any sign of lying, even his smile was a fake one. But for these last moments of his short, tragic, wasteful life, he did not want to be difficult.

And the king was a wise man, that was why he became a king in the first place. The man had long understood that.

They continued reading for another hour or so before changing to their sleeping clothings and prepared for their rest. He felt his father's weight on the other side of the bed when he was busy thinking about how he could sleep that night. Could he sleep with his back facing the king? Or face-to-face?

- Do you want to cuddle?

Another very strange question came from British Empire and United Kingdom was left speechless. He looked at how his father lifted the blanket up a bit as if he was inviting him.

Why did the king want cuddle? Was it a joke? Was he really the British Empire?

- Father, I am 18 years old now.

- Your age does not matter. It is normal for family to cuddle, right?

- Yes... I guess... 

Except he was not in the family; Nevertheless, United Kingdom moved closer to feel his father's warmth and scent overwhelming him. He did not dare to look at his father in the eyes. When he got closed enough, the king put the blanket down on him and he let United Kingdom put his head on his other arm.

It was weird, the prince thought. But he, for the first time in his life, felt the sensation known as father's protection that he read a lot about in his books.

When he was smaller, he never experienced such thing, so he read and he tried to imagine it. But it was all in his head, reality always reminded him that it would never happen.

And now he had turned 18, and their relationship was not even close. It was awkward.

- You are so stiff. Is it uncomfortable?

- Yes... but it is because this is my first time. I will get used to it soon.

The prince wondered if his brothers ever had this chance, but maybe they had plenty. His father did not detest them as he had with him. And maybe when the queen was alive, they always slept together. It must have been warm.

- Will talking help?

- I don't know. Are you not sleepy, father? It is your usual bedtime, isn't it?

- I don't feel like sleeping now. Maybe you can tell me about your last trip to the beach, I heard you and France went there together.

United Kingdom recalled his trip where he went with France to a beautiful coast near the border between his kingdom and France's. The weather of the north was warm enough in the summer.

Under the same, yet, different sky, he yearned for a wish to be free like the wind so that he could escape this miserable life and discovered new worlds. He saw the birds flying with their wings spread so wide, they called for the friends and family. The sun rose and went down at the horizon kept calling him to another paradise. And the sea was singing to him - a tender lullaby with its waves caresing his feet. He suddenly felt like he belonged there and the big blue sea was calling for him to go home.

Of course he did not say those things to British Empire, it made him miserable in front of the king. He only shared normal experience.

- You like the sea that much?

- I believe. It was big and peaceful, it is like a whole new world.

- Then, do you want to go home? Our kingdom is surrounded by the sea. 

The young prince wished he had misheard it, but he had not when he noticed how serious the king was under the silver light of the moon.

Home? Did he ever have a home? He did not belong anywhere. He could only think of the tower or the sea, although neither of them were.

Where was home?

- The weather in the north is a bit cold and dry, but summer is still here, we can go together. The south is much warmer if your health does not allow you.

He could not keep up with British Empire. What was he suggesting? He did not want to go back, his kingdom was his own nightmare, and France was another hell. He just learnt how to live as quietly as a dead person and gained some peace here, he could not suffer from another torturing.

- Father, I- I appreciate your suggestion. I will consider it but I am afraid with my current situation, I can not go far.

- Then just go home and rest, I will find the most capable doctor for you! I will make sure our trip back to the kingdom is comfortable for you.

The man said that word again - "home". United Kingdom felt like he would cry and vomit right here. The burning and naive desire for a place to call "home" that he had buried deep down his heart and the tragic past experience he had on the British soil crossed though his mind and pieced his delicate heart.

There was no home for him.

He should have died long ago or better, he should not have been born, his mother would have been alive and his family would have been one happy family that other nobles could not help but envy them.

He pushed his father hard without thinking. And when he realised it, he immediately looked at his father with panic and fright while the man was too shocked, yet, British Empire showed no sign of hate and annoyance.

- I am really sorry, father, please forgive me!

- N- No, it is nothing. Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?

