~{Chapter 28}~

Happiness.

That word lingers in my mind. It lingers so much that I am thinking about it the next morning. Amy's happiness can be seen when she looks at her sweet little Asher, and I can really see why she named him Asher.

I dwell on thought of happiness while I drive to work and while I work in my office. Happiness has been a touch and go thing in my life. It never seems to stay too long. I always seem to have to go on a search for it.

My happiness first depended on stealing. Then, it depended on James and trying to get him to like me. When I was led to Christ, for the first time, I felt "true happiness." Then, it felt like it was taken away so suddenly when James died.

I had to walk through two years of ups and downs until I got to where I am today. I've realized that my true happiness that I've been searching for isn't what I got when I followed Christ; it was joy. Even now, I still have my days of missing James and wishing for something that can not ever happen, but I still have joy. Now that Matt is back in the picture, I still have joy despite questions.

When I had no contact with him, I felt a part of me slightly broken. I felt a part of me lose some of the cheerfulness I had worked so hard to get. I felt worried and upset. Some of my happiness had been taken away when he pushed me away. Instead of focusing on the happiness, I should have found joy.

I like Matt, but I know the joy that matters can not be found in him. My joy could not even be found in James. The only person who can bring me pure and true joy, a feeling that will last longer than happiness, is my Father, the King. He was the one who sent His Son to die for me.

Why has it taken me so long to realize this? I thought I was happy, and I was, but now, I feel joyful. and I feel like I have gotten some answers that I have been missing.

"Um, Kate?" a voice asks, interrupting me from my thoughts.

I snap into focus and see Beth in the doorway with a worried gaze. "Yes?"

"Are you alright? You've been in here almost the whole day without one break. I called your name like four times," she tells me worriedly.

I smile. "Just in deep thought about life and how good God is."

She smiles back. "He is good, isn't he?"

"Very. Now, was there anything you needed to tell me?" I ask.

"Just that Matt called me last night. He decided he didn't want me to be upset with him, so he called last night to convince me that he's changed and that he's going to stay changed," Beth explains with a smile.

I raise my eyebrow. "That's all you needed to tell me?"

She thinks for a moment. "Not exactly. Kate, he likes you. Like, a lot. I'm guessing you know that he likes you, but I want to know what you think about all this. You know I'm still wary about him, but I just want to hear about your feelings."

I sigh. "What time is it?"

She rolls her eyes. "After hours. You've been in a daze all day, and I want to know if Matt is behind all this."

"No. This has nothing to do with him. I was just thinking about God and my life for the past couple of years," I say.

She sits down across from me and gives me a comforting smile. "You've walked through a lot."

"Indeed. Still, God has done so many amazing things, and I feel myself just needing to praise Him so much. I'm only twenty-three, but it feels like I'm so much older because of how much more wisdom I have gained through this whole process. I'm happy, Beth, and it's an amazing feeling," I tell her.

She gives me a huge smile. "I'm so glad. I know it's been a long and hard journey. You came out of it stronger than I think anyone would have imagined."

I smile back. "Thanks for being there through it all, Beth. I know when you first came to see me that I wasn't exactly receptive, but it really meant a lot to have you there. I honestly don't know what would've happened if you weren't there."

I see tears form in her eyes. "Thank you, Kate. It means a lot to hear you say that. You've been by my side through Josh and such, and I'm extremely thankful for that."

I smile and try to lighten the mood. "Well, now that this love fest is over, should we lock up and leave?"

She laughs. "Sure. What time is it now?"

I look down at my watch and say, "Almost seven-fifteen."

She jumps up. "Shoot! Sam is coming back from a short business trip, and I was supposed to meet him at seven at Bella's. He brought his parents back with him!"

I stand up and calm her down as I lead her to the door to leave, picking up her things and handing them to her on the way. "Relax. You'll be fine, and his parents will love you. Plus, you look amazing."

She turns around to face me. "You think?"

I laugh. "No. I know. Now, get going!"

She smiles at me. "Thank you."

She gives me a quick hug and then hurries out the door and leaves me alone. I smile and go back to my office to gather my things. I shut off all the lights and turn on the security system as I walk out. When I reach my car, my phone rings.

"Yes?" I ask as I get inside my car and drive to my house.

"Yeah, Kate? Could I talk to you face to face soon?" Matt's voice asks.

"Sure. Would tomorrow work? I have time at lunch," I reply.

"Sounds great, thanks," he says.

"Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," he says before hanging up.

I sigh and catch sight of my house. I drive into the driveway and see a car parked in front of my house. I furrow my eyebrows, trying to think who it could be. I pull into my garage and quickly step out to go see who it is.

"Finally. I thought you'd never get home," a familiar voice says.

I smirk. "Hello to you too, Harper."

I turn to face her and see her standing behind me with a small smile on her face, and she is studying me. I raise an eyebrow, but she keeps studying me with a quizzical look.

"I've always wondered what it's like to work in a boring office all day," she says.

I raise my eyebrow again and gesture for her to follow me inside. "You're telling me that you've never worked inside an office? I understand you're an actress and all, but don't y'all ever sit down in a chair and do office work?"

She laughs. "That's my assistant's job. Anyway, I'm here for a different reason."

I sit down on my couch, and she sits down at the chair next to me as I ask, "Yes?"

"How's Matt doing?"

"You haven't talked to him?" I ask with surprised.

She sighs. "Nope. He still doesn't really like me, so I'm pretty sure he's not going to tell me how he's doing. Plus, I think we need to talk a bit more."

I sigh. "What more is there for us to talk about?"

She also sighs, and I see her smile fade into a frown, along with the mischievous look in her eyes. "I know you think I'm this big and horrible person. Well, technically, I am, but I promise there's something more to me than just the glamor and fame. There's more to the sassiness and mean attitude."

I raise my eyebrow at how sincere she actually sounds. "What do you mean?"

"I hate myself. I truly hate who I've become, and I'm ashamed. Kate, when I met Matt, he reminded me of who I used to be-- sweet, innocent, and satisfied. When he began to change, I saw how big of a monster I have become," she explains sadly.

"Why are you telling me all of this? You do know that I don't hate you, right?" I ask, puzzled that she would be telling me about her feelings.

She nods. "That's the thing. You don't hate me, though I deserve it. You gave grace to Matt and to me. You're kind to everyone, and you're so innocent and happy. You have a fantastic job, and you even have Matt. I don't understand how you can be so happy despite the rough patches you've gone through."

"How do you know about my rough patches?" I ask.

"A drunk Matt reveals a lot, especially about a certain book editor he let go of. Which, by the way, was stupid of him to do so. You're a complete package, and I want to know why and how," she says.

I give her a small smile. "I've messed up, just like you. The only difference is that I have someone who forgives me for everything and looks past my imperfections. He takes care of me and helps me through all my rough patches."

"Who is he?" she asks eagerly.

I give her a large smile. "God."

~-~-~-~
I walk down the street to Mrs. Tucker's Diner to meet Matt the next day with the memory of what happened last night on my mind. I can not wait to tell Matt about it and see how he reacts.

Last night was a life changing experience because I got to do something so great. I led Harper Wilson to Christ. It was amazing to watch her as she accepted His free gift. I loved how she kept asking me questions, and I love how God used me to do His work.

Who would have thought I would lead Harper to Christ? I certainly would have never thought of it.

I walk inside the diner and see Matt sitting near the back. I eagerly walk up to him and give him a hug when he stands to greet me. I then sit down across from him.

He looks at me with a puzzled look and asks, "What's up with you? I haven't seen a grin this big on your face before."

"No. You need to go first. This is why we're here, so I think you should be the first to speak," I say firmly.

Just then, Mrs. Tucker walks up and asks us if we are ready to order. I order my usual, and it takes at least five to ten minutes for him to figure out what he wants. I tease him after Mrs. Tucker leaves us, and he just smiles.

Instead of talking about whatever he wanted to talk about, we just talk about other thing, such as books, movies, and world news. We also begin to talk about music and what kind of music with we like. When our food comes, we stop our discussion to pray.

After he says the prayer, I ask, "Am I ever going to know why you called this meeting?"

He laughs. "What? You don't think I just wanted to see you and talk to you a little bit more?"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, nice try. Seriously, what's on your mind?"

He gives me a mischievous look and says, "Ladies go first."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he replies jokingly.

I give him a small glare and whack his arm with my hand. He just laughs at my reaction, giving me an excuse to whack him again.

"No funny," I say.

He is still laughing as he says, "It's hilarious."

I roll my eyes and say, "Well, I guess you don't want to hear my news, so I'll get going."

He immediately stops laughing and says, "No! I'll listen."

I laugh. "You sure about that?"

"Yes, yes!" he exclaims as though he actually thinks I will leave if he does not stop laughing.

I laugh. "Okay. Ready?"

"Yes," he says, though, he is actually serious this time.

"Well," I begin slowly, "I talked to Harper last night." His face falls, but I quickly say, "It wasn't about you if you think it was. On the contrary, we found ourselves on the topic of God, and I got to lead her to Christ! She didn't think you would talk to her, so she asked me if I could tell you."

He does not say anything for a few minutes, but when he does, he simply says, "Wow. God is good."

"Indeed, indeed," I say. "Now, your news?"

"I'm going back to New York City because my new manager decided I needed to have a few appearances to sort of boost my image," he tells me quietly.

"When?" I ask.

"In a couple of weeks," he replies.

"A couple of weeks? You do know that I'm going to New York City in a couple of weeks with your father for a book event?" I ask, curious to know if we are going to be there at the same time.

"Really? You're leaving on a Saturday two weeks from now?"

I shake my head. "That Friday."

He smiles. "Well, I guess we might run into each other while we're there, huh?"

I smile back. "I guess so."

He smiles. "I can't wait."

"Neither can I."

_________________________
Yay, an early update for all of my lovely readers! Y'all are seriously some of my favorite people :)

We're on the home stretch of the book, so please don't shy away from commenting and telling me what you think will happen or what you want to happen!

Much love,
~CGirlyGirl