Yes, he had been and he was hurt. The past kept stirring up in his mind and the present looked like a joke that fate was playing with the poor boy even when his short, miserable life was coming to an end.

How could these scars heal?

He detested the whole situation ever since he had fallen ill. He wanted to go somewhere quiet, somewhere peaceful and far away to spend his last few times, so he could leave this hell with no hard feeling. But why did these people keep coming? Why now? He had lived 17 years being healthy and, with all his might, optimistic, but they never saw him once.

So why?

- I- I was really taken by surprise so I did not think straight. - He wanted to stop this conversation - Still, even so, I am married to France, father. Dead or alive, I must be here.

- Then I will get you out of this marriage! Just go back with me, with your brothers.

The young prince wanted to laugh out loud at how his father sounded right now. The man was the one to deal and finalise the trade agreement - his youngest son for the alliance and for his brothers' stakes - he left his son in the foreign soil with no kin to protect him, the man did not show up the day he was humiliated in the French court and the night he was taken forcefully by France.

None of them were ever there for him.

So just tell him why he needed to return now.

He wanted to die right that night.

He wanted to shout and leave the room, he could not hear any of this nonsense.

Even France, he did not want to see France anymore even if the French prince was the first to support him when his health deteriorated and he kept helping him since.

- Father, I- - He bit his lips to stop himself - I am really thankful, I am, really. But I am married and taken, I must stay here!

- United-

- I am sorry father. I am very tired right now.

United Kingdom stopped his father from getting more ideas as he turned to the other side and quietly calmed himself. For the first time, he did not care if he hurt the king or not. British Empire did not say anything after that.

And so the dark and quiet lured him to sleep.

In his dream, he was back at the tower with his stacks of books everywhere on the floor. In one corner, he had his canvas and paints. His violin lied on his bed. The illuminating light from the window high above his head shone brightly and showed him many twinkle stars.

His hands were surprisingly small, and he was shorter. Oh, he dreamt of his childhood. He approached the unfinished paintings of a rose field with some people in it, he remembered he wanted to add his family in. But his smaller self decided to paint another layer of sky blue to cover them.

He did not have a family.

He did not have a home.

Suddenly, he felt a warm tear running down his cheek, it was so real, it was wet and hot while doing so. It was as if deep inside, he really desired for the warmth and protection of the family.

And he cried, he let out everything in his dream.

The warm sensation on his cheek brought a second of consciousness back to United Kingdom to feel a large, calloused hand wiping away the tears. And a voice echoed in his mind:

- My child, can you find it in your heart to forgive your father?

~~~\\~~~

United Kingdom woke up to find the bright blue sky outside his window with birds singing to welcome a new day. He felt like he had forgotten something but could not recall it.

His father entered the room again and it looked like the man had woken up a long time ago.

- You are up. Are you hungry?

- I am not, thank you, father. You woke up early.

- Yes, can't have a peaceful sleep here, maybe those dirty French people will assassinate me. 

The prince giggled and if he had been more observant, he would have noticed that the man was smiling too, and he would have known his father had some dark circles under his eyes.

But he was quite far to recognise that.

- I saw the portrait of you and France.

- Oh? Which portrait? - He was genuinely curious.

- Your marriage portrait. It is still being painted but parts of it are done now. France said he would place it at the center of the your palace and when you guys took the throne, it would be moved to the throne room.

- I see.

He did not remember ever sit for a portrait, let alone his marriage portrait. Where did they even take the modal from? Yet, he showed no desire to see it once.

And then France came. Great, how he wished for both of them to disappear.

- I brought you breakfast.

- I am not really hungry, but thank you.

- The doctor suggests that you eat more.

Why he needed to do so when he only wanted his death? He rolled his eyes at the sight of France putting the tray on the cabinet.

- Don't force him. - His father said, his voice stern and cold.

- I am doing this for him. - France looked back at his father with the same tone in his voice. 

United Kingdom did not know what he got himself into. He only wished for peace. Was it too much to ask for? So he made another excuse of being fatigue to make both of them quiet.

~~~~~\\~~~~~

To be continued